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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, a new fire alarm system is being installed in my building. Not only does the alarm go off incessantly, but the elevators stop running when it happens. I live on the 12th floor. FML

Today, I got yelled at by a bleeding-heart hippy in the restroom for using paper towels. Apparently I'm a "tree-hating, paper-wasting bitch". I had a nosebleed. FML

#21263128
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32611) - you deserved it (2548)

On 09/22/2014 at 1:41pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I found out that the neighborhood call-girl my husband and I secretly joke about is the same woman who secretly pleasures my husband for money. FML

#21263093
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37059) - you deserved it (4556)

On 09/22/2014 at 12:43pm - intimacy - by mislead - United States (Louisiana)

Today, coming home from a trip in the mountains, I got a cracked radiator and my car overheated. My dad came to get me, he drove my car and I followed in his. I got pulled over and ticketed for his expired registration. FML

#21263040
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31834) - you deserved it (2952)

On 09/22/2014 at 10:25am - misc - by willconqueror1 - United States

Today, I learned that even though a woman has a baby carriage and seems friendly, she won't be afraid to mug you in front of her kid. FML

#21262985
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33600) - you deserved it (2854)

On 09/22/2014 at 6:58am - health - by deathstar3548 (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I got hit by a car while riding my bike to work. In the hospital, every single nurse lectured me about how I wouldn't be here if I wore a helmet, which I'm sure would be really helpful to my broken leg. FML

#21262936
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36044) - you deserved it (4479)

On 09/22/2014 at 2:45am - health - by thebrokentardis (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I was reviewing for a major nursing school exam I have this week. I panicked because none of the material seemed familiar, and figured that I must've missed something during class and now had to catch up. After 4 hours, I finally realized that I'd been studying from the wrong textbook. FML

#21262757
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28666) - you deserved it (12111)

On 09/21/2014 at 10:12pm - misc - by IdiotNursingStudent (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I flew across country to college. My luggage did not. FML

#21262400
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34105) - you deserved it (2797)

On 09/21/2014 at 11:51am - misc - by Need Clothes Now (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I was having sex with this amazingly hot guy. Things got pretty intense, and right as I was about to orgasm, the gold crucifix came flying off his necklace and sliced my eyelid open. Message received. Well played, God. FML

#21262317
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35891) - you deserved it (5388)

On 09/21/2014 at 7:27am - intimacy - by Sinnersinner - United States (California)

Today, my fiancé and I were having sex in the early hours of the morning. He said "Morning sex is the best thing to wake up to." Without thinking, I responded "Yeah, unless you're in prison." He lost his erection due to laughing so hard and now can't look at me without laughing. FML

#21262210
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35278) - you deserved it (9178)

On 09/21/2014 at 1:11am - intimacy - by RuinedTheMood (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I had to stop at a gas station to go to the bathroom. A sign on the door told people to knock since the door didn't lock. As I was peeing, a lady walked in on me. Rather than simply saying sorry and shutting the damn door, she opened it wider and stepped in to apologize. FML

#21262000
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33251) - you deserved it (2381)

On 09/20/2014 at 7:39pm - misc - by rabid_otaku - United States (Illinois)

Today, my boyfriend has chipped his front teeth for the third time in 2 months. After refusing to tell me how this keeps on happening, I walked in on him throwing his phone in the air and trying to catch it in his mouth. FML

#21261750
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36623) - you deserved it (4047)

On 09/20/2014 at 11:03am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, while giving directions to a blind guy, I accidentally made him walk into a wall. FML

#21261532
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31711) - you deserved it (7603)

On 09/19/2014 at 11:14pm - misc - by camerashyguy - United States (Texas)



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