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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, my girlfriend was rushed to the hospital with anal tearing. We've never tried anal before, but it turns out she and my "best friend" sure have. FML

#21342800
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37996) - you deserved it (2401)

On 01/23/2015 at 9:58am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I was asked by a total stranger if I had Tourettes. This is the third time this has happened to me. FML

#21342680
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24282) - you deserved it (4632)

On 01/23/2015 at 2:39am - misc - by Evra (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, while breast feeding my 7 month old before his nap, I hummed his favorite song as I rocked. He pulled away, stared at me, and cried til I shut up. FML

#21342394
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24823) - you deserved it (4152)

On 01/22/2015 at 5:36pm - kids - by ameliaruth09 (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was diagnosed with gonorrhea. My dad's reaction was to slowly clap at the news then giggle at his own joke. FML

#21342311
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25296) - you deserved it (8532)

On 01/22/2015 at 3:23pm - health - by annoyed (man) - United States (California)

Today, my in-laws were visiting. My mother-in-law asked my 10-year-old son what he wants to be when he grows up. He said "A pimp!" I have no idea where he even heard the word, but the death glares my in-laws gave me made me want to shrivel up and die. FML

#21342258
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25413) - you deserved it (2592)

On 01/22/2015 at 1:27pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I called a suicide prevention hotline. The guy who picked up sounded drunk, told me to fuck off, and hung up. FML

#21342247
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36463) - you deserved it (3135)

On 01/22/2015 at 12:55pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I made a joke that my boyfriend was going to end up sending me into premature labor. Later, I went into labor for real. My boyfriend thought I was faking and refused to take me to the hospital. FML

#21342125
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29050) - you deserved it (7151)

On 01/22/2015 at 6:32am - health - by unsuspectingmom - United States (Michigan)

Today, I caught my girlfriend Googling how to uninstall Siri. I asked why she wanted to do that, and she said, "I don't like it. I don't like how the slut talks to you." I get the feeling I'll need a gun when I break up with this crazy fucker. FML

#21342067
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31382) - you deserved it (4564)

On 01/22/2015 at 1:41am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I got a large envelope from a college I applied to earlier. My mom, expecting big news, made my family gather round as I opened it. It ended up being a letter of rejection from not just that school, but all 3 campuses of the state college. FML

#21342027
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28976) - you deserved it (2288)

On 01/22/2015 at 12:22am - misc - by 1415926 - United States

Today, we had a drug search at school. After the search, we went back inside. My bag was open, and my lunch was gone. FML

#21341948
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28746) - you deserved it (2021)

On 01/21/2015 at 10:46pm - misc - by blububble412 - United States (Arizona)

Today, my professor was doing roll-call. As usual, she didn't say my name because it's so close to the person before me. So to differentiate, she decided she would call the girl before me "the pretty one". FML

#21341880
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29008) - you deserved it (2101)

On 01/21/2015 at 9:17pm - misc - by The Ugly One - United States

Today, while begging my wife for sex for once, she told me she didn't have time. I said it wouldn't take long. She said "I know." FML

#21341633
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27994) - you deserved it (8499)

On 01/21/2015 at 2:06pm - intimacy - by cuckolddreams - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, at Walmart, a crazy old woman bitched me out for being pregnant. She kept following me around, calling me a stupid teen slut and saying she hoped my baby died so I could live a "normal life". I'm 26 and just very short. FML

#21341527
192 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37584) - you deserved it (2193)

On 01/21/2015 at 9:34am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)



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