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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I was Skyping with my girlfriend. I was so incredibly tired and just wanted to go to bed, but she just kept talking and wouldn't let me go. I ended up blurting "Your mom's a cunt." just to start a fight and have an excuse to hang up on her. I feel like an asshole. FML

#21443212
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11943) - you deserved it (36702)

On 07/17/2015 at 8:54pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I dropped my phone in the toilet in a public restroom. That would have been bad enough, without the guy in the next stall saying, "Jesus! What the hell did you eat?!" FML

#21443162
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25964) - you deserved it (2988)

On 07/17/2015 at 7:04pm - misc - by AK-47 (man) - United States (New Mexico)

Today, after months of hardcore training, free of injuries, I pinched a nerve in my neck while putting on a swimsuit to lie in the sun doing nothing. FML

#21443051
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24302) - you deserved it (2001)

On 07/17/2015 at 2:11pm - health - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I came home after just 3 weeks of being away. It seems like my pool now has its own mini-ecosystem. FML

#21443044
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21364) - you deserved it (4849)

On 07/17/2015 at 1:56pm - misc - by IssacB (man) - United States

Today, my grandpa saw one of the paintings in the guest room at my house. "What the fuck?" he snorted, then said whoever painted it should "stick to their damn day job". I painted it. FML

#21443043
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23117) - you deserved it (2252)

On 07/17/2015 at 1:50pm - misc - by is cum a fruit or a vegetable? (man) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I felt some serious gas building up while at the supermarket. I tried to quietly fart it out, only to end up sharting myself. I had to frantically waddle out of the store as discreetly as possible as several people in the vicinity freaked out and tried to locate the source of the smell. FML

#21443029
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23486) - you deserved it (3702)

On 07/17/2015 at 1:14pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, I babysat the Antichrist of all kids. After the 5 long hours were over, his parents came home. Instead of paying me what they agreed, they offered to let me eat some leftovers of a takeout in the fridge. I'm so afraid of confrontation that I accepted. FML

#21443019
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22019) - you deserved it (8729)

On 07/17/2015 at 12:40pm - money - by raquel (woman) - United States

Today, I got in trouble for missing my shift. According to my idiot boss, "Crashes don't just happen." FML

#21442988
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25914) - you deserved it (1683)

On 07/17/2015 at 10:59am - work - by yeah - United States (Oregon)

Today, my best friend told me he masturbates to my Instagram page. Thanks, I guess. FML

#21442921
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25037) - you deserved it (3265)

On 07/17/2015 at 7:00am - intimacy - by battle1 - United States (Georgia)

Today, it's got to the point where my parents have to force me to plan social outings. FML

#21442703
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21509) - you deserved it (5008)

On 07/16/2015 at 6:47pm - misc - by TheDarth (woman) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, my boyfriend didn't break up with me, but his mom did. FML

Today, I accidentally texted the girl I like, "Oh god, I just choked on a boner." I meant bone. FML

#21442630
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24253) - you deserved it (4289)

On 07/16/2015 at 3:22pm - misc - by Boneo and Juliet - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, I saw my friend at the mall. He didn't see me, so I called him to say "Turn around." He took one look at his phone, snorted loudly enough for me to hear from way off, and put it back in his pocket. FML

#21442628
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24178) - you deserved it (2051)

On 07/16/2015 at 3:16pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States



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