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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, my husband decided he'd rather jerk off to the Wii Fit trainer than have sex with me. FML

#21457897
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23884) - you deserved it (2888)

On 08/19/2015 at 1:54am - intimacy - by lonelygal69 (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my mom kissed me goodbye before I went to a big job interview. I got weird looks on the way there, but I figured it was just because I look like a massive douche in formal wear. Turns out my mom had smeared lipstick all over my chin. The person who finally let me know was my interviewer. FML

#21457895
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22307) - you deserved it (2332)

On 08/19/2015 at 1:49am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend is so ashamed of me that when someone asked how far along my pregnancy is, he quickly replied "5 months now!" instead of telling them I'm not actually pregnant. FML

#21457890
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18482) - you deserved it (10473)

On 08/19/2015 at 1:15am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I am two months pregnant. Being super hormonal, I was crying about how much I was crying. My husband put his arms around me to comfort me, and I sobbed so hard that I threw up all over him. FML

#21457721
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23897) - you deserved it (2686)

On 08/18/2015 at 6:55pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Utah)

Today, a woman at the retirement home I work at told me she was new and asked me a few questions. I asked her when she moved in. She was a new coworker, not a new resident. FML

#21457683
23 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13174) - you deserved it (11874)

On 08/18/2015 at 5:08pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me through charades. FML

#21457655
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19228) - you deserved it (4792)

On 08/18/2015 at 4:17pm - love - by I hate games - United States (Missouri)

Today, my dad called to wish me a happy birthday. I said thank you but informed him that my birthday is tomorrow. He told me that I was wrong and screamed at me for 20 minutes. When I still wouldn't agree with him, he hung up and turned my phone service off. FML

Today, I woke up from the most sensual dream I've had in months. Unfortunately, despite it being better than any action I've had in a long time, the dream was about me fucking a donut. FML

#21457543
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21125) - you deserved it (3132)

On 08/18/2015 at 9:26am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, I was telling my dad how my boyfriend dumped me yesterday. He responded by blowing his nose into his hand, wiping it in my hair, then saying "There, a REAL problem to whine about." FML

#21457532
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22740) - you deserved it (2282)

On 08/18/2015 at 8:34am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I found out my grandma sleeps in the nude. I witnessed her running naked from her bedroom to the bathroom, because she "didn't have enough time" to put on her robe. I need to get my own place. FML

#21457473
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18193) - you deserved it (6245)

On 08/18/2015 at 3:07am - misc - by IrisKitty (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, my dad remarried, but he didn't want me to come. I'm told he didn't want me to ruin his pictures or make his guests feel uncomfortable, all because I had my leg amputated in April. FML

#21457412
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30339) - you deserved it (1404)

On 08/18/2015 at 12:39am - health - by LoveIsOneSided (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I passed out. I fell to the hardwood floor, cut my chin, and bit through my lip. Fortunately, my brother was there to help stop the bleeding and get me some water. All I had to do was wait until he finished his game of Call of Duty. FML

#21457409
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21831) - you deserved it (1498)

On 08/18/2015 at 12:30am - health - by jami898 - United States (Oregon)

Today, a guy asked me out on Facebook, then called me a conceited bitch when I said no. I don't know, dude; maybe it's just that I already have a boyfriend, that you asked me out on Facebook, and that you posted the same message on 4 other girls' walls as well. FML

#21457386
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24603) - you deserved it (1562)

On 08/17/2015 at 11:39pm - misc - by sonice (woman) - United States (Minnesota)



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