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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, for the second time, I had an argument with my mother about whether William Shakespeare was a real person or not. FML

#21376501
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25093) - you deserved it (2255)

On 03/17/2015 at 4:35pm - misc - by ohno - United States (Michigan)

Today, I tried a new hairstyle to impress a guy I like. I was pretty confident, until he took one look at me and said, "Uh... why's there an onion on your head?" So much for that. FML

#21376359
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (138) - you deserved it (5284)

On 03/17/2015 at 12:25pm - love - by RS (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I accidentally ate a cat treat instead of a cinnamon glazed pecan. I thought it must have been burnt by the way it tasted, so ate a few more before I figured out my mistake and spat them out. FML

#21376174
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22563) - you deserved it (12289)

On 03/17/2015 at 3:14am - animals - by ilovecharliesheen (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, my boss insisted I go in front of him up the stairs. Out of respect, I insisted he go first. After a few seconds of back and forth insisting, he went. The reason he wanted me to go first was because he had to fart. I inhaled the raunchy gas for over three flights of stairs. FML

#21376143
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25797) - you deserved it (48)

On 03/17/2015 at 2:12am - work - by Boss Troubles - United States (California)

Today, I tried to surprise my husband by wearing something sexy to bed. He didn't say anything, just laughed and left the room for 10 minutes. The little confidence I had disappeared, so I changed, feeling stupid for thinking I could pull off sexy. He got mad at me for being confusing. FML

#21376116
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34711) - you deserved it (58)

On 03/17/2015 at 1:09am - intimacy - by anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, my mom and I made the bad decision to go hiking for some mother-daughter bonding even though we had little experience. My mother tumbled down a mountain named Tumbledown and I couldn't even enjoy the irony because I had to half carry her all the way back to the car. FML

#21375957
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26902) - you deserved it (3076)

On 03/16/2015 at 8:56pm - health - by manderpander21 - United States (New York)

Today, during a date with my girlfriend, I found out you can hiccup hard enough to convince someone that you're having a seizure. FML

#21375726
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28529) - you deserved it (2275)

On 03/16/2015 at 3:15pm - misc - by redneckpunk (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my dad turned up drunk to an intervention for my brother's drug addiction. FML

#21375677
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31511) - you deserved it (2172)

On 03/16/2015 at 1:55pm - misc - by not a jesse pinkman joke (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I moved in with my boyfriend. The first thing he did was hand me a paper containing listed rules he expects me to follow. When I asked if it was a joke, he promptly pointed to number 7 on the list, "Cleanliness is not a joke". FML

Today, my dad turned off our cable. The reason? His favorite character from The Walking Dead died. FML

#21375425
204 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31963) - you deserved it (3073)

On 03/16/2015 at 12:37am - misc - by jfields2474 - United States (California)

Today, I caught my boyfriend cheating on me. He claimed it wasn't cheating because he's not romantically attracted to her. FML

#21375288
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31933) - you deserved it (2632)

On 03/15/2015 at 9:10pm - intimacy - by why - United States (Arizona)

Today, a guy beat the crap out of me for supposedly sleeping with his girlfriend. I didn't get a chance to tell him my brother lives with me and that he had the wrong guy. When my brother got home, he didn't ask if I was okay, but rather if the guy was coming back for him. FML

#21375070
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35196) - you deserved it (2375)

On 03/15/2015 at 2:40pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (West Virginia)

Today, at Walmart, I overheard a lady telling a teenage girl that the secret to keeping a guy for life is giving him anal, but that it's important to clean your "shitter" beforehand. I can't believe these kinds of sick freaks actually exist. FML

#21375051
206 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29105) - you deserved it (7825)

On 03/15/2015 at 1:54pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)



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