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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, my friend caught me watching a movie on Oxygen instead of the Super Bowl. I'm a guy. FML

#4679
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7564) - you deserved it (27309)

On 02/01/2009 at 11:45am - misc - by Miko - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I made my new girlfriend orgasm for the first time. All she said after was "I drooled a little". FML

#4642
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32765) - you deserved it (5149)

On 02/01/2009 at 10:48am - intimacy - by nicknack22 - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was refilling some guy's iced tea at bandana's, and the uppity jerk had the gall to ask me if I ever kissed a girl considering how fat I am, how high my voice is, and how little money I make. FML

#4601
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29287) - you deserved it (3064)

On 02/01/2009 at 9:41am - work - by sportskidguru - United States (Missouri)

Today, I asked the girl I like if she wanted to go to the movies, she said yes and I said I'd let her pick the movie. She picked the movie, "Just Friends". FML

#4600
32 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27665) - you deserved it (3305)

On 02/01/2009 at 9:40am - love - by JLoRd - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I slept with this new guy for the first time. After sex, he said the doggie style position was fun, it made him wonder what it would be like to rape a girl. FML

#4489
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63464) - you deserved it (5496)

On 02/01/2009 at 5:53am - intimacy - by anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, my roommate has gone home for the weekend. She forgot to turn her alarm clock off. Her door is locked. FML

#4487
31 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27867) - you deserved it (1401)

On 02/01/2009 at 5:43am - misc - by leez - United States (Virginia)

Today, my cat, who is very 'don't-ever-touch-me', jumped up next to me as if she wanted to be stroked. In reality, she wanted to share a hellish fart. I need a new cat. FML

#4464
29 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18848) - you deserved it (4232)

On 02/01/2009 at 3:55am - animals - by pretty princess - United States (Georgia)

Today, a girl I've had a huge crush on for a long time told another friend of ours to get a life. I, in my infinite genius responded that her mom needed to get a life. She ran out of the room bawling. I got slapped in the face and informed that her mom had died not long ago. FML

#4336
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9633) - you deserved it (32728)

On 02/01/2009 at 12:22am - misc - by Huge A Hole - United States (Kansas)

Today, my little sister and I were reading a book together and out of nowhere, she said "I love you". My heart melted and I told her that I love her too. Then she told me that she was talking to her stuffed animal, not me. FML

#4425
25 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32113) - you deserved it (2665)

On 01/31/2009 at 11:29pm - kids - by Noname - United States (California)

Today, my fiancée "thought I should know" that she has a $125,000 student loan debt. FML

#4321
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33103) - you deserved it (4085)

On 01/31/2009 at 7:15pm - money - by Noname - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend asked me to go to a car show. I told him to hold on, I had to ask my mom. I quietly asked her to say no for me. She said "Sure!". FML

#4294
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7284) - you deserved it (30746)

On 01/31/2009 at 6:25pm - love - by oicwydt - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my girlfriend snuck up behind me to cover my eyes and play "guess who." The second her hands touched my face, I grabbed her, twisted her wrists, and kneed her to the floor out of instinct. FML

#4288
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13005) - you deserved it (22232)

On 01/31/2009 at 6:14pm - misc - by joe - United States (California)

Today, I live with my mother and realized she goes out with her friends and dates more times a week than I do in a single month. FML

#4267
14 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18984) - you deserved it (3188)

On 01/31/2009 at 5:23pm - misc - by lousy - United States (Alabama)



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