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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, my parents sent me to the hospital because they thought I had diabetes. One of the symptoms is that you a pee a lot. The only reason I go to the bathroom so often is so I can masturbate. FML

#21449844
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16413) - you deserved it (25343)

On 07/31/2015 at 1:38am - intimacy - by doodoobref - United States (Arizona)

Today, as if having an old man shit on the floor of the busy restaurant I work at wasn't bad enough, my manager made a video commentating over the camera footage of me discovering said giant pile of shit, and shared it with the entire staff. This is going to haunt me forever. FML

Today, I wanted to buy a pack of cigarettes. My wife, who didn't want me to get them, decided it would be a good idea to jump on the hood of the car while I was driving off. She hit the car and fell off. My neighbor saw this. Neither her nor the cops believe me when I say I didn't hit her. FML

#21449719
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23538) - you deserved it (4098)

On 07/30/2015 at 10:06pm - misc - by Just wanted a cigarette (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was at the store with my father. As we were leaving, he grabbed a baguette, put it by his crotch, and took a picture with his phone. I'm starting to feel like the parent here. FML

#21449663
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21311) - you deserved it (1711)

On 07/30/2015 at 7:24pm - misc - by EmbarrassedChild - United States

Today, I had to sit through an entire conversation where my sister and her boyfriend sent voice messages to one another, of their farts. FML

#21449629
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21860) - you deserved it (1817)

On 07/30/2015 at 6:04pm - love - by anonymous - United States (Virginia)

Today, I learned companies can legally lie to fire an employee, and unless anything they say is on record, they are legally correct, no matter how unethical the company is. FML

#21449623
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21387) - you deserved it (1510)

On 07/30/2015 at 5:50pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my young stepdaughter decided that she should store her coins in my laptop's card reader slot and in the CD drive. I just bought the laptop last week. FML

#21449535
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22990) - you deserved it (2166)

On 07/30/2015 at 1:22pm - kids - by GidleyWife (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I had to listen to my grandma talk about how she's "allergic" to toilet paper, and how she lets nature "take care of it". FML

#21449508
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23653) - you deserved it (1600)

On 07/30/2015 at 11:30am - health - by WhatTheFuck - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was doing laundry while my boyfriend was sitting at the table playing on his phone. I glanced over and caught him watching my ass as I put clothes in the dryer. Trying to be sexy, I looked at him as I slowly bent over to put more clothes in. Instead, I hit my head hard on the dryer door. FML

#21449270
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25211) - you deserved it (7098)

On 07/29/2015 at 10:34pm - intimacy - by RuasaLove - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I got reprimanded by my boss for smiling and laughing too much. Last week, he reprimanded me for not smiling and laughing enough. FML

#21449263
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24895) - you deserved it (1717)

On 07/29/2015 at 10:25pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, I woke up on the couch and realized I had fallen asleep while doing laundry. Ran to the laundry room, and found all my clothes gone. I really wish I hadn't been doing a load of all my pants. FML

#21449249
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21910) - you deserved it (2922)

On 07/29/2015 at 9:50pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, at a baseball game, I smiled and waved at the little girl in front of me. She cried. FML

Today, I had horrible diarrhea at work. When I felt the bubbling, I ran to the bathroom. An agonizing bowel movement later, I realized that there was no toilet paper in the stall. Just as I was about to ask a coworker who was in the bathroom for some, the fire alarm went off. FML

#21449227
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26607) - you deserved it (1526)

On 07/29/2015 at 8:57pm - health - by Crap (woman) - United States (Florida)



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