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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I returned from my first paid vacation in the past 2 years from a place with no cell, or internet. I've just found out that our department has been downsized. FML

#21249182
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32781) - you deserved it (2201)

On 08/31/2014 at 5:51pm - work - by Happy Employee (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I had to cancel my plans to go see my grandma, because I wasn't feeling too well. I called her to apologize, but she had trouble remembering who I was. When I told her my name, she said "Oh, the FAT one." Yes grandma, the fat one. FML

#21249110
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37633) - you deserved it (4676)

On 08/31/2014 at 3:27pm - kids - by TheFatOne - United States

Today, I was hiking down a steep hill, and I slipped. I instinctively grabbed the nearest object to me: a very prickly cactus. FML

#21249060
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34674) - you deserved it (3144)

On 08/31/2014 at 1:51pm - health - by Anonymous - United States

Today, while finally about to make love with my long term boyfriend, he came from putting a condom on. FML

#21249014
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44395) - you deserved it (4464)

On 08/31/2014 at 11:14am - intimacy - by anon - United States (Texas)

Today, I saw a customer wandering around, looking confused. I went over and kindly asked if I could help him find anything. He said no, but that he'd help me find the teeth he'd knock out of my mouth if I didn't get lost. FML

#21248418
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34332) - you deserved it (2733)

On 08/30/2014 at 11:14am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my 8 year old son asked me why he had to make his bed everyday if he would just use it again. I replied with, "You flush the toilet even though you're going to use it again, right?" He said, "Good point." Now he's not making his bed or flushing the toilet. FML

#21248169
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35565) - you deserved it (8701)

On 08/29/2014 at 10:54pm - kids - by sam_666777 - United States (New York)

Today, my little sister was using my phone to play games. About an hour later, she came to me and said my phone wouldn't work. Turns out my phone had gotten hot and she put it in water to cool it down. FML

#21247999
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37587) - you deserved it (4361)

On 08/29/2014 at 5:22pm - kids - by Quincy_Ethan - United States (Texas)

Today, I got a job. My parents have decided it's now a better idea to take money from my paycheck instead of grounding me. FML

Today, I walked in on my dad giving my mom a striptease. FML

#21247953
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42378) - you deserved it (5694)

On 08/29/2014 at 4:15pm - intimacy - by SCARRED (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, it was my great aunt's funeral. We all had to wait two hours for the service to begin, because they forgot to dig the grave. FML

#21247920
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37612) - you deserved it (2240)

On 08/29/2014 at 2:54pm - misc - by abbshows (man) - United States

Today, it's been three weeks since my dad finished growing what he calls a "Jesus beard" and gone out asking for donations and claiming to be Jesus Christ. I've been trying and failing to get a job for 2 years, and he's already raking in cash from gullible idiots. FML

#21247834
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36132) - you deserved it (3204)

On 08/29/2014 at 12:16pm - money - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, after moving into my new house, I woke up to strange sounds coming from the kitchen. I panicked and started sobbing, convinced it was either a robbery or a home invasion. Turned out it was just my cat. FML

#21247811
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27406) - you deserved it (10494)

On 08/29/2014 at 11:38am - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I dreamed I was wrestling an alligator. I quickly woke up to my girlfriend yelling and me holding her in a headlock. FML

#21247589
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37307) - you deserved it (5004)

On 08/29/2014 at 12:16am - misc - by AgentOrion - United States (Alabama)



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