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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I started to get horny while watching TV with my husband. I tried turning him on by telling him I wanted his cock. He cheerfully replied without looking away from the TV, "If only I gave a fuck, babe, if only I gave a fuck!" FML

#21304429
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31749) - you deserved it (3906)

On 11/23/2014 at 11:34am - intimacy - by 404: fuck not given (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I accidentally called my boss 'mom'. Now she is jokingly telling everyone that I'm the long-lost daughter she gave up for adoption, because she knew I'd be a failure. FML

#21304319
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27991) - you deserved it (3524)

On 11/23/2014 at 3:31am - work - by naladetet - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I spent nearly an hour helping a customer pick out an engagement ring. I rang him up, picked out a super cute box for the ring, and wished him luck. Later I realized I never put the ring inside the box. FML

#21304265
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29163) - you deserved it (14141)

On 11/23/2014 at 1:10am - misc - by KilledTheMoment - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was at a club and caught a cute guy's eye from across the bar. He smiled at me, got up and came over, then said "Oh shit! You looked way hotter from back there. Damn!" and walked away. FML

#21304109
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30332) - you deserved it (2930)

On 11/22/2014 at 8:33pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my son trained his little sister to walk up to strangers and whimper: "My mommy punches me." FML

#21303913
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28261) - you deserved it (2220)

On 11/22/2014 at 1:37pm - kids - by uterurist (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I had to babysit both my neighbor's 3-year-old daughter and my very pregnant cat. I left the room briefly, only to come back to a traumatized 3-year-old crying in horror as my cat gave birth in front of her. FML

#21303819
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30163) - you deserved it (3598)

On 11/22/2014 at 10:34am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Maine)

Today, on our third date, my date tried to get me drunk and kept trying to touch me up. When I said he was moving too fast, he sighed and soon left. Just minutes later, he posted on Facebook saying "Just got friendzoned -_-". One of his friends commented: "I hate bitches, man." FML

#21303774
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31206) - you deserved it (3593)

On 11/22/2014 at 8:44am - love - by drop dead single (woman) - United States

Today, I noticed my fish was still hungry after feeding him earlier. I figured "ehh a little bit more won't kill him". I was wrong. FML

#21303699
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27663) - you deserved it (7870)

On 11/22/2014 at 2:22am - animals - by liishax3 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was studying for my Spanish midterm nonstop. After I closed my book, I was so tired that I thought that my cat was asking me questions in Spanish. FML

#21303629
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26895) - you deserved it (3172)

On 11/21/2014 at 11:36pm - misc - by Studying is for crazy people. - United States (California)

Today, I learned that if life gives you lemons, your sister is going to squeeze them over your face while you take a nap on the couch. FML

#21303546
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25841) - you deserved it (1917)

On 11/21/2014 at 9:00pm - misc - by ShutUp007 - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I asked my dad if he thought my dress was nice, and if guys would go for me. He replied, "Shit, depends on how drunk they are." FML

#21303377
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30106) - you deserved it (4027)

On 11/21/2014 at 3:07pm - misc - by Veronica - United States (California)

Today, I realized that having an open relationship isn't all that great, when my boyfriend hooked up with his ex and dumped me for her. FML

#21303284
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24892) - you deserved it (15664)

On 11/21/2014 at 11:56am - love - by openended - United States (California)

Today, I was getting to second base with a really hot guy, but I couldn't stop laughing when he said my boobs were "soft like cake." He got so embarrassed that he lost his boner. FML

#21303170
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29979) - you deserved it (8498)

On 11/21/2014 at 4:56am - intimacy - by weirdthingtosay (woman) - United States (Washington)



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