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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I caught my teenage daughter doing her laundry for the first time ever. She had piles of black and white, but then she threw them together in the washing machine. I told her blacks and whites were supposed to be separate, but she just said, "End the segregation, mom." FML

#21392458
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29560) - you deserved it (5036)

On 04/12/2015 at 4:57pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, a little girl from my Sunday School class approached me and told me she had a stomach ache. She seemed very upset and her face was discolored so I took her to the nurse. While we were walking out the door, I looked down and saw a half-eaten crayon on the floor. That'll do it. FML

#21392424
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24111) - you deserved it (1882)

On 04/12/2015 at 3:49pm - health - by drewcaver - United States (Texas)

Today, I found out that turkeys can fly. I also found out how much a new windshield costs. FML

#21392388
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29473) - you deserved it (2476)

On 04/12/2015 at 2:29pm - money - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Vermont)

Today, I was called a fascist and accused of being "racist" against poor people, all because some crazy meth-mouthed bitch couldn't afford some booze and expected me to cut the price by almost 40% so she could. FML

#21392314
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27280) - you deserved it (1864)

On 04/12/2015 at 11:18am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, my 16 year old daughter convinced her little sister that I am a robot. Now every time I try to talk to her she starts crying. FML

#21392253
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27100) - you deserved it (2054)

On 04/12/2015 at 6:33am - kids - by anon - United States (California)

Today, I was working in the garden, when some fire ants ran up my shorts and bit me on an intimate part of my anatomy. My 4 year old nephew will not stop telling people about my rapid strip tease. FML

Today, my family checked into a hotel for spring break. The first thing my brother did was steal all the bars of soap and bottles of shampoo. He's now guarding them, and hissing at anyone that tries to take them. I just want to take a shower. FML

#21392089
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26925) - you deserved it (2497)

On 04/11/2015 at 11:05pm - kids - by ShampooThief - United States

Today, I was asked to prom by the same guy who "accidentally" cut off a chunk of my hair in class and with whom I haven't had a conversation in my life. When I politely declined he said, "You'll regret this". FML

#21392030
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30657) - you deserved it (2301)

On 04/11/2015 at 9:53pm - misc - by scared4myhair - United States (Michigan)

Today, while walking down the street, a cute guy approached me. We ended up having some drinks then heading back to his place and hooked up. Afterwards, I used the bathroom, and when I came out, he was going through his wallet and asked me how much he owed me. FML

#21391926
229 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31702) - you deserved it (9540)

On 04/11/2015 at 6:05pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I found out that my family and friends all laugh and compare me to Spongebob behind my back. Why? Because I'm 37 and still can't pass my driver's test. FML

#21391668
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28139) - you deserved it (16620)

On 04/11/2015 at 3:56am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I got grounded because my mom found a condom in the bathroom trashcan and assumed it was mine. I took the blame because I was too embarrassed to admit that it must have belonged to my 13-year-old brother, since I'm still a virgin at 19. FML

#21391452
201 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30330) - you deserved it (4661)

On 04/10/2015 at 7:16pm - misc - by uglybrother (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I bought a garden gnome to spice up my lawn. Tonight, someone threw it right through my living room window. Not only will the repairs cost a ton, my neighbor keeps saying stupid shit to me, like "You must be shattered" and "Looks like you ain't got a window gnome... more." FML

#21391420
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26791) - you deserved it (2868)

On 04/10/2015 at 6:17pm - misc - by dickhead (woman) - United States

Today, a guy tried to carjack me. Good news: I drive a stick shift, and the idiot apparently couldn't, so I still have my car. Bad news: he was so angry, he beat the shit out of me. I had to get stitches, and now I look like I went on a date with Chris Brown. FML

#21391293
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32001) - you deserved it (2327)

On 04/10/2015 at 2:04pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)



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