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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I woke up to several dead snails and worms all over my bed. I guess that's what my little sister meant yesterday when she said I'd be sorry for not letting her play on my phone. FML

#21509043
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20656) - you deserved it (2058)

On 12/29/2015 at 12:29pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I installed motion sensor lights in my house to save on energy. When I laid down in bed, I saw the lights turn on from downstairs to the kitchen. I live alone. FML

#21508974
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22879) - you deserved it (1705)

On 12/29/2015 at 4:49am - misc - by zzarzzur (man) - United States (California)

Today, I got together a surprise party for my mom's birthday. I invited all her friends and her douchebag boyfriend who I don't get along with. When my mom got home, he took credit and got her friends to back him up with bribing. My mom said I'm selfish and horrible for not trying for her. FML

#21508821
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23404) - you deserved it (1401)

On 12/28/2015 at 7:00pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Indiana)

Today, I found out that when my parents said they couldn't afford gifts for us kids, what they really meant was that they weren't buying a gift for me. I found this out when I overheard my father telling my uncle about the things he got my siblings. FML

#21508809
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20833) - you deserved it (1227)

On 12/28/2015 at 6:26pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend finally proposed to me in front of his whole family with the ring his mother had helped him pick out. Two hours later, I found emails of nudes from another women that had been sent to him a week prior, on his phone. Our flight for home leaves in a week. FML

#21508755
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19851) - you deserved it (1458)

On 12/28/2015 at 3:15pm - misc - by FMeRight? - United States (California)

Today, while on the road, my dad called twice before I pulled over and answered the phone. He first got mad at me for not answering, and then again later for "paying attention to my phone" while driving. FML

#21508686
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19341) - you deserved it (1468)

On 12/28/2015 at 10:03am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Kansas)

Today, on my day off, despite working a night shift the night before I was up early to clean and cook all day to spoil my boyfriend. At 10 p.m. when I finally settled down into the bathtub, my phone rang. It was work, asking where I was for my shift. I didn't have the day off. FML

Today, my daughter fell asleep early, so my husband and I decided to get frisky. He passed out mid blow job. FML

#21508603
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21140) - you deserved it (2467)

On 12/28/2015 at 12:43am - intimacy - by ThreeWeeksWithoutSex - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting intimate for the first time when she noticed I only have one testicle. She immediately broke up with me, for she doesn't want her future sons to be gay because they'll only have half of their testosterone. FML

#21508578
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25810) - you deserved it (1666)

On 12/27/2015 at 11:46pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Iowa)

Today, I had a dream where I was having the best sex of my life. With Donald Trump. My boyfriend hasn't stopped laughing. FML

#21508476
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21984) - you deserved it (4762)

On 12/27/2015 at 6:22pm - intimacy - by whatthefuck (woman) - United States (Utah)

Today, after weeks of keeping it a secret, I excitedly gave my boyfriend what I thought to be the perfect Christmas present. Turns out lock picking sets are illegal in Ohio. FML

#21508274
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16648) - you deserved it (7361)

On 12/27/2015 at 12:18am - misc - by BahHumbug (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I worked a short shift at work, getting sent home early because it was slow. In the time I was gone, my family decided surprise me by rearranging my room and put in my new desk. They also surprised me when I learned that they'd spilled a slushie on my very expensive computer. FML

#21508270
32 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19055) - you deserved it (1245)

On 12/27/2015 at 12:08am - misc - by welp - United States (Michigan)

Today, my friend insisted I wear her brand new hoodie for the day. When I gave it back after a few hours, she said she just needed it stretched and couldn't find someone fatter to stretch it for her. FML

#21508210
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22461) - you deserved it (2018)

On 12/26/2015 at 9:07pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New Mexico)



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