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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I was going down on a girl. When I looked up she was texting. FML

#29912
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (163099) - you deserved it (47481)

On 02/12/2009 at 2:45am - misc - by alhummel21 (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was at the airport trying to help a man get to the right terminal. When he finished he turned to tell me "Don't worry, your English is pretty good, considering you're not American". English is my only language. FML

#29771
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28979) - you deserved it (4600)

On 02/12/2009 at 2:07am - misc - by language barriers (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend and I broke up. I said that at least I was always there for him when he needed me. He said "When did I need you?" FML

#29762
29 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31619) - you deserved it (5554)

On 02/12/2009 at 2:04am - misc - by rainyday (woman) - United States (California)

Today, at work, a man walked up the escalator with his chubby kid next to him and asked me where the shoe section was. I said, "For you or your son?" He said, "For my daughter." FML

#29521
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12263) - you deserved it (31097)

On 02/12/2009 at 1:13am - misc - by Mal2222 (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I went to a movie with my boyfriend. In the lobby, I asked why the glasses were not working. I said, "Do they only work inside the theater?" My boyfriend replied, "3-D glasses just work inside the movie, everything else in the World is pretty much 3-D." FML

#29434
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10342) - you deserved it (121249)

On 02/12/2009 at 1:00am - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, when I tried on a pair of pants at the mall, I asked the salesperson if I could have the next size up. She informed me that there wasn't a next size up. I have to LOSE weight to fit into the biggest pair of pants the store makes. FML

#29334
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15804) - you deserved it (33238)

On 02/12/2009 at 12:45am - misc - by ardenm - United States (California)

Today, I greeted my table (I'm a server) with a colloquial "Hey there, guys, how's it going?" The customers were three butch lesbians who thought I was incorrectly identifying their gender. I received no tip (on a $35 bill), and they registered a corporate complaint about my "insensitivity." FML

#29316
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38229) - you deserved it (4163)

On 02/12/2009 at 12:43am - misc - by ServingYouWings (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I got a text message. It said, "I'm so drunk. What you up to, girl?" It was my dad. FML

#27684
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (73222) - you deserved it (3852)

On 02/11/2009 at 9:09pm - misc - by sober (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my mom asked me if I had an eating problem because I've been eating less. I only started eating less because she told me I ate too much. FML

#26986
28 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34400) - you deserved it (3089)

On 02/11/2009 at 7:06pm - misc - by hungry - United States (Virginia)

Today, I told the guy I have feelings for that I'm interested in, and asked him how he feels about it. He responded via text, saying, "I feel fairly neutral about that." FML

#26983
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28387) - you deserved it (3629)

On 02/11/2009 at 7:06pm - misc - by iwantpizza69 (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I told my mom, "I love you". She responded with, "What? I never told you I loved you." FML

#26936
25 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41647) - you deserved it (2522)

On 02/11/2009 at 6:57pm - misc - by chee (woman) - United States (California)

Today, when my husband got home from work, I was standing in the kitchen, wearing nothing but stilletos. He asked me to make him hot chocolate. FML

#26905
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55197) - you deserved it (5894)

On 02/11/2009 at 6:52pm - misc - by sissica (woman) - United States (Mississippi)

Today, after being in the hospital for 2 days with no visitors, I got my first phone call. It was my best friend asking if he could date my ex girlfriend. FML

#26811
23 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56330) - you deserved it (2138)

On 02/11/2009 at 6:33pm - misc - by EKG (man) - United States (West Virginia)



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