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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I was counselling a soon-to-be teen mom. She has a younger step-brother, and when I asked her how she handled him when he cries, she said, "Oh, that's when you cover their face until they stop!" FML

#21300330
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30529) - you deserved it (2061)

On 11/16/2014 at 9:25pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Today, my wife received a $15,000 bonus from her work. I got a backpack from mine. FML

#21300231
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27925) - you deserved it (2987)

On 11/16/2014 at 6:25pm - misc - by INeedaNewJob (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I learned how birds feel when they fly into windows. I should be getting the hospital bill for my broken nose in the mail soon. FML

#21300014
32 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22619) - you deserved it (3545)

On 11/16/2014 at 3:35am - health - by FlyLikeABird - United States (California)

Today, my husband and I told my parents I was pregnant with my first child. The only thing my father did was look at my husband and tell him his pull out game was weak. FML

#21299949
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34870) - you deserved it (3415)

On 11/16/2014 at 12:29am - kids - by wtfdad - United States (New Jersey)

Today, after having sex with my boyfriend, he triumphantly flung the condom to the ceiling, only to have it come down and smack me in the face. FML

#21299790
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31572) - you deserved it (4357)

On 11/15/2014 at 8:29pm - intimacy - by omgdesdes (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my boyfriend and I compared our No Shave November body hair. This is how I found out that my legs are hairier than his. FML

#21299788
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27070) - you deserved it (6930)

On 11/15/2014 at 8:22pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, a friend wanted to show me a game he bragged he was the best at. I beat his score on the first try, and now I have a black eye to prove it. FML

#21299775
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27295) - you deserved it (2681)

On 11/15/2014 at 7:41pm - misc - by SeaBind - United States (Michigan)

Today, I asked my dad for advice. I recently got drunk and had a one-night stand. I feel terrible, because I'm engaged to a wonderful lady. My dad just said, "You did the right thing, son, keep it up. She's gonna steal half ya shit in the divorce anyway". FML

#21299758
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19656) - you deserved it (29181)

On 11/15/2014 at 7:04pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I woke myself up by letting out a long fart. It wouldn't have been so bad if I hadn't fallen asleep while on jury duty. FML

#21299443
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29595) - you deserved it (8013)

On 11/15/2014 at 8:25am - misc - by That_Indian_Guy (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my girlfriend of over a year broke up with me via Facebook chat. When I asked her why, she replied "You know why." and blocked me. No, I don't know. FML

#21299125
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31658) - you deserved it (2546)

On 11/14/2014 at 7:11pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I noticed that I get more calls from people who've dialed the wrong number than I do from people I actually know. FML

#21299095
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28400) - you deserved it (2474)

On 11/14/2014 at 6:12pm - misc - by loner - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I found out that my mom is doing a study and is keeping used pads in the freezer. FML

#21298678
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33368) - you deserved it (2230)

On 11/13/2014 at 10:39pm - money - by PPP - United States (Illinois)

Today, I got home and found my wife cuddling with the dog and our new kitten. Both the cat and my wife hissed at me when I tried to join in. FML

#21298618
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32071) - you deserved it (3708)

On 11/13/2014 at 9:14pm - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Georgia)



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