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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, as I awoke, the sun was shining, the birds were tweeting, and police sirens were wailing at a drug bust next door. FML

#21234535
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36987) - you deserved it (3106)

On 08/11/2014 at 1:11am - misc - by Ithoughtheywerenormalpeople (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I saw a customer at the restaurant I work at lovingly petting his cheeseburger and whispering sweet promises to it. FML

#21234388
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33161) - you deserved it (3025)

On 08/10/2014 at 10:22pm - work - by weirded out (man) - United States (California)

Today, I called my boyfriend and invited him over to watch a movie. He was all for it, until I mentioned I was on my period, at which point he said "NOPE." and hung up on me. FML

#21234002
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37660) - you deserved it (5992)

On 08/10/2014 at 12:42pm - love - by painedandpissed (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I drove an hour to a friend's wedding. Realizing I was too early, I sat in my car at a gas station and watched The Office to kill time. I walked in to see the newly married couple escorting the last few rows out. I had been told the wrong time and the wedding was over. FML

Today, my psychotic step-dad asked me if I'm doing drugs. I replied with a massive amount of sarcasm: "Yeah, all of 'em. Especially meth." He flipped out, searched my room top to bottom, then grounded me "for good" until I tell him where I hid the supposed drugs. FML

#21233273
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38504) - you deserved it (11559)

On 08/09/2014 at 1:32pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, while working my shift at the grocery store, we ran out of muffins. I'm a little overweight, and I guess that's the reason an irate customer accused me of eating all of them. FML

#21233183
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38997) - you deserved it (3810)

On 08/09/2014 at 9:50am - work - by muffins - United States (Maryland)

Today, my idiot son tried to get a veteran's discount at American Eagle because he's "a fifth prestige" on Call of Duty. FML

#21233179
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40524) - you deserved it (6010)

On 08/09/2014 at 9:31am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my girlfriend and I tried out a website where you upload pictures of two people, and it shows you what their future children might look like. She actually started crying because the kid we were shown wasn't cute enough for her liking. FML

#21232887
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33909) - you deserved it (3707)

On 08/08/2014 at 11:19pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Nebraska)

Today, my boyfriend told me he likes to do things the old-fashioned way, and that he wouldn't propose to me without my father's blessing. My dad died 3 years ago, and he knows it. FML

#21232717
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44201) - you deserved it (3128)

On 08/08/2014 at 6:53pm - love - by lonethong15 (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I put on a porno, trying to unwind after a bad day. 10 minutes in, I was so pissed off with the girl constantly repeating "You like that? Yeah?" and the cameraman's obsession with the guy's asscrack that I started yelling at the screen. Now I'm more stressed than ever. FML

#21232670
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34554) - you deserved it (11171)

On 08/08/2014 at 5:29pm - intimacy - by FUCK YOU (man) - United States

Today, I realized that my dog, who's 11, eats his own shit, and chews bones like crazy still has 10 times nicer teeth than I do. FML

#21232602
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30798) - you deserved it (7076)

On 08/08/2014 at 3:34pm - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I fell asleep in the doctor's waiting room. When I woke up, the room was empty, and there was a $1 bill tucked into my cleavage. FML

#21232452
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35216) - you deserved it (5913)

On 08/08/2014 at 10:43am - misc - by freakedout (woman) - United States

Today, I stopped two little boys from spitting over a railing at the piano player two floors below in the department store I work at. Their mom complained to my boss about me. FML

#21231280
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38045) - you deserved it (2553)

On 08/06/2014 at 10:22pm - work - by spitstopper - United States (Alabama)



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