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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, three days after finally having a bed to sleep on, I woke up with multiple bedbug bites. I can't use my blankets, wear any of my clothes and it's back to sleeping on the floor for me. FML

#21360063
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26223) - you deserved it (2119)

On 02/20/2015 at 9:54pm - animals - by fml (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, my mom told me that, even though my brother sells drugs, he's still her favorite child. FML

#21359996
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31821) - you deserved it (2527)

On 02/20/2015 at 7:35pm - misc - by pissed - United States (Illinois)

Today, it was snowing but I had to let my dog out, so I picked him up and carried him outside. I slipped, landed on him and ended up breaking his leg. FML

#21359968
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31632) - you deserved it (6084)

On 02/20/2015 at 6:49pm - animals - by anonymous - United States (Arkansas)

Today, some popped-collar wearing shitbird tried to pick me up with the line, "You look like Marilyn Monroe's corpse! Wanna fuck?" FML

#21359908
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28903) - you deserved it (2310)

On 02/20/2015 at 4:26pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my surgeon was giving me the lowdown of what was going to happen on the operating table. I was anxious enough without him saying stuff like "cut you open", "quite a bit of blood" and "it's all quite risky." That's all I remember before fainting. My wife won't stop mocking me for it. FML

#21359857
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25033) - you deserved it (2803)

On 02/20/2015 at 2:25pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I'm 8 months pregnant and still waitressing at a local restaurant. There were only 3 of us serving today and things were hectic. One guy bitched me out, saying "Maybe if you lost some weight you'd walk a little faster!" because I wasn't fast enough with his soup. FML

#21359797
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34482) - you deserved it (2393)

On 02/20/2015 at 12:56pm - work - by blahblah1993 - United States (Texas)

Today, I woke up to a phone with most of my female contacts missing. I think I'm dating a psycho. FML

#21359722
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32403) - you deserved it (4497)

On 02/20/2015 at 8:35am - love - by FunGhoost - United States (California)

Today, I found a phone in a fitting room. I called the number that said "home" to let the owner know that I was going to give it to the store's manager. Apparently the husband didn't know his wife was out shopping and "blowing all his earnings". FML

#21359482
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27755) - you deserved it (2222)

On 02/19/2015 at 10:16pm - money - by Enslaved (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my mother moved in to my 2-bedroom apartment with me. She brought her boyfriend, 4 chihuahuas, and 2 birds with her. FML

#21359436
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29889) - you deserved it (4400)

On 02/19/2015 at 8:46pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my extremely hot coworker told me that I smelled good. At a complete loss for words, I replied, "Oh, I'm sure I don't." FML

#21359386
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27041) - you deserved it (4805)

On 02/19/2015 at 7:14pm - misc - by thisiswhyimavirgin (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was on my way to work when my ex-wife drove past me in the car she got from me. She fucked me over so hard in the divorce that I have to ride my bike to work while wearing a full suit. FML

#21359275
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37543) - you deserved it (3281)

On 02/19/2015 at 3:45pm - money - by D: - United States (Colorado)

Today, my boss used the restroom at work. She returned and told me I needed to go clean the toilet because "someone left a mess in there." It was her mess. FML

#21359155
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29830) - you deserved it (2079)

On 02/19/2015 at 11:24am - work - by Taylor Page - United States (Florida)

Today, I was at a family gathering with my boyfriend. Jokingly, my grandmother swatted my butt to get me to move. Out of habit, I moaned quite loudly. FML

#21358985
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17255) - you deserved it (29560)

On 02/19/2015 at 12:45am - intimacy - by heymacie (woman) - United States (Texas)



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Friday 27 February 2015

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