FMLs submitted from United States

Today, my class went for a hike through the woods near our school to destress during finals. While walking downhill towards the edge of the lake, I tripped and tumbled down the hill, and ended up diving head first into the lake. I had to hike back to the school soaking wet. FML

by SuperWhoMarvLock / 05/05/2016 at 9:35pm / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I went to buy some frozen yogurt. I filled up a cup and the cashier rung it up. The total price was $6.92. I only had $5 in my wallet. So I gave her the $5 bill and went to my car to get more money. Little did I know, there was no money in my car. So I drove off. Leaving the $5 behind. FML

by Broke Bitch / 05/05/2016 at 5:48pm / United States (Alabama) / Money

Today, like every other day my boyfriend and I try and have sex, his dog cried and whined outside of his room until we stopped. She does this all the time and it kills the mood instantly. I can't have sex because of a toy poodle. FML

by Anon. / 05/05/2016 at 5:00pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy

Today, I opened up an English textbook to find someone else's dirty fingernails between the pages. FML

by Marcipaud / 05/05/2016 at 1:51pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

Today, I made a new friend at my college campus, which was great, until I added him on Facebook and he started liking posts from 3 years ago, asking if he could be my "dirty little secret" because he knows that I have a boyfriend. FML

by creeper-status / 05/05/2016 at 1:37pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I learned that for the next two months I'll get to train physicians on how to use the computer program that has made my job obsolete. I've known this program was coming for months, but I didn't know it would be taking my job. FML

by jessiethebestie / 05/05/2016 at 1:35pm / United States (Tennessee) / Work

Today, I found out why my sister hasn't been answering my texts or phone calls. Her husband blocked my number on her phone. FML

by Sunshinenwhiskey / 05/05/2016 at 11:10am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, a boy kissed me for the first time. He then blocked me on Facebook. FML

by RandomJam124 / 05/04/2016 at 5:33pm / United States (New York) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I have been in my "office" for 6 weeks. It is literally a closet. I was reminded of this fact when a janitor walked in without knocking, carrying empty boxes he intended to store. FML

by claustrophobic / 05/04/2016 at 3:03pm / United States (Maryland) / Work

Today, I finally had a day off in two weeks and I was excited about getting to sleep in. At 5am, my mom came in and knocked loudly. When I asked her what she wanted, she said she was checking to see if I was asleep. FML

by TordNorski / 05/04/2016 at 1:44pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, when getting my eyebrows waxed, the lady cursed "oh shit!" under her breath, right after waxing half of my brow off. FML

by blondessdoll / 05/04/2016 at 1:30pm / United States / Health

Today, my family savagely mocked me to the point of tears, all for using "big", "fancy" words like "accommodations" and "hospitality". FML

by probablyadopted1 / 05/04/2016 at 12:39pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went on a coffee date with a man I met online. His "friend" had tagged along. We were having a good conversation, until the friend pulls out his laptop and says, "So let me tell you a little bit about our travel business," and talked about a pyramid scheme for an hour. FML

by Maddi / 05/03/2016 at 10:55pm / United States (Texas) / Love