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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I invited this guy I fooled around with over to "hang out". He's "en route", so I start to make my bed only to find my cat thought this was the best time to tell me she's sick by throwing up in my bed. I only have one set of linen. FML

#2316
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16016) - you deserved it (5830)

On 01/23/2009 at 10:12am - love - by LC - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I sent a Facebook friend request to my ex. This afternoon I notice that they had accepted, and had left a message for me in my inbox. Asking how they knew me. FML

#2298
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21720) - you deserved it (3142)

On 01/23/2009 at 7:33am - love - by josh - United States (Indiana)

Today, I went to the movies with a friend and her grandma. Her grandma was using toothpicks and dropping them on the ground next to our popcorn bucket. I took a big handful of popcorn, and was fortunate enough to get a piece of her toothpick lodged in my throat. FML

#2289
18 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19709) - you deserved it (1924)

On 01/23/2009 at 6:36am - misc - by Spanky - United States (Michigan)

Today, I tried jumping off my bed over the footboard. I tripped and broke a full length mirror with my face. FML

#2286
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8179) - you deserved it (24011)

On 01/23/2009 at 6:03am - love - by Malpal - United States (Michigan)

Today, just another casual morning. I went to go drop a deuce in the bathroom. Barely being awake I didn't notice my roommates had put glad wrap between the seat and toilet, so i got piss and shit all over me. FML

#2285
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18235) - you deserved it (4359)

On 01/23/2009 at 5:45am - misc - by ohn0es - United States (Kansas)

Today, I went to Target to buy some soap and this 65-70 year old woman next to me was asking a sales associate if they had any bubble bath mix. I suddenly pictured her naked, bathing herself and suddenly my dick just couldn't sit still. It's probably because I haven't had sex in over 22 months. FML

#2281
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26552) - you deserved it (10756)

On 01/23/2009 at 3:36am - intimacy - by fecurtis - United States (Virginia)

Today, I'm sick. I got the flu shot for the first time ever this year and for the first time in my life, I have the flu. FML

#2279
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18888) - you deserved it (4325)

On 01/23/2009 at 3:24am - health - by cyantist - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, in class, I asked my teacher for a "rubber". I didn't realise that in America "rubber" doesn't mean "eraser", it means condom. FML

#2256
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58524) - you deserved it (7765)

On 01/22/2009 at 7:42pm - intimacy - by TheEnglishOne - United States (California)

Today, I made fun of my friend when she tripped over the curb. I said, loudly, "Haha, you can't even walk." I then notice the man in the wheelchair a few feet ahead of us. FML

#2244
30 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7357) - you deserved it (26042)

On 01/22/2009 at 6:22pm - misc - by william - United States (Arizona)

Today, my ex-boyfriend who I am still in love with sends me a text message that says "I miss you, baby". It turns out my name comes right after his girlfriend's name on his contact list. FML

#2236
25 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21744) - you deserved it (1642)

On 01/22/2009 at 5:47pm - love - by yeah... - United States (Ohio)

Today, I got a mailer from Adam and Eve with a bunch of hard core porn ads inside. I have been getting these since i ordered a Pirate porn video a few months ago. I was gone for a few weeks overseas. My mother-in-law was getting the mail. FML

#2226
31 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6042) - you deserved it (22296)

On 01/22/2009 at 4:31pm - love - by Noname - United States (Texas)

Today, I moved back home because I got laid off and could no longer afford my apartment. I decided to take a nap and when I woke up I overheard my Mom telling my Aunt that she used to be so proud of me and wonders when I became such a loser. Burn. FML

#2215
12 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21401) - you deserved it (2398)

On 01/22/2009 at 3:49pm - misc - by TotallyFkd - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, a girl invited me over to her dorm room at 3 AM. For some reason, I thought it would be a good idea to respond to e-mails just before. She said she was tired and then went to bed. I'm a F*ing idiot. FML

#2212
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (4730) - you deserved it (40072)

On 01/22/2009 at 3:34pm - love - by Princeton - United States (New Jersey)



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