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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I got so used to using this FML app while going to the bathroom that when I opened it, I accidentally peed a little. FML

#21415171
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24522) - you deserved it (9755)

On 05/24/2015 at 9:14pm - misc - by Anon - United States (Ohio)

Today, I realized that my relationship has hit a new low when I made an appointment with my girlfriend to have sex. I have a two week wait. FML

#21415031
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25041) - you deserved it (3820)

On 05/24/2015 at 3:53pm - intimacy - by ugh - United States (Michigan)

Today, I woke up to my little sister strangling me. My parents accused me of making the red marks on my throat myself to exaggerate how bad it was. She's just "going through a phase", they say, and I'm a bad person for punching her to get her off me. FML

#21414899
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30319) - you deserved it (1894)

On 05/24/2015 at 11:15am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I kept getting out of bed because I was sure my daughter had pooped in her diaper. Every time, I found nothing. I finally figured out the foul smell was my husband's breath, when he leaned into kiss me goodnight. FML

#21414880
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24955) - you deserved it (2209)

On 05/24/2015 at 10:14am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I sleep during the day because I work nights. My neighbors have a very loud wedding and reception in their backyard including a live mariachi band. FML

#21414664
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24949) - you deserved it (2952)

On 05/23/2015 at 10:38pm - misc - by Vlen (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, my mom told me I'm the reason she's going to kill herself one day. FML

#21414323
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25976) - you deserved it (2580)

On 05/23/2015 at 3:51am - kids - by DaoOfPow (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, my dad came to my 8-year-old daughter's birthday party wearing a shirt that said "Small penis, huge dick." FML

#21414312
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26763) - you deserved it (2102)

On 05/23/2015 at 3:03am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I strained so hard trying to take a crap that I broke a blood vessel in my eye. FML

#21414271
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24473) - you deserved it (5184)

On 05/23/2015 at 12:38am - misc - by Strainer - United States (California)

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She said she wanted to accept, but that she'd basically have to get her mom's permission first. Apparently the answer was no. The worst thing is that she really is this unhealthily dependent on her mom, and probably wasn't lying about needing her permission. FML

#21414249
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25887) - you deserved it (2814)

On 05/22/2015 at 11:44pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my neighbor's dog decided to knock over our trash cans, which were full of my bathroom trash. I had to pick up tampon and maxi pad wrappers from all over the neighborhood. FML

#21414242
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24755) - you deserved it (2177)

On 05/22/2015 at 11:25pm - misc - by A - United States (Georgia)

Today, I finally found a bug I had been trying to get rid of. When I removed my bra, I noticed what looked like a piece of bug on it. Apparently, the bug was flattened and suffocated by my boob the entire day. FML

#21414219
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23802) - you deserved it (2341)

On 05/22/2015 at 10:26pm - misc - by Kurda (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I walked into my boss' office to ask for a raise, and walked out unemployed. FML

#21414059
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26174) - you deserved it (4338)

On 05/22/2015 at 3:44pm - work - by zheiraT - United States (Maine)

Today, we were discussing evolution at the super-religious school I'm forced to attend. I mentioned homo sapiens, and my teacher mockingly replied, "You actually believe in homo sapiens? Hahahah!" The whole class started laughing. No, not at the teacher; at me. FML

#21414003
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28942) - you deserved it (1978)

On 05/22/2015 at 1:10pm - misc - by homo fuckofftus (man) - United States (California)



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  • It's the weekend so let's plaster on a fake smile and plough through this shit one more time. Sorry, I was channelling Bill Hicks there. I'll start again. Hi everyone, how are you doing? This week…

Friday 29 May 2015

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