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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, a customer yelled at me because I gave her a wrinkled bag. I work in retail, and the bags are all cheap plastic. She wouldn't stop, even when I gave her 3 different bags. FML

#21292131
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30337) - you deserved it (2228)

On 11/04/2014 at 5:57pm - work - by kismet_fire (woman) - United States (California)

Today, while in a hospital waiting room, a man started talking to me. After a few minutes, he asked me what I did for a living, and I said I'm a stay-at-home mom. He looked me up and down and said, "Huh. No life ambitions, huh?" FML

#21291978
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31239) - you deserved it (6540)

On 11/04/2014 at 2:08pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, army recruiters came to my school and set up some punching bags to attract potential recruits. I gave it a shot, managing to set the highest score at my school and fracture my wrist at the same time. FML

#21291962
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31356) - you deserved it (6106)

On 11/04/2014 at 1:30pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my sweet tooth went to a whole different level when I took a swig out of a bottle of maple syrup. FML

Today, I went on a first date. I didn't know that licking my neck was on the agenda. FML

#21291715
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29036) - you deserved it (2907)

On 11/04/2014 at 1:24am - love - by anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I left my desk to go to the bathroom. I arrived back at my desk to a large package of SlimQuick packets. Guess my coworkers think I need to lose weight. FML

#21291592
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27611) - you deserved it (3002)

On 11/03/2014 at 10:38pm - work - by blondieforlife - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, my loving fiancé informed me that my new perfume makes me smell like a urinal cake. FML

#21291542
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27140) - you deserved it (4682)

On 11/03/2014 at 9:39pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I slept over at my new boyfriend's house for the first time. When I woke up in the morning, he told me all about how much gas I'd had through the night. He said he thought he had a grown man in his bed instead of me. FML

#21291418
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31210) - you deserved it (4371)

On 11/03/2014 at 6:32pm - misc - by Isa_Marie0113 (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I decided to give my boyfriend a surprise striptease. After I turned around, I heard him murmur "Oh, wow." I turned back around, only to find him watching a gif of a cat falling into snow in slow motion. FML

#21291260
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33476) - you deserved it (3648)

On 11/03/2014 at 2:06pm - intimacy - by Dezzy - United States (Missouri)

Today, I lost my virginity. In the middle of it, he just gave up and said he wasn't in the mood anymore. Then I had to listen about his past failed relationships for over an hour. FML

#21291250
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38467) - you deserved it (4513)

On 11/03/2014 at 1:56pm - intimacy - by EliseV (woman) - United States (California)

Today, while having some "personal" time, I felt intense pleasure and moaned. I learned that my own moaning prevents me from reaching my peak. I'm my own turn off. FML

#21290790
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33036) - you deserved it (4873)

On 11/02/2014 at 8:31pm - intimacy - by SelfServiced - United States (California)

Today, while my husband and I were having sex, my cat decided to join in on our moans by crying at the door the entire time. He stopped as soon as we finished. FML

Today, I found a $20 bill on the ground, so I decided to pick it up. It was actually attached to a string and was meant to be a prank by some kids. They failed miserably, so I took the money. They ran up to me and punched me in the balls for taking their cash. FML

#21290736
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32755) - you deserved it (6346)

On 11/02/2014 at 7:11pm - money - by ethawesome1125 - United States (Texas)



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