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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I politely asked a coworker to stop sticking his chewed-up gum to my desk. It's now 10:57 pm and my tires are slashed. FML

#21431204
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24338) - you deserved it (1529)

On 06/24/2015 at 2:49pm - work - by Ain't going nowhere - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was having a rough day, so I decided to go to the movies to unwind. 15 minutes in, some assmunch behind me said "This movie sucks!" then dumped his drink over my head and ran out. FML

#21431146
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27385) - you deserved it (1566)

On 06/24/2015 at 1:10pm - misc - by zaynemaliksvagina (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was swimming my routine laps at the gym's pool and a man came in and swam in the adjacent lane. While swimming freestyle, I smelled a really nasty fart. Not a minute later, he hurriedly left. I didn't realize what he had done until I saw "floating particles" in the water. FML

#21431076
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28609) - you deserved it (1756)

On 06/24/2015 at 8:44am - health - by tantanpanda (man) - United States

Today, I walked into the dining room to find my mom popping pimples on my dad's back. FML

#21430988
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22345) - you deserved it (3188)

On 06/24/2015 at 1:16am - love - by imblue42 - United States

Today, I got into a fight with my mom because she believes that my fiancé is "irresponsible" and "immature". I stormed out and drove back home. There, I walked in on my fiancé and his friends. They were in a heated and almost violent argument over which CSI is the best. The wedding's next month. FML

#21430956
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21764) - you deserved it (5399)

On 06/24/2015 at 12:16am - love - by It's CSI Miami - United States (California)

Today, I overheard my soon to be step-daughter telling her friend on the phone that she hopes that me and her father's wedding is just a big joke and that he isn't really going to go through with it. I just dropped five grand on a dress and venue. She's in for a surprise. FML

#21430948
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23839) - you deserved it (2515)

On 06/24/2015 at 12:02am - love - by bummed out step monster - United States (California)

Today, we had customer complaints of a child molester hanging around our restaurant. After confrontation by a manager, he wouldn't leave. I had to be walked to my car after my shift by more than one person because I look 12 and they were afraid for me. I'm almost 19. FML

#21430929
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24968) - you deserved it (1814)

On 06/23/2015 at 11:23pm - work - by ilook12 - United States (Tennessee)

Today, after all of the business cards for the car dealership that I work for were printed, the phone number was wrong, and the lady got so pissed about getting so many calls that she told them that they had won a free car. I had to tell dozens of ecstatic customers that they hadn't. FML

#21430788
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21758) - you deserved it (5142)

On 06/23/2015 at 6:37pm - work - by Luke - United States (Texas)

Today, I left my dog in my car for 5 minutes while I ran into a store. The car was running so he was fine, the thing that wasn't so fine is that when I walked out my car wasn't there. My dog somehow moved my car into the middle of a intersection, almost causing an accident. FML

#21430717
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20052) - you deserved it (16977)

On 06/23/2015 at 4:00pm - animals - by ej6901 - United States (New Jersey)

Today, as my mom was getting ready for a date, I told her that I think it's too early for her to date, since she divorced my dad only a week ago. She then said, "Don't worry, I'm only in it for sex." FML

#21430672
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26119) - you deserved it (3786)

On 06/23/2015 at 2:05pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Minnesota)

Today, after walking in on my roommate, I found out that pleasuring yourself with a shoe is a thing. It wouldn't have been so bad if the shoe hadn't been mine. FML

#21430531
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27611) - you deserved it (1714)

On 06/23/2015 at 4:07am - intimacy - by UkuleleTime - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I went to my boyfriend's house to eat dinner with his parents. Everyone wanted me to start the family prayer, and although I hadn't done one in years, I accepted. It went well until I remembered you say "Amen" at the end, not "Uh... Bye." FML

#21430513
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24485) - you deserved it (5250)

On 06/23/2015 at 2:37am - misc - by Arcanin3Boss (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I got a call from my cable company in regards to a bill I didn't pay. I paid the bill two weeks ago in full, but they never told me the account changed when my name was put on the account. So now I owe $170 more, and my ex-roommate is getting a $140 refund in the mail. FML

#21430451
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23310) - you deserved it (1975)

On 06/23/2015 at 12:15am - money - by broke bitch - United States (Virginia)



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