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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I went on a road trip with my boyfriend and his best friend. What I thought was going to be a great, fun time ended up with me alone in a car with two large men who wouldn't stop farting for 14 hours. FML

#21328432
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26160) - you deserved it (4079)

On 01/01/2015 at 3:52am - misc - by sandwhiched - United States (California)

Today, is the fourth day of my husband's and my new diet and exercise routine. I've already caught him eating junk food 4 times. He has lost 2 lbs and I've gained 3. FML

#21328280
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30968) - you deserved it (3379)

On 01/01/2015 at 12:50am - health - by hungry - United States

Today, my proposal to my girlfriend was supposed to be exactly when the ball dropped at midnight. Unfortunately my mother called her at 11:55pm to ask her if she liked the ring. FML

#21328278
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40596) - you deserved it (3206)

On 01/01/2015 at 12:47am - love - by Proposal Fail - United States (New York)

Today, I could not decide what was sadder: the fact that I have to work on New Year's Eve, or that fact that working on New Year's Eve is still the most exciting thing I've ever done for New Year's Eve. FML

#21328020
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26705) - you deserved it (2728)

On 12/31/2014 at 7:29pm - work - by MegaZeo (man) - United States (California)

Today, I got a letter from my long time boyfriend asking me to meet him at the place we first met for a "surprise". I can't remember where that even is. FML

#21327916
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26566) - you deserved it (10628)

On 12/31/2014 at 3:59pm - love - by lunab123 (woman) - United States (Maryland)

 Today, my mom tried to give me a pep talk to boost my self confidence. Somehow, it ended up turning into a conversation about how much of a loser I am and how I have no friends. FML

#21327895
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26643) - you deserved it (2552)

On 12/31/2014 at 3:29pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I had to pick up and drive home a couple of drunk bitches. Unfortunately, one of these drunk bitches was my mother. FML

#21327640
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29955) - you deserved it (4207)

On 12/31/2014 at 3:08am - misc - by driverboy - United States

Today, at work, a 3-year-old threw an egg at me from his cart. I couldn't leave my register to clean my hair because it was too busy, so when the new manager came in, he wrote me up for "unkempt appearance." Now my new hire probation period is extended 30 days, and my nickname is "Egghead." FML

#21327516
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29883) - you deserved it (2176)

On 12/30/2014 at 11:38pm - work - by EggHead - United States (Virginia)

Today, my sister is having a New Year's Eve party at our house. I'm not invited. FML

#21327508
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28779) - you deserved it (2595)

On 12/30/2014 at 11:29pm - misc - by Excalibur6669 (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my elderly neighbour told me why my other neighbours don't talk to me. I'm a massage/physical therapist and treat clients, mostly athletes, in my home. My neighbours saw the steady stream of young, buff guys coming to my house and concluded that I'm a gay prostitute. FML

#21327463
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33144) - you deserved it (2637)

On 12/30/2014 at 10:34pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)

Today, my coworker pointed to our nervous new intern and asked who he was. I jokingly said, "Can't you tell? He's our new slave." I then quickly realized how bad that sounded, given the intern is black. FML

#21327404
0 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26598) - you deserved it (15575)

On 12/30/2014 at 8:39pm - work - by smooth - United States

Today, I am struggling with exhaustion due to insomnia. The reason I cannot sleep is crippling anxiety - not about my complicated romantic situation, my pileup of work, or even my relationship with my father. No, I'm afraid of a blind ship captain I saw in a dream three days ago. FML

#21327341
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23311) - you deserved it (4167)

On 12/30/2014 at 6:47pm - health - by insomniacap (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I called asking about a job I interviewed for 3 weeks ago. It's a scummy call center where known drug addicts work. They told me I wasn't getting the job. I guess my high school diploma and being drug-free makes me not good enough to work there. FML



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