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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I was eating at Steak N' Shake. I noticed that the cute waitress was checking me out. When I was done with my meal she wrote her number on the ticket. So, as I was walking out the door, I turned around to wave at her, and walked into a metal bar next to the door. FML

#333270
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46996) - you deserved it (22423)

On 03/15/2009 at 12:20am - love - by Raw95 (man) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I ran for the train that was about to leave. I tried to hold the doors open with my leg and got stuck. The conductor just yelled out how unbelievable and ridiculous I was and waited 2 minutes to finally release me. Everyone was laughing at me. FML

#332673
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39957) - you deserved it (15514)

On 03/14/2009 at 11:56pm - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, while I was babysitting, the toddler was feeding me banana slices from her tray while I was cutting up clay for her to mold. It was all fine until she shoved something hard and crunchy into my mouth. I immediately spat it out into my hand. It was a dead cricket she found on the floor. FML

#331058
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60653) - you deserved it (9762)

On 03/14/2009 at 10:27pm - misc - by storyofmylife - United States

Today, I was eating at a restaurant in town, when this small boy starts looking at me. I simply smiled and went back to eating, only to hear out of the corner of my ear, "Daddy, why does that kids face look like that"? He said it so loud 3 tables next to us turned and looked. FML

#330235
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47294) - you deserved it (3002)

On 03/14/2009 at 9:46pm - kids - by maximumpower (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my family and I were at a restaurant. We're Swedish and love talking about people in our language because no one ever understands here. I decided to comment about how ugly the girl at the next table was. She turned around and goes "Dra åt helvete." That's Swedish for "Go to hell." FML

#329882
435 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26804) - you deserved it (290167)

On 03/14/2009 at 9:30pm - misc - by SwedishBozo (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, the hottest girl in the entire freshman class was telling her friend she was going to Florida for spring break. She said she would be in the same city I would and I couldnt help but say, "Oh, cool! Maybe I'll see you there!" She simply looked at me and said, "I hope not." FML

#328244
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67409) - you deserved it (8837)

On 03/14/2009 at 8:07pm - love - by evanescence (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was walking down the street and noticed a man in ripped clothes with a cup out asking for money. I was on my way to the movies but I felt like this man needed it more that me. Right as I gave it to him, he pulled out his blackberry. FML

#324615
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59384) - you deserved it (16441)

On 03/14/2009 at 4:55pm - money - by california (man) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I learned that the surprise party thrown for my girlfriend's 19th birthday was wonderful and she couldn't be happier. Except that I didn't show up. Apparently 40 people were invited but I wasn't one of them. We've been going out for three years. FML

#323384
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (70817) - you deserved it (3543)

On 03/14/2009 at 3:28pm - misc - by chessgeeksam - United States (New Jersey)

Today, My girlfriend who I've been dating for over a year was going to Florida for a short trip with a few friends without me since I couldn't get work off. She asked me to put her iPod in her bag for her as she was almost ready to walk out the door. Thats when I saw she packed 10 condoms with her. FML

#322339
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (104722) - you deserved it (5531)

On 03/14/2009 at 2:25pm - love - by that1guy (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I checked my Facebook to find I had been tagged in a bunch of photos from a party I had attended last night. On each picture I had a comment from my mom saying, "You're grounded." FML

#322289
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30424) - you deserved it (76060)

On 03/14/2009 at 2:22pm - misc - by Noname - United States (Virginia)

Today, my Christian boyfriend of six months broke up with me. I had told him when we started dating that I was an atheist, and he just now decided to look up what it is. He gave me a bible. FML

#320737
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (69549) - you deserved it (16351)

On 03/14/2009 at 12:48pm - love - by Noname (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I yelled at my spouse in front of 20 guests for not coming to blow out his birthday cake candles. Turns out he was in the other room, quietly changing his disabled friend's diaper. FML

#319539
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18314) - you deserved it (190280)

On 03/14/2009 at 11:16am - love - by Noname (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was curling my eyelashes in my bathroom and while I was counting to 5 my brother flung open my door. I jumped and ended up ripping out all my eyelashes. Now I have to wait until they grow back. FML

#319307
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (79347) - you deserved it (8254)

On 03/14/2009 at 10:55am - misc - by CPN (woman) - United States (Texas)



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