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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I was working the register at a local grocery store. A kid about 5 years old was having trouble zipping his jacket. I reached out to help him and he started screaming "No bad touch bad touch!" and kicked me in the knee. Everyone looked. FML

#62507
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31216) - you deserved it (8303)

On 02/17/2009 at 6:56pm - work - by jessica (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, the priest was handing out red roses after church. The woman ahead of me asked for a rose. The priest said, "Sorry, we are only giving them out to single women since they didn't get any for Valentine's Day." Then he hands one to me. This was the first time I have been to that church. FML

#62419
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37163) - you deserved it (3775)

On 02/17/2009 at 6:44pm - love - by KC (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, in front of the entire family, I yelled at my mom and told her she wasn't a good parent. She responded with "Well, at least I had friends when I was your age." FML

#62325
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17476) - you deserved it (46084)

On 02/17/2009 at 6:33pm - misc - by loser (woman) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I went to the doctor for my yearly checkup. After getting my blood-pressure taken, my finger pricked, etc, the doctor began to ask me some questions. When asked if I was sexually active, I responded "Yes". The doctor started laughing. FML

#61591
9 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45142) - you deserved it (3053)

On 02/17/2009 at 4:54pm - intimacy - by jons (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, the 9th grade dean called me into his office to talk. He asked me if I was new because it seemed like I was having trouble making friends. I've been going to the same school, with the same people, since kindergarten. FML

#61583
17 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41099) - you deserved it (2851)

On 02/17/2009 at 4:53pm - misc - by lene (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I went to a plastic surgeon's office with a friend. The doctor walked in and before he could look at the consult papers, he started explaining the lipo suction procedure to me. I had to interrupt him and tell him that I was only there for support for my friend's nose job. FML

#61582
16 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41370) - you deserved it (5004)

On 02/17/2009 at 4:53pm - health - by tigerfiend (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, at the end of a really long day my boyfriend was rubbing my back. I told him I appreciated how sensitive he was being. His response? "I was just trying to figure out how to unhook your bra." FML

#61152
26 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43210) - you deserved it (8299)

On 02/17/2009 at 3:52pm - intimacy - by KS (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, after some very passionate sex with my girlfriend, she exclaims "that was amazing Drew..." She quickly tried to turn "Drew" into my actual name which does not sound a thing like Drew. FML

#60541
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64820) - you deserved it (3482)

On 02/17/2009 at 12:19pm - intimacy - by mynameisnotdrew (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I dropped my 400 dollar iphone, that's been through toilets and 6 foot falls, on a walmart floor and shattered the screen. I managed, however, to catch the 2 dollar macaroni and cheese before it hit the ground. FML

#60521
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18395) - you deserved it (28457)

On 02/17/2009 at 12:15pm - misc - by noname (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I got a "save the date" card for the wedding of a couple my husband knows. I was excited because I really wish to be better friends with these people. I emailed the bride, "I got your STD!" and hit send before I realized how that sounded. FML

#60508
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10100) - you deserved it (39169)

On 02/17/2009 at 12:11pm - misc - by silkytaco - United States (Hawaii)

Today, I spent $20 on a spray tan, $30 to have my make up done, and $50 on a pretty new dress all for a special date with my boyfriend. It turns out I spent $100 just to get dumped. FML

#60483
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41714) - you deserved it (7302)

On 02/17/2009 at 12:05pm - misc - by bertthelamb (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my lesbian sister enthusiastically showed me her new strap on. Not only does she get more girls than me, she now has a bigger penis too. FML

#60108
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66004) - you deserved it (5132)

On 02/17/2009 at 10:27am - misc - by stillsingleladies (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I saw my friend across campus, and I decided that I wanted to play a trick on her and scare her from behind. Turns out, I scared a complete stranger with really bad panic induced asthma. FML

#59474
11 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9881) - you deserved it (37693)

On 02/17/2009 at 3:25am - misc - by boo! (woman) - United States (California)



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