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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I was lying in bed with my girlfriend. Trying to be romantic, I complimented her on how nice her hair smelled. She replied: "Yeah? Wait till you smell this." then let out the vilest, most nauseating fart I'd ever smelled in my life. FML

#21330185
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34371) - you deserved it (6143)

On 01/03/2015 at 7:23pm - love - by allgassedout (man) - United States (California)

Today, as I left the supermarket, I found someone had hit my car in the parking lot. There was a note tucked under the wipers. Insurance details? Nope. It just said "Sorry dude. I fucked up. Good luck with the car." Great. FML

#21330094
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28158) - you deserved it (1779)

On 01/03/2015 at 4:16pm - money - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my step-dad explained to me why he doesn't need to wash his body. He condescendingly said, "Well when you shampoo your hair, the soap runs down your body and cleans everything." He's 37 years old. FML

#21329998
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29041) - you deserved it (2384)

On 01/03/2015 at 4:16pm - health - by Chicagoillinois (man) - United States (California)

Today, while at work at a call center, I got a call from an elderly man who needed a new credit card because he'd accidentally cut up his own card instead of his wife's. Trying to be funny, I said "Trying to keep her in line, eh?" Turns out his wife had just died. FML

Today, it was my girlfriend's birthday, so I decided to take her to a fancy restaurant and give her an expensive $400 necklace that I had bought. Being traditional, I asked the waiter to arrange it nicely on the tray when he came with our dessert. Neither he nor the necklace ever showed up. FML

#21329874
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39963) - you deserved it (7977)

On 01/03/2015 at 5:48am - love - by JJ_V3N0M - United States (California)

Today, after finishing my second glass of wine, I walked out of the bathroom and saw the tag on my hair dryer from last year's rehab visit. FML

#21329685
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20080) - you deserved it (13959)

On 01/02/2015 at 11:04pm - health - by mosaicevolution (woman) - United States (Alabama)

Today, my dad rejected my birthday present to him because it was "Made in China." FML

#21329640
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26737) - you deserved it (4019)

On 01/02/2015 at 10:11pm - misc - by whatajerk (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my fiancée and I were making plans for our wedding when my soon-to-be mother-in-law chimed in with, "You know, she can still get out of this. I got the dress for her but we can save it for the next guy." I'm not sure if she's joking or not. FML

#21329587
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27353) - you deserved it (1981)

On 01/02/2015 at 8:46pm - love - by bingalingading (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, it's my 40th birthday. I got two presents by mail: a jar of wrinkle cream from a market research company, and an ad from a funeral home. FML

#21329484
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29338) - you deserved it (2089)

On 01/02/2015 at 5:46pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Nevada)

Today, I got shitfaced at a club. A cute girl I'd met earlier in the evening offered to drive me home in my car and spend the night with me. She crashed my car and did a runner before the cops showed up. They wouldn't believe my story. I now have a wrecked car and a DUI. FML

#21329473
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29080) - you deserved it (8593)

On 01/02/2015 at 5:14pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend for the first time in over a month. When I came, I thrust one last time and let out a huge fart. She couldn't keep her mouth shut about it, and now all our friends keep calling me "CumFart". FML

#21329462
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33446) - you deserved it (6741)

On 01/02/2015 at 4:53pm - intimacy - by I'll Make You FartCum (man) - United States (California)

Today, my mom and step-dad tore my room apart looking for the stash of drugs they thought I had. I've never touched drugs in my life, and I guess they believe me now. Didn't stop them from making me clean up the mess they made, though. FML

#21329401
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30429) - you deserved it (2068)

On 01/02/2015 at 2:23pm - misc - by tokinallday - United States (Tennessee)

Today, my sister compared me handling the news of recently being told that I have a devastating and very possibly fatal autoimmune disease, to that of a teenager being melodramatic. FML

#21329069
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32762) - you deserved it (2394)

On 01/02/2015 at 12:37am - health - by Sisterly Love - United States (Michigan)



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