FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I had a Biochemistry quiz. I studied all night but took a nap to get some rest because my quiz was in the morning. I woke up at 10 feeling very confident. My quiz was at 9. FML

by sleepy / 10/15/2009 at 11:48am / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was in a work meeting because our clientele is unhappy with our service. I was in there because I don't correct our customers when they get my name wrong. My name is Blane, but "Blair", "Blake", "Lane", and "Glenn" got rave reviews. No one picked up on this. I hate my job. FML

by Blanerd / 10/15/2009 at 8:33am / United States (New Jersey) / Work

Today, I was making out with a guy I really like. Midway through, he stopped and said he had to sneeze. After waiting several seconds, he said the urge went away and we kept making out. Ten seconds later, he violently sneezed in my open mouth. FML

by Achoo / 10/15/2009 at 3:07am / United States (North Carolina) / Love

Today, I realized that my virus protection program now has a virus. FML

by Anonymous / 10/15/2009 at 2:19am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was involved in a wreck. How quickly did the police arrive at the scene? Very quickly, considering he was the one who rear-ended me at a red light. FML

by gooddriver / 10/14/2009 at 11:18pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I just let out all my feeling for a woman that I have loved for 22 years. When I finished she said "You're so funny" and walked away. FML

by diskdude13 / 10/14/2009 at 9:48pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Love

Today, after watching the news, I realized the only person who has ever wished that I had a good day, or wished that I had anything pleasant for that matter, is Charlie Gibson on World News Tonight. FML

by newscomes / 10/14/2009 at 7:06pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to a party where I met some nice girls. One of them was really sweet and we were having a great time in my friend's backyard. As I was on the swing, I was gonna give her my number, but instead, I gave her a harsh kick to the face. FML

by Anonymous / 10/14/2009 at 5:27pm / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous

Today, I walked into a T-Mobile store to get a new phone. I wanted all of my numbers on my new phone, but the customer service rep had to transfer them. He said jokingly, "I understand. You don't want to lose your girlfriend's number." My girlfriend and I broke up two days ago. FML

by Anonymous / 10/14/2009 at 3:13pm / United States (Illinois) / Love

Today, a woman yelled at me to stop following her around the store. We were in IKEA. The only way to get through the store is to follow the arrows through a one-way path. Apparently, no one informed her of this. FML

by creepystalkerguy / 10/14/2009 at 2:19pm / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had to take a dump. While looking for a book to read, I sneezed. The force of the sneeze caused me to shit my pants. The glob of dung then ran down my leg before falling out of my shorts onto my carpet, all in less than 5 seconds. Nothing in my life has prepared me for this. FML

by Anonymous / 10/14/2009 at 1:01pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got a phone call from my boyfriend, who screamed at me for being a f-ing liar and never taking time for him. He'd called my work and knew I wasn't there as I said I'd be. He was right - I was lying. I'd been driving for the past 10 hours to his family's beach house to surprise him. FML

by DumpedHisAss / 10/14/2009 at 11:19am / United States (Oklahoma) / Love

Today, I noticed that my clothes had shrunk. My mother seemed to be having trouble with the new washer and dryer so I tried to show her exactly how they work. After my explanation she said "I know how they work. I shrank your clothes to give you some incentive to lose all that belly you got." FML

by thelandofoz / 10/14/2009 at 10:36am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous