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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, my sister had a friend over and I had just gotten out of the shower. I wrapped something around me and walked across the living room. When I walked through, they both started laughing hysterically. Turns out, I grabbed a poncho and the hole for the head ended up right over my crotch. FML

#110231
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14165) - you deserved it (36702)

On 02/22/2009 at 11:50pm - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, before a big formal banquet, I went tanning because I wanted to look good in my cocktail dress. I got out of the tanning bed only to realize that I had left my socks on. FML

#109739
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9556) - you deserved it (49911)

On 02/22/2009 at 11:09pm - misc - by Sh.H (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I celebrated my birthday with my friend who has the same birthday by going out to dinner with a bunch of our friends. The waiter brought out a cake for my friend but not for me. No one noticed my exclusion. I sang happy birthday on my birthday. FML

#109688
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53550) - you deserved it (3295)

On 02/22/2009 at 11:05pm - misc - by jet8725 - United States (Virginia)

Today, I arrived at my parents house for dinner. When I got there, I noticed that they had gay pride flags hanging from the porch, and gay rights bumper stickers plastered to their cars. There was also a huge "We accept you, Nick" banner hanging from the garage. I'M NOT GAY! FML

#108815
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (84203) - you deserved it (5622)

On 02/22/2009 at 10:04pm - misc - by Nick (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I saw my mom sneaking meat into her spaghetti sauce. She told me she sneaks meat into most of the food she cooks. I've been a vegetarian for 8 years. FML

#108416
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46902) - you deserved it (15320)

On 02/22/2009 at 9:35pm - misc - by j0hn (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my parents met my boyfriends parents for the first time. Bailing us out of jail. FML

#108333
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14023) - you deserved it (54843)

On 02/22/2009 at 9:29pm - misc - by DB (woman) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I went to the store to buy some condoms for my girlfriend, Kim and I. I was in a rush and when I looked at the cashier realized it was her father. Nervous and hoping to reassure him, I go "don't worry, I'm not using these with Kim." That didn't help. FML

#107795
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25462) - you deserved it (66199)

On 02/22/2009 at 8:38pm - intimacy - by madfather (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, for my birthday my boyfriend bought me a sexy outfit to wear for him. At the bottom of the bag was a razor. FML

#107726
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32353) - you deserved it (16600)

On 02/22/2009 at 8:32pm - intimacy - by Noname - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I kissed my girlfriend and she tasted like a cigarette. I don't smoke. She doesn't smoke. My roommate does. FML

#107589
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (68567) - you deserved it (2902)

On 02/22/2009 at 8:21pm - love - by scotto (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, at my softball game, there was one spot left for center field. The coach had to choose between me or the girl who forgot her glasses and was blind without them. He chose her. FML

#104917
28 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40868) - you deserved it (4186)

On 02/22/2009 at 3:41pm - misc - by JRock - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I finally won an ongoing battle with my family to go to a restaurant I like, rather than a restaurant I hate with a passion. Now I'm throwing up, and my back is killing me. I'm the only one who got food poisoning. FML

#104112
17 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35667) - you deserved it (11067)

On 02/22/2009 at 2:02pm - health - by amandapurple (woman) - United States

Today, I took my dog for a walk down by the river. I was throwing sticks for him with one hand and talking on the phone with the other. Then I accidentally threw my phone in the river instead of the stick and was standing there talking to the stick while my phone sat at the bottom of the river. FML

#102926
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17307) - you deserved it (56136)

On 02/22/2009 at 9:52am - animals - by El Boz (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was at a party and all my friends started asking me ways they could leave so no one would notice because the party sucked. It was MY party. FML

#102896
19 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36919) - you deserved it (6774)

On 02/22/2009 at 9:37am - misc - by SIK of everything (man) - United States (Florida)



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