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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I went to the doctor's office because I was sick. The male nurse led me back and when he weighed me, he said "Why do I get all the beefy girls today?". FML

#9160
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33444) - you deserved it (5011)

On 02/05/2009 at 5:05am - health - by makinascene (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my wife left me the following voicemail: “Alex, last night was amazing. You took me to places I’ve never been to before. I can’t wait to see you tonight after work.” My name is Rob. We haven’t had sex in two years. FML

#9051
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55151) - you deserved it (8244)

On 02/05/2009 at 2:57am - intimacy - by Barrel - United States (Missouri)

Today, I walked past a man handing out miniature Bibles on my way to class. He handed me one, commenting "here, you look like you need this." FML

#8842
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20962) - you deserved it (4166)

On 02/04/2009 at 8:18pm - misc - by Michigan (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my girlfriend gave me a blow-up doll and told me to practice. FML

#8816
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47731) - you deserved it (16895)

On 02/04/2009 at 7:58pm - intimacy - by PlayTag (man) - United States (California)

Today, I fell asleep. I felt something on my face. I batted it away. It was my hamster. It died from a concussion upon hitting the wall. FML

#8687
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34169) - you deserved it (13270)

On 02/04/2009 at 6:29pm - animals - by EpicFail (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I heard a man pleasuring himself in the stall next to me during my post lunch deuce. I was washing my hands when my boss walked out of the stall. I can no longer look at him in the face. FML

#8630
30 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47449) - you deserved it (2321)

On 02/04/2009 at 6:04pm - intimacy - by Sleeper_C3ll (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I discovered my mom has over 20 sites bookmarked on her laptop, all having to do with 'How To Boost Your Insecure Teen's Confidence' or 'How To Help Your Overweight Teen Have A Positive Self Image'. Thanks, mommy. FML

#8629
29 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28718) - you deserved it (6176)

On 02/04/2009 at 6:04pm - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I got in line at the grocery store. The woman in front of me looked right at me, turned to her friend, and said "That reminds me, I forgot to get acne cream." FML

#8528
30 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31616) - you deserved it (2093)

On 02/04/2009 at 5:23pm - misc - by 918boyz (man) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, it was the first time I ever saw a vagina in person. It was during medical school training on how to do a pelvic exam. FML

#8388
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50042) - you deserved it (9180)

On 02/04/2009 at 4:24pm - intimacy - by medstudent (man) - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, I hooked up with this man for the first time. He takes his shirt off and has a chestful of black hair. He had his name shaved into it. FML

#8288
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35749) - you deserved it (7748)

On 02/04/2009 at 3:20pm - love - by banana (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was at the strip club. I put my dollar on the stage. When the stripper came over to take it, she stood me up and flipped my tits and said I had bigger ones than her. I'm a guy. FML

#7993
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21282) - you deserved it (40535)

On 02/04/2009 at 12:40pm - intimacy - by Big B (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I asked my boyfriend to ravish me. He told me he would rather play PS3. FML

#7921
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32593) - you deserved it (6106)

On 02/04/2009 at 12:04pm - love - by fml_for_real - United States (New York)

Today, a guy in the library came up to me and said, "You look very unproductive. It makes me depressed just watching you". FML

#7920
24 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25136) - you deserved it (4153)

On 02/04/2009 at 12:04pm - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States (Illinois)



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