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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I went to my boyfriend's house to meet his parents. They informed me they were lawyers throughout the meal, which explained the gorgeous house. My boyfriend excitedly told them I was promoted manager at my job. They asked where I work. I work at Burger King. FML

#814621
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53798) - you deserved it (8007)

On 04/05/2009 at 10:12am - misc - by Vac (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I went to the doctor's office because my wife and I were having some fertilization problems. As I removed my pants, the doctor simply looked at my penis and said "mhm." My wife laughed the whole way home. FML

#814298
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (73040) - you deserved it (4843)

On 04/05/2009 at 9:32am - health - by manlyman (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I met a new client in person for the first time. When I went to shake his hand, it was made of plastic. Startled, I laughed thinking it was a practical joke. It wasn't. FML

#813501
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15808) - you deserved it (57742)

On 04/05/2009 at 4:48am - work - by HDCkid (man) - United States (California)

Today, I got a text from my girlfriend that she was tanning naked. I replied saying I wished I was there to make tanning more fun. She replied saying that its ok because Kevin was there. My girlfriend was tanning naked with another guy over. FML

#813420
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (72027) - you deserved it (4099)

On 04/05/2009 at 4:35am - misc - by Geewizz (man) - United States (California)

Today, I walked past a church with a bunch of people standing outside waiting for the bride and groom to walk out. When the church doors opened, I yelled congratulations as loud as I could. It was a funeral. FML

#811533
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19931) - you deserved it (73755)

On 04/05/2009 at 1:20am - misc - by oops (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. She gave me back the brand new box of 12 condoms that I had bought and left at her house. There were 8 left and I wasn't the one who opened them. FML

#811119
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (89963) - you deserved it (5937)

On 04/05/2009 at 1:04am - intimacy - by knicksfan (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, my patient, a chubby little girl, stood on a scale to measure her weight. She was 5 yrs old and weighed 65 lbs. I started giving her advice on eating healthy: fruits, vegetables, and more greens. She turned to her mother giving a look of shock and said, "But mommy, the doctor is fat too!" FML

#810439
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52306) - you deserved it (18861)

On 04/05/2009 at 12:25am - kids - by Shnur (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was in IKEA, furniture shopping with my dad. He was looking at one couch that was particularly small. I said "dad that couch is for like a midget." I look over to see a midget looking at me, sitting on the same couch in a different color. He definitely heard me. FML

#809473
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25821) - you deserved it (62480)

On 04/04/2009 at 11:40pm - misc - by Nikki (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, while showering, my 3 year old son comes to the bathroom and puts on all my makeup. Once I got out of the shower, I got a camera I had and took a few adorable shots. Afterward, I sent the images to all my friends and family. Then I realized the reflection on the mirror was me fully naked. FML

#807564
217 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38044) - you deserved it (86161)

On 04/04/2009 at 10:10pm - kids - by heytherexo (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my biology teacher told me that every Friday we should wear a hideous shirt to count down the last days of freshman year. So when Friday came around we decided to have a contest for most hideous shirt. I won. I forgot to wear a hideous shirt. FML

#804387
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61485) - you deserved it (9653)

On 04/04/2009 at 7:06pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was driving on the freeway when I saw a car in front of me swerving across 3 lanes of traffic. Thinking he might be drunk, I dialed 911 on my phone, but I dropped it. I fished under my seat to get it, swerving, and got pulled over by highway patrol and given a field sobriety test. FML

#801542
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39309) - you deserved it (27501)

On 04/04/2009 at 3:42pm - misc - by driverman12 (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, my mother and I went to lunch and there is a really cute waiter that works at the diner. I requested him to wait on us like I sometimes do. While we were waiting to be seated, I heard one waiter say to the cute one, "Ya, the creepy one is back, and this time she brought her mom!" FML

#801391
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19478) - you deserved it (65609)

On 04/04/2009 at 3:36pm - misc - by bezoar10 - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, completely nude, I had to collect my clothes around the boy’s apartment I have been sleeping with for awhile. While his girlfriend watched to make sure I “got the fuck out.” FML

#800940
229 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36146) - you deserved it (165674)

On 04/04/2009 at 3:04pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)



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