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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, at my apartment complex, I was carrying a bag of trash up to the dumpster. A guy stopped his car and helped me carry it the rest of the way. I thanked him and he asked me out. I explained that I was married. He grabbed the trash bag and carried it back to my apartment. FML

#21285821
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35051) - you deserved it (3651)

On 10/26/2014 at 6:46pm - love - by mellielynnemily - United States

Today, I finally felt ready to give my boyfriend a blowjob. Barely 20 seconds in, he said: "I'll be honest, this is TERRIBLE." FML

#21285558
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37454) - you deserved it (7569)

On 10/26/2014 at 10:25am - intimacy - by soisblueballsdickhead (woman) - United States

Today, I was at work and a lady screamed at my manager for about 15 minutes, saying I needed to be fired because I couldn't get rid of all the flies buzzing around her food. She was the one who chose to eat on our patio. FML

#21285397
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30815) - you deserved it (2034)

On 10/26/2014 at 1:17am - work - by Anonymous - United States

Today, as I was laying in bed in my dark room, with only my phone's light on, a huge moth flew around it and directly into my open mouth. FML

#21285341
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28709) - you deserved it (4721)

On 10/25/2014 at 11:47pm - misc - by j_portal - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my brother got upset at his video game and flung his DS at the wall, just as I was walking by. I got knocked out to the sound of someone crossing the finish line in MarioKart. FML

#21285323
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31530) - you deserved it (2513)

On 10/25/2014 at 11:28pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Oregon)

Today, my mother locked me out of the house. Why? The dog and her needed some time to talk. FML

#21285216
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31312) - you deserved it (2370)

On 10/25/2014 at 8:51pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Indiana)

Today, I went to the police station to find out if the tint on my new car's windshield was too dark. The officer took one look, told me that windshield tints are illegal in California, and ticketed me. So much for being honest. FML

#21285139
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31802) - you deserved it (8507)

On 10/25/2014 at 5:58pm - misc - by tanisLX - United States (California)

Today, I was hugging my girlfriend after she had a really bad day at work, when she burst into tears and started sobbing. For some reason that I'll never understand, it gave me a hard-on. She felt it, and now she thinks I'm a sick bastard. FML

#21285040
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32645) - you deserved it (5336)

On 10/25/2014 at 2:44pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Alabama)

Today, I went to a big job interview. As I walked in, I tripped and fell flat on my face. Other highlights include my voice cracking multiple times, sweating profusely and getting uncontrollable nervous giggling. The interviewer eventually stared at me in disbelief and asked if I was high. FML

#21285028
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32979) - you deserved it (4257)

On 10/25/2014 at 2:27pm - work - by not on life, that's for fucking sure (man) - United States

Today, I met my neighbors for the first time, as they helped me carry my dead cat off the road. FML

#21284997
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31305) - you deserved it (2610)

On 10/25/2014 at 1:32pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I found out what it's like to drive seven hours home with a woman who just brutally rejected your marriage proposal. FML

#21284911
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41226) - you deserved it (3186)

On 10/25/2014 at 10:10am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, my mom called and casually let me know she'd wrecked my iPad after putting it in the dryer with my bed sheets. FML

#21284691
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30466) - you deserved it (3909)

On 10/24/2014 at 10:53pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, I was making love to my boyfriend. In the heat of the moment, I said his name. He immediately stopped, gave me a deadly serious look and said "Huh? What?" FML

#21284688
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30503) - you deserved it (3673)

On 10/24/2014 at 10:48pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Tennessee)



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