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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, a girl said to me, "Sorry, but I have a boyfriend". I hadn't said anything to her. FML

Today, I knocked an old-school slide carousel off my desk, scattering nearly 100 individual slides everywhere, including the specific slides my professor asked me to digitally scan, which were placed carefully on top. None of them are numbered. FML

#21302910
26 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25154) - you deserved it (4969)

On 11/20/2014 at 6:59pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Oregon)

Today, my boss said he's worried about our network, because "Wifi's all in the air. People could spy on us from anywhere!" I sarcastically said "My god, you're right!" and suggested switching to tin-foil ethernet cables to stop the signal escaping. He told me to do it ASAP. This moron makes five times my salary. FML

#21302784
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32331) - you deserved it (3542)

On 11/20/2014 at 3:15pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, while using a public toilet, a guy started pissing beside me at the urinal. The breach of bathroom etiquette then escalated to him taking a long look down at me and saying "Nice sack, dude." followed by him finishing up and leaving without even washing his hands. FML

#21302695
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29188) - you deserved it (2264)

On 11/20/2014 at 11:35am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, it took a whole half hour of scratching my head before I realized with horror that the weird tickling sensation I'd been feeling was actually a spider crawling around in my hair. FML

#21302674
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31054) - you deserved it (2597)

On 11/20/2014 at 10:23am - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my friendly neighbor asked me to check in on his apartment every few days while he's gone on vacation. You can imagine my horror when I walked in for the first time and found out he's a snake breeder. Twelve more days to go. FML

#21302388
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29328) - you deserved it (3014)

On 11/19/2014 at 9:43pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my supervisor was watching a video of his son. I heard a voice in the background and asked if it was Elmo. It was his wife. FML

#21302177
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30593) - you deserved it (5037)

On 11/19/2014 at 3:56pm - work - by bookworm - United States (Texas)

Today, I am 11 weeks pregnant and my husband has taken great glee in the fact that his horrible gas is enough to trigger my morning sickness. We're about to go on a long 12 hour drive. FML

#21302111
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30599) - you deserved it (2600)

On 11/19/2014 at 2:04pm - misc - by honeybunny - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, a cop car was tailing me. I was scared, and trying to avoid any tickets, I drove straight through a huge pothole rather than swerving to avoid it. The cop pulled me over and insisted I was intoxicated, because "anybody in their right mind would've dodged that pothole." FML

#21302094
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31032) - you deserved it (6051)

On 11/19/2014 at 1:44pm - misc - by limpdick9 - United States (California)

Today, I spent 20 minutes arguing with the class dipshit, trying to convince her that wifi hot-spots are not in fact saunas powered by wifi. FML

#21302021
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28693) - you deserved it (3272)

On 11/19/2014 at 10:09am - misc - by Donutsarelife - United States

Today, I met my sister's fiancé. I would have been happier for her if he hadn't been mine a month ago when I introduced them. FML

#21301904
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38011) - you deserved it (2605)

On 11/19/2014 at 3:27am - love - by MissAggravared - United States (Idaho)

Today, my wife and I decided to try out role playing. She ended up having an anxiety attack when I said she wasn't turning in her homework. FML

#21301827
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34216) - you deserved it (3590)

On 11/19/2014 at 12:27am - intimacy - by jigglypluff (man) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, I went on a date. I took her out to an expensive steak house. When she was done eating, she got up, said she was married, and told me she only accepted the date because I'd be paying for it. FML

#21301400
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42315) - you deserved it (3519)

On 11/18/2014 at 1:57pm - misc - by steak through the heart - United States (California)



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