FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I went to my academic counselor to help me deal with my stress and anxiety, which has been making me nauseous from the constant strain. She suggested exercise to help these feelings. Every time I do so, I vomit. From the anxiety and stress. FML

by Anonymous / 10/21/2009 at 6:35pm / United States (California) / Health

Today, I was with my boyfriend, and things were getting pretty heated. Trying to be sexy, I told him that every time we touched was a guilty pleasure. He rolled off of me, and said "Oh, you're married too?" FML

by Busted / 10/21/2009 at 5:25pm / United States (Vermont) / Intimacy

Today, while working as a cashier, I was flirting with this cute girl. When I asked her if she had her store card she said "No", paused, then said "Can I give you my number?". I said "Sure, that would be awesome, do you want mine?". She said no. I didn't know I could just enter the card number. FML

by fyourlife / 10/21/2009 at 3:53pm / United States (New Jersey) / Love

Today, I started feeling sick to my stomach. I tried to soothe it with some Ramen, which helped for a while. Later on, I felt worse and threw up the soup. Noodles came out of my nose. FML

by Rayvyn / 10/21/2009 at 12:40pm / United States (Connecticut) / Health

Today, my math teacher decided to use my acne as an example of symmetry in front of the whole class. FML

by acneface / 10/21/2009 at 2:59am / United States (Washington) / Health

Today, I was watching a movie with my sister, my roommate, and my girlfriend. Half way through the movie, my girlfriend left the room and texted me that she was breaking up with me. She then came back in the room, sat on my bed, and enjoyed the rest of the movie with us. FML

by Small_Fry_Hero / 10/21/2009 at 2:39am / United States (California) / Love

Today, I got chewed out at work when my supervisor showed up, because my coworkers told my supervisor they couldn't find me for an hour and a half. Why couldn't they find me? Because they'd left to go get coffee. FML

by wrongtarget / 10/21/2009 at 1:40am / United States / Work

Today, the driver side mirror of my car was smashed off and laying on the ground. On the window was a $75.00 ticket for improper equipment for not having a mirror. FML

by Timebaseboy / 10/21/2009 at 12:06am / United States (New York) / Transportation

Today, my roommate revealed that the reason he's so grumpy is because he hasn't gotten laid in a year. I'm his only female friend, and the entire time he talked to me, he stared at my chest. FML

by Anonymous / 10/20/2009 at 11:42pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I was sitting in the cafeteria when one of my friends yelled out "Jake is uncircumcised!" as a joke. The girl I have a crush on was sitting at the table behind me and turned around and asked if it was true. I said yes, she responded with "wow, hope I never have to see that." FML

by badnewsbears / 10/20/2009 at 10:27pm / United States (Oregon) / Intimacy

Today, I decided to take a personal day from class and e-mailed all of my profs saying I had flu symptoms. While standing in line at Starbucks later, someone behind me says "Glad you're feeling better. Hope you can attend class tomorrow, we'll discuss lying." It was my Ethics professor. FML

by Anonymous / 10/20/2009 at 10:15pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I saw my son. I didn't know I had a son. FML

by Raiders4ever / 10/20/2009 at 8:44pm / United States (Virginia) / Kids

Today, my boyfriend gave me a fancy chocolate candy and I got angry at him for forgetting that I'm allergic to chocolate and threw the candy into the garbage disposal. Turns out, he had spent a ton of money getting a chocolatier to put an engagement ring inside the candy that I just destroyed. FML

by jaxattax / 10/20/2009 at 4:17pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous