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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I found out my co-workers don't actually like me when they changed the hangout spot after accidentally inviting me. FML

#21230545
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35304) - you deserved it (3242)

On 08/05/2014 at 11:35pm - work - by ditched - United States (Ohio)

Today, as I wandered through the streets of an unfamiliar city, I spotted a cop and darted across the street to ask for assistance. He kindly gave me directions as he wrote me out a citation for jaywalking. FML

#21230350
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36465) - you deserved it (8830)

On 08/05/2014 at 7:46pm - misc - by spekledworf (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I picked up an extra shift at the store. It was also the day the store's ventilation system shut down, resulting in carbon monoxide poisoning for me and two co-workers. FML

#21230314
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37590) - you deserved it (2502)

On 08/05/2014 at 6:44pm - work - by cutthroatkait (woman) - United States

Today, since I work at a doughnut shop, I came home smelling like fry oil and had bits of sugar on me. My boyfriend told me he loves having sex with me right after I get off work. He said its like having sex with a hot doughnut. FML

#21230044
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44587) - you deserved it (6895)

On 08/05/2014 at 12:48pm - intimacy - by donutsex (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend laid his head on my bare chest and said, "You're like my mother." FML

#21229751
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41518) - you deserved it (3526)

On 08/05/2014 at 12:40am - love - by motherlover (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my blind date turned out to be my gynecologist. FML

#21229613
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47626) - you deserved it (3702)

On 08/04/2014 at 10:00pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I posted an ad online for house cleaning services. So far, all fifteen responses have been solicitations for sex. FML

#21229459
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33641) - you deserved it (3618)

On 08/04/2014 at 5:54pm - work - by notthenaughtymaid (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I asked my mom about signing up for an online dating site. She took one look at me and said, "Why get rejected online when you can just go outside for the same?" FML

#21229228
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37511) - you deserved it (3805)

On 08/04/2014 at 11:08am - misc - by baebookboo - United States (Kansas)

Today, while talking to my sister, I explained to her that the reason I hope I end up having a girl is I want my daughter to love me the way I "used" to love my own mother. I didn't mean to say it in the past tense. My sister told my mom. She's planning my baby shower. FML

#21229187
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33702) - you deserved it (5957)

On 08/04/2014 at 9:20am - love - by mother to be - United States

Today, my husband was disgusted by me expressing breast milk while we were in the shower together. This is the same man who thinks it's funny to pee on my legs because, "It'll wash off." FML

#21229021
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42512) - you deserved it (4185)

On 08/04/2014 at 1:42am - health - by Ew?Really? (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I was taking an order for a patron at the casino. The policy is to "pay first." After explaining this to him, he still refused to pay. After years of being polite, I finally cracked and said, "You are making this really f-ing difficult". This particular patron was our CEO's son. FML

#21228632
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37504) - you deserved it (12112)

On 08/03/2014 at 6:02pm - work - by really though? - United States (Delaware)

Today, I painted my nails in the car. After I finished, I stuck my hands out the window to let them dry. When I pulled my hands back in there were live bugs stuck in my nail polish. FML

#21228488
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23319) - you deserved it (45055)

On 08/03/2014 at 2:49pm - misc - by ew - United States (Texas)

Today, I had to give a video presentation. My video was on animal abuse, but I somehow played a video of myself singing Britney Spears in my room. FML



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  • So, is everyone back from their vacation? Can we get back to regular programming? No? OK, I get it. You're all still crying about not being at the beach any more, well, I am anyway. And this time of year…

Thursday 11 September 2014

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