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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, my boyfriend moved in with me. I just walked into my kitchen to find my thirty year-old, perfectly seasoned cast iron skillet completely submerged in soapy water in the sink, presumably from last night when he washed the dishes. FML

Today, I went to a very important job interview. I was so nervous that I passed out right in front of the interviewer's desk. FML

#21519267
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19828) - you deserved it (2245)

On 01/25/2016 at 1:02pm - work - by Tiffer27 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I had to leave class early due to a profusely bleeding pimple on my forehead. FML

#21519254
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19093) - you deserved it (2178)

On 01/25/2016 at 12:04pm - health - by my face though - United States (Washington)

Today, my son became convinced that his father cheated and we put the fertilized egg inside me to cover the whole thing up. He won't stop calling me "host mother". FML

#21519206
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21680) - you deserved it (1817)

On 01/25/2016 at 9:09am - kids - by anonymous - United States (North Carolina)

Today, after our flight got cancelled back home, I called the airline to work out a replacement flight. I sat in hold for 2 hours waiting as patiently as I could. Then, the automated voice says, "There are no available agents. Good bye." FML

Today, I had to convince my parents to shut the door when they have sex. They have done this on multiple occasions. FML

#21519030
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19968) - you deserved it (1407)

On 01/24/2016 at 8:04pm - misc - by helloimkylieee (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was shovelling snow out of my driveway and broke my shovel. So I tried cleaning the driveway with a garbage lid. That broke too. Now I'm out snow shovel, AND a garbage lid. FML

#21518975
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17451) - you deserved it (4473)

On 01/24/2016 at 5:21pm - misc - by Snowman (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I twisted my knee while cutting firewood with my grandpa. The pain was so crippling, I fell over screaming. His response? "Quit your bitching, I had my kneecaps blown off in Vietnam. They had to stitch 'em back on." He's never been to Vietnam, or even out of the country. FML

#21518868
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24156) - you deserved it (1968)

On 01/24/2016 at 12:10pm - health - by fuckoffgramps (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, somebody kicked the crap out of my car and spray painted "CHEATER" on the sides. I've never even had a girlfriend. FML

#21518846
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23504) - you deserved it (1262)

On 01/24/2016 at 10:54am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my dad wanted to show me a cool camera he saw on Amazon yesterday, so I let him use my laptop to find it. I realized too late that I'd forgotten to clear my browsing history. The suggested purchases section was filled with dildos and lube. He definitely noticed. FML

#21518840
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17487) - you deserved it (7243)

On 01/24/2016 at 10:27am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I crashed my car into a bridge, while playing a song with the line, "I crashed my car into a bridge". FML

#21518597
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20192) - you deserved it (5378)

On 01/23/2016 at 3:48pm - misc - by ugh (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my dog once again desperately tried to yank me straight into the path of a bus. FML

#21518472
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20166) - you deserved it (2078)

On 01/23/2016 at 6:26am - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Georgia)

Today, I had to give a joint presentation at college. My partner was so high, she couldn't even pronounce her own name properly in her introduction. I'm pretty sure her antics are going to get us both failed hard. FML

#21518464
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20200) - you deserved it (1492)

On 01/23/2016 at 5:09am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)



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