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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, my grandmother patched up my $300, vintage, limited edition, designer jeans because she thought I'd accidentally ripped them. FML

#203751
457 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37254) - you deserved it (82951)

On 03/04/2009 at 12:40am - money - by ch (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my wife told me that she wanted a divorce. It is also my 39th birthday today. For my birthday present, she gave me a subscription to match.com. FML

#203455
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (128529) - you deserved it (6815)

On 03/04/2009 at 12:15am - love - by you would (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was walking to my car tonight when I saw a large man walking behind me, I hurried to open my car as he was approaching quickly, my door wasn't unlocking and I panicked. It was then I noticed it wasnt even my car. As I walked away from the other car, he walked up and unlocked the door. FML

#202745
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9794) - you deserved it (43783)

On 03/03/2009 at 11:19pm - misc - by Fantastic (woman) - United States (California)

Today, in the fitting room at Old Navy, a customer asked me if we sold Calvin Klein jeans. I replied "no ma'am, this isn't a department store, we only sell Old Navy jeans." She left, and complained to my manager, who informed me that "the customer is always right." FML

#199047
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63998) - you deserved it (3340)

On 03/03/2009 at 7:18pm - work - by samantha (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, a guy who I've been on five dates with called me for the first time in 2 weeks. The first thing I said was, "Don't expect me to go out with you again after going AWOL on me." Then he told me his mom died. FML

#198130
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14718) - you deserved it (63381)

On 03/03/2009 at 6:08pm - love - by ouch (woman) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I was at a party and we were all playing Seven Minutes in Heaven. It was my crush's turn to spin the bottle so my heart started pounding. The bottle pointed towards me! Then my crush said, "With her it'd be 'Seven Minutes in Hell'. Just skip me." FML

#198031
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (109120) - you deserved it (7162)

On 03/03/2009 at 6:00pm - love - by ILTali (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I went to get my eyebrows waxed at a korean salon. I have never been there before and it's hard to understand their accents. The women asked me if I wanted "them all off". Not fully understanding what she said, I agreed. When she showed me the mirror, she had taken off my whole eyebrow. FML

#197849
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18818) - you deserved it (46703)

On 03/03/2009 at 5:47pm - misc - by brows (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was having sex with my wife when my 14 year old daughter from her room texts me, "Stop." FML

#197620
235 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29872) - you deserved it (77020)

On 03/03/2009 at 5:28pm - intimacy - by dad (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my very religious grandmother walked in on me masturbating. She's sending me to bible camp. FML

#197450
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (74562) - you deserved it (25446)

On 03/03/2009 at 5:14pm - intimacy - by camp (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend because I found an email he had written to an ex-fling telling her he was single and wanted to meet up. He wrote that email from my computer, in my apartment, on Valentine's Day. FML

#197366
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (72429) - you deserved it (3251)

On 03/03/2009 at 5:07pm - love - by JTo (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, for my two-year anniversary I got my girlfriend a very expensive diamond necklace. She got me male enhancement pills. FML

#197066
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (142750) - you deserved it (16159)

On 03/03/2009 at 4:40pm - intimacy - by eaa145 (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I went to visit my fiancé's dying grandmother in the hospital with him. She started talking to us about living each day to the fullest. His grandmother points to me and says, "Life is short. That's why you don't waste any time screwing girls who look like that." FML

#197015
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (70975) - you deserved it (3614)

On 03/03/2009 at 4:36pm - misc - by joAnne (woman) - United States

Today, I drove my two kids to their friends' houses. In my convertible, looking what I though was my best, I slowed down outside a bar with cute 20 year old girls in front. My daughter noticed the speed reduction and said, "Keep driving dad, you're fat and mom left you for a reason." FML

#196936
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50044) - you deserved it (39512)

On 03/03/2009 at 4:27pm - kids - by Fat Dad (man) - United States (Missouri)



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