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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, my 4 year old niece asked me why I didn't have a job or wife. FML

#6511
29 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25461) - you deserved it (6901)

On 02/03/2009 at 3:25pm - misc - by Noname - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I finally got the chance to sleep with a girl from home who I'd wanted for a long time. She has low blood pressure problems though, and when things got hot, she passed out while she was on top of me, fell and hit her head on the night stand. FML

#6481
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44759) - you deserved it (3356)

On 02/03/2009 at 2:58pm - intimacy - by BRELLA (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, after a late night at a bar, I stepped into my building's elevator with a Chinese man who was carrying a plastic bag. Without thinking, I said, "Oooh, are you still delivering?" His response was, "I live here." FML

#6479
31 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6925) - you deserved it (48145)

On 02/03/2009 at 2:57pm - misc - by Noname - United States (New York)

Today, I was having sex with a guy that I just met, and when I thought he was about to orgasm, he actually had an asthma attack. FML

#6446
25 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39001) - you deserved it (7266)

On 02/03/2009 at 2:34pm - intimacy - by ally (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I realized it's been 5 days since my boyfriend last answered the phone when I called. Two weeks ago, he told me he used to break up with his girlfriends in a very juvenile way. He doesn't answer their phone calls. FML

#6332
31 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29693) - you deserved it (2570)

On 02/03/2009 at 12:43pm - love - by Ginger (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, my girlfriend's guinea pig managed to go down her shirt. I have been dating her for 3 weeks and I haven't even kissed her yet. FML

#6301
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18910) - you deserved it (39317)

On 02/03/2009 at 12:22pm - intimacy - by Merdoc (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, my fiance told me that he no longer loves me, that he still has feelings for an ex. The wedding is off and he needs the ring back to give to the right woman. FML

#6280
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (70350) - you deserved it (3364)

On 02/03/2009 at 12:08pm - love - by nolongerengaged (woman) - United States

Today, I finally got the guts to walk out of class 30 min. early only to find that the back door was locked. As I stood there like an idiot trying to get it open, all 200 people in my class turned to laugh. My professor stared at me. I then walked back to my seat sat down and unpacked. FML

#6154
27 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8104) - you deserved it (32084)

On 02/03/2009 at 10:25am - misc - by baller12 (man) - United States (California)

Today, I tried helping an old lady with her groceries. When I asked if she needed help she smiled. When I took one of her bags she yelled. I didn't know she was deaf. FML

#6027
14 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25105) - you deserved it (1872)

On 02/03/2009 at 8:03am - misc - by Cob (man) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, the cleaning lady left a note that said my room was too dirty to clean. FML

#6002
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7715) - you deserved it (30313)

On 02/03/2009 at 7:40am - misc - by fuckedalready (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I took my friend to the E.R. for an eye infection. While waiting, I proclaimed, "Why, Jesus?!" jokingly. Well, the gigantic biker sitting next to me, who had found religion in prison and is a born again Christian, was not pleased. He spent the next four hours trying to convert me. FML

#5942
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21695) - you deserved it (16877)

On 02/03/2009 at 5:48am - health - by mrb72 (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my girlfriend asked me to get her new clothes. She's gone from a size 4 to a size 12 during our relationship. FML

#5939
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30480) - you deserved it (11134)

On 02/03/2009 at 5:47am - love - by damnit (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I had just opened up some porn on my laptop when my mom walked into my room, so I slammed the laptop shut. I didn't know the speakers continue to function after the laptop is closed. FML

#5925
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15524) - you deserved it (44711)

On 02/03/2009 at 5:24am - intimacy - by hitmutefirst (man) - United States (New York)



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