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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, some popped-collar wearing shitbird tried to pick me up with the line, "You look like Marilyn Monroe's corpse! Wanna fuck?" FML

#21359908
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28778) - you deserved it (2307)

On 02/20/2015 at 4:26pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my surgeon was giving me the lowdown of what was going to happen on the operating table. I was anxious enough without him saying stuff like "cut you open", "quite a bit of blood" and "it's all quite risky." That's all I remember before fainting. My wife won't stop mocking me for it. FML

#21359857
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24960) - you deserved it (2795)

On 02/20/2015 at 2:25pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I'm 8 months pregnant and still waitressing at a local restaurant. There were only 3 of us serving today and things were hectic. One guy bitched me out, saying "Maybe if you lost some weight you'd walk a little faster!" because I wasn't fast enough with his soup. FML

#21359797
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34373) - you deserved it (2392)

On 02/20/2015 at 12:56pm - work - by blahblah1993 - United States (Texas)

Today, I woke up to a phone with most of my female contacts missing. I think I'm dating a psycho. FML

#21359722
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32287) - you deserved it (4483)

On 02/20/2015 at 8:35am - love - by FunGhoost - United States (California)

Today, I found a phone in a fitting room. I called the number that said "home" to let the owner know that I was going to give it to the store's manager. Apparently the husband didn't know his wife was out shopping and "blowing all his earnings". FML

#21359482
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27673) - you deserved it (2228)

On 02/19/2015 at 10:16pm - money - by Enslaved (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my mother moved in to my 2-bedroom apartment with me. She brought her boyfriend, 4 chihuahuas, and 2 birds with her. FML

#21359436
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29805) - you deserved it (4389)

On 02/19/2015 at 8:46pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my extremely hot coworker told me that I smelled good. At a complete loss for words, I replied, "Oh, I'm sure I don't." FML

#21359386
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26940) - you deserved it (4799)

On 02/19/2015 at 7:14pm - misc - by thisiswhyimavirgin (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was on my way to work when my ex-wife drove past me in the car she got from me. She fucked me over so hard in the divorce that I have to ride my bike to work while wearing a full suit. FML

#21359275
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37433) - you deserved it (3281)

On 02/19/2015 at 3:45pm - money - by D: - United States (Colorado)

Today, my boss used the restroom at work. She returned and told me I needed to go clean the toilet because "someone left a mess in there." It was her mess. FML

#21359155
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29748) - you deserved it (2080)

On 02/19/2015 at 11:24am - work - by Taylor Page - United States (Florida)

Today, I was at a family gathering with my boyfriend. Jokingly, my grandmother swatted my butt to get me to move. Out of habit, I moaned quite loudly. FML

#21358985
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17169) - you deserved it (29442)

On 02/19/2015 at 12:45am - intimacy - by heymacie (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, while working at my salon, I was cutting an older gentleman's hair. When he got up to leave, everyone noticed he had clearly pissed his pants. I felt bad for him until he laughed and said, "Here's your tip, have fun cleaning that up." FML

#21358633
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31244) - you deserved it (2057)

On 02/18/2015 at 2:48pm - work - by breyn (woman) - United States

Today, I told my cousin that I would gladly help him through the loss of my aunt. That is until he started flirting with me. FML

#21358332
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29066) - you deserved it (2263)

On 02/17/2015 at 11:02pm - misc - by whateven333 (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I found out that my boyfriend wasn't really bedridden sick on Valentine's Day. A Super Smash Bros game date with his friends was just more important. FML

#21358314
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28125) - you deserved it (4816)

On 02/17/2015 at 10:40pm - love - by superscript - United States (Washington)



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