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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I was at an outdoors Christmas party and I jokingly complained that my son says 'mama' way more than he says 'dada'. One of my students was at the party and watched him for a couple of hours. He taught him to say 'dada' every time he sees a bug. FML

#21321325
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25284) - you deserved it (3994)

On 12/21/2014 at 2:59am - kids - by paparoach (man) - United States (Hawaii)

Today, as I was saying bye to my girlfriend, I said "see ya later, alligator." She took offense because she thought I called her ugly. FML

#21321170
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30219) - you deserved it (3660)

On 12/20/2014 at 10:37pm - love - by sexualpopcorn - United States (California)

Today, I had to find simple words to explain to the idiot I was tutoring that "1/4" is not of a greater value than "1/3" just because the denominator is bigger. FML

#21321107
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26329) - you deserved it (4709)

On 12/20/2014 at 8:16pm - kids - by Mightaswelltutordogs (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I sent my girlfriend a long-overdue message telling her I feel like she doesn't really care about me any more, that it seems like she only ever calls me when she needs money, and that I'm even starting to suspect she may be cheating on me. 14 hours later, she replied: "TL;DR". FML

#21320982
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27398) - you deserved it (3110)

On 12/20/2014 at 3:45pm - love - by KalaKa (man) - United States

Today, my fiancé pawned off my engagement ring so he could buy himself a PS4. FML

#21320958
227 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34460) - you deserved it (4098)

On 12/20/2014 at 3:00pm - money - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, while hanging out with this guy I'm interested in, we turned and made eye contact. We were face to face and I thought he was finally going to kiss me. He decided to lick my face from chin to forehead instead. FML

#21320716
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31775) - you deserved it (4151)

On 12/20/2014 at 2:33am - love - by qyx3lmnop24 - United States (California)

Today, my parents had a loud argument over who is worse in bed. FML

#21320583
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29459) - you deserved it (2054)

On 12/19/2014 at 10:16pm - misc - by cantunhear - United States (New York)

Today, after six long, hard years of involuntary celibacy, I was finally about to get laid. Except it was just a dream, and in it my mom stormed in just as things got heated, called me a useless cunt, and told me to go do my chores. I guess my brain forgot I moved out years ago. FML

#21320480
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30182) - you deserved it (3505)

On 12/19/2014 at 6:14pm - intimacy - by giantblueballsthesizeofjohnnysinscock (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I went to the dry-cleaner's and went to get my bag of laundry from my trunk, but I ended up dropping the bag. My dirty underwear blew around the parking lot. I had to chase it all down as a bunch of people looked on. FML

#21320377
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27943) - you deserved it (3335)

On 12/19/2014 at 2:24pm - misc - by embarrassed - United States

Today, the lady whose son I babysit sent me a text, saying she left a gift for me for all the hard work I've done. I found a beautifully-wrapped box where she said the gift was. It turned out my actual gift was cookies sitting right next to it. FML

Today, I was shocked to notice that my hair has started growing out entirely silver, supposedly due to pregnancy. I'm 19. Apparently, according to my aunt, "It runs in the family." FML

#21320202
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29642) - you deserved it (5853)

On 12/19/2014 at 5:41am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I got 3 different rejection letters mailed to me from the same college. FML

#21320043
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33307) - you deserved it (2843)

On 12/18/2014 at 11:04pm - misc - by ai_lauren (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I beat my boyfriend in a video game. He promptly dumped me and told me to leave. FML

#21319982
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33344) - you deserved it (3941)

On 12/18/2014 at 9:39pm - love - by I warned him - United States (Georgia)



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