Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I went for a run and took my shirt off part way through. The next person I saw was a nine year old girl playing outside her house. She looked at me and said, "Ewwwwww! Gross!" FML

#91993
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16668) - you deserved it (23741)

On 02/20/2009 at 9:37pm - misc - by Jim Smith (man) - United States (California)

Today, I drunk dialed my mom and told her I was so high and drunk that I thought the KGB was coming after me. When I woke up this morning, my mom told me that she's no longer paying for college. FML

#90754
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17269) - you deserved it (113376)

On 02/20/2009 at 6:42pm - money - by Noname (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I called my girlfriend and she answered telling me how amazing the sex was last night and she can't wait to see me later. I didn't see her last night. FML

#90751
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (92777) - you deserved it (4332)

On 02/20/2009 at 6:42pm - intimacy - by screewit (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I woke up after having had sex with my 4-year crush expecting to find him in bed next to me. Instead, I found my cell phone with a text message from him that said "you should really do something about the pimples on your ass." FML

#90638
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67552) - you deserved it (10679)

On 02/20/2009 at 6:25pm - intimacy - by acw2110 (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was riding the train and fell asleep. A friend of mine got on a few stops later, and to be funny, shouted 'BOO!'. I woke up and was so startled I peed myself. FML

#90535
25 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40273) - you deserved it (6157)

On 02/20/2009 at 6:13pm - misc - by niabby - United States (Illinois)

Today, after I got home from school I went to my room to find the maid had cleaned it, also to find a bag labeled "trash" it was all the sketches and paintings I had done in art class, which is my major plan for college. FML

#90322
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42669) - you deserved it (3947)

On 02/20/2009 at 5:46pm - misc - by Photos - United States (Texas)

Today, I realized that there are more framed pictures of my mom's dog than pictures of me around the house. FML

#89971
23 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37287) - you deserved it (2938)

On 02/20/2009 at 5:02pm - animals - by d0pey (man) - United States (California)

Today, I returned from a half-month long trip to China with a group of friends. After throwing myself into my mother's arms and bursting into tears, she stops me to say 'Listen...these last couple of weeks have been some of the best I've ever had. Can we try to keep it like that?' FML

#89579
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40201) - you deserved it (4189)

On 02/20/2009 at 4:19pm - misc - by DuCkBuBbLeS (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my girlfriend and I were up late watching tv when an infomercial for "male enhancement" came on. I grabbed for my phone to make a call when my girlfriend said "O honey, dont buy that, it's okay that you're small." I was checking my voicemails. FML

#89031
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46144) - you deserved it (5566)

On 02/20/2009 at 3:15pm - misc - by allyshah - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, while leaving school to skip fourth period, I hit someone's car in the parking lot. It was the teacher's whose class I was going to skip. FML

#88598
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9742) - you deserved it (52864)

On 02/20/2009 at 2:21pm - misc - by Ava777 (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I found a note in my locker from a really hot guy asking me to prom. I went up to him saying how excited I was to go. He said "Oh you got the note?" and slipped it into the locker next to me. FML

#88303
20 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40449) - you deserved it (2239)

On 02/20/2009 at 1:42pm - misc - by caitiexob - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was at a bar with a friend. A guy came up to me, took my drink and drank it. I laughed and jokingly said "now, you have to buy me a drink." He said "I would rather buy your friend a drink." FML

#87320
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46909) - you deserved it (3688)

On 02/20/2009 at 11:16am - love - by darn it. (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I woke up happy because I'd met the man of my dreams at a bar. We had shared an amazing night together. I walked around my apartment, wondering where he'd went. Turns out, he was gone. So was my car. FML

#87157
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51348) - you deserved it (25699)

On 02/20/2009 at 10:38am - intimacy - by clueless2 (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)



FML's blog

  • Malec's illustrated FML
  • Life is like a box of chocolate full of piece of rabbit droppings sometimes, isn't it? OK, I'll admit that's a weird way to start an article a few days before Christmas. Let me explain: you try and get…

Friday 12 December 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: