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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today... I lockd my kays in my car. Aftar spanding 20 minuta on tha phona with AAA... and than waiting a half hour... tha guy showd up... ha stuck his hand in tha drivar sida window and askd... "You couldn't just raach in?" I forgot I laft tha window opan. FML

#1054531
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10605) - you deserved it (99279)

On 04/17/2009 at 12:49pm - misc - by .... (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was at a ballet recital with my friend, sitting between her an the mother of the head male ballerina. When he came on stage in obscenely tight white tights I whispered to my friend, "You can see his whole freaking package!" I'd whispered to the wrong side. FML

#1052920
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11806) - you deserved it (59664)

On 04/17/2009 at 11:19am - misc - by lalalohan (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

YESTERDAY, I AD TO RE-TAKE AN OUR LONG MRI SCAN BECAUSE I GOT AN ERECTION MIDWAY TROUG. FML

#1051780
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67985) - you deserved it (15946)

On 04/17/2009 at 10:14am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, husband of three yeres told me he only proposd to me because his favorite football team was winning and he had been drunk. I had our second child three days ago. fat FML

#1051397
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (88389) - you deserved it (4952)

On 04/17/2009 at 9:44am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I was about to get it on with a girl in the bathroom of mah friend's house at a party . Just when things started getting heated, a pipe burst . Literally . There was water everywhere and everyone had to evacuate the building . I was cockblocked by poor plumbing . big fat FML

#1048842
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (69297) - you deserved it (11797)

On 04/17/2009 at 3:29am - intimacy - by RotoRooter (man) - United States (Oregon)

Yesterday, I Was Relaxing Alone At A Bar When I Was Approached By The Most Gorgeous Woman I've Ever Seen . She Was Too Good To Be True, So I Asked, ( Is This Some Kind Of A Prank? ) She Immediately Turned Around And Left . She Thought I Was Calling Her Ugly . I'll Never See Her Again . FML

#1047922
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16410) - you deserved it (73033)

On 04/17/2009 at 2:29am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Washington)

Today , I forgot to take mah wallet off the roof of mah car and drove away , onto the highway. A man behind me began flashing his lights and waving his arms. I thought he was freaking out cuz I cut him off. I flipped him off. He was trying to tell me that all mah money was flying down the road. FML

#1047617
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7855) - you deserved it (76794)

On 04/17/2009 at 2:12am - money - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today... boyfriend was going down on me. Right as I was really getting into it... he pauses... frowns... and says... "I think I see the pee hole." FML

#1046980
215 comments

I agree, your life sucks (91013) - you deserved it (7414)

On 04/17/2009 at 1:43am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

2day I went to babysit. I was told the parents would be gonehen I arrived. I went and started playing with the looool kids. All of a sudden I heard a scream. I opened the parents' door with a knife in hand to fine them having sex. I got paid so adults could get laid. While I was there. 6 ft. away. FML

#1043962
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58283) - you deserved it (3161)

On 04/17/2009 at 12:14am - intimacy - by babysitter (woman) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, the police posted a description of the car of a child abductor. As everyone slowed down to read the billboard, I realized that the car's description and license plate were very similar to looool mine. After getting death stares from passengers, I got pulled over. Twice. FML

#1043784
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58631) - you deserved it (2358)

On 04/17/2009 at 12:11am - misc - by eyeamcool (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was homa alona whila mah mom want out to dinnar. I dacidd to hop in tha showar, and I noticd mah mom laft har doucha in thara. Aftar, I taxtd har talling har wat I found and that it was gross. Har rasponsa? "It's not gross. It cummd from mah vagina, lyk u and your sistar." FML

#1040917
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46659) - you deserved it (21552)

On 04/16/2009 at 11:08pm - health - by duuuuude (woman) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, my car got a flat tire. I jackd up my car, removd the flat and went to get my spare out of the trunk. Where my spare is supposd to be I found a note. It said "You're a bitch - John". John is my ex boyfriend. He borrowd my car the day we broke up, apparently he stole my spare tire too. FML

#1039565
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50678) - you deserved it (9029)

On 04/16/2009 at 10:38pm - love - by jacked (woman) - United States (Louisiana)



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