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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I went to my girlfriend's parents' house for lunch. I ended up in the bathroom constipated and remembered reading it's easier to "go" if you are squatting. My girlfriend's dad walked in on me perched on the toilet like an owl. FML

#21430214
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24283) - you deserved it (4479)

On 06/22/2015 at 4:58pm - health - by oh no (man) - United States (California)

Today, after parking in the handicapped spot of a lot with my placard, an older couple with their 7-year-old grandchild came up and yelled at me for being a lying asshole and taking the parking spot. When I showed them my prosthetic leg, the kid started crying and guess who got yelled at again. FML

#21430208
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29341) - you deserved it (1258)

On 06/22/2015 at 4:46pm - health - by ICanExplain - United States (California)

Today, I told my dad I was gonna to start working out again. He looked at me with honest confusion on his face and said, "You worked out before?" My mother started laughing. She was all the way upstairs. FML

#21430201
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21815) - you deserved it (2548)

On 06/22/2015 at 4:35pm - health - by LukesSkyWalker (woman) - United States

Today, my boyfriend introduced me to his friends as his "sex partner." FML

#21430188
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25330) - you deserved it (2858)

On 06/22/2015 at 3:55pm - love - by Partners (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, my pinky finger found out how much a king size bed weighs. FML

#21430073
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22947) - you deserved it (2461)

On 06/22/2015 at 11:12am - health - by akimbojuju - United States

Today, when I turned on the TV, there was a picture of a wanted murderer. The picture looked just like my boyfriend. FML

#21430015
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27285) - you deserved it (2367)

On 06/22/2015 at 7:26am - misc - by 1234 - United States (Florida)

Today, while taking a slow night at my waitressing job, I thought I heard the sound of crying coming from the kitchen. I rushed in, thinking something terrible had happened. Nope, the bus boy was just watching porn on his phone with no headphones. FML

#21429840
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24022) - you deserved it (1650)

On 06/21/2015 at 11:08pm - intimacy - by koanroak - United States (Texas)

Today, while swimming under water, my 80-pound lab thought I was drowning and tried to "rescue" me by jumping in after me, wrapping his front legs around my neck, and standing on my chest. FML

#21429802
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21890) - you deserved it (1743)

On 06/21/2015 at 10:16pm - animals - by Angel (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was invited to a fancy-shmancy charity event, and the host - my friend - told me to wear a long, ballroom, fancy gown. Turns out my friend was just being a dick and it was a pool party. I spent $200 on my hair and makeup alone. FML

#21429755
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25765) - you deserved it (4372)

On 06/21/2015 at 8:50pm - misc - by ssondik - United States (Connecticut)

Today, my husband let my 8-year-old twins play with handcuffs. I thought my husband was pretending he had lost the key but after 4 hours, he walked in with his head down and said, "I've made a terrible mistake honey." FML

#21429657
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25107) - you deserved it (2058)

On 06/21/2015 at 5:37pm - kids - by hfs palm - United States

Today, I took a nap. My boyfriend took this opportunity to go over to his "beautiful" and "amazing" ex-girlfriend's house to help her clean out her pool. I told him I didn't think that was appropriate. He told me I don't value relationships and didn't come home tonight. FML

#21429410
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23407) - you deserved it (2067)

On 06/21/2015 at 6:16am - love - by bev_rogan - United States (Indiana)

Today, I brought my best friend home and told my dad we were going to study together. He loudly replied "Woah!", stumbled around for a few seconds like he was drunk, then apologized and said the "sheer amount of gayness" between us had overloaded his gaydar. We're not gay, dammit! FML

#21429349
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25417) - you deserved it (2989)

On 06/21/2015 at 2:04am - misc - by notgay (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my boyfriend murmured his sister's name during sex. Before you say he was thinking of someone else with the same name, I've only ever met one person in our town called Nohemi. FML

#21429316
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27636) - you deserved it (1658)

On 06/21/2015 at 12:38am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arkansas)



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