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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, my boss asked me to pick up an extra shift. I said I couldn't because I have a date. He told me I didn't need to lie and to just say no next time. FML

#20879
13 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35379) - you deserved it (2337)

On 02/10/2009 at 2:35pm - misc - by Flavorite (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, in basketball practice my coach was putting is in teams to run drills. He points to me and says, "You, go babysit my son by the stage." FML

#20586
26 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26286) - you deserved it (2481)

On 02/10/2009 at 12:41pm - misc - by nj (woman) - United States (Iowa)

Today, I was walking my son to school. After yelling at him for not looking where he's walking, I grabbed his hand and pulled him closer to me. Not paying attention, I walked him right into a light pole. FML

#20511
27 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6772) - you deserved it (48285)

On 02/10/2009 at 12:07pm - misc - by EOJ (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was tutoring kids at an elementary school. One kid messed up my hair. I said, "Why'd you do that??" He said, "I have lice, now you have lice too!" FML

#20313
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (92653) - you deserved it (5069)

On 02/10/2009 at 10:08am - misc - by imalilangel05 (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, a customer at one of my tables left his phone number and a smiley face on the credit card slip. I was completely flattered until I looked at the bottom of the slip and realized that he had left me a $0.26 tip. FML

#19721
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27600) - you deserved it (2515)

On 02/10/2009 at 1:20am - misc - by appleville (woman) - United States (North Dakota)

Today, my tennis coach showed up to practice in an all white outfit. I exclaimed, "You're looking very white today!" He's African American. FML

#19641
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9150) - you deserved it (38714)

On 02/10/2009 at 12:59am - misc - by Tennisplayer (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I greeted a mom and a little girl at the place where I work. The little girl looks at me, looks back at her mom, and says, "Mommy, I hate people." FML

#19635
30 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32782) - you deserved it (2296)

On 02/10/2009 at 12:58am - misc - by neversayhiagain (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, I was in a car accident. After screaming at the woman for running into me, I got in my car and drove off. As I was driving away, I was staring her down when I ended up rear ending the person in front of me. FML

#19361
26 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6097) - you deserved it (47714)

On 02/09/2009 at 11:54pm - misc - by prettyinpurple - United States (Virginia)

Today, I got a ticket. From my dad the cop. FML

#19088
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37153) - you deserved it (14999)

On 02/09/2009 at 10:59pm - misc - by annoyed (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I ran out of underwear and so I went into my mom's drawer to borrow a pair from her. It was then that I found out my mom uses the same vibrator as I do. FML

#18530
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17244) - you deserved it (36972)

On 02/09/2009 at 8:50pm - misc - by Ab (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, my on-and-off boyfriend of 8 years asked me to cheer him up. I told him that I'm in love with him. He said "Oh, I just wanted a blowjob." FML

#18490
29 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38712) - you deserved it (8282)

On 02/09/2009 at 8:41pm - intimacy - by leelee50 (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I finally reunited with a lot of old friends from school. It was great to see everyone grown up and hear the stories. At the end we decided to have a group photo for old times sake. They asked me to take the picture. FML

#18256
15 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40563) - you deserved it (2164)

On 02/09/2009 at 7:43pm - misc - by p00p_m0nsta (man) - United States (Illinois)



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