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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I was invited to a fancy-shmancy charity event, and the host - my friend - told me to wear a long, ballroom, fancy gown. Turns out my friend was just being a dick and it was a pool party. I spent $200 on my hair and makeup alone. FML

#21429755
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25873) - you deserved it (4377)

On 06/21/2015 at 8:50pm - misc - by ssondik - United States (Connecticut)

Today, my husband let my 8-year-old twins play with handcuffs. I thought my husband was pretending he had lost the key but after 4 hours, he walked in with his head down and said, "I've made a terrible mistake honey." FML

#21429657
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25212) - you deserved it (2068)

On 06/21/2015 at 5:37pm - kids - by hfs palm - United States

Today, I took a nap. My boyfriend took this opportunity to go over to his "beautiful" and "amazing" ex-girlfriend's house to help her clean out her pool. I told him I didn't think that was appropriate. He told me I don't value relationships and didn't come home tonight. FML

#21429410
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23573) - you deserved it (2074)

On 06/21/2015 at 6:16am - love - by bev_rogan - United States (Indiana)

Today, I brought my best friend home and told my dad we were going to study together. He loudly replied "Woah!", stumbled around for a few seconds like he was drunk, then apologized and said the "sheer amount of gayness" between us had overloaded his gaydar. We're not gay, dammit! FML

#21429349
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25528) - you deserved it (2992)

On 06/21/2015 at 2:04am - misc - by notgay (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my boyfriend murmured his sister's name during sex. Before you say he was thinking of someone else with the same name, I've only ever met one person in our town called Nohemi. FML

#21429316
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28403) - you deserved it (1678)

On 06/21/2015 at 12:38am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, I was on a date with a girl and everything was going great. As I took her back to her house and walked her to her door I leaned in for a kiss. She seemed to really enjoy it so I went for another but as I leaned in again, I sneezed uncontrollably shooting her face with saliva and snot. FML

#21429236
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26646) - you deserved it (3711)

On 06/20/2015 at 9:59pm - love - by hotheadslav - United States (Indiana)

Today, I realized I'm pregnant by a man who won't even accept my Facebook friend request. FML

#21429134
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22436) - you deserved it (17948)

On 06/20/2015 at 4:54pm - misc - by happycow122 (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I was trying to sleep in the car, and when I went to rest my face on my fist, our car hit a bump and I ended up punching myself in the face. FML

#21429093
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22133) - you deserved it (3527)

On 06/20/2015 at 3:03pm - misc - by Bengemon825 - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I went to a job interview, and my father in law's house. As soon as I got home I went to the bathroom and noticed my bloody pantyliner had fallen out at one of these places. I don't know which one is worse. FML

#21428990
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23832) - you deserved it (2391)

On 06/20/2015 at 10:03am - misc - by organizse - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend came to my work, at a drive thru, in my car, and then got mad at me because I wouldn't give him free food. In his anger, he put my car in reverse and backed out of line very quickly, only to smash into a paying customer. FML

#21428964
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26338) - you deserved it (2337)

On 06/20/2015 at 6:45am - love - by ugh - United States (Florida)

Today, I caught my mother-in-law trying to plant a GPS tracker on my car. FML

#21428876
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26681) - you deserved it (1781)

On 06/20/2015 at 1:08am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I was walking behind my mother when she was mowing the lawn. She unknowingly mowed over a wasps' nest that was in the grass. Guess who the wasps decided to seek revenge on. FML

Today, I was using the toilet. I was still insanely pissed off over an argument with my girlfriend, which kind of explains why I was wiping my ass so furiously that my fingers broke through the tissue and ended up in my ass, causing me to shriek like a little girl. FML

#21428778
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20398) - you deserved it (12409)

On 06/19/2015 at 9:22pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States



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