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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I rear-ended a car. While we were waiting for the police, we made small talk, at which time I learned he was an attorney. FML

#2454522
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45945) - you deserved it (7996)

On 05/31/2009 at 1:45am - misc - by T-Shain (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I drove two and a half hours to a job interview. The interviewer never showed up or called. I sat in the hotel lobby waiting for an hour and a half. Even the hotel staff said they felt sorry for me. FML

#2451149
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48729) - you deserved it (2362)

On 05/31/2009 at 12:06am - work - by unemployed (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I met this really nice guy at the mall and he gave me his number. Later that night, I texted him. We got on the subject of food, and I started talking about how much I love veal. He responded with saying I was supporting animal murder, that I should go to hell and lose his number. FML

#2449996
384 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43589) - you deserved it (19585)

On 05/30/2009 at 11:34pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was driving to the local market with my son. We approached a vehicle that looked just like my fiancé's. My son peered out his window and said, "Mommy, daddy's getting kidnapped!" It seems he was being 'kidnapped' by his new girlfriend. FML

#2447996
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59927) - you deserved it (3003)

On 05/30/2009 at 10:37pm - love - by anoymus (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was partnered with this really sexy guy for an audition. He says, "Am I really stuck with you? I can't even stand being seen with you in public!" I start cursing him out really loud, but then I realize that he's only reading the script. Everyone was staring, and he called me a crazy bitch. FML

#2445222
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11405) - you deserved it (63644)

On 05/30/2009 at 9:13pm - misc - by jazzyfizzle (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was watching Harry Potter. When all the students at Hogwarts started to clap at one point, I started clapping myself. FML

#2442795
251 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20639) - you deserved it (49559)

On 05/30/2009 at 7:48pm - misc - by whoahshloann (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I had a dentist appointment. While waiting, I pulled out my Cosmo magazine to entertain myself. The woman sitting across from me points and tells me I'm reading "Satan's Manual." I told her I don't believe in Satan. She said, "You'll know he's real when you become his bitch!" FML

#2442070
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52782) - you deserved it (7826)

On 05/30/2009 at 7:22pm - misc - by satanlovesme (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I began to choke on a large pill while my mom was in the room. Hoping that she would help me, I began to make a lot of noise. After she completely ignored me, I threw my body over a chair, saving my life. At this point my mother asks me to shut up because she can't hear her friend. FML

#2436304
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59064) - you deserved it (4353)

On 05/30/2009 at 3:50pm - health - by quietdown (woman) - United States (California)

Today, while arriving at my best friend's wedding, I accidentally ran over her 2 dogs. FML

#2433672
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52431) - you deserved it (23317)

On 05/30/2009 at 2:04pm - animals - by lfssecond - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I went to a barbecue and noticed a girl that I had be interested in. When I walked up to ask how she was doing I noticed she had some BBQ sauce on her face. Jokingly I licked my thumb and reach to remove it. It turned out to be a scab from a pimple she had popped earlier. FML

#2431161
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16560) - you deserved it (53946)

On 05/30/2009 at 12:19pm - misc - by eayers2689 (man) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, I turned 30 years old. My dad, the only living relative I have, gave me a call. Not to wish me a happy birthday, but to tell me about "a hot piece of ass" he nailed at the senior center last night. FML

#2429850
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54398) - you deserved it (2755)

On 05/30/2009 at 11:18am - misc - by willieboom (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, it was beautiful out. I decided to play guitar at the park near my house. I left my guitar case open, asking not for money but for feedback. I got two pieces of paper with feedback: 1) You're fat. 2) Get a life. FML

#2429175
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42417) - you deserved it (12183)

On 05/30/2009 at 10:46am - misc - by peopleinthepark (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my brother had his hot friend over. I decided to make a move because he was staring at me and smiling all night. So I asked him which holiday was his favorite, Christmas or Easter while I batted my eyes and smiled. Thats when he said, "you have lettuce in your teeth." FML

#2428890
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14625) - you deserved it (43966)

On 05/30/2009 at 10:36am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Ohio)



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