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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, my girlfriend of two years broke up with me because of the scratch marks on my back. I didn't have the nerve to tell her I tried to shower with the cat. FML

#21300928
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19023) - you deserved it (30500)

On 11/17/2014 at 7:56pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, my parents gave me fat burner pills for my birthday. FML

#21300816
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32813) - you deserved it (5012)

On 11/17/2014 at 4:05pm - misc - by fatty - United States (Virginia)

Today, at work, a crazy customer forced me to promise to take a holiday greeting picture of my cat and myself for her. She says she'll be back and expects one. FML

#21300741
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27629) - you deserved it (2981)

On 11/17/2014 at 1:48pm - animals - by not crazy enough (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, after driving hundreds of miles to sign the paperwork for my new job, I found out the guy who hired me recently quit, and HR has no idea who I am. FML

#21300696
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32256) - you deserved it (2129)

On 11/17/2014 at 11:59am - work - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my 12-year-old daughter informed me that she is eager to lose her virginity, "Because I don't want to be thrown into a volcano!" FML

#21300667
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32017) - you deserved it (3538)

On 11/17/2014 at 10:47am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I heard my mother say, "I feel bad for any girl that marries him because he's, what's the word? Metrosexual!" To my girlfriend. About me. FML

#21300656
67 comments

Today, my father told me to "go get a job". He has been unemployed for 3 years. FML

#21300409
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27798) - you deserved it (2761)

On 11/16/2014 at 10:52pm - work - by username - United States (Indiana)

Today, my older brother thinks typing out a Wikipedia article for an essay is not plagiarism, because he didn't "copy and paste" it. He's in college. FML

#21300403
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28662) - you deserved it (1986)

On 11/16/2014 at 10:46pm - misc - by areyouserious (man) - United States (California)

Today, I'm old enough to be looking at houses to buy, but not old enough to get past the idea that they might be affordable because they're haunted. FML

#21300362
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25338) - you deserved it (5191)

On 11/16/2014 at 10:07pm - misc - by boo (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I got in trouble for shooting my paintball gun at a piece of wood, so my dad told me to go wash it. While I was washing it, he shot me several times in the back, yelling, "That's payback for being born." FML

#21300331
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31932) - you deserved it (3306)

On 11/16/2014 at 9:26pm - misc - by no - United States

Today, I was counselling a soon-to-be teen mom. She has a younger step-brother, and when I asked her how she handled him when he cries, she said, "Oh, that's when you cover their face until they stop!" FML

#21300330
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30527) - you deserved it (2061)

On 11/16/2014 at 9:25pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Today, my wife received a $15,000 bonus from her work. I got a backpack from mine. FML

#21300231
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27924) - you deserved it (2987)

On 11/16/2014 at 6:25pm - misc - by INeedaNewJob (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I learned how birds feel when they fly into windows. I should be getting the hospital bill for my broken nose in the mail soon. FML

#21300014
32 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22616) - you deserved it (3545)

On 11/16/2014 at 3:35am - health - by FlyLikeABird - United States (California)



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