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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I went to a birthday party at my girlfriends house. When her little brother was about to blow out the candles I slipped my hand into her sisters back pocket and squeeze her ass, thinking it was my girlfriend. She freaked out and now her family thinks I'm a pervert. FML

#2985
27 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6492) - you deserved it (27317)

On 01/28/2009 at 7:15am - love - by dieold - United States (Utah)

Today, I woke up at 5:15, snow blowed and salted the driveway for over an hour, left early and drove an hour on shitty roads just to get to work on time only to be laid off. FML

#2983
22 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32180) - you deserved it (1417)

On 01/28/2009 at 7:13am - work - by Noname - United States (Missouri)

Today, my cheater of an ex-boyfriend sent me one of his many messages proclaiming his new-found love for me, and in the middle of it asked me how my period was going. FML

#2979
28 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21368) - you deserved it (1783)

On 01/28/2009 at 6:47am - love - by uninspired - United States (Illinois)

Today, I gathered the courage to participate in a class discussion. My professor laughed at me. FML

#2972
21 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23549) - you deserved it (2144)

On 01/28/2009 at 6:03am - misc - by Noname - United States (Texas)

Today, I woke up and I'm still in the Marine Corps. FML

#2960
13 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15969) - you deserved it (37711)

On 01/28/2009 at 4:24am - work - by carboat - United States (California)

Today, I was at work, the Disney Store. A little boy was crying so I went over to him. After talking to him for a little while I found out he couldn't find his mother. When he became comfortable I went to help him stand up, he choked back his tears and then puked all over me from the waist down. FML

#2866
12 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21901) - you deserved it (1685)

On 01/27/2009 at 3:02pm - work - by Ren - United States (Illinois)

Today, I got a text from my roommate asking me if it was cool that my ex was coming over to console him because he's sick. FML

#2860
13 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19953) - you deserved it (1584)

On 01/27/2009 at 2:41pm - love - by dammed - United States (New York)

Today, at the mall my brother and I went to look at a vendor's items when my mom said not to touch anything. Thinking my brother was standing next to me, I saw him touching stuff so I smacked him in the arm and told him to stop. I turn to see that the old lady to my side was giving me a mean look. FML

#2857
14 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5693) - you deserved it (18066)

On 01/27/2009 at 2:36pm - misc - by Noname - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was on the phone with my boyfriend for an hour listening to him talk about his new truck and his final exams. I literally did not say a single word. Just as I said, "Hey baby, guess what happened to me today?", he says, "Can I go to sleep? I'm too tired to guess. Night." FML

#2840
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26591) - you deserved it (3631)

On 01/27/2009 at 12:58pm - love - by fthis - United States (Colorado)

Today, I picked up my cat and it went wild because I didn't know he was sleeping. I ended with with several cuts, and one on my wrist. Later a kid in my high school saw my wrist and told my guidance counselor who told my parents. Now everyone thinks I'm either a liar, attention whore, or emo. FML

#2835
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23873) - you deserved it (2448)

On 01/27/2009 at 12:44pm - animals - by Anizzaf - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I hid my credit card from myself so I wouldn't use it. Now I can't find it. FML

#2823
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6996) - you deserved it (42527)

On 01/27/2009 at 11:47am - money - by dannij08 - United States (California)

Today, I was on a conference call in my office with the door closed. I let out some loud farts and felt liberated. Forgot my phone was NOT on mute. There were only 3 people on the conference call - including me. FML

#2805
18 comments

I agree, your life sucks (4947) - you deserved it (17417)

On 01/27/2009 at 9:25am - work - by workerbee - United States (Illinois)

Today, I finally broke my two year dry spell, but as she was putting on the condom, I came. She laughed from the time she was putting on her clothes to when she walked out the door. I don't think she's going to call back. FML

#2792
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39049) - you deserved it (7861)

On 01/27/2009 at 7:47am - intimacy - by theguy24 - United States (Nebraska)



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