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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I woke up early to bake cinnamon rolls for a party. I came home later to find the whole tray spilled onto the floor, most of the rolls eaten, and my dog sitting happily nearby. FML

#21512916
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18283) - you deserved it (4270)

On 01/08/2016 at 4:57pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I played charades with my girlfriend and her family. When it was her turn to act out a phrase, she simply walked to the center of the room and pointed to herself and then at me. It took less than 5 seconds for someone to correctly guess "Beauty and the Beast". FML

#21512914
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23572) - you deserved it (2096)

On 01/08/2016 at 4:48pm - love - by fuglymug (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I noticed I parked behind a boy I like. Trying to impress him with my driving skills, I ended up forgetting to put the car in reverse and rear-ended him. FML

#21512889
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11344) - you deserved it (19037)

On 01/08/2016 at 3:33pm - love - by hatemylifelol - United States (Michigan)

Today, I had to explain to my friend that a blue raspberry is not a blackberry, and that blue raspberry is an artificial flavor, not a fruit. This explanation took much longer than it should have. FML

#21512826
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19664) - you deserved it (2068)

On 01/08/2016 at 11:19am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I tried really hard for once on an assignment. I was told it was my worst work yet and that I may as well have turned nothing in at all. FML

#21512817
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19987) - you deserved it (1945)

On 01/08/2016 at 10:54am - misc - by i tried so hard - United States (California)

Today, I was messing around and tried to catch a piece of cereal in my mouth. I accidentally slammed my head on the counter behind my couch. FML

Today, I arrived at work to find a bullet hole in the window of the storefront we're leasing. Security assured me it had always been there and the glass shards on the floor had somehow been missed in my many vacuum passes and the pre-lease inspection two months ago, so no need to worry or fix it. FML

#21512749
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21307) - you deserved it (1230)

On 01/08/2016 at 1:49am - work - by anonymous - United States

Today, my dad took my car keys off my keychain and hid them from me. His reasoning was, "I don't want you to be driving during the winter." Guess who has to walk ten miles a day to work, through the New England snow. FML

#21512737
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21903) - you deserved it (1512)

On 01/08/2016 at 1:06am - misc - by tiredofbullshit - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, it's day three of our power being off because of a glitch in the power company's computer system. They won't turn it back on until we pay the $2000 we owe from 2010. We moved here in 2012. FML

#21512601
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20709) - you deserved it (1179)

On 01/07/2016 at 6:04pm - misc - by its dark - United States (California)

Today, I saw an elderly woman drop $20 while shopping. Trying to be a good samaritan, I picked it up and tried to hand it back to her. She accused me of stealing it and beat me with her purse. The manager had to fend her off me. FML

Today, my 70-year-old coworker managed to do something to our shared computer for it to not boot up. This is our 4th computer since we've been working together, and he refuses to believe that he's the problem. FML

#21512490
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19342) - you deserved it (1329)

On 01/07/2016 at 10:52am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I discovered my dog humping my sister's five month old baby while babysitting. FML

Today, my 4 year old's heavily pregnant teacher pulled me aside and asked me to talk to my son about "boundaries". Apparently, he asked her if she was going to "boobie feed" him and listed a few reasons why she should and why formula is bad, in front of the entire class. FML



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