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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I found out that my assistant is now my manager. FML

#3854
19 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25503) - you deserved it (2504)

On 01/30/2009 at 5:57pm - work - by thatsillegal - United States (New York)

Today, I went out to eat with my aunt and uncle, I barely looked at the male waiter because I'm a shy person. Then my uncle says: "YOU SHOULD TAKE OUT MY NIECE! She's never dated in her life." I'm 19 and my match maker is my uncle. FML

#3846
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25273) - you deserved it (2623)

On 01/30/2009 at 5:08pm - love - by Noname - United States (California)

Today, I thought I was giving a woman the orgasm of a lifetime until I realized that she was telling me to stop pulling her hair. FML

#3826
10 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9508) - you deserved it (38464)

On 01/30/2009 at 4:07pm - intimacy - by Hubris - United States (Arkansas)

Today, I got a haircut and the first thing the lady asked was "so do you want to keep the mullet?". What mullet?! FML

#3797
22 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17778) - you deserved it (4272)

On 01/30/2009 at 2:06pm - misc - by Noname - United States (Virginia)

Today, I meant to forward an email to my friend mocking a coworker's email, but I hit "reply" instead of "forward". FML

#3779
20 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5576) - you deserved it (38657)

On 01/30/2009 at 1:23pm - work - by teeth - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend and I lost our virginity to each other. Before, I reached over to her computer and put on "Your Body is a Wonderland". Surprisingly, I lasted through the song and didn't realize her itunes was on random. "Rape me" by Nirvana came on. I still finished. FML

#3770
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24188) - you deserved it (5699)

On 01/30/2009 at 12:27pm - love - by RollieCollieUSA - United States (Illinois)

Today, the dentist had to give me a lot of novacaine because my mouth wasn't becoming numb. After the 4th time the entire right side of my mouth was numb, except for the 2 teeth getting worked on. FML

#3757
28 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25271) - you deserved it (1389)

On 01/30/2009 at 12:05pm - health - by ihateeverything - United States (New York)

Today, I interviewed for a call center job making $13/hr, the only job where they called back. I used to live in a doorman luxury apartment in Manhattan with a prime skyline view and clubhouse. That was last month. FML

#3730
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27473) - you deserved it (7650)

On 01/30/2009 at 11:19am - money - by Banker - United States (Virginia)

Today, I received a text message from my older brother. It said, "Ah... I want you". I hope to god it was intended for someone else. FML

#3715
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25363) - you deserved it (1663)

On 01/30/2009 at 10:50am - misc - by Ren - United States (Illinois)

Today, I found out the girl I've been trying to date for six months is gay. FML

#3701
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23593) - you deserved it (5059)

On 01/30/2009 at 10:28am - love - by The L word - United States (Illinois)

Today, I went on a date with my really attractive neighbor, and at the end, when I leaned in to make out with her, she shook my hand. FML

#3670
24 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20777) - you deserved it (5233)

On 01/30/2009 at 9:42am - love - by anonymous neighbor - United States (New York)

Today, I was riding in a carpool when we passed a church that has a shady reputation. I said "man, all those people are being brainwashed, it's a cult". The lady sitting in the back seat behind me says "I'm a member of that church". OOPS. Silence. FML

#3651
28 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7704) - you deserved it (22735)

On 01/30/2009 at 9:07am - misc - by pop_rox - United States (Georgia)

Today, I fell flat on my ass while running for the subway. Made it on only to find out that it was standing by for ten minutes. I then got to ride all the way to work with a train full of people who watched me fall. FML

#3586
15 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16249) - you deserved it (2772)

On 01/30/2009 at 6:30am - work - by Weter - United States (Massachusetts)



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