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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I called my girlfriend and she answered telling me how amazing the sex was last night and she can't wait to see me later. I didn't see her last night. FML

#90751
32 comments

I agree, your life sucks (92558) - you deserved it (4322)

On 02/20/2009 at 6:42pm - intimacy - by screewit (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I woke up after having had sex with my 4-year crush expecting to find him in bed next to me. Instead, I found my cell phone with a text message from him that said "you should really do something about the pimples on your ass." FML

#90638
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66767) - you deserved it (10492)

On 02/20/2009 at 6:25pm - intimacy - by acw2110 (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was riding the train and fell asleep. A friend of mine got on a few stops later, and to be funny, shouted 'BOO!'. I woke up and was so startled I peed myself. FML

#90535
25 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39579) - you deserved it (6061)

On 02/20/2009 at 6:13pm - misc - by niabby - United States (Illinois)

Today, after I got home from school I went to my room to find the maid had cleaned it, also to find a bag labeled "trash" it was all the sketches and paintings I had done in art class, which is my major plan for college. FML

#90322
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42535) - you deserved it (3936)

On 02/20/2009 at 5:46pm - misc - by Photos - United States (Texas)

Today, I realized that there are more framed pictures of my mom's dog than pictures of me around the house. FML

#89971
22 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37196) - you deserved it (2931)

On 02/20/2009 at 5:02pm - animals - by d0pey (man) - United States (California)

Today, I returned from a half-month long trip to China with a group of friends. After throwing myself into my mother's arms and bursting into tears, she stops me to say 'Listen...these last couple of weeks have been some of the best I've ever had. Can we try to keep it like that?' FML

#89579
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40091) - you deserved it (4180)

On 02/20/2009 at 4:19pm - misc - by DuCkBuBbLeS (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my girlfriend and I were up late watching tv when an infomercial for "male enhancement" came on. I grabbed for my phone to make a call when my girlfriend said "O honey, dont buy that, it's okay that you're small." I was checking my voicemails. FML

#89031
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46051) - you deserved it (5556)

On 02/20/2009 at 3:15pm - misc - by allyshah - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, while leaving school to skip fourth period, I hit someone's car in the parking lot. It was the teacher's whose class I was going to skip. FML

#88598
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9542) - you deserved it (52057)

On 02/20/2009 at 2:21pm - misc - by Ava777 (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I found a note in my locker from a really hot guy asking me to prom. I went up to him saying how excited I was to go. He said "Oh you got the note?" and slipped it into the locker next to me. FML

#88303
19 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39107) - you deserved it (2124)

On 02/20/2009 at 1:42pm - misc - by caitiexob - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was at a bar with a friend. A guy came up to me, took my drink and drank it. I laughed and jokingly said "now, you have to buy me a drink." He said "I would rather buy your friend a drink." FML

#87320
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45862) - you deserved it (3597)

On 02/20/2009 at 11:16am - love - by darn it. (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I woke up happy because I'd met the man of my dreams at a bar. We had shared an amazing night together. I walked around my apartment, wondering where he'd went. Turns out, he was gone. So was my car. FML

#87157
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50235) - you deserved it (25240)

On 02/20/2009 at 10:38am - intimacy - by clueless2 (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I saw an elderly man fall in a crosswalk, so I jumped off my bike to help. As I helped him across, the light turned green. I then watched across a 6 lane street as someone stole my bike. FML

#86179
739 comments

I agree, your life sucks (771966) - you deserved it (82781)

On 02/20/2009 at 3:29am - misc - by Mick (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, after class, my teacher pulled me aside and said "You know, I never received the e-mail regarding your disabilities that your parents mentioned. Could you have them resend it?" What disabilities? FML

#85475
26 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48008) - you deserved it (2295)

On 02/20/2009 at 1:16am - work - by Jedi (woman) - United States (California)



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