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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, my boyfriend murmured his sister's name during sex. Before you say he was thinking of someone else with the same name, I've only ever met one person in our town called Nohemi. FML

#21429316
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26617) - you deserved it (1641)

On 06/21/2015 at 12:38am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, I was on a date with a girl and everything was going great. As I took her back to her house and walked her to her door I leaned in for a kiss. She seemed to really enjoy it so I went for another but as I leaned in again, I sneezed uncontrollably shooting her face with saliva and snot. FML

#21429236
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25987) - you deserved it (3672)

On 06/20/2015 at 9:59pm - love - by hotheadslav - United States (Indiana)

Today, I realized I'm pregnant by a man who won't even accept my Facebook friend request. FML

#21429134
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22019) - you deserved it (17551)

On 06/20/2015 at 4:54pm - misc - by happycow122 (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I was trying to sleep in the car, and when I went to rest my face on my fist, our car hit a bump and I ended up punching myself in the face. FML

#21429093
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21751) - you deserved it (3510)

On 06/20/2015 at 3:03pm - misc - by Bengemon825 - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I went to a job interview, and my father in law's house. As soon as I got home I went to the bathroom and noticed my bloody pantyliner had fallen out at one of these places. I don't know which one is worse. FML

#21428990
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23523) - you deserved it (2378)

On 06/20/2015 at 10:03am - misc - by organizse - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend came to my work, at a drive thru, in my car, and then got mad at me because I wouldn't give him free food. In his anger, he put my car in reverse and backed out of line very quickly, only to smash into a paying customer. FML

#21428964
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25663) - you deserved it (2322)

On 06/20/2015 at 6:45am - love - by ugh - United States (Florida)

Today, I caught my mother-in-law trying to plant a GPS tracker on my car. FML

#21428876
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26207) - you deserved it (1769)

On 06/20/2015 at 1:08am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I was walking behind my mother when she was mowing the lawn. She unknowingly mowed over a wasps' nest that was in the grass. Guess who the wasps decided to seek revenge on. FML

Today, I was using the toilet. I was still insanely pissed off over an argument with my girlfriend, which kind of explains why I was wiping my ass so furiously that my fingers broke through the tissue and ended up in my ass, causing me to shriek like a little girl. FML

#21428778
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20073) - you deserved it (12238)

On 06/19/2015 at 9:22pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, while I was in the bathroom at a restaurant, my young son decided to drink the "slushie" I had ordered. We ended up at the hospital because that slushie was actually a margarita. FML

#21428647
198 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24609) - you deserved it (6918)

On 06/19/2015 at 4:09pm - kids - by Kidisok - United States

Today, a cute guy asked me if I was single. When I said yes, he said "Yeah, you look like the type", and walked away. FML

#21428639
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26345) - you deserved it (1999)

On 06/19/2015 at 3:51pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, I woke up to the sound of 4 gunshots from downstairs. I screamed, hid under the bed in tears and called the cops. Turned out my boyfriend hadn't been murdered by a burglar like I thought - he'd found a tarantula in our living room and decided to feed it a face full of lead. FML

#21428622
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26804) - you deserved it (3146)

On 06/19/2015 at 3:00pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I went to the restaurant I recently got a job at, to take the introductory three hour training course. Afterwards, I was told I wasn't hired after all. Why? The girl I was replacing suddenly decided she didn't want to move away and quit after all. FML



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