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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I saw a girl texting at school. I told her she might want to put her phone away before she got a detention. She turned around and I saw she was changing her insulin level on her pump. She has diabetes. FML

#112568
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10941) - you deserved it (51033)

On 02/23/2009 at 9:41am - health - by kcd (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I drove to a job interview. I had to sneeze, but because I was driving on the highway, I didn't let go of the wheel to cover my mouth. I didn't know the sneeze was a "productive" one until I was sitting in the interview, looked down at my new blouse and saw the giant lugie sitting there. FML

#112502
18 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31905) - you deserved it (7955)

On 02/23/2009 at 9:16am - work - by Debbie (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I'm playing basketball with my little brother. After jokingly blocking his shot, he turns to me and says "You're a bitch." He's 6. After asking where he heard that word, he responded with "Daddy calls you that when you're not around." FML

#112335
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (143981) - you deserved it (11839)

On 02/23/2009 at 7:51am - kids - by lifesucks4me - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I was at my ex-girlfriends house, whom I still have a major crush on. After cuddling as we watched a movie, she began to show me several pictures she had taken on her cell, and asked which ones I liked the best. She then sent the pictures I had chosen, to a guy she had met a week ago. FML

#111857
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36459) - you deserved it (10614)

On 02/23/2009 at 3:09am - misc - by LAME (man) - United States (California)

Today, I drove to a party after getting my car back from the shop. A thunderstorm started as I made my way there and upon arriving, the power went out. The guests decided to watch the storm from the front windows when someone mentioned how funny it would be if a tree fell on my car. Seconds later, one did. FML

#111850
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61066) - you deserved it (3005)

On 02/23/2009 at 3:08am - misc - by Jessie (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my sister had a friend over and I had just gotten out of the shower. I wrapped something around me and walked across the living room. When I walked through, they both started laughing hysterically. Turns out, I grabbed a poncho and the hole for the head ended up right over my crotch. FML

#110231
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14214) - you deserved it (36782)

On 02/22/2009 at 11:50pm - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, before a big formal banquet, I went tanning because I wanted to look good in my cocktail dress. I got out of the tanning bed only to realize that I had left my socks on. FML

#109739
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9590) - you deserved it (49992)

On 02/22/2009 at 11:09pm - misc - by Sh.H (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I celebrated my birthday with my friend who has the same birthday by going out to dinner with a bunch of our friends. The waiter brought out a cake for my friend but not for me. No one noticed my exclusion. I sang happy birthday on my birthday. FML

#109688
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53664) - you deserved it (3296)

On 02/22/2009 at 11:05pm - misc - by jet8725 - United States (Virginia)

Today, I arrived at my parents house for dinner. When I got there, I noticed that they had gay pride flags hanging from the porch, and gay rights bumper stickers plastered to their cars. There was also a huge "We accept you, Nick" banner hanging from the garage. I'M NOT GAY! FML

#108815
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (84336) - you deserved it (5632)

On 02/22/2009 at 10:04pm - misc - by Nick (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I saw my mom sneaking meat into her spaghetti sauce. She told me she sneaks meat into most of the food she cooks. I've been a vegetarian for 8 years. FML

#108416
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46993) - you deserved it (15343)

On 02/22/2009 at 9:35pm - misc - by j0hn (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my parents met my boyfriends parents for the first time. Bailing us out of jail. FML

#108333
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14053) - you deserved it (54955)

On 02/22/2009 at 9:29pm - misc - by DB (woman) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I went to the store to buy some condoms for my girlfriend, Kim and I. I was in a rush and when I looked at the cashier realized it was her father. Nervous and hoping to reassure him, I go "don't worry, I'm not using these with Kim." That didn't help. FML

#107795
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25923) - you deserved it (66915)

On 02/22/2009 at 8:38pm - intimacy - by madfather (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, for my birthday my boyfriend bought me a sexy outfit to wear for him. At the bottom of the bag was a razor. FML

#107726
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33253) - you deserved it (16949)

On 02/22/2009 at 8:32pm - intimacy - by Noname - United States (Pennsylvania)



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