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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I came home and saw my cat all snuggled up with another cat on the sofa. I thought it was the cutest thing ever, until I remembered that I only have one cat. FML

#21191841
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41604) - you deserved it (4602)

On 06/28/2014 at 8:09pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, my soon to be mother-in-law sent out the invitations she made for my wedding. On them, it says "You are invited to this 'special' event". In the same way, I'm referred to as "special", and my name is misspelled. Hint taken, you bitch. FML

#21191661
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45615) - you deserved it (4149)

On 06/28/2014 at 4:40pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, while being high for the first time after getting my wisdom teeth pulled, I called my dental assistant pretty before leaving, and then shouted, "I NEED TO POOP!" to the whole office. FML

#21191137
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38787) - you deserved it (7058)

On 06/28/2014 at 2:28am - health - by Madridsta - United States (California)

Today, I couldn't find my vibrator. After searching for an hour I decided to ask my husband. He quickly shook his head no. We've been married for ten years. I know when he's lying. FML

#21190761
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41635) - you deserved it (8559)

On 06/27/2014 at 9:02pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Missouri)

Today, I put on some sexy lingerie, ready to have some fun with my husband. I found him in the living room, opening a bag of doritos in front of the TV. He saw me and understood. Then he looked back at the doritos, then back at me and said gravely, "No way, babe. No way." FML

#21190698
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49593) - you deserved it (6134)

On 06/27/2014 at 7:50pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, my cousin asked me what it's like to be so fat. I chastised him and said that was a rude thing to ask. He apologized, then asked me what it's like to be such a pussy. He didn't stop until he, a 10 year old kid, had reduced me, a 26 year old woman, to tears. FML

#21190580
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41577) - you deserved it (7451)

On 06/27/2014 at 5:57pm - kids - by keelah (woman) - United States (Alabama)

Today, my dad made the local news. The business he owns is so run down and overgrown that it's officially a public health hazard. FML

#21189640
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38993) - you deserved it (4372)

On 06/26/2014 at 9:39pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Alabama)

Today, I'm a college student working at Dollar Tree. The signs hanging every 10 ft, plastered on every box, every wall, every corner, say "Everything's $1." Someone asked me how much something was, because there was no price tag. This happens multiple times a day. FML

#21189564
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44436) - you deserved it (4365)

On 06/26/2014 at 8:07pm - work - by E.B. (woman) - United States (Mississippi)

Today, I was at my mom's funeral. My sisters and I were sitting in the front row. The funeral director, whom we had met with twice before, was going around greeting everyone. When she got to us, she asked where our mom was. Seriously? FML

#21189397
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56262) - you deserved it (2992)

On 06/26/2014 at 5:13pm - misc - by Alex - United States (Hawaii)

Today, someone stole my laptop from my car. However, they were nice enough to relock the doors after they smashed in the window. FML

#21189063
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39392) - you deserved it (5586)

On 06/26/2014 at 11:11am - misc - by stop thief (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my sweet 7-month-old puppy ran up to a big fat dog at the park and did what she always does: roll over on her back to start to play. The big fat dog lifted his leg and peed all over my puppy's belly. After the shock, my soaking wet puppy jumped on me. FML

#21188726
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45316) - you deserved it (5096)

On 06/26/2014 at 12:57am - animals - by Pisser (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my boyfriend told me he wants to marry me and be the father of my children. Five minutes later, he told me he wants to experience death. FML

#21188654
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42415) - you deserved it (4701)

On 06/26/2014 at 12:03am - love - by Anon (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, while waiting for the start of a concert, the man behind me decided to pee into a cup. Then the cup tipped over and drained all down my leg. FML



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