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  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, while sitting at a red light with my window down, the asshat next to me flicked his still-lit cigarette away. It landed in my car and wedged between me and my seat. It burned a hole in my shirt and my seat, and burned my back and hair. FML

#20665470
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36821) - you deserved it (2413)

On 05/15/2013 at 5:47pm - work - by Seriously? (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was woken up by my drunk girlfriend calling me and saying how much she loves me. She then stopped to tell the guy she was in bed with to be quiet because I might hear him. FML

#20665284
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50930) - you deserved it (3159)

On 05/15/2013 at 4:21pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I called my mother to tell her that I got engaged. In the 15 minute conversation that followed, 13 were spent listening to how this is going to affect her. FML

#20665269
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33985) - you deserved it (2390)

On 05/15/2013 at 4:12pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I posted a Facebook status about how I hoped to spend the rest of my life with my boyfriend. A couple of hours later, I saw a comment on it saying he'd never done anything bad enough to deserve that kind of torment. Thanks, mom. FML

#20664946
76 comments

Today, my ex-boyfriend called my parents to let them know I broke up with him. He was sobbing. FML

#20664891
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33477) - you deserved it (7651)

On 05/15/2013 at 11:16am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I was wearing a black shirt, black pants, and a black beanie at a grocery store. I came around a corner, bumped into a woman and she screamed, "Murderer." I was immediately thrown out. FML

#20664547
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36400) - you deserved it (8149)

On 05/15/2013 at 3:20am - misc - by notarobber (man) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend yelled at me. Apparently I'm not the "classy girl" he thought I was, and he's not comfortable "doing such vile things in public." I had tried to hold his hand. FML

#20664518
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40656) - you deserved it (3055)

On 05/15/2013 at 2:43am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, as usual, my mom got shitfaced and started berating me for something. This time, it was for missing a therapy appointment. Not only am I unable to drive, it was her appointment. For her alcoholism. FML

#20664501
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35445) - you deserved it (1919)

On 05/15/2013 at 2:21am - health - by the only sober one (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my new neighbor moved in. Because she was fairly young, I offered to mow her grass whenever it needed cut. Her dad then tried to start a fight with me because he thought it was sexual come-on. FML

#20663640
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31650) - you deserved it (5354)

On 05/14/2013 at 7:52pm - misc - by Brenden - United States (Ohio)

Today, my 55 year-old mother faked a pregnancy because she was jealous of all the attention I've been getting since I had my twin boys. FML

#20663345
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37794) - you deserved it (2071)

On 05/14/2013 at 5:35pm - misc - by for the love of god (woman) - United States

Today, I went into the men's restroom and started peeing in a urinal next to a middle-age man. As he zipped up and walked away, he said to me, "Don't worry, it'll grow." FML

#20663182
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34854) - you deserved it (3269)

On 05/14/2013 at 4:09pm - health - by DrewK (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, after coming home from school, I found that two birds have made a nest above the porch light. This wouldn't be a problem if they stopped attacking me every time I get within 5 feet of them. FML

#20663096
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30630) - you deserved it (2557)

On 05/14/2013 at 3:11pm - animals - by Locked Out - United States

Today, my doorknob broke. While trying to impress my dad and show that I can fix things for girls, I somehow managed to lock myself in my room, with the doorknob on the other side of the door. When my dad finally heard my screams, he let me out. He had to take the whole door off. FML

#20662901
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29053) - you deserved it (15836)

On 05/14/2013 at 1:03pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Oklahoma)



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