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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I woke up and it was Monday. FML

#2635
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41110) - you deserved it (9806)

On 01/26/2009 at 9:58am - misc - by buddy - United States (Michigan)

Today, I saw a homeless man asking for money for food. Not wanting to give him money so he'd spend it on booze, I decided to buy him a full big mac meal from McDonalds. When I went to hand it to him, he quickly waved his hand, denying it saying, "Thanks but I'm a vegetarian". FML

#2596
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22434) - you deserved it (4641)

On 01/25/2009 at 10:44pm - misc - by Michelle C - United States (California)

Today, while I was babysitting my nephews, the 7 year old boy walked up to me and asked if I was a lesbian. I laughed it off. An argument ensued about my sexuality for a good two hours. I lost. FML

#2591
28 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25062) - you deserved it (3730)

On 01/25/2009 at 9:51pm - kids - by ThatsNotRight - United States (Hawaii)

Today, I was in a hurry to get to work, and in my car I had two drinks settled down in my cup holder. One was my coffee, and the other was an unfinished cup of coffee where I ash and toss my cigarettes. FML

#2590
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (4560) - you deserved it (24108)

On 01/25/2009 at 9:38pm - misc - by smoker - United States (California)

Today, the pharmacy lady wished me a happy birthday. I was buying the morning after pill. FML

#2565
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28409) - you deserved it (7138)

On 01/25/2009 at 7:14pm - intimacy - by God hates me - United States (Texas)

Today, I am studying abroad in Mexico and someone asked me what it's like to be from Minnesota. I responded in Spanish, in front of thirty people, what I thought translated to, "If you get cold, you can just put on a jacket." Apparently, what I thought meant "jacket" actually meant "masturbate". FML

#2562
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17225) - you deserved it (4409)

On 01/25/2009 at 7:06pm - misc - by Sally - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I was going to end a thing I had with this guy. It turned out that he got back together with his ex-girlfriend and was just using me as a back up. FML

#2522
19 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17579) - you deserved it (3388)

On 01/25/2009 at 11:47am - love - by thesporkhop - United States (Nevada)

Today, I was talking to my mom about my younger brother getting his girlfriend pregnant. She asked me how old I was when I first had sex. I'm a 21 year old virgin. FML

#2509
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37779) - you deserved it (4831)

On 01/25/2009 at 8:52am - intimacy - by aces10 - United States (Michigan)

Today, my boyfriend asked me to set up his new Mac and transfer all the pictures from his old notebook. Seems like he forgot that when he went on vacation 2 months ago he took pictures of him getting it on with another guy. We've been together for 3 years and just moved in together. FML

#2506
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33744) - you deserved it (2339)

On 01/25/2009 at 8:07am - love - by theamericandream - United States (Illinois)

Today, I promised my best friend I wouldn't let her hook up with any guys (she got an STD a few weeks ago). After we tossed a few back she led about 30 people in a chant of "cockblock" after I wouldnt let her go home with some random dude. FML

#2489
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42967) - you deserved it (3315)

On 01/25/2009 at 12:54am - intimacy - by cockblockingbitch - United States (Washington)

Today, I was sleeping with my boyfriend and woke up in his arms to hear him say "Mom, Mom." FML

#2485
19 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20381) - you deserved it (1843)

On 01/24/2009 at 9:47pm - love - by ohfantastic - United States (California)

Today, I was trying to be-friend a boy who was sitting alone. He had his gameboy nearly plastered to his eyes. I, cleverly, say to him, "Geeze don't put that thing so close, your eyes will fall out!" He took off his sunglasses, eyes going crooked, and said, "I'm legally blind." Insert foot here. FML

#2478
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22624) - you deserved it (7871)

On 01/24/2009 at 7:27pm - kids - by thatsjustgreat - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I made a Craigslist ad looking for hot and horny women that wanted some. I only got one reply, from another guy asking me if this kind of thing actually works. FML

#2475
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (4275) - you deserved it (34434)

On 01/24/2009 at 6:52pm - misc - by Farva - United States (Michigan)



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