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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, my 12-year-old sister watched Frozen. She's spent the last two hours playing the song Let It Go on high volume over and over, and in different languages. I now have a skull-splitting headache, and my dad just sarcastically told me to "let it go". FML

#21113787
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41533) - you deserved it (5262)

On 04/15/2014 at 3:24pm - kids - by fuckyouharddad - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend stayed over at my place for the first time. I left him in the bedroom for a couple of minutes while I used the toilet, and when I came back, he was holding my vibrator. He angrily asked me, "What the hell is this? You know this is cheating, right?" FML

#21113687
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44036) - you deserved it (6245)

On 04/15/2014 at 12:37pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I got a Facebook message from a cute guy I used to work with. He admitted to liking me and when I asked why we never hung out he admitted that my dad, his boss at the time, threatened every guy I have ever worked with. FML

#21113585
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43010) - you deserved it (3191)

On 04/15/2014 at 10:01am - love - by cricha4208 - United States (Missouri)

Today, my house was robbed. My two 70-pound German Shepherds obeyed me when I told them to attack. They also obeyed the robber when he said, "Sit". FML

#21113538
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47233) - you deserved it (4096)

On 04/15/2014 at 8:08am - animals - by stupiddog (man) - United States (California)

Today, while I was waiting for the bus, I was whistling. I saw a cute girl running and I looked at my phone so it didn't seem too awkward. I was still whistling as she passed by so it sounded like I whistled at her. She ran back to slap me. FML

#21113376
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35621) - you deserved it (5991)

On 04/15/2014 at 12:24am - misc - by heycutie - United States (Michigan)

Today, my boyfriend turned down a job that would have more than doubled his income because he didn't want to upset his current boss by quitting. FML

Today, in the middle of sex, my girlfriend yelled, "STUFF ME LIKE A TURKEY!" I couldn't finish. FML

#21112870
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44410) - you deserved it (5268)

On 04/14/2014 at 4:12pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I had to convince my 3-year-old son that there were monsters in the house just so he would lie in bed and cuddle me. FML

#21112742
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31202) - you deserved it (22500)

On 04/14/2014 at 12:57pm - kids - by tinytiny1124 (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was talking dirty with my husband over the phone while he was out of town. I started to verbally act out his fantasy and got quite into it. I was returned with silence. Embarrassed, I tried to hang up. Turns out the call had already been dropped, five minutes prior. FML

#21112406
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34052) - you deserved it (5123)

On 04/13/2014 at 11:17pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I was walking around school alone and felt someone tap my back. I laughed and turned around to find no one was there. I felt confused when I felt the tapping again, which is when I chose to yell at the nearest person, "What?!" I later found out it was a bottle in my backpack tapping me. FML

#21112284
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30423) - you deserved it (9634)

On 04/13/2014 at 9:32pm - misc - by ohmygod582 (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, 30 minutes after finishing a great date with a great girl, she texted me and said, "Yeah, uh, never come near me again." FML

#21112056
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38036) - you deserved it (4796)

On 04/13/2014 at 4:33pm - love - by lax22 - United States (California)

Today, my nephews discovered how to trick my washing machine into starting up while the door is still open. My laundry room is now flooded, and their mom refuses to accept any responsibility for it. FML

Today, my coworker tried to convince my boss that I'm not human. Her examples of how I'm influenced by demons included how I don't wear a jacket in the winter, and that I once got a nosebleed from sneezing. My boss thinks she's hilarious and is playing along. FML

#21111822
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36699) - you deserved it (3407)

On 04/13/2014 at 10:51am - work - by worker666 (woman) - United States



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