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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, a man approached me and told me he wanted to drink my dirty bath water. FML

Today, I hit my head on the steering wheel when I sneezed. I managed to honk the horn and the guy next to me couldn't stop laughing. FML

#21361311
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30641) - you deserved it (4475)

On 02/22/2015 at 8:41pm - misc - by headache - United States

Today, I came home from work to find that my girlfriend had sold all of my N64 and Atari games and both the consoles and bought me a PS4 with the money. While I was standing there in shock, she kissed me on the cheek and said, "I know, I'm the greatest." FML

#21361122
454 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42496) - you deserved it (3983)

On 02/22/2015 at 3:41pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, trying to do a good deed, I gave a homeless guy a $10 bill. As I walked away, he yelled after me, "You fucking bitch!" FML

#21361049
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28100) - you deserved it (2998)

On 02/22/2015 at 1:21pm - money - by HaliMali (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, after swallowing my birth control pill, I threw up all over myself. I then had to search through my puke to find my birth control pill and attempt to re-take it. FML

Today, my husband again lost his keys. It's a daily struggle to find them. This time they were in an ice cube, literally. He said he must have accidentally put them in there when making ice. He's going to be the father of my future children. FML

#21360688
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32908) - you deserved it (7855)

On 02/21/2015 at 10:47pm - misc - by wife - United States (California)

Today, I found out that my boyfriend of two years has a beautiful daughter. That's cool, except she's 1 year old. FML

#21360646
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32345) - you deserved it (2323)

On 02/21/2015 at 9:44pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I found out the hard way that blood-filled deer ticks can look a lot like black jelly beans. FML

#21360309
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29366) - you deserved it (7494)

On 02/21/2015 at 10:12am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I witnessed the beautiful sight of a tiny baby bird struggling to take flight from its nest. "You can do it," I muttered, which I guess my asswipe of a cat heard as "Quick, go kill that bird and scar me for life, please." FML

#21360123
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27517) - you deserved it (3726)

On 02/20/2015 at 11:25pm - animals - by tulisa (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I noticed our weekly biohazardous waste pickup didn't occur as usual at the surgery center where I work. After calling, the company informed me they were short staffed and couldn't make it out 'til next week. Guess that amputated finger is just going to marinate another week. FML

Today, three days after finally having a bed to sleep on, I woke up with multiple bedbug bites. I can't use my blankets, wear any of my clothes and it's back to sleeping on the floor for me. FML

#21360063
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26198) - you deserved it (2120)

On 02/20/2015 at 9:54pm - animals - by fml (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, my mom told me that, even though my brother sells drugs, he's still her favorite child. FML

#21359996
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31762) - you deserved it (2524)

On 02/20/2015 at 7:35pm - misc - by pissed - United States (Illinois)

Today, it was snowing but I had to let my dog out, so I picked him up and carried him outside. I slipped, landed on him and ended up breaking his leg. FML

#21359968
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31578) - you deserved it (6088)

On 02/20/2015 at 6:49pm - animals - by anonymous - United States (Arkansas)



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