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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I ran into the woman who hit my car and drove off three days ago. She was my bank teller. I called 911; she pressed the silent alarm. Guess whose story the cops believed. FML

#21392789
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35408) - you deserved it (2354)

On 04/13/2015 at 5:00am - misc - by yupthissucks - United States (Georgia)

Today, my husband and I caught our 12-year-old son "experimenting" with a 5-foot tall stuffed Mickey Mouse. He even made sure to rip Mickey's pants off. FML

#21392745
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29169) - you deserved it (3038)

On 04/13/2015 at 1:35am - intimacy - by bigmouthedmommy - United States (California)

Today, I filled out an online application for a internship. I didn't have all the info I need to complete it, but it wouldn't let me leave anything blank so to move along I filled in crap answers. I pressed "Save". It sent my draft in. I now have to explain that "Jesus" isn't actually my reference. FML

#21392735
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16328) - you deserved it (21560)

On 04/13/2015 at 1:20am - work - by unprofessional - United States (Oregon)

Today, I had to explain to my rabidly religious brother how two transvestites can buy fish at Petco while he's buying the same fish at the same Petco, and it doesn't equate to hitting on him. It's been two hours, and he's still sitting outside my door reading Bible verses and praying aggressively. FML

#21392651
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28590) - you deserved it (2365)

On 04/12/2015 at 10:51pm - misc - by mademoiselle meurtre (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, the only way I can get my boyfriend to do anything is by telling him it's a turn on. FML

#21392608
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26798) - you deserved it (3430)

On 04/12/2015 at 9:56pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I caught my teenage daughter doing her laundry for the first time ever. She had piles of black and white, but then she threw them together in the washing machine. I told her blacks and whites were supposed to be separate, but she just said, "End the segregation, mom." FML

#21392458
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30025) - you deserved it (5458)

On 04/12/2015 at 4:57pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, a little girl from my Sunday School class approached me and told me she had a stomach ache. She seemed very upset and her face was discolored so I took her to the nurse. While we were walking out the door, I looked down and saw a half-eaten crayon on the floor. That'll do it. FML

#21392424
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24113) - you deserved it (1882)

On 04/12/2015 at 3:49pm - health - by drewcaver - United States (Texas)

Today, I found out that turkeys can fly. I also found out how much a new windshield costs. FML

#21392388
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29479) - you deserved it (2476)

On 04/12/2015 at 2:29pm - money - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Vermont)

Today, I was called a fascist and accused of being "racist" against poor people, all because some crazy meth-mouthed bitch couldn't afford some booze and expected me to cut the price by almost 40% so she could. FML

#21392314
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27282) - you deserved it (1865)

On 04/12/2015 at 11:18am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, my 16 year old daughter convinced her little sister that I am a robot. Now every time I try to talk to her she starts crying. FML

#21392253
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27106) - you deserved it (2054)

On 04/12/2015 at 6:33am - kids - by anon - United States (California)

Today, I was working in the garden, when some fire ants ran up my shorts and bit me on an intimate part of my anatomy. My 4 year old nephew will not stop telling people about my rapid strip tease. FML

Today, my family checked into a hotel for spring break. The first thing my brother did was steal all the bars of soap and bottles of shampoo. He's now guarding them, and hissing at anyone that tries to take them. I just want to take a shower. FML

#21392089
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26931) - you deserved it (2497)

On 04/11/2015 at 11:05pm - kids - by ShampooThief - United States

Today, I was asked to prom by the same guy who "accidentally" cut off a chunk of my hair in class and with whom I haven't had a conversation in my life. When I politely declined he said, "You'll regret this". FML

#21392030
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30658) - you deserved it (2302)

On 04/11/2015 at 9:53pm - misc - by scared4myhair - United States (Michigan)



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