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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, my boyfriend has chipped his front teeth for the third time in 2 months. After refusing to tell me how this keeps on happening, I walked in on him throwing his phone in the air and trying to catch it in his mouth. FML

#21261750
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (199) - you deserved it (4242)

On 09/20/2014 at 11:03am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, while giving directions to a blind guy, I accidentally made him walk into a wall. FML

#21261532
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32389) - you deserved it (7671)

On 09/19/2014 at 11:14pm - misc - by camerashyguy - United States (Texas)

Today, I asked my dad to take me to the store so I could get some feminine hygiene products. When we got there, he went running down the aisles yelling, "Help! My daughter's bleeding to death! Where're the tampons?!" FML

#21261392
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39596) - you deserved it (3572)

On 09/19/2014 at 6:38pm - health - by tbree - United States (California)

Today, I went with a couple of my friends to see a friend who's fallen very ill. Her dad walked in with a gun and demanded to know which of us had gotten his daughter pregnant. By the time I realized it was a joke, I'd already pissed myself. FML

#21261205
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34590) - you deserved it (4390)

On 09/19/2014 at 11:30am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Vermont)

Today, I went on a blind date. My date would respond to me by saying "retweet" and "favorite" when she thought something was relatable. FML

#21261017
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40244) - you deserved it (3509)

On 09/18/2014 at 11:15pm - love - by clairebear104 - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I had a volleyball game, and we were down by 13 points. I looked up at the crowd, and my mom was shaking her head in disappointment. When it was my turn to serve, I aced them, and tied the score. When I looked up she was gone. She'd left. When I got home, I heard how I sucked for an hour. FML

#21260940
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39648) - you deserved it (2395)

On 09/18/2014 at 9:56pm - misc - by Lexi801 - United States (Utah)

Today, I got an Economics test back from my professor. I got a 17/20. I looked it over and noticed one of the questions was completely right. I checked the textbook he made and the answer was the same. I asked him why it was wrong, and he responded with, "I guess I changed my mind." FML

#21260926
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36520) - you deserved it (2188)

On 09/18/2014 at 9:44pm - misc - by badprofessor - United States (New York)

Today, I found out that the only girl who's ever called me cute or handsome is actually a compulsive liar. FML

#21260295
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33073) - you deserved it (2506)

On 09/17/2014 at 9:37pm - misc - by compulsiveliarssaytheylikeme - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my 4 year old son groped my breasts and said, "This is what daddy told me to do." FML

#21260160
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34063) - you deserved it (3883)

On 09/17/2014 at 5:57pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Today, my friends came over to my house to eat my food and make fun of me as they played on my Xbox. FML

#21260159
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31831) - you deserved it (7698)

On 09/17/2014 at 5:56pm - misc - by iAmJasper - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I was eating a hot fudge sundae and I complained that the fudge was at the very bottom and I couldn't reach it with my spoon. My husband muttered "Fat girl problems." FML

#21260102
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36502) - you deserved it (11218)

On 09/17/2014 at 4:07pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I got dumped by my boyfriend. He said it was because he lived 2 hours away, but I think the ultrasound photos his other girlfriend posted proudly on his Facebook wall are the real reason. FML

#21260092
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42561) - you deserved it (3715)

On 09/17/2014 at 3:48pm - love - by kitkat (woman) - United States

Today, my brother got the same cologne as the guy I've been seeing for a while. Every time I'm with my brother I think about him, and every time I'm with him I think about my brother. FML

#21259922
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38483) - you deserved it (3776)

On 09/17/2014 at 7:46am - love - by Anonymous - United States (South Carolina)



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