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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, at work, a midget came in to buy beer. Not only was he almost as tall as me, he got offended when I had to card him and explain that the manager told me to card everyone, and that it wasn't because he was short. FML

#21256044
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32723) - you deserved it (2704)

On 09/10/2014 at 11:57pm - work - by mybad - United States

Today, someone in my class referred to the September 11th attacks as "Nine-Elevs". FML

#21255951
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35405) - you deserved it (2827)

On 09/10/2014 at 9:47pm - misc - by no - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I received a package. When my mom asked what I had bought, I had told her that I had ordered dumbbells and was going to start lifting. She laughed her way into the kitchen. FML

#21255855
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29078) - you deserved it (2986)

On 09/10/2014 at 6:40pm - health - by skinnyguy23 (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I took my daughter out driving to practice for her road test. I told her to make a left into a parking lot. She missed the 30 foot wide entrance, but not the two foot wide tree. FML

#21255774
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36229) - you deserved it (3474)

On 09/10/2014 at 4:15pm - misc - by Crash (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I started a new job. Three of my Kenyan coworkers keep getting together and reminding me that having more than one wife is okay in their country. I've gotten 3 marriage proposals from married men so far. FML

#21255696
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34179) - you deserved it (2827)

On 09/10/2014 at 1:16pm - work - by notmarryingyou - United States (Washington)

Today, I got more pleasure from itching the bed bug bites from sleeping over at my boyfriend's house than I got from actually sleeping with him. FML

#21255435
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35270) - you deserved it (4771)

On 09/09/2014 at 11:38pm - love - by Itchy Missy (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, my girlfriend went shopping at Victoria's Secret with me. While she was in the fitting room, her parents walked by and saw me. They don't approve of the store, so I panicked and told them I was considering becoming a woman. FML

#21255419
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41928) - you deserved it (11672)

On 09/09/2014 at 11:16pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I received a package in the mail. It was a workout and weight-loss plan that I ordered last week. I finished an entire pizza and pint of ice-cream as I read the guidelines. FML

Today, a middle-aged customer tried to pay for a $2 ice cream bar with a credit card. It was declined, so he made me swipe it again. Declined. "Quit touching the metal strip," he scowled. I held the outer edge of it and swiped. Declined. He then bitched me out as his mother paid for him. FML

Today, I found out I sent several embarrassing videos while under the influence of the meds I was given while getting my wisdom teeth out. When I asked my mom why she didn't take my phone, she said she tried but I started whining and growling at her. FML

Today, I invited my deadbeat dad over for dinner, hoping we could resolve our issues and build a proper relationship. Just minutes after he arrived, I caught him stealing money from my purse. He actually said I owe him for raising me. He ditched my mom and me when I was 5. FML

#21255044
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43491) - you deserved it (3390)

On 09/09/2014 at 12:47pm - money - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I overcame my debilitating seasickness long enough to have a shower and take a breath of fresh air on the cruise ship balcony. Then as a reward, a passing seagull shat on my head. FML

#21255023
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31960) - you deserved it (2619)

On 09/09/2014 at 11:53am - health - by nomfuck - United States (Ohio)

Today, my husband injured his back badly. He's taken three percocets, because according to him, he knows the dosage better than his doctor, and is demanding that I let him drive himself to work, with no pants on. FML

#21254463
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38921) - you deserved it (3382)

On 09/08/2014 at 1:56pm - health - by jkim - United States (California)



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