FMLs submitted from United States

Today, my girlfriend asked if she should get birthcontrol, of course I said yes and offered to pay the 55 dollar fee. She got her physical and pills and then dumped me the next day. I basically paid 55 dollars so that she can sleep with other people. FML

by charlieday / 09/21/2009 at 12:34pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Intimacy

Today, my soon to be mother-in-law sent me a birthday present. It was a necklace for me to wear at my wedding. The pendant is a well known lesbian symbol. I'm a woman and I'm marrying her son. FML

by whasian / 09/21/2009 at 12:32pm / United States (Florida) / Love

Today, while taking a shower in the dorm bathroom, my roommate thought it would be funny to steal my towel, robe, and key. I spent over an hour waiting for someone to come into the bathroom so I could ask them to bring me something to cover up. FML

by issy / 09/21/2009 at 1:31am / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was at work when two sheriff's deputies walked in. They asked me my name and when I told them, they asked me to turn around and they cuffed me. They told me I was under arrest for robbery. Turns out I was mistakenly IDed, but now every one at my job thinks I'm an armed robber. FML

by THATguy / 09/21/2009 at 12:12am / United States (Nebraska) / Miscellaneous

Today, I bought the girl I like a bouquet of roses saying "anonymous" on it, and left it on her front porch. She saw it, and called the guy she thought it was from. He said "you're welcome" and now they're going out. FML

by anonymouss / 09/21/2009 at 12:02am / United States (Florida) / Love

Today, I went to my girlfriend's house for the first time. I had to use the restroom, and when I came back, I mocked her brothers' lame Pokémon shower curtain and Ninja Turtle towels. Turns out they were hers. FML

by newlydumped / 09/20/2009 at 10:28pm / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, while helping my aunts with a garage sale, I sold a relish tray that looked like my mothers. When I put stuff away, I found items of my mothers tagged. Turns out, instead of holding onto my dead mother's items for me until I can store them, they've been selling them at discount prices. FML

by buysavings / 09/20/2009 at 9:22pm / United States (Illinois) / Money

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was working drive thru and took a huge order. When the people pulled around to the window, they handed me a stack of coupons. None of the coupons were even related to what they ordered. They made me change their order to fit the coupons because they couldn't read. FML

by MEW / 09/20/2009 at 8:38pm / United States (Florida) / Work

Today, I was in my 15-year-old sister’s room when I found birth control pills. I told my parents, who responded by saying, "Sex is beautiful thing." When I was her age my parents caught me pleasuring myself, and smashed my laptop with a hammer, all while calling me "filthy" and "immoral". FML

by LovesHisHand / 09/20/2009 at 4:55pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was watching The Omen with my father. A little bit into the movie my dad turned to me and said, "Wow, you really looked like that Damien kid when you were little." Apparently I strangely resemble the anti-christ, and I am a teenage girl. Thanks Dad. FML

by Anonymous / 09/20/2009 at 3:20pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went on a trip to DC. When I got back I found out my car was stolen. Apparently they didn't know how to drive a stick because it was only 4 blocks from my house and the engine was blown. FML

by PoorCar / 09/20/2009 at 11:07am / United States (Washington) / Transportation

Today, my boyfriend and I were playing a game where you ask sexual questions and you have to give an honest answer. At one point, I asked my boyfriend what his favorite position is, to which he quickly answered with no hesitation, "Any one where I don't have to see your face or body." FML

by uglyallover / 09/20/2009 at 10:42am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy

Today, I put my sexiest lingerie on, lit candles, put some sensual music on, and got my bed ready to surprise my boyfriend when he came home. I positioned myself in the sexiest pose possible. He came home and didn't come in my room for 20 minutes because of a football game. FML

by seminole711 / 09/20/2009 at 10:17am / United States (Florida) / Intimacy