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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, my extremely hot coworker told me that I smelled good. At a complete loss for words, I replied, "Oh, I'm sure I don't." FML

#21359386
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27454) - you deserved it (4812)

On 02/19/2015 at 7:14pm - misc - by thisiswhyimavirgin (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was on my way to work when my ex-wife drove past me in the car she got from me. She fucked me over so hard in the divorce that I have to ride my bike to work while wearing a full suit. FML

#21359275
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38184) - you deserved it (3292)

On 02/19/2015 at 3:45pm - money - by D: - United States (Colorado)

Today, my boss used the restroom at work. She returned and told me I needed to go clean the toilet because "someone left a mess in there." It was her mess. FML

#21359155
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30240) - you deserved it (2084)

On 02/19/2015 at 11:24am - work - by Taylor Page - United States (Florida)

Today, I was at a family gathering with my boyfriend. Jokingly, my grandmother swatted my butt to get me to move. Out of habit, I moaned quite loudly. FML

#21358985
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17928) - you deserved it (30694)

On 02/19/2015 at 12:45am - intimacy - by heymacie (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, while working at my salon, I was cutting an older gentleman's hair. When he got up to leave, everyone noticed he had clearly pissed his pants. I felt bad for him until he laughed and said, "Here's your tip, have fun cleaning that up." FML

#21358633
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31727) - you deserved it (2063)

On 02/18/2015 at 2:48pm - work - by breyn (woman) - United States

Today, I told my cousin that I would gladly help him through the loss of my aunt. That is until he started flirting with me. FML

#21358332
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29327) - you deserved it (2270)

On 02/17/2015 at 11:02pm - misc - by whateven333 (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I found out that my boyfriend wasn't really bedridden sick on Valentine's Day. A Super Smash Bros game date with his friends was just more important. FML

#21358314
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28612) - you deserved it (4856)

On 02/17/2015 at 10:40pm - love - by superscript - United States (Washington)

Today, I went to my son's school soccer game. Unfortunately, I couldn't get excited about it because my idiot son kept diving the moment anyone so much as breathed on him. It eventually earned him a penalty shot that won him the game. I was so ashamed, I snuck out to avoid being seen with him. FML

#21358080
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30398) - you deserved it (9060)

On 02/17/2015 at 3:02pm - kids - by Clive81 (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I took my boyfriend to a family dinner. Not an hour later, I walked in on my sister giving him a handjob in her room. And what's worse, my first reaction was just to wonder why he'd bother cheating on me for just a handjob. FML

#21358057
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38876) - you deserved it (3083)

On 02/17/2015 at 2:17pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I was talking to my best friend's brother after we drunkenly hooked up last night. I've had a crush on him for over a year. He ended up interrupting himself and said, "Please don't tell anyone about this. I don't want anyone to think we're dating or anything." FML

#21357951
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28810) - you deserved it (4906)

On 02/17/2015 at 10:48am - intimacy - by foreveralone - United States (Texas)

Today, a model I've been working on for an art competition was declined. They thought I was being insensitive and "rudely glorifying 9/11". My model was about the ending scene of King Kong. I spent twenty hours on that model. FML

#21357798
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27810) - you deserved it (2151)

On 02/17/2015 at 1:39am - misc - by Swatted - United States (Nevada)

Today, my drinking problem became apparent when my daughter asked for a glass of juice, and I instinctively poured a large glass of scotch instead. FML

#21357563
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14938) - you deserved it (34124)

On 02/16/2015 at 8:04pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went out to dinner for my mom's birthday. I'd planned for a nice restaurant which is always packed, so I'd called for a reservation. When we got there, the hostess tried to turn us down because no one ever takes their mother out to dinner anymore, and that I was a fraud. FML



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