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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I volunteered to tutor a 17-year-old girl in science. I had to explain in detail of what the real Big Bang theory was, as she only knew about the show. Later, I heard I was reported by her because apparently, "I was trying to convert her to Scientology." I now know why she needed a tutor. FML

Today, near the end end of my shift as a bartender, a drunk man stumbled into my bar, got upset because I refused to serve him, puked into my tip jar, then offered me half a pack of cigarettes in exchange for sex. FML

#21281851
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28192) - you deserved it (2014)

On 10/20/2014 at 5:04pm - work - by Bartender - United States (Minnesota)

Today, as my boyfriend left my house, I gave him a long, tight hug. So tight that he threw up. FML

Today, my boss drove past me while I was walking to work, and splashing mud over my uniform. When I got to work, he criticized me for showing up in unpresentable condition. FML

#21281679
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33277) - you deserved it (2403)

On 10/20/2014 at 11:03am - work - by Chansus10 - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, after months of job hunting, I started a new job in a deli. I've been a vegetarian since I was 13, but it was the only job I could find. Turns out, I'm allergic to the preservatives they use, as my fingers now resemble sausages. Guess it's time to start job hunting again. FML

Today, while doing physical therapy exercises for my broken leg, I managed to throw my back out. Now I can neither walk nor sit up. FML

#21281586
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27259) - you deserved it (2294)

On 10/20/2014 at 4:00am - health - by cray12 - United States

Today, I showed up to work and my boss was nowhere to be found. A phone call later, I find out he's in Dubai. Oh, and since I'm his personal assistant, I should be able to take care of matters until he gets back. I've only been his assistant for a week. FML

#21281510
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29494) - you deserved it (2127)

On 10/20/2014 at 12:53am - work - by are you kidding me - United States (Kansas)

Today, I caught my 15-year-old son trying to roll catnip into a joint and smoke it. FML

#21281464
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29145) - you deserved it (3840)

On 10/19/2014 at 11:48pm - kids - by Bad Dad - United States (Colorado)

Today, my neighbor finally decided that when she walks her dog, she should pick up his poop. She also decided to leave the poop-filled bags in my driveway. I confronted her about this and she claimed it's never happened. I've watched her multiple times from my front window. FML

#21281417
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27236) - you deserved it (2116)

On 10/19/2014 at 11:00pm - animals - by Why Me - United States (Indiana)

Today, after waiting for years for my oldest daughter to grow out of Twilight, my younger daughter discovered it. FML

#21281374
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30121) - you deserved it (2937)

On 10/19/2014 at 10:20pm - kids - by team hit bella with a car (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, the kids on my cross country team were planning a big surprise party for one of the girls, whose birthday is in a few weeks. It's my birthday today. FML

#21281118
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29477) - you deserved it (2096)

On 10/19/2014 at 2:19pm - misc - by forgotten (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I gave birth to my first child. The first thing my husband says? "When can I hit it again, doc?" FML

#21280942
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32522) - you deserved it (4152)

On 10/19/2014 at 7:22am - kids - by how about never? (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I took my printer to work because the one in my office is broken. When I tried to leave, my boss stopped me and accused me of stealing it from the office. Nobody would believe me when I explained. Now my boss has a new printer. FML

#21280817
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31392) - you deserved it (5472)

On 10/19/2014 at 12:11am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States



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