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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, my little brother walked in on me and my girlfriend having sex and threatened to tell my parents. I paid him $30 to keep quiet. 15 minutes later he told them. FML

#21335701
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31728) - you deserved it (11392)

On 01/12/2015 at 11:43am - intimacy - by bowler99 - United States (New York)

Today, I showed up to work at 6am, only to find out the schedule was changed. I wasn't actually supposed to be there until 9:15. My boss never told me this. I didn't get to go home either, he just said "Oh well. Get to work." FML

#21335669
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27757) - you deserved it (2485)

On 01/12/2015 at 9:36am - work - by Tired - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend and I had 'car sex'. It sucked and resulted in him masturbating into a McDonald's bag. FML

#21335578
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28887) - you deserved it (5815)

On 01/12/2015 at 2:56am - intimacy - by briiiiiiii123 - United States (New York)

Today, I got undressed in front of my boyfriend for the first time. His reaction? "You're chubbier than I expected". FML

#21335513
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36478) - you deserved it (3491)

On 01/12/2015 at 12:28am - intimacy - by reallyson? - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. Her reason? Not enough guys have been liking her photos on Instagram since we started dating. FML

#21335495
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33068) - you deserved it (2590)

On 01/12/2015 at 12:03am - love - by yankeeboy123 - United States (Florida)

Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time. His father was completely wasted, his mom was high, and his 11-year-old sister was talking about her favorite alcoholic drinks at the dinner table. FML

#21335369
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31403) - you deserved it (2571)

On 01/11/2015 at 9:41pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Georgia)

Today, my girlfriend and I were trying something new. I ended up with a shard of glass in my back and a concussion. Don't have sex on a glass table. FML

#21335128
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17435) - you deserved it (25517)

On 01/11/2015 at 2:10pm - intimacy - by anonymous - United States (Iowa)

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me by canceling our relationship status on Facebook. I commented in disbelief, only for my dad to reply "#rekt", then "But seriously, about time. She's gonna give your balls back, right?" Thanks for the support. FML

#21334865
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25967) - you deserved it (3120)

On 01/11/2015 at 12:57am - love - by kumcat (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I had to negotiate with my husband so he would bring me toilet paper while I was on the john. His terms? A blowjob. FML

#21334864
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30092) - you deserved it (6335)

On 01/11/2015 at 12:56am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, I got a yeast infection, caused by the antibiotics for my UTI. I got the UTI after having sex for the first time in a year. A couple of minutes of sex have ruined my health. FML

#21334755
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26402) - you deserved it (3831)

On 01/10/2015 at 10:21pm - health - by so much for romance - United States (New York)

Today, I was in the car with my 4-year-old sister and our puppy. Suddenly, she blurted out from the backseat, "I don't love you anymore." Shocked, I asked her to repeat herself. She looked me straight in the eye and said, "The puppy doesn't love you either." FML

#21334677
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28599) - you deserved it (2433)

On 01/10/2015 at 7:15pm - kids - by SadSister:( - United States

Today, I gave a presentation to my college class about life with Tourette syndrome. I only got 3 minutes into it before my asswipe classmates started yelling stuff like "Shit!", "Cock!", and "Bob Saget!" I gave up and went back to my seat in tears as our bored instructor said "Next." FML

#21334608
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34252) - you deserved it (2344)

On 01/10/2015 at 5:12pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend was making lunch and asked me to pass her the peanut butter. I'll never know why, but as I handed it to her I said the first thing that came to mind: "I really want a dog." She looked at me in horror, then told me to get out of her house. FML

#21334531
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24030) - you deserved it (4252)

On 01/10/2015 at 3:00pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Vermont)



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