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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I walked into my bathroom, only to find my dad passed out on the floor with his pants around his ankles. FML

#21296970
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31202) - you deserved it (2598)

On 11/11/2014 at 1:56pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, after nearly two weeks of being stressed out due to financial issues, I decided to spend my last 4 dollars on stress-relieving body wash. Apparently this particular body wash causes me to break out in hives and now I have no money for rash cream. FML

#21296921
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35043) - you deserved it (6061)

On 11/11/2014 at 12:43pm - money - by killme - United States (Georgia)

Today, I saw a long black hair coming out of the drain. Thinking it was my sister's, I called her in and pulled it out for her to see, only to realize I was actually pulling out a long brown roach by the antenna. FML

#21296899
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34112) - you deserved it (4381)

On 11/11/2014 at 11:56am - animals - by izzy46111 - United States (Arizona)

Today, my wife slapped me for touching her boobs during sex. FML

#21296872
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46397) - you deserved it (4827)

On 11/11/2014 at 10:37am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I had a dream where I was cuddling with a girl. She rolled over to face me, snuggled up into the crook of my neck, then muttered in disgust, "Ugh, your breath stinks!" Cock-blocked in my own dreams. FML

#21296653
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31594) - you deserved it (3929)

On 11/11/2014 at 12:05am - misc - by mouthwash - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was so lonely, I caught myself whispering to my food just so I had someone to talk to. FML

Today, I realized why I never hear my voice echoing when I sing to my boyfriend on Skype; he just mutes me. FML

#21296304
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32974) - you deserved it (9992)

On 11/10/2014 at 4:50pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my brother offered me $20 to practice his kissing on me for his date later this evening. FML

#21296136
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42693) - you deserved it (4031)

On 11/10/2014 at 11:31am - misc - by SisterOfTard (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, my boyfriend pretended to be reading braille while touching my chest acne. FML

#21295903
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36433) - you deserved it (5719)

On 11/10/2014 at 12:01am - intimacy - by annababyyyy - United States (Maryland)

Today, as I was waiting in line at the check out, some guy came up behind me, plucked a hair out of my head, and ran off with it. FML

#21295452
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31344) - you deserved it (2544)

On 11/09/2014 at 1:49pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, the last of my close friends announced she is pregnant. Meanwhile, I'm single and my nest is empty. Well, not exactly, because even my freaking cat is pregnant. FML

#21295090
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32767) - you deserved it (4201)

On 11/08/2014 at 11:06pm - kids - by NoBabies - United States (Arizona)

Today, I learned that when you're talking about your girlfriend's 6'4", 250 lb dad in a negative way, you should really make sure he isn't around first. FML

#21295068
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17920) - you deserved it (34804)

On 11/08/2014 at 10:38pm - misc - by jlong9071 - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I tried to blackmail my dad by threatening to tell mom about the bong and weed he keeps hidden in the garage. Turns out she already knew about it and neither of them give a shit. Now I'm grounded until the new year. FML

#21294812
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17575) - you deserved it (33095)

On 11/08/2014 at 3:36pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)



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