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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, I discovered that I climax sooner if I think about pretzels. Yes, pretzels. The food product. I'll never be able to eat them again. FML

#21278160
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34586) - you deserved it (4595)

On 10/15/2014 at 2:26am - intimacy - by datgurllllukno (woman) - United States

Today, my brother and I were talking about Ebola, when he says he would love to have the disease because of how famous it would make him. Plus, his college essays about him "fighting through the disease" would be "phenomenal". FML

#21278125
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34425) - you deserved it (3037)

On 10/15/2014 at 12:55am - health - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend told me that he'd feel like a failure if he went to community college. I'm planning to go to community college next year. FML

#21277941
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32553) - you deserved it (4191)

On 10/14/2014 at 9:06pm - love - by failure - United States (California)

Today, before work, I was quickly cleaning when I tripped and the side of my neck hit the countertop, causing a dark bruise. During work, people wouldn't stop giving me high fives for getting laid and I was too embarrassed to tell them truth that I'm not desirable, just clumsy. FML

#21277907
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30358) - you deserved it (3162)

On 10/14/2014 at 8:13pm - misc - by ForeverAlone - United States (South Dakota)

Today, I got called to the guidance office, only to be told my boyfriend broke up with me. He wasn't sure how to break the news to me, so he made my guidance counselor do it for him. FML

#21277708
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42116) - you deserved it (2949)

On 10/14/2014 at 2:57pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, an elderly woman was crossing the street and dropped her bag of groceries. I got out of my car to assist her, but she beat me repeatedly, yelling that I was "enforcing a stereotype". Sorry for trying to help. FML

#21277469
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33638) - you deserved it (2715)

On 10/14/2014 at 3:15am - misc - by I_AM_READING - United States (Alaska)

Today, I left for a fifteen-hour drive with two guys who won't stop talking in a Yoda voice. Sick of this nonsense, I am. FML

#21277425
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32943) - you deserved it (4456)

On 10/14/2014 at 1:17am - misc - by longdrive - United States (California)

Today, it's my mom's birthday. Got the perfect gift, the perfect card and of course the perfect cake. Well, it was the perfect cake until my dog's ass crushed it. FML

Today, it's the first birthday of the condom in my pocket. FML

#21276832
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37592) - you deserved it (7240)

On 10/13/2014 at 10:15am - intimacy - by badplacerightnow (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I got back from a weekend at my best friend's house. Apparently, he and his friend invented a new game. It involves sticking duct tape to their pubic hairs, ripping them out, and sticking as many as possible on my face and body before I wake up. FML

#21276742
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31185) - you deserved it (3169)

On 10/13/2014 at 4:17am - misc - by wtfguys - United States

Today, my son drank a bottle of hot sauce. It wasn't a dare, he actually thought that it would give him a fever so that he could skip school tomorrow. This idiot is 15 years old. FML

#21276472
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35703) - you deserved it (4365)

On 10/12/2014 at 8:38pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I received an email from an angry parent, demanding that I give his daughter an A on a project which I had given her a 0 on. The project was to pick an article related to science and to write an essay on it. Hers was a hoax article relating to Ebola patients rising from the dead. FML

#21276337
246 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34705) - you deserved it (4940)

On 10/12/2014 at 4:46pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my morning sickness got so bad that, while at the grocery store, I had to throw up in my purse. FML

#21276226
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35627) - you deserved it (3554)

On 10/12/2014 at 1:38pm - misc - by Mc2013 (woman) - United States



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