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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I was speeding home, bursting to take a crap. I pulled into my driveway and made it inside, before my wife told me the plumber was still working on our pipes. I ended up having to take a crap in my own backyard, behind a tree. FML

#21298320
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31246) - you deserved it (2827)

On 11/13/2014 at 1:01pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, one of the patients on the mental health unit where I work looked me up and down and said; "Well, I guess it's a popular misconception that all fat people are jolly." FML

#21298006
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28947) - you deserved it (3959)

On 11/12/2014 at 9:48pm - work - by thefatnurse - United States (Georgia)

Today, my boyfriend threatened to break up with me if I don't satisfy his "needs." By "needs", he means me wearing a diaper during foreplay. FML

#21297687
198 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39982) - you deserved it (4229)

On 11/12/2014 at 12:55pm - intimacy - by honey, no boo-boo (woman) - United States

Today, at the gym, some muscle head idiot started yelling at the treadmill for not going fast enough, and I muttered "roid rage". Apparently said roids give him superhuman hearing, because he heard me from the other side of the room, and threatened to kill me. FML

#21297627
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29020) - you deserved it (8262)

On 11/12/2014 at 11:00am - health - by juggalomurderer59 (man) - United States

Today, my boyfriend bought us plane tickets to Mexico for our "Honeymoon". This would be nice if he had proposed and if we'd been dating for longer than 2 weeks. FML

#21297437
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33443) - you deserved it (2975)

On 11/12/2014 at 12:21am - love - by anonymous - United States (Minnesota)

Today, like any other day since that stupid movie Frozen came out, people have been asking me if I want to build a snowman, like they're the funniest people on the planet. My name is Elsa. FML

#21297408
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43130) - you deserved it (3812)

On 11/11/2014 at 11:34pm - work - by elsatheannoyed (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend of four years broke up with me over some rumors he heard about me. These rumors are from high-school, seven years ago. FML

#21297338
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33739) - you deserved it (2927)

On 11/11/2014 at 10:31pm - love - by ugh - United States (Tennessee)

Today, my father picked me up from the police academy I'm attending, and got caught speeding. The officer was my drill instructor, and I had to do push-ups on the side of the highway. FML

#21297310
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34150) - you deserved it (4379)

On 11/11/2014 at 10:16pm - misc - by Xx_DEXIJOKER_xX - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I lost all hope on making my project high quality because of my partner's incompetence. My partner, AKA the company president. FML

Today, I walked into my bathroom, only to find my dad passed out on the floor with his pants around his ankles. FML

#21296970
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31048) - you deserved it (2597)

On 11/11/2014 at 1:56pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, after nearly two weeks of being stressed out due to financial issues, I decided to spend my last 4 dollars on stress-relieving body wash. Apparently this particular body wash causes me to break out in hives and now I have no money for rash cream. FML

#21296921
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34695) - you deserved it (6047)

On 11/11/2014 at 12:43pm - money - by killme - United States (Georgia)

Today, I saw a long black hair coming out of the drain. Thinking it was my sister's, I called her in and pulled it out for her to see, only to realize I was actually pulling out a long brown roach by the antenna. FML

#21296899
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33736) - you deserved it (4365)

On 11/11/2014 at 11:56am - animals - by izzy46111 - United States (Arizona)

Today, my wife slapped me for touching her boobs during sex. FML

#21296872
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44169) - you deserved it (4724)

On 11/11/2014 at 10:37am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States



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