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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I got hit by a car while walking into the hospital to visit my wife, who had also gotten hit by a car. FML

#21182903
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56672) - you deserved it (4369)

On 06/21/2014 at 8:50am - health - by anon - United States (New Jersey)

Today, while ringing up a girl, I asked for an ID to verify her credit card. She said she forgot it but pulls out her Facebook on her phone to show me it really is hers. FML

Today, my mother came over to check on my new kitten while I was at work. She took a video of the kitten playing on my bed and climbing on my nightstand. Right on top of my vibrator I forgot to put away. I'm not sure if she noticed or not but she's certainly been showing the video around. FML

#21182483
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42720) - you deserved it (13312)

On 06/20/2014 at 10:48pm - intimacy - by misoranomegami (woman) - United States

Today, after being a vegetarian for 5 years, I found out that my boyfriend of 2 years has secretly been feeding me meat. His reason is that he thinks it's "funny" that I still call myself a vegetarian afterwards. FML

#21182417
203 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42418) - you deserved it (8766)

On 06/20/2014 at 10:04pm - misc - by secret meat (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my doctor got my blood test results from the lab. He looked at me gravely and told me I had just weeks left to live. After I started hyperventilating and crying, he burst out laughing and said he was kidding. He then prescribed me some iron tablets and sent me on my way. FML

#21182241
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50859) - you deserved it (5892)

On 06/20/2014 at 7:03pm - health - by legitfile.bat.virus.exe (woman) - United States (California)

Today, we went to the wedding of one of my friends. As she was about to throw her bouquet, my boyfriend muttered that if I tried to catch it, we'd be through. FML

#21182017
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41168) - you deserved it (4960)

On 06/20/2014 at 3:21pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I found out I have genital herpes. I'm a virgin. FML

#21181955
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52779) - you deserved it (5162)

On 06/20/2014 at 2:20pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I woke up and put my contacts in. It appears that I got drunk enough last night that instead of soaking my contacts in contact solution, I used mouthwash. FML

#21181415
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41009) - you deserved it (22134)

On 06/20/2014 at 1:06am - misc - by anon - United States (Missouri)

Today, my life is so boring that I started looking through my can of coins and sorting them out by year. The oldest coin I have is from 1963. FML

#21181414
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38130) - you deserved it (8210)

On 06/20/2014 at 1:05am - misc - by Gibbster_ (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, while working in a call center at a university, someone threatened to report me to the President of the University because "I" wouldn't accept their daughter who had a 1.5 GPA and "got accepted into Harvard". I don't even make the decisions, I just answer calls. FML

Today, I was video chatting my boyfriend. As we were talking, he answered a phone call. I sat there the whole time as he planned a date with some other girl over the phone. FML

#21180967
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50374) - you deserved it (6726)

On 06/19/2014 at 6:26pm - love - by forever alone - United States (New York)

Today, at my first day working at Walmart, a customer asked if we have any egg cookers. I said I wasn't sure, but that I'd be "eggstatic" to go ask for him. The first clue I got to suggest he hated puns was him yelling "Don't get smart with me, boy!" and then threatening to kill me. FML

#21180841
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40855) - you deserved it (9215)

On 06/19/2014 at 4:10pm - work - by fuckmyjob (man) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I found out how stupid my girlfriend really is. She saw my room for the first time and started yelling at me, calling me racist, white trash for having a Confederate flag hanging on my wall. It's a British flag. FML

#21180829
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16849) - you deserved it (1928)

On 06/19/2014 at 4:04pm - misc - by EmptyGlass (man) - United States (Kentucky)



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