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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I was trying to be-friend a boy who was sitting alone. He had his gameboy nearly plastered to his eyes. I, cleverly, say to him, "Geeze don't put that thing so close, your eyes will fall out!" He took off his sunglasses, eyes going crooked, and said, "I'm legally blind." Insert foot here. FML

#2478
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22621) - you deserved it (7871)

On 01/24/2009 at 7:27pm - kids - by thatsjustgreat - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I made a Craigslist ad looking for hot and horny women that wanted some. I only got one reply, from another guy asking me if this kind of thing actually works. FML

#2475
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (4274) - you deserved it (34429)

On 01/24/2009 at 6:52pm - misc - by Farva - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was trying on clothes in a store that had just screens set up for changing. As I took off the first pair of pants had I tried on, my foot got hooked in the cuff and I fell out in my underwear in front of the whole store. FML

#2472
13 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16534) - you deserved it (2277)

On 01/24/2009 at 6:28pm - misc - by Teen - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I am contemplating ending my relationship of 6 years. My boyfriend is too busy playing with a plastic guitar to listen. FML

#2469
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22294) - you deserved it (3342)

On 01/24/2009 at 5:09pm - love - by fyou - United States (Michigan)

Today, I figured out that my baby-powder container can be closed by twisting the cap. I just got back from a long trip. My suitcase used to be black. FML

#2463
23 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5424) - you deserved it (19671)

On 01/24/2009 at 4:34pm - misc - by yacoob - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I have an auto immune disease which causes my penis to look like a tie-dye t shirt. FML

#2444
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30894) - you deserved it (2249)

On 01/24/2009 at 2:05pm - health - by Damm - United States (New York)

Today, I was walking in the mall and passed one of the hair product booths (with the people who constanly harrass you as you walk by). In front of half of the mall the woman working there told me that she had several products that I could use to touch up my roots. I'm a natural red head. FML

#2424
29 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15981) - you deserved it (2067)

On 01/24/2009 at 10:24am - misc - by Noname - United States (New York)

Today, someone told me they liked my personality when i'm drunk. I asked, "what about when I'm sober?". "No, only when you're drinking." FML

#2422
14 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17170) - you deserved it (3094)

On 01/24/2009 at 9:53am - misc - by the-yao - United States (California)

Today, I sent out my resume to about a dozen jobs on Craigslist. I realized that I hadn't updated it in a while and went to double check it after the fact. My ex at some point had changed my objective to "I'm a cocksucker who needs a job real bad." FML

#2412
29 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25669) - you deserved it (7097)

On 01/24/2009 at 5:50am - money - by waitingformyfoodstamps - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I went to work things out with my girlfriend that I'd had a huge fight with. She told me the night before to come over at noon and that she would be awake. I unlock our flat to see that the place was a mess. She had thrown a party and was still passed out naked next to her boss. FML

#2411
32 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25195) - you deserved it (1875)

On 01/24/2009 at 5:41am - love - by NJ - United States (Michigan)

Today, my ex-boyfriend from two years ago called and asked to come over. Still being in love with him, I agreed to see him but decided I wasn't drunk enough to handle the stress. After a while of drinking, he said that he really missed me and wanted to be with me. My reply consisted of throwing up. FML

#2397
15 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6530) - you deserved it (26274)

On 01/23/2009 at 10:27pm - love - by wtfjusthappened - United States (Ohio)

Today, my boyfriend showed his mother photos of me. He told her that he thinks I'm pretty. She said that I look like a celebrity from her country (Korea). Flattered, I online searched this celebrity, and turns out she is a local porn star who's undergone multiple cosmetic surgeries. FML

#2388
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20530) - you deserved it (1957)

On 01/23/2009 at 8:55pm - love - by sigh - United States (New York)



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