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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, it's my birthday. My wife gave me a card saying "You made it to 36!". It's my 35th birthday. FML

#4884
26 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26003) - you deserved it (1922)

On 02/01/2009 at 5:47pm - love - by Chakkamofo - United States (Oregon)

Today, for the Superbowl halftime show, my mom was blasting the TV, dancing, and singing along to Bruce Springsteen in front of me and my boyfriend. FML

#4751
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16640) - you deserved it (6053)

On 02/01/2009 at 2:09pm - misc - by Embarrassed daughter.. - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was talking to my friend about my life and she stopped me mid-sentence and told me that my life makes her sad. FML

#4714
10 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23215) - you deserved it (2552)

On 02/01/2009 at 12:37pm - misc - by why... - United States (Michigan)

Today, I'm a shy guy normally, and when I talk to my friends I don't keep eye contact so I always look down even when I'm listening. My friend asked me why I always look at her boobs. FML

#4684
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11165) - you deserved it (20699)

On 02/01/2009 at 11:48am - misc - by foo - United States (Illinois)

Today, my friend caught me watching a movie on Oxygen instead of the Super Bowl. I'm a guy. FML

#4679
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7557) - you deserved it (27293)

On 02/01/2009 at 11:45am - misc - by Miko - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I made my new girlfriend orgasm for the first time. All she said after was "I drooled a little". FML

#4642
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32746) - you deserved it (5147)

On 02/01/2009 at 10:48am - intimacy - by nicknack22 - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was refilling some guy's iced tea at bandana's, and the uppity jerk had the gall to ask me if I ever kissed a girl considering how fat I am, how high my voice is, and how little money I make. FML

#4601
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29261) - you deserved it (3063)

On 02/01/2009 at 9:41am - work - by sportskidguru - United States (Missouri)

Today, I asked the girl I like if she wanted to go to the movies, she said yes and I said I'd let her pick the movie. She picked the movie, "Just Friends". FML

#4600
32 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27652) - you deserved it (3304)

On 02/01/2009 at 9:40am - love - by JLoRd - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I slept with this new guy for the first time. After sex, he said the doggie style position was fun, it made him wonder what it would be like to rape a girl. FML

#4489
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63433) - you deserved it (5491)

On 02/01/2009 at 5:53am - intimacy - by anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, my roommate has gone home for the weekend. She forgot to turn her alarm clock off. Her door is locked. FML

#4487
31 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27842) - you deserved it (1400)

On 02/01/2009 at 5:43am - misc - by leez - United States (Virginia)

Today, my cat, who is very 'don't-ever-touch-me', jumped up next to me as if she wanted to be stroked. In reality, she wanted to share a hellish fart. I need a new cat. FML

#4464
29 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18837) - you deserved it (4231)

On 02/01/2009 at 3:55am - animals - by pretty princess - United States (Georgia)

Today, a girl I've had a huge crush on for a long time told another friend of ours to get a life. I, in my infinite genius responded that her mom needed to get a life. She ran out of the room bawling. I got slapped in the face and informed that her mom had died not long ago. FML

#4336
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9624) - you deserved it (32704)

On 02/01/2009 at 12:22am - misc - by Huge A Hole - United States (Kansas)

Today, my little sister and I were reading a book together and out of nowhere, she said "I love you". My heart melted and I told her that I love her too. Then she told me that she was talking to her stuffed animal, not me. FML

#4425
25 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32095) - you deserved it (2664)

On 01/31/2009 at 11:29pm - kids - by Noname - United States (California)



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