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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, after months of saving, I went to buy the wedding ring I promised to buy my fiancée. Just seconds after I walked in, the owner asked me to leave, saying he doesn't serve "trash" like me, while pointing at the memorial tattoo on the back of my hand. FML

#21316839
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31075) - you deserved it (2899)

On 12/13/2014 at 3:21pm - money - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, my Canadian friend is staying a few days at my parents' house. I drove him from the airport, only to find my idiot dad had decked the spare room out with maple syrup bottles. He keeps saying "eh" all the time and asked "What's he so upset aboot?" when my friend was offended. FML

#21316775
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29762) - you deserved it (2757)

On 12/13/2014 at 1:36pm - misc - by ehxtraordinarily pissed (man) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, my girlfriend confessed that she's been cheating on me for the past two months. Apparently she thought I'd take it well, because when I yelled at her for being a heartless bitch, she stuttered "S-sike!" and tried to play it off as a prank. She's acting like we're still dating. FML

#21316716
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31338) - you deserved it (2455)

On 12/13/2014 at 11:19am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I finally told my boyfriend that he's not very good at dirty talk. He does it every time we have sex and it always turns me off. He started crying. FML

#21316697
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30503) - you deserved it (4974)

On 12/13/2014 at 10:20am - intimacy - by Nicole (woman) - United States

Today, I came home to find out my roommate sold my PS4, because, "You don't use it anymore." FML

#21316533
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31906) - you deserved it (2317)

On 12/13/2014 at 12:05am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my boss threw a pre-Christmas party at work. He always uses them to rant at us and tell us to be better employees. When the speech began, the alarm I have set for my daily birth control went off. It's the sound of an obnoxious screaming child. FML

#21316246
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27121) - you deserved it (6701)

On 12/12/2014 at 2:52pm - work - by driven_crazy (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I took my Spanish exam. One of the questions was to translate "Mark is lazy and antisocial." My name is Mark. Everyone kept giving me weird looks the whole test. FML

#21316211
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28068) - you deserved it (2261)

On 12/12/2014 at 1:46pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out first-hand that the most horrifying sight you can ever witness is two morbidly obese people getting nasty with each other in a dance club's run-down, public restroom. FML

#21316146
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29168) - you deserved it (4182)

On 12/12/2014 at 11:02am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Alaska)

Today, my oldest friend got engaged to her loving boyfriend of one year. Meanwhile, I can't even get my boyfriend of more than four years to commit to a decision of what he wants for dinner. FML

#21316127
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27120) - you deserved it (4046)

On 12/12/2014 at 10:17am - love - by galladore - United States (Illinois)

Today, my commitment issues were perfectly illustrated when I couldn't put a nail in the wall to hang a painting, because, "What if I change my mind?" FML

#21316117
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25522) - you deserved it (5134)

On 12/12/2014 at 9:45am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, I confronted my boyfriend after he received a text with a bunch of hearts on it. After arguing, turns out it was from me. FML

#21316114
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14156) - you deserved it (35387)

On 12/12/2014 at 9:39am - misc - by well, now what - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I sat on the bus for 3 hours stuck in traffic trying to ignore the old lady sitting next to me discreetly masturbating. FML

Today, I was home alone when I heard the carbon-monoxide detector beeping. Panicking, I grabbed my dog, ran out of my house as fast as I could, and waited outside for 3 hours for my mom to get home. Turned out the detector was just out of batteries. FML

#21315834
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25985) - you deserved it (6641)

On 12/11/2014 at 9:04pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)



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