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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I went to a job interview. It was my last shot of getting a job before my savings run dry. It all went well until I was asked why I wanted to join the company. I got flustered and stuttered, "Because I um, I like money?" The guy gave me the most insincere "We'll be in touch." ever. FML

#21339665
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25702) - you deserved it (7960)

On 01/18/2015 at 4:29pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Maine)

Today, my parents threatened to take away my college funds. Why? Because I complained about my 10 pm curfew during break as a freshman in college. FML

#21339229
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29331) - you deserved it (4353)

On 01/17/2015 at 10:50pm - money - by sophiae123 - United States (Michigan)

Today, I saw a stick in my car and picked it up to throw it out the window. The "stick" turned out to have eyes. It was a dead lizard. FML

#21339043
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22259) - you deserved it (9413)

On 01/17/2015 at 5:30pm - animals - by bad luck Bianca - United States (Texas)

Today, my girlfriend asked me not to love her so much, so she doesn't have to try so hard to match my love for her. What the fuck? FML

#21338940
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26828) - you deserved it (8491)

On 01/17/2015 at 2:00pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, my wife wanted me to take her to a new restaurant in town. When I looked it up and saw their prices, I almost had a heart attack. When I said it was too expensive, she snapped "Maybe you'd like to look up 'Lorena Bobbitt' next?!" We went to the restaurant. FML

#21338935
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27926) - you deserved it (5707)

On 01/17/2015 at 1:49pm - love - by wounded pride, intact cock (man) - United States

Today, a kid looked at me, screamed, then ran away yelling "Chewbacca!" FML

#21338512
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27149) - you deserved it (3122)

On 01/16/2015 at 8:59pm - kids - by DrLight - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my dad was looking for a flashlight in my bedroom. He trashed the place, which I'd just cleaned. Turns out the flashlight was in his bedroom. Then I got a 10 minute lecture on how I was such a slob and I should take more care of my bedroom. FML

#21338508
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29796) - you deserved it (1957)

On 01/16/2015 at 8:47pm - misc - by moonchic - United States (New York)

Today, my mom paid me a surprise visit me at my university dorm. She ended up rifling through my stuff and started to pull out a box from on top of my wardrobe. Before I could stop her, it slipped and fell. Today's forecast: 100% chance of dildo rain. FML

#21338507
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31331) - you deserved it (4478)

On 01/16/2015 at 8:41pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I told my dog to give me the stick he had in his mouth so I could throw it for him. After I picked it up I realized it was a dried-out piece of shit. FML

#21338477
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20633) - you deserved it (12156)

On 01/16/2015 at 7:37pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I realized that while I've been the same minuscule height for the past five years, my feet won't stop growing. I'm 5 foot and a size 12. I look like a clown. FML

#21338417
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27593) - you deserved it (5580)

On 01/16/2015 at 5:15pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I had to repeatedly explain to an increasingly angry lady that no, she couldn't get an ultrasound by using a referral letter from her psychic. FML

#21338280
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24806) - you deserved it (2720)

On 01/16/2015 at 1:05pm - work - by 360whoroscoped (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I accidentally spilled a big glass of water on the table, where I had some papers, my cellphone, and a box of donuts. With lightning reflexes, my sister heroically jumped forward and saved the donuts. FML

#21338246
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25891) - you deserved it (8563)

On 01/16/2015 at 12:09pm - misc - by phones - United States

Today, I asked out a girl that I've liked for a while. She thought I was joking and laughed, saying, "No. Have you met yourself?" FML

#21338134
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31757) - you deserved it (2835)

On 01/16/2015 at 7:49am - love - by SilverZephyr - United States (Massachusetts)



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