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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I was in one of those lucid half sleeps with my boyfriend. Not fully awake to control myself, I ripped ass. I had no idea what to do. I pretended to still be sleeping. I'm pretty sure he noticed because he patted me on the back in a congratulatory sort of way. FML

#3486
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20838) - you deserved it (5655)

On 01/29/2009 at 7:13pm - love - by amg85904 - United States (Ohio)

Today, a toddler's play ball rolled over to me in the park. I playfully pitched it to him as his parents watched from afar. The ball hit him in the face. FML

#3469
18 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21773) - you deserved it (3143)

On 01/29/2009 at 6:08pm - misc - by Noname - United States (New York)

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend and accidentally called her Brad (one of my roomates name) when I came. Now her and her friends think i'm gay and my roomate Brad moved out. FML

#3435
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37575) - you deserved it (29558)

On 01/29/2009 at 4:44pm - intimacy - by GavinHosler - United States (Michigan)

Today, I found a guy getting out of my car with my GPS. He started running and I chased him. We eventually reached a dead end and he gave it back to me. I took it back from him and said, "Sorry..." FML

#3430
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23572) - you deserved it (5768)

On 01/29/2009 at 4:34pm - misc - by FailBear - United States (California)

Today, my cat fell into the toilet, jumped out, and ran straight to hide in my bed. FML

#3426
23 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28092) - you deserved it (2861)

On 01/29/2009 at 4:25pm - animals - by MoncaBang - United States (Illinois)

Today, a guy sitting next to me in class asked me for a pen. I accidentally handed him a tampon instead. FML

#3375
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25412) - you deserved it (7660)

On 01/29/2009 at 12:55pm - misc - by iFail - United States (California)

Today, my parents told me that they received a letter from a prison. Being curious they opened it up and read the entire thing. It was from this girl I randomly met. Now I have a prison stalker and my parents think I date felons. FML

#3360
17 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18866) - you deserved it (2297)

On 01/29/2009 at 12:04pm - misc - by K Holed - United States (New York)

Today, I went to the pharmacy to buy the Plan B pill. The pharmacist recognized me and said, "Really? Again?" FML

#3333
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8763) - you deserved it (32900)

On 01/29/2009 at 10:19am - misc - by Hahaha - United States (California)

Today, I found an ad for my job at my company on an online job board. FML

#3292
11 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24533) - you deserved it (1702)

On 01/29/2009 at 8:06am - work - by Noname - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, my friend and I were in a hallway talking while a man kept walking by and turning around. I then asked him "WHAT are you LOOKING for!". It was a blind man. FML

#3202
17 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5819) - you deserved it (24138)

On 01/28/2009 at 8:04pm - misc - by wsumt - United States (Ohio)

Today, my friend sent me the link to this website with a message that said, "You'll feel at home." FML

#3195
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18811) - you deserved it (2510)

On 01/28/2009 at 7:33pm - misc - by AKN - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, I decided to make a toaster scramble. I thought it was bad enough when the pastry fell through the grate in the toaster over. Then it burst into flames. After 5 minutes of fanning the smoke away from the smoke detector, it still went off. Now my entire dorm building is outside in a snowstorm. FML

#3178
28 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17628) - you deserved it (4745)

On 01/28/2009 at 6:35pm - misc - by im_a_mocker - United States (New York)

Today, the girl who I have had a crush on for 2 years snuck up from behind me and gave me a hug. I farted very loud at the same exact time. FML

#3168
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31258) - you deserved it (4351)

On 01/28/2009 at 6:02pm - love - by john - United States (Kansas)



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