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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I was walking my dog around my neighborhood, when I saw this really cute boy. My dog then saw a squirrel and dragged me through mud. FML

#21373531
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27219) - you deserved it (2992)

On 03/12/2015 at 11:55pm - animals - by psh_idontbite (woman) - United States

Today, in my online class I accidentally unmuted my mic. Normally that would be fine except today I decided to serenade myself with a silly song. I didn't realize until everyone started clapping at the end of the song. FML

#21373396
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27555) - you deserved it (6297)

On 03/12/2015 at 8:39pm - misc - by acapelladisaster - United States (Indiana)

Today, my mother in law accidentally cc'd me on an email she was sending to my husband, telling him that his youth is fleeting and that he should leave me while he still has time. FML

#21373326
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (93) - you deserved it (1867)

On 03/12/2015 at 6:26pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I received a phone call from the counselor at my son's preschool, requesting that I come pick him up. He was barking incessantly at his classmates. And when they asked him to stop, he growled. FML

Today, my boss told me I got my new job because she rejected candidates that seemed "too confident" or "too pretty." FML

#21373118
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52) - you deserved it (2308)

On 03/12/2015 at 12:29pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I was walking my dog. Suddenly, my insane neighbor who loves dogs a bit too much comes over and asks to pet my dog. I say OK, thinking that if I watch her, she won't do anything. I turn around to make sure no cars are coming and when I turn back, she's trying to steal my dog. FML

Today, I had a dream that I was making pancakes. I need to get out more. FML

#21373068
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24826) - you deserved it (4199)

On 03/12/2015 at 9:43am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, I've managed to go my whole nine-year teaching career without anyone vomiting in my classroom. That record was broken today when someone vomited four successive times in front of a class of 46 students. It was me. FML

#21373013
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31420) - you deserved it (2649)

On 03/12/2015 at 6:23am - work - by musicteacher - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I went on a date with a guy I met online. It was going OK, until he started asking me if he should stick with the site until he finds the right person. I guess I know how he feels about me, at least. FML

#21372843
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27932) - you deserved it (2409)

On 03/11/2015 at 11:19pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I went running. I live in a small town and people know me fairly well. It was dark when I went to avoid the heat. I was almost finished with my run when the cop comes up and asks me what I'm running from. Clearly being fat and out of shape is not a good enough alibi. FML

#21372790
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29714) - you deserved it (2141)

On 03/11/2015 at 9:50pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I was given a new responsibility at the law firm where I work. I'm now in charge of punching holes in every single piece of paper to be found in the office, estimated to be in the hundred-thousands. The reason? I finish my daily clerical work too quickly. FML

#21372587
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25034) - you deserved it (2150)

On 03/11/2015 at 4:15pm - work - by KillMePlease (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I finally accepted I need help with my anxiety issues. I started small and I joined a support forum and wrote a post. I was quickly called a troll by multiple users, accused of faking it, and told to "fuck off back to Tumblr" because they wouldn't believe my anxiety is really so serious. FML

#21372539
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31143) - you deserved it (3223)

On 03/11/2015 at 2:43pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I got in line for my flight to visit a friend in England. My mom was there to see me off, and decided to shout "No sex!" while waving, in front of at least a hundred people who will very likely be sharing the transatlantic flight with me. FML

#21372460
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27354) - you deserved it (2695)

On 03/11/2015 at 11:26am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States



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