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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, during a very stressful and busy day at work, I took a bathroom break. Unfortunately, of all the things on my mind, taking down my pants before emptying my bladder wasn't one of them. FML

#21407716
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27965) - you deserved it (6995)

On 05/10/2015 at 10:34am - misc - by pissed (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was feeling pretty, so I wore a skirt for the first time in years. Two hours later, my thighs hurt from slapping together so much. I no longer feel pretty. FML

#21407700
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28364) - you deserved it (4519)

On 05/10/2015 at 9:47am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I was spooning with my girlfriend. She fell asleep and spent the next 15 minutes farting on me. FML

#21407637
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29372) - you deserved it (4292)

On 05/10/2015 at 4:40am - love - by gassygirlfriend - United States (Idaho)

Today, my drunken feminazi mother shouted to me at the top of her lungs, "All men are fucking assholes, and your new husband is no different!" during our wedding reception. All he did was ask her how she liked the salmon. FML

#21407591
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30127) - you deserved it (2626)

On 05/10/2015 at 2:00am - misc - by How's the salmon? - United States

Today, I sent a $120 bouquet of flowers for mother's day. When I called tonight see if my Mom got them, she replied that they were still on the doorstep because she "didn't want the dogs to get excited and start barking" when she opened the front door to bring them in. FML

#21407465
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26769) - you deserved it (2056)

On 05/09/2015 at 9:43pm - misc - by yapDogs (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, a passing by bird managed to poop through my car's sunroof and onto the center console. FML

Today, my fiancée called off our wedding at the last moment, because her neurotic sister thinks she's "too fat" to be the maid of honor, and says she needs several months to lose weight. So that's a few thousand dollars wasted. My fiancée says I'm "overreacting" and that I "just don't get it". FML

#21407311
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33286) - you deserved it (2721)

On 05/09/2015 at 3:17pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Vermont)

Today, on my first driving lesson, I crashed my instructor's car. I didn't even make it out of the parking lot. FML

#21407296
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23453) - you deserved it (9726)

On 05/09/2015 at 2:50pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I went to the airport a full three hours before my flight departure time just to be on the safe side. I ended up having the best nap of my life and missing my flight. FML

#21407249
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27853) - you deserved it (8887)

On 05/09/2015 at 1:13pm - misc - by Rar (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my girlfriend came over to meet my parents. Everything was going fine until she said she owned a dog. My mom then immediately attempted to check her scalp for lice. FML

#21407053
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27447) - you deserved it (1797)

On 05/09/2015 at 12:10am - misc - by sarahmaxine - United States (Nevada)

Today, my college charged me for tuition for next semester. I graduated 2 years ago. I have a degree from a place too stupid to only charge current students. FML

#21407028
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27274) - you deserved it (1958)

On 05/08/2015 at 11:31pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I found out the reason why my car has smelled so bad for the past two weeks. It turns out when my sister was bringing in groceries from my car she forgot to grab the raw chicken. FML

Today, I found out that maggots can live inside of a saxophone. FML

#21406781
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27342) - you deserved it (3715)

On 05/08/2015 at 1:40pm - misc - by McWhopper - United States (Massachusetts)



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