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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, the girl I love told me she was sick of guys. I replied that I happened to be a guy. She laughed and said "No, I mean the boyfriend type!" FML

#101898
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44596) - you deserved it (3997)

On 02/22/2009 at 2:16am - love - by Marleck (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I got fired from a great baby sitting job because the little girl said I was boring. FML

#100715
29 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34820) - you deserved it (14721)

On 02/21/2009 at 11:49pm - kids - by anon (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I had a job interview at a restauraunt opening up. One manager hypothetically asked me why I should be hired. I said I was more efficient than most. I left to find I'd locked my keys in the car. It took all the managers to help me get my keys out. FML

#100454
23 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10697) - you deserved it (29640)

On 02/21/2009 at 11:22pm - misc - by FailAtLife - United States (Illinois)

Today, while I was making out with my boyfriend, he left my dorm suddenly without telling me where he was going. A few hours later, he texted me to tell me that being with me made him feel dirty and he had gone to confession. He then called me a sinner. FML

#99945
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (76106) - you deserved it (7076)

On 02/21/2009 at 10:23pm - intimacy - by not getting any anymore (woman) - United States (California)

Today, while changing my tampon in the stall of my high school's bathroom, I lost control of the plastic applicator. The blood-covered apparatus shot out like a rocket underneath the stall door. For a moment I thought no one noticed, then the screaming began. FML

#99894
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50149) - you deserved it (5294)

On 02/21/2009 at 10:16pm - misc - by isuckatlife (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I went to the doctor with my parents. When the doctor asked if I was sexually active, I said 'Yes.' My mom laughed and said 'Good one.' My dad, for added effect said, 'Your hand doesn't count.' FML

#99885
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63466) - you deserved it (6548)

On 02/21/2009 at 10:16pm - intimacy - by Nails (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blowjob, which I don't normally do because I have a fear of getting hit in the eye. Afterwards, I went to suck a lemon to get the taste out of my mouth. Sure enough, I bit the wrong spot and had lemon juice shoot right into my eye. FML

#99356
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28280) - you deserved it (78173)

On 02/21/2009 at 9:07pm - intimacy - by svet (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my mother told me she was going out of town this weekend. I re-assured her that I would not throw a party. She replied "Oh, like you have enough friends to do that." FML

#98981
27 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42472) - you deserved it (3815)

On 02/21/2009 at 8:20pm - misc - by stinker (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, I got my fake ID and went out with the boys to dinner and the bars. One of my friends asked to see my ID. He noticed my birthday didn't make me over 21. I paid $170 for a fake ID with my real birthday. FML

#98972
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12042) - you deserved it (68509)

On 02/21/2009 at 8:19pm - money - by Noname (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, while on a blind date at Hooters, I ordered my food and the waitress asked me if I was stoned, because she couldn't understand me. I have a speech impediment. FML

#98933
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54243) - you deserved it (3782)

On 02/21/2009 at 8:15pm - health - by Vince (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, while working on a carpentry project with my friend at 2am, and enjoying some beers, I cut my hand and realized I needed medical attention. Neither of us being in driving shape, I knocked on my parents bedroom door to request a ride. I was told I had to wait for them to "finish." FML

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. He said I was way too good at sex so I must have lied about not having much experience, and he "wouldn't be with someone who is hiding something." WTF? FML

#98497
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (81644) - you deserved it (6246)

On 02/21/2009 at 7:13pm - intimacy - by pchemist (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was approached by a girl who called me a slut for sleeping with her boyfriend, then punched me in the face. I'm a virgin. FML

#98260
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (69437) - you deserved it (2960)

On 02/21/2009 at 6:37pm - misc - by well then... (woman) - United States (Illinois)



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