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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I got a new roommate. I thought he was pretty cool until he mentioned how everything around us was a conspiracy. Then he asked if I knew how to make a bomb. FML

#21294024
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31165) - you deserved it (2238)

On 11/07/2014 at 10:51am - misc - by NoToBombs - United States (New Mexico)

Today, my neighbor's five-year-old rode his tricycle into a history diorama I had spent days slaving over. When I confronted him, he just said, "Vroom vroom muthafucka." FML

Today, I was in the middle of a shower, and downstairs I heard my 7 year old daughter screaming "Mom!! Help! I need you right now!" I panicked and ran downstairs, not giving myself enough time to put some clothing on. It was my neighbor at the door. FML

#21293802
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33083) - you deserved it (3196)

On 11/06/2014 at 11:29pm - kids - by ozozl - United States (Colorado)

Today, my wife told me she had a surprise for me when I came home. Surprise to me means sex, not a new puppy. FML

#21293677
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29564) - you deserved it (13353)

On 11/06/2014 at 8:55pm - animals - by dwood08 - United States (New York)

Today, while cuddling with my boyfriend, he got up and said he needed to go home because he was tired and just wanted to relax and watch TV. That's what we were doing. FML

#21293619
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32183) - you deserved it (3622)

On 11/06/2014 at 7:30pm - love - by really - United States

Today, I spent over $2,000 on a big flatscreen TV. My dad insisted I let him mount it on the wall instead of paying someone to do it. All seemed fine, until the TV came loose and smashed onto the floor. My dad refuses to accept responsibility, and says I should've had a professional install it instead. FML

#21293581
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40341) - you deserved it (6491)

On 11/06/2014 at 6:37pm - money - by Anonymou$ (woman) - United States (Alabama)

Today, I threw out my back while trying to put together my new ergonomic chair, which was supposed to help my bad back. FML

Today, a character in the video game I was playing called my character a slut. My boyfriend ripped the controller from my hands, shot him dead, then fired the rest of my ammo into his corpse while yelling "FUCK YOU, BUDDY!" Good to know I'm dating a total lunatic. FML

#21293465
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33353) - you deserved it (6448)

On 11/06/2014 at 3:15pm - love - by notsofriendly (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I took a video of a fellow employee doing nothing but watching YouTube videos at work. When I showed the video to my boss, hoping he'd be reprimanded, I got fired for operating video equipment on company grounds. FML

#21293428
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26472) - you deserved it (33346)

On 11/06/2014 at 2:09pm - work - by NoJobNovember - United States (Ohio)

Today, my mentally-unhinged mother reached a new level of psycho - she threw a tantrum and raged at my father, accusing him of cheating on her with our cat. FML

#21293397
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35006) - you deserved it (2460)

On 11/06/2014 at 1:30pm - misc - by CatLover (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my eight-year-old microwaved our thermometer to see if the temperature would change. FML

#21293257
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31059) - you deserved it (3560)

On 11/06/2014 at 7:15am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, for the first time since I can remember, I went in to work feeling positive, and that I could make good things happen. At the end of the day, my employment was terminated. FML

#21292980
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32854) - you deserved it (2654)

On 11/05/2014 at 9:03pm - work - by jobless (man) - United States (California)

Today, my dad told me that my mom wanted to name me something "unusual." He eventually got her to compromise. I go by Violet. I now know that my legal name is Purple. FML

#21292947
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36396) - you deserved it (2407)

On 11/05/2014 at 8:12pm - misc - by Purple (woman) - United States (California)



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