FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I took a two-hour bus ride to get to orientation, got stuck a block away because the pedestrian sidewalk was closed, waited half-an-hour for my ride in the rain, when someone called the cops on me for acting suspicious. I got to the interview soaking wet, and they told me they'd rescheduled. FML

by Anonymous / 03/31/2016 at 7:48pm / United States (California) / Transportation

Today, I woke up to the sounds of fire alarms. Panicked and assuming it was my neighbor's gas furnace that set it off, I nearly broke their baby's bedroom window trying to wake them up. Turns out my roof leaked into the fire alarm, causing an electrical fire. It was my first day here. FML

Today, my hair got stuck in my umbrella. I asked for help from passers-by, but all I got was weird looks as they hurried past me. FML

by Littlethings / 03/31/2016 at 1:07pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was talking to my boyfriend about the primary elections. I asked him who he'd voted for, out of curiosity. He said he'd voted for the candidate he was initially against. I asked him what made him change his mind. "My mom paid me 20 bucks." FML

by Enonynous / 03/31/2016 at 2:00am / United States (California) / Money

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I got into a car accident with my boss, and he asked if I could come to work the next day. I'm in the hospital and he knows it. FML

by stupidboss / 03/30/2016 at 11:23pm / United States (Washington) / Transportation

Today, someone accused me of stuffing my bra when some tissue fell out. I was too embarrassed to tell them I wasn't stuffing, the tissue was used to sop up my boob sweat. FML

by sunkissedevil / 03/30/2016 at 10:52pm / United States (Minnesota) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, the only constant person in my life is the guy that smokes outside my apartment building. FML

by Is_This_Real / 03/30/2016 at 4:46pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to my new dentist to get my teeth cleaned. He kept getting distracted, causing him to repeatedly stab me in the gums. He then had the nerve to tell me that I need to brush more, due to how I was bleeding just from his "routine examination". FML

by Anonymous / 03/30/2016 at 1:02pm / United States (Ohio) / Health

Today, I was at the mall with my mom, when I saw a little pamphlet about a charity for abused children. I showed her and said I was going to donate a few dollars. She quickly said no, calling it a waste of money and muttering that the kids probably deserved it anyway. FML

by Anonymous / 03/30/2016 at 9:25am / United States (California) / Money

Today, I introduced my long-distance boyfriend of 2 years to my friends. I told him how my friends jokingly call him my imaginary Internet boyfriend. He thought it was so funny that when they met, he claimed to be my cousin, saying that I paid him to pretend to be my boyfriend. They believed him. FML

by Anonymous / 03/30/2016 at 2:53am / United States (Maryland) / Love

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend of 3 years. She responded by drinking all the alcohol in sight, falling unconscious and pissing herself. Six hours later, she said that I was too immature and that's why it would never work. FML

by random guy / 03/30/2016 at 2:49am / United States (Nevada) / Love

Today, I realized I didn't want to come home from a business trip because I like my job more than my husband. I hate my job. FML

by Anonymous / 03/29/2016 at 11:37pm / United States (Virginia) / Love

Today, a friend was making fun of our teacher's car, calling it dorkmobile and saying only idiots would own that car. It's the same as the car I just bought. FML

by crap car / 03/29/2016 at 9:13pm / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous