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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I discovered that my fiancé had tried to fake his own death because he thought it would be easier than confessing to the affair he was having. FML

#2820060
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67910) - you deserved it (3196)

On 06/12/2009 at 12:41am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I thought my face was breaking out with pimples, and I thought it was weird because I never break out. And I noticed all these "bug bites" all over my body. When I got home, I realized those weren't bug bites. I have chicken pox, and my high school graduation is tomorrow. FML

#2819083
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58585) - you deserved it (3201)

On 06/12/2009 at 12:06am - health - by angela (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was babysitting my 5 month old nephew who hasn't pooped in 2 days according to his mom. Well, he pooped. I accidentally stuck my finger in it. While I was wiping my finger off, he rolls over and pees on my new carpet. I roll him over to clean the pee and he opened fire and pooped again. FML

#2816506
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51214) - you deserved it (6022)

On 06/11/2009 at 10:39pm - kids - by chuchie (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my car was in the shop so I borrowed my wife's VW Beetle convertible. It's really embarrassing because it's a girlie car and it's full of little stuffed animals. At a stop light a man asked me if I'd like to borrow one of his testicles because "every man should have at least one." FML

#2812014
266 comments

I agree, your life sucks (99294) - you deserved it (21126)

On 06/11/2009 at 8:23pm - misc - by NoBalls (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I was at the mall with my mom. She was pissing me off, so I started screaming at her and causing a scene. I ended up falling all the way down the up escalator. Everyone saw and people clapped. FML

#2804463
842 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34890) - you deserved it (316619)

On 06/11/2009 at 3:49pm - misc - by ouchers (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, at my wedding, when my husband heard "you may now kiss the bride" he swung me down romantically and was about to plant one on me when his arm slipped, causing me to fall on the floor hitting my head, and getting a concussion. FML

#2798321
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (72565) - you deserved it (4122)

On 06/11/2009 at 10:37am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was helping a couple come up with a name for the baby they just had. I suggested "Joshua" thinking that it was an okay name. All sudden, the room got quiet. Turns out I had forgotten that Joshua was the name of their 3 year old son who had died a couple months before. FML

#2798038
218 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33772) - you deserved it (82475)

On 06/11/2009 at 10:17am - misc - by 8reth72 (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my mom's will was read to the rest of the family. I helped my mom write it a couple years ago, and I was to get funds to pay off school loans. She revised it and put in a note saying I was to get nothing because I was "lazy." The executor read it out loud. FML

#2796619
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (103587) - you deserved it (10419)

On 06/11/2009 at 7:51am - money - by TSampson (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I wrote a poem for this guy I am falling for. Before telling him that I wrote it, he read it and then laughed at how "corny and stupid" it was because he would "never date someone who could come up with something that lame." The poem was about how vulnerable he makes me feel. FML

#2793513
219 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50597) - you deserved it (15583)

On 06/11/2009 at 2:12am - love - by seablue (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I received an email from a temp agency trying to hire me. Surprisingly, it was the same job I was just laid off from after two years of great employment. They were trying to hire me at half my original salary. FML

#2792784
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52045) - you deserved it (2438)

On 06/11/2009 at 1:21am - work - by surfernerd6987 - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I was eating lunch with my wife. We were having a nice time when a man came up to me. He said, "Hey! Bill how are you?" I wasn't really sure, so being polite I said, "I'm sorry, I can't remember your name." He frowned and walked away. It was my company's Chairman of the Board. FML

#2792328
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18386) - you deserved it (51010)

On 06/11/2009 at 1:08am - misc - by silly_billy (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I got into an argument with a 7 year old. He said that Obama was the 44th President, I said he was the 42nd. Guess who was right. FML

#2791177
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10521) - you deserved it (81413)

On 06/11/2009 at 12:33am - misc - by feeldumb - United States (New York)



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