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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, my boyfriend stopped in the middle of sex to ask if I wanted to get donuts. FML

#21411735
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26331) - you deserved it (3939)

On 05/17/2015 at 10:54pm - intimacy - by fuckingdonuts - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, in bare consciousness, I found out what it feels like to be stabbed in the hand with an earring. How? By slamming my hand on the snooze button of my alarm and missing horribly. FML

#21411522
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23977) - you deserved it (5725)

On 05/17/2015 at 3:32pm - misc - by norpedo (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was finishing my chest workout at the gym when this really cute girl started using the machine next to me. To impress her, I tried lifting a lot of weight on the barbell. It ended up landing on my neck and she had to help me get it off. FML

#21411484
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13090) - you deserved it (29185)

On 05/17/2015 at 1:53pm - health - by Idle_Twin - United States (Florida)

Today, I found out the reason my co-workers have been giving me gum every day is not because of their generosity, but because everyone in the office thinks my breath smells. FML

#21411436
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22018) - you deserved it (9792)

On 05/17/2015 at 12:13pm - work - by smellynelly (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I took my family to Disneyland. My husband had more fun than my five year old daughter. He was hitting on the princesses. FML

#21411433
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28122) - you deserved it (2636)

On 05/17/2015 at 12:08pm - love - by creepedoutmom (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I decided to impress my friends by doing a flip on the trampoline. What did impress them, was my lack of tears after I hit the edge of the trampoline and broke my nose. FML

#21411404
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23448) - you deserved it (6143)

On 05/17/2015 at 10:05am - health - by no more flips - United States (Ohio)

Today, after getting my dream job and quitting old one, I was told my position is strictly "experimental" and will only last 2 months. FML

#21411308
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29008) - you deserved it (3118)

On 05/17/2015 at 2:31am - work - by fuckkkkk - United States (California)

Today, my husband missed the toilet again. I would have been less disgusted if he'd peed this time. FML

#21411283
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28912) - you deserved it (2259)

On 05/17/2015 at 1:10am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to a domestic violence counseling group. I was the only male there, and I explained that my girlfriend punches me in the face in front of my kids. Everyone started laughing. FML

Today, not thinking and being pissed off, I threw my phone in the car, making a decent sized crack in the windshield. FML

Today, I got my driver's license. My dad made multiple copies of his insurance cards for me to give to people when I inevitably hit them. Because "Let's face it." FML

Today, while mowing my backyard, I messily discovered that a family of rabbits has been living out there in the tall grass. FML

#21410882
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31899) - you deserved it (4866)

On 05/16/2015 at 7:47am - animals - by yif2 (woman) - United States

Today, I had to slowly explain to my brother that spooning has nothing to do with using a spoon to clean out a woman's vagina after sex. FML

#21410748
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31318) - you deserved it (2359)

On 05/15/2015 at 10:52pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)



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