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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I visited my 78 year old grandmother. She thanked me for visiting and gave me a magazine before I left telling me I might find something I like in there. When I got home I looked at the magazine only to realize it's full of dildos and sextoys. FML

#16862
29 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36205) - you deserved it (2844)

On 02/09/2009 at 2:51am - intimacy - by V (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I can't decide what's worse, my mom walking in on me doing the five knuckle shuffle, or the one hour talk the next day about how it's perfectly normal and even she does it. FML

#16441
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45152) - you deserved it (7959)

On 02/09/2009 at 12:12am - misc - by oops (man) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, for our 8 month anniversary, my boyfriend bought me a hideous necklace with ugly charms hanging off it. I wore it anyway and got a rash from it on the side of my neck. After seeing the rash my boyfriend accused me of having a hickey from another guy and broke up with me. FML

#16292
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62180) - you deserved it (4174)

On 02/08/2009 at 11:10pm - misc - by Jenny (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I called my dad to inform him I was coming home from college for the weekend. Expecting him to be excited, he responded with "why?" This weekend was my birthday. FML

#16023
12 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36470) - you deserved it (1861)

On 02/08/2009 at 9:32pm - misc - by seb21 (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. Mid-thrust she says "I love you, Jeremy." Then in rapid succession, she fires off 2 other names. None of the names were mine. FML

#15968
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49146) - you deserved it (3183)

On 02/08/2009 at 9:14pm - intimacy - by ADT (man) - United States (California)

Today, on my way home from watching a movie with a girl, I began having an erection because I thought I could kiss her goodnight. She dropped me off at home, and with my full blown erection, I walked in front of her car with the headlights on. FML

#15767
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11096) - you deserved it (40469)

On 02/08/2009 at 8:01pm - intimacy - by dgordo3 (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I looked at the facebook of the girl I really liked, and I saw she wrote on her friend's wall "Last night was the biggest mistake of my life." We hooked up last night. FML

#15703
26 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47166) - you deserved it (4181)

On 02/08/2009 at 7:37pm - misc - by YeahWhatOkay (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I changed the C on my report card into a B so that I wouldn't get in trouble with my parents. I spent the entire day perfecting the B's positioning and cut exactly around the edges of the size 10 font and sliced my finger in the process. Turns out, I'm still grounded for getting a B. FML

Today, I told my best friend of 10 years that somewhere along the way I fell in love with him and I think we should be together. His response: "I appreciate the sentiment." FML

#15560
21 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28055) - you deserved it (3443)

On 02/08/2009 at 6:34pm - misc - by mer (woman) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I auditioned for the musical at my school. Before I sang my song, I gave my music to the director. She said "Oh, I love this song!". After I sang it, she told me, "Its okay, I still like the song." FML

#14896
14 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23729) - you deserved it (4374)

On 02/08/2009 at 12:18pm - misc - by None (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I am finally dating the girl I have liked on and off for the past year. In the school play. FML

#14837
28 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28400) - you deserved it (4611)

On 02/08/2009 at 11:30am - misc - by u_n0_mE - United States (Maryland)

Today, my virgin guy friend told me he wanted me to be his first. I'm a guy. FML

#14737
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62949) - you deserved it (7841)

On 02/08/2009 at 7:37am - misc - by DC (man) - United States (California)

Today, my best friend told me she wanted to rape my throat. I did not know that was possible. FML

#14570
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23425) - you deserved it (4675)

On 02/08/2009 at 3:04am - misc - by N (woman) - United States (Indiana)



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