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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, my girlfriend took off my pants for the first time. She was more impressed by the pattern on my boxers than by my cock. FML

#21370915
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31570) - you deserved it (5759)

On 03/09/2015 at 1:13am - intimacy - by fruitoftheloom - United States (Arizona)

Today, I was told that I need to learn to "let things go" by a woman who held a four-month grudge over a ham sandwich. FML

#21370791
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26972) - you deserved it (2141)

On 03/08/2015 at 10:36pm - misc - by NoHamForMeThanks - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I moved into my new apartment. As I sat in my living room watching Netflix, I found out that my window has an excellent view of my new neighbors, who just so happen to like to shag with the blinds open. I guess I'll be buying some curtains. FML

#21370722
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26480) - you deserved it (2785)

On 03/08/2015 at 9:05pm - intimacy - by curtain buyer - United States (New York)

Today, I decided to show up early for work and really try to get off my manager's shit-list. On my way to work, my manager called to bitch me out for already being 30 minutes late. Yeah, I forgot about Daylight Savings Time. FML

#21370481
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31839) - you deserved it (15)

On 03/08/2015 at 12:42pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I woke up this morning in a panic. Last night, I heard scratching at my door, but I thought it was just my cat and went back to sleep. This morning, it hit me that my cat is 600 miles away living with my mom in Iowa. I'm terrified to even sleep now. FML

#21370427
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57) - you deserved it (2563)

On 03/08/2015 at 10:41am - animals - by no salt, no burning, just STFU (man) - United States

Today, I discovered my friends have contests to see who can photoshop my pictures to make them even uglier. FML

#21370101
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29765) - you deserved it (2425)

On 03/07/2015 at 6:55pm - misc - by Theuglyfriend - United States

Today, a dog bit me, tearing a hole through my sweatpants, my shorts, and my underwear, all to get at the dog treat I'd hidden in my pocket. FML

#21369995
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26061) - you deserved it (8229)

On 03/07/2015 at 3:14pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Indiana)

Today, my little sister complained about a young boy in her class always pulling her hair. She asked when boys will stop doing it. My mom replied, "They won't, even when they're grown-ups," then looked over at my dad and shared a dirty smirk. FML

#21369959
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35578) - you deserved it (3254)

On 03/07/2015 at 2:09pm - intimacy - by greatly disturbed - United States (California)

Today, my brother was doing an extremely annoying Shrek impression, so I turned the TV on in a desperate attempt to drown him out. You'll never guess what movie was on. FML

#21369958
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63) - you deserved it (7)

On 03/07/2015 at 2:05pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, at an important statewide band performance, my mom stayed in her seat, silent, while everyone else gave a standing ovation. FML

Today, at a big family dinner, my dad said, "Pfff, gays don't have it hard at all. The things a guy has to do for sex with a girl? Crazy. All a gay guy has to do for sex is become an altar boy!" My husband's side of the family is very religious, and all hell quickly broke loose. FML

#21369938
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32590) - you deserved it (3038)

On 03/07/2015 at 1:42pm - misc - by killme (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I tried shaving my bikini area for the first time. I ended up cutting myself several times. I now have impressive razor burn, and it's incredibly painful to even wear pants. FML

#21369637
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27672) - you deserved it (13)

On 03/06/2015 at 11:26pm - health - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I got a haircut. The guy quickly cut off most of the hair above my forehead. When I angrily asked him what he was doing, he said, "Quitting." FML

#21369589
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (70) - you deserved it (2033)

On 03/06/2015 at 10:22pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)



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