FMLs submitted from United States

Today, my "friends" and I were supposed to go out to eat to celebrate finishing the last day of school, but with a full day of work first, I decided to go buy them donuts. They decided to ditch me while I was gone, and go early. FML

by Bambi113 / 06/09/2016 at 3:07pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Work

Today, as I was getting ready for work, I heard a noise almost like someone was puking all over the bathroom floor. When I went to check, my 14-year-old son was puking all over the bathroom floor. The toilet, however, was pristine. FML

by windsoffate / 06/09/2016 at 12:46pm / United States (Oregon) / Kids

Today, I broke up with my fiancé after he cheated on me, and he now refuses to move out of the apartment. I'm even contemplating just offering him my Xbox One as a bribe so I can get him out of my life for good. FML

by Rari / 06/09/2016 at 12:04pm / United States (Arizona) / Love

Today, I came home to find out my stay-at-home neighbor built his kids an awesome treehouse deck two stories up in the air. Three feet from my house. Directly adjacent to my second-floor bedroom. FML

by Jo_kat / 06/08/2016 at 11:56pm / United States (Oregon) / Kids

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, after spending $850 on having our siding, roof and windows powerwashed, a 5-minute storm blew the siding clear off the house. FML

by caryl101698 / 06/08/2016 at 9:40pm / United States (New Jersey) / Money

Today, I got a job at a casino where I was actually planning on spending my 21st birthday next month. After they hired me, they told me no employees are allowed to play or gamble on or off the clock, for as long as they are employed there, or termination will immediately follow. FML

by bshoemaker45601 / 06/08/2016 at 4:57pm / United States (Ohio) / Work

Today, I went to pick my dog up from my old house where my ex-boyfriend still lives. I rang the doorbell and saw him look out of the side window holding the dog. When I told him I was there for my dog, he claimed that the dog was his now. He broke up with me because he hates dogs. FML

by codyolimason / 06/08/2016 at 4:36pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, after years busting my hump for my father's business with the understanding of one day taking it over, he informed me that my nephew, who has never shown any interest in the company, is being brought in to take it over. FML

by Chumpee / 06/08/2016 at 1:17pm / United States (Ohio) / Work

Today, I lost the 5 pounds I had gained over the last few weeks. I had vowed to do whatever it took to lose that weight, and I actually did, when I caught a horrible stomach bug. I'd eat my words, but I'm pretty sure I'd just end up throwing them up. FML

by TPelekakis / 06/08/2016 at 1:01pm / United States (Tennessee) / Health

Today, my mom thought the best way to stop me from taking people to my room was by changing my wallpaper into a nursery-themed one. Now I get to see bunnies, letter blocks and teddy bears all day long. FML

by happiestturtle / 06/08/2016 at 11:21am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, after months of living on five dollars a day for food in college, I found out my parents bought me an expensive meal plan and forgot to mention it. FML

by malnourishedstudent / 06/08/2016 at 4:38am / United States (Florida) / Health

Today, a realtor came to take a look at my house. I had worked all morning to make it look lovely. When they took pictures, I explained a number of ways I could change things so everything would look as good as possible. After the house tour, they told me it should be bulldozed. FML

by Ophelia / 06/08/2016 at 12:05am / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend of 2 years broke up with me because I wouldn't make my senior quote, "I love my girlfriend more than anything." FML

by larouche362 / 06/07/2016 at 11:01pm / United States (New Hampshire) / Love