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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, a friendly game of Cards Against Humanity somehow ended in a screaming match, my best friend's mother pulling out her tits, and me getting bit in the foot by a dog. FML

Today, I coughed so hard that I fractured two ribs. FML

#21395325
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29145) - you deserved it (2370)

On 04/17/2015 at 5:47pm - health - by rachlette (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, my roommate and I are so broke, we resorted to going to a Narcotics Anonymous meeting just for the refreshments. FML

#21395180
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27564) - you deserved it (3643)

On 04/17/2015 at 11:50am - money - by jamongrande - United States (California)

Today, while mowing my backyard, I carelessly ran over a fire ant hill. Thousands of tiny stinging insects blowing towards you while you're wearing shorts and a t-shirt is definitely not fun. FML

#21395171
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25310) - you deserved it (4670)

On 04/17/2015 at 11:27am - health - by Mitchellbassists (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I had to get a colonoscopy. Which wouldn't have been so bad if they had removed the camera from my rectum before waking me up. FML

#21395025
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27678) - you deserved it (1827)

On 04/17/2015 at 12:56am - health - by Camera - United States (California)

Today, I took my 2 year old to the potty in a public restroom. I was just about to set her on the toilet when the automatic flush went off, scaring her and causing her to pee all over both of us. FML

#21394708
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29543) - you deserved it (2443)

On 04/16/2015 at 2:36pm - kids - by klutz44 - United States (Illinois)

Today, I invited a guy I've been crushing on for ages to my house, and I really wanted to make a good impression. We were sitting in the living room having drinks when my cat came in, dragging a pair of my dirty underwear and dropped them right in front of us. FML

#21394577
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30382) - you deserved it (3809)

On 04/16/2015 at 9:10am - animals - by HM (woman) - United States (New Mexico)

Today, my husband came too soon during sex. He then tried to pretend it didn't happen and continued. He humped me with a half-erect noodle for about seven minutes before I finally called him out. FML

#21394468
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30667) - you deserved it (4853)

On 04/16/2015 at 1:04am - intimacy - by Evra (woman) - United States

Today, I tripped while rushing to my classes. In a desperate attempt to regain my balance, I grabbed the nearest thing to me. A fire alarm. FML

#21394235
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27894) - you deserved it (3320)

On 04/15/2015 at 6:12pm - misc - by Drill Drilled - United States (California)

Today, a few weeks after teaching my dog to fetch my phone and drop it in my lap, he decided to do it spontaneously. Too bad I was in the bath at the time. There goes a $300 phone. FML

#21394097
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25735) - you deserved it (18692)

On 04/15/2015 at 1:18pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Alabama)

Today, my 3-year-old broke his glasses, clogged the toilet with Hot Wheel cars, and covered the whole house with Cheerios. All in a matter of roughly 6 minutes while I was putting laundry away. FML

#21393865
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29571) - you deserved it (3323)

On 04/15/2015 at 12:17am - kids - by mommylife (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I got a massage. Just as I was starting to relax, the massage therapist drooled on my face. FML

#21393655
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27999) - you deserved it (1823)

On 04/14/2015 at 5:50pm - misc - by spitty (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I took my 5-year-old daughter to the play place at McDonalds but I had to keep her busy, instead of letting her play. A mom was teaching her 3-year-old daughter how to pole dance, using the play place's poles. FML

#21393641
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28120) - you deserved it (2207)

On 04/14/2015 at 5:17pm - kids - by Pandistoteles - United States



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