FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I was walking to a bathroom on campus before class when my professor walked in behind me. There were two urinals in the bathroom, we walked right up next to each other and unzipped our pants in unison. It became so awkward for me, I actually said out loud, "Nope, too awkward" and left. FML

by beetregeneration / 11/16/2016 at 6:47pm / United States (California) / Work

Today, when my ex said he wanted to be friends, what he meant was that he wanted me to help him hook up with 18-year-olds. FML

by boyBYE / 11/16/2016 at 6:30pm / United States (Utah) / Intimacy

Today, my dad told my mom to only drop off my sister for Thanksgiving and not me. Guess I was wrong about him wanting to work on our relationship. FML

by num1piglover / 11/16/2016 at 5:55pm / United States (New Jersey) / Holidays

Today, my crazy downstairs neighbor was yet again fighting with her boyfriend by slamming every door. When this didn't work, she went downstairs to fight with his grill. She wheeled it to the end of the driveway and pushed it over. FML

by Murphs_Law / 11/16/2016 at 1:37am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I paid $125 to get my car back after it was towed. Yesterday, I bought the car. When I got it to my apartment, the office wasn't open, so I couldn't get a parking decal. The same office that towed my car while they were still closed. FML

by broke / 11/15/2016 at 10:08pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, while on vacation, my brother asked a native of the area for help. Once he got it, he thanked them with "muchos gracias" in the best Spanish accent he could do. We're in Japan. FML

by thismustbewhyivestrivedtobesmart / 11/15/2016 at 1:25pm / United States (New York) / Holidays

Today, I thought it would be a good idea to add my crush on Snapchat. He thought it would be a good idea to block me. FML

by RosaAnela / 11/14/2016 at 9:15pm / United States (Tennessee) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I found out that the insurance that my husband signed us up with for next year doesn't cover any of our doctors. Now we need to find 4 different doctors who take our insurance. FML

by emisara93 / 11/14/2016 at 7:38pm / United States / Health

Today, I got rear-ended trying to move off the road because I heard a police siren. It was the radio. FML

by LifeLikeLemons / 11/14/2016 at 6:51pm / United States (Arizona) / Transportation

Today, I was reading on a park bench not far from a grassy spot and a pond. A flock of geese landed on the grassy patch and began to eat some grass. I thought that I may be bothering the geese, but decided if I left them alone, they'd leave me alone as well. I was wrong. Geese are assholes. FML

by Geese Ahoy / 11/14/2016 at 12:00pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was making out with a guy in his car, when we decided we needed a minute of fresh air. We stepped out, only to completely lock ourselves out, with our phones and the keys inside. We had to smash a window. FML

by Silverfeathery / 11/14/2016 at 6:19am / United States (Maine) / Love

Today, my mother-in-law scheduled her neck surgery for the same day our baby is being born. She also fully expects my husband to drive her to the hospital and stay for her recovery. Uh, yeah no. FML

by merchgirl / 11/14/2016 at 5:31am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend and I were house sitting. We were a little on edge because we'd heard noises. We were starting to get intimate, and suddenly the house alarm started going off. We locked ourselves in the room, called the police, and they told us that we were the ones who'd set it off. FML

by avocadotoe / 11/14/2016 at 1:52am / United States (California) / Intimacy