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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, my boss called me to inform me that I'm being laid off. In my ensuing fit of rage, I deleted the recent project I've been working on for weeks. Pretty soon after, he called me back to let me know it was a prank. FML

#21207207
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43453) - you deserved it (15012)

On 07/12/2014 at 5:11pm - work - by Workhorse - United States (Ohio)

Today, I accidentally twisted my balls in my own underwear so badly that I had to be hospitalized. FML

#21207158
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42335) - you deserved it (6996)

On 07/12/2014 at 4:19pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I was watching adult videos in my apartment. I'm deaf, so I didn't realize my volume was at full blast until I put my hand over the speaker. FML

#21206881
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54720) - you deserved it (10879)

On 07/12/2014 at 10:00am - intimacy - by weeping_angel_ - United States (New York)

Today, I went on a date and ate in the park. When I crossed my legs under the table, I scraped my knee and got a lot of splinters in it. When I got back home and started digging out the splinters, my dad furiously demanded to know why I'd been on my knees during the date. FML

#21206411
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44135) - you deserved it (4204)

On 07/11/2014 at 9:36pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Idaho)

Today, I confided to my boyfriend that I have a condition that causes me to grow thick toe hair. He now won't stop calling me "the sexy Hobbit." FML

#21206358
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40338) - you deserved it (6408)

On 07/11/2014 at 8:26pm - health - by sexyhobbit (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, while sitting on my front porch, my cat came up beside me. I started idly stroking her, only to turn and realize I was petting a wild raccoon. FML

#21206318
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43285) - you deserved it (7914)

On 07/11/2014 at 7:38pm - animals - by and god shat (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I had to explain to my boss that using a wired connection instead of wifi won't stop his computer from getting viruses. He looked at me, open-mouthed and wide-eyed, like he was a 13-year-old boy and I was a pair of tits. Then he called me clueless and told me to get back to work. FML

#21206280
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38000) - you deserved it (3447)

On 07/11/2014 at 6:54pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I decided to bring down a very old fan from the attic. I plugged it in, and as soon as I turned it on, tiny spiders were blown all over my room. FML

#21206028
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45610) - you deserved it (16172)

On 07/11/2014 at 1:45pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was in a restaurant bathroom, when another girl walked in. I have anxiety issues, and couldn't leave my stall until the other person went first. She rushed into a stall and had violent diarrhea for a good 10 minutes. FML

Today, on the bus, a little boy gave me the dirtiest look, pointed at my pregnant stomach, and menacingly said, "I know what you did." FML

#21205823
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50486) - you deserved it (6616)

On 07/11/2014 at 7:03am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, we finished a sit-up test at school. I had been training for the athletic tests, so I was proud of my score. When someone asked what I got and I shared, proud, they responded with, "I bet it helps that your fat bounces you back up." FML

#21205700
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42281) - you deserved it (4122)

On 07/11/2014 at 2:04am - health - by Useless training - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was stuck on a campus tour with my subtly racist mother who, in an attempt to seem open-minded, deemed it appropriate to refer to our black tour guide as "Sistah". FML

#21205559
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40735) - you deserved it (3481)

On 07/10/2014 at 11:32pm - misc - by look how totally not racist I am! - United States (California)

Today, I was interviewing a woman for a job. She told me that she may need days off because of her artistic son. I jokingly replied, "Does he color on the walls or something?" She then stared at me with a weird look on her face. Autistic, her son is autistic. FML

#21205262
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37897) - you deserved it (19629)

On 07/10/2014 at 6:17pm - work - by dammit hearing aid - United States (Iowa)



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