FMLs submitted from United States

Today, it's my birthday. The only time people have contacted me is to ask who I voted for. FML

by birthday blues / 11/08/2016 at 2:15pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, my husband and I finally had the house to ourselves, so we had unusually loud sex. Banging bed, yelling obscenities, super rowdy, etc. I then see my mother-in-law out the window. She had let herself in, dropped off a bag and apparently ran out. Thanksgiving is going to be weird. FML

by daughter in law / 11/08/2016 at 1:05am / United States / Intimacy

Today, my roommate told me that she was studying in the library. Turns out, she didn't feel like going to the library and just spent all afternoon studying in a friend's room because she didn't think I was capable of shutting up for long enough to get any work done. Our other friends agreed. FML

by shutup shutup shutup don't wanna hear it / 11/07/2016 at 7:43pm / United States (Virginia) / Work

Today, I helped my hoarder grandfather clean out his garage. Not only did I step on a nail, I also slipped in a puddle of used oil that's been sitting out for two years, and broke my nose. He didn't pay me since I wasn't able to finish the job. FML

by megamonster99 / 11/07/2016 at 10:06am / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mother lectured me for not spending enough time with her. We literally just got back from a 10 day vacation together. FML

by shanson / 11/07/2016 at 9:06am / United States (Texas) / Kids

Today, as I was helping a customer, she asked if it was my first day and who was training me. Evidently, I'm bad at my job, because I've worked there for 7 months. FML

by jxfc / 11/07/2016 at 3:11am / United States (California) / Work

Today, I accidentally sliced open my crush's hand at work while we were messing around on break. A month ago, I broke his brother's finger playing dodgeball. No wonder I'm still single; he must think I'm out to get his family. FML

by yoyyo / 11/07/2016 at 1:29am / United States (Kansas) / Love

Today, my fiancé asked me how soon I wanted him to move out. FML

Today, at work, I had to explain to a customer that she can't connect her tablet to her home WiFi while she's at work. I went to MIT for this. FML

by Z / 11/06/2016 at 6:33pm / United States (Iowa) / Work

Today, was trying to have an adult conversation with my fiancée but she's always on her phone, so I sent her a text message instead. Relationship goals. FML

by ozzy / 11/06/2016 at 4:18am / United States (California) / Love

Today, I walked in on my roommate having sex in my bed because hers is ,"reserved for sleeping only". FML

by Arizonagirl / 11/06/2016 at 2:31am / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy

Today, it's been three days since I told this guy I liked him and he told me he liked me. It's also been three days since he contacted me. So, I called his phone and I was told by someone that they were attributed that number three days ago. I think it's safe to say the feelings weren't mutual. FML

by myfuturelover / 11/03/2016 at 11:43pm / United States (Michigan) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, while I was walking to class, I was hit by a car. The driver stopped to let me cross in front of her, started moving again, hit me, and then yelled at me, saying it was my fault for walking in front of her. FML

by Imwalkinghere / 11/03/2016 at 9:26pm / United States (Texas) / Transportation