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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, in a last ditch attempt to get away from my psycho coworker, I made my boss transfer me to another branch in the district. My coworker was immediately moved to that branch, because we "work well together". FML

#21176055
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45110) - you deserved it (4253)

On 06/15/2014 at 10:21pm - work - by Godhelpme (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was working my shift at our local nursing home. I was assisting a "sweet", "innocent" 100-year-old lady, and she had a bunch of used tissues balled up in her lap, so I offered to dispose of them in the waste-basket. She told me that if I touched them, she would kill everything I love. FML

#21175899
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43597) - you deserved it (4922)

On 06/15/2014 at 8:21pm - work - by caleighrossi - United States (Iowa)

Today, I went to a Father's Day lunch with my dad and his fiancée. He suddenly began to describe, in detail, the vasectomy he'd just had, and that I shouldn't be expecting any new siblings any time soon. Thanks for the mental image, Dad. FML

#21175721
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34529) - you deserved it (3511)

On 06/15/2014 at 5:29pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Ohio)

Today, my brother got pantsed by his idiot friends. It was a surprise to everyone that he was wearing women's underwear at the time, but even more of a surprise for me that the underwear belonged to me. FML

#21175491
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45879) - you deserved it (4192)

On 06/15/2014 at 2:01pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I had a date with a man who works as a psychiatrist. He diagnosed me with borderline personality disorder during dinner. FML

#21175131
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44156) - you deserved it (6119)

On 06/15/2014 at 2:31am - love - by mydatinglifesucks - United States

Today, I went to spend my last $50 on gas, since I get paid in 5 days. I paid for the gas and stepped into the restroom briefly. I came out, only to discover that the attendant had put the gas on the wrong pump, and someone had used it for themselves. My tank is empty. FML

Today, I was using my phone while in a crowded waiting room, and I accidentally tapped on a YouTube video with the volume still at maximum. The first words everyone heard? "Fuck her right in the pussy!" FML

#21174627
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46099) - you deserved it (22748)

On 06/14/2014 at 5:32pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I found out that the guy who asked me out only did so because he thought I "looked rich." He broke everything off once he found out I live in a one-bedroom apartment and drive a 14-year old Volvo. FML

#21174325
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44215) - you deserved it (4165)

On 06/14/2014 at 11:28am - love - by me (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I collected a package from a handsome UPS guy. We exchanged smiles, and he even noticeably checked me out. I was feeling really confident for the first time in a while. Then I went inside and saw that I had two huge breastmilk spots on my chest. FML

Today, my mom found out that I've been having counselling behind her back for the past 4 years. I broke down in tears explaining everything. Her response was, "So you go and bitch about me behind my back?!" And she wonders why I'm depressed. FML

#21174174
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48214) - you deserved it (5108)

On 06/14/2014 at 6:11am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I was out shopping with my mom. While we were walking, a guy in a car honked at me. I'm not used to compliments, so I was pretty flattered and flashed him a smile. He looked back at me, confused, then shook his head and pointed at my mom. FML

#21173638
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41622) - you deserved it (5408)

On 06/13/2014 at 7:36pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I found out my husband has a fake Facebook account that he uses to add guys and live a double life as some kind of "gamer chick". This would be disturbing enough, even if he hadn't used pictures of me to give a face to his alter ego. FML

#21173506
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39724) - you deserved it (3735)

On 06/13/2014 at 5:07pm - misc - by Little Miss Fucket (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I confronted my girlfriend over how she and a male friend have been going out together, drinking and partying, and at one point holding hands in the street. She angrily accused ME of cheating, because "confronting people like that" is apparently something only cheaters themselves do. FML

#21173408
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45033) - you deserved it (4493)

On 06/13/2014 at 3:13pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Alaska)



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