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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I had to explain to my dad how I rear-ended the car in front of me because of a particularly intense banjo solo. FML

#21461958
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11662) - you deserved it (16882)

On 08/29/2015 at 1:09am - misc - by mumfordandsonimdisappointed - United States

Today, I got a phone call letting me know my grandmother was arrested for trying to light my grandpa on fire. She's now in jail, asking for bail money. FML

#21461945
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22286) - you deserved it (1307)

On 08/29/2015 at 12:29am - misc - by tkoester - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was going down on my boyfriend when he stood up on the bed to get a different experience. I started to get aggressive and pushed him up against the wall. I forgot our bed was on wheels and the bed started sliding away and his body slid down the wall. So much for being sexy. FML

#21461787
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19248) - you deserved it (3643)

On 08/28/2015 at 5:48pm - intimacy - by still laughing (woman) - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, I decided to give my dog a bath. Instead, my dog gave me a bath. FML

#21461710
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16930) - you deserved it (3139)

On 08/28/2015 at 1:18pm - animals - by anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, my girlfriend uninvited to me a party because she said her ex would be there, and since she hasn't told him about us, she didn't want him getting upset. FML

#21461601
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24511) - you deserved it (2398)

On 08/28/2015 at 3:21am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I had to call the doctor regarding my penis. Not because of erectile dysfunction or an erection lasting more than four hours, but because of the multiple fire ant bites I woke up to after falling asleep in my backyard. FML

#21461585
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20472) - you deserved it (3551)

On 08/28/2015 at 2:13am - health - by unsuckable (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I washed all the dishes and cups from the family dinner last night and put them away. When my wife saw, she had a mini OCD breakdown and yelled at me because the cups weren't lined up with each other with the handles aligned and the flower pictures facing out left. FML

#21461576
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20328) - you deserved it (2669)

On 08/28/2015 at 1:41am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I happily announced to my parents that I'm pregnant. My dad later handed me a printout containing a list of nearby abortion clinics. FML

#21461568
0 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23688) - you deserved it (2117)

On 08/28/2015 at 1:06am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, after working 8 hours and immediately packing my house for another 6 hours to prepare for moving, I was extremely exhausted and more than ready to brush my teeth and go to bed. I tiredly brushed my teeth with my mascara. FML

#21461561
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21305) - you deserved it (3770)

On 08/28/2015 at 12:40am - misc - by morethanablondemoment - United States (California)

Today, my mom decided to show me her new rape whistle. She kept blowing it every couple of minutes while we were stuck in traffic. FML

#21461377
30 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19277) - you deserved it (1257)

On 08/27/2015 at 3:52pm - misc - by PositiveElectron - United States (Virginia)

Today, I found out that the medicine I've been taking for my headaches is responsible for my headaches getting even worse. FML

Today, I went to my fiance's cousin's wedding with him. I got drunk and danced like a stripper in front of his entire extended family, who I'd just met that day. FML

#21461344
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9500) - you deserved it (27783)

On 08/27/2015 at 1:44pm - love - by O0hdear - United States (Texas)

Today, my slightly batshit insane grandma called me disgusting and unladylike. Why? For writing with my left hand. FML

#21461322
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21453) - you deserved it (1357)

On 08/27/2015 at 12:34pm - misc - by lefthandspanker (woman) - United States (Colorado)



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