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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I got written up at work for making a customer feel bad. I made him feel bad by laughing uncontrollably at him when he asked if we sold real light sabers. FML

#4945684
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49439) - you deserved it (15232)

On 08/31/2009 at 1:18am - work - by Timmah (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I received official notification that my license was being suspended for multiple DUIs. Apparently, my brother is a drunk and has been using my ID. FML

#4944535
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45176) - you deserved it (2772)

On 08/31/2009 at 12:30am - misc - by Notabum (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I rented a drill to a straight-up valley girl, with the speech affect, Von Dutch patrol cap and all. I tried to disabuse of her of the idea that aluminum is a form of steel. Apparently, that constitutes being a smartass, so she threw her change at me. FML

#4943867
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27077) - you deserved it (8117)

On 08/31/2009 at 12:06am - work - by Mack (man) - United States (California)

Today, I interviewed for a job at a pharmaceutical lab. During the interview, I said something about a past work experience that made the interviewers think that I would enjoy doing something similar to that... so they gave me a warehouse job instead. I have a degree in chemistry and biology. FML

#4939837
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33134) - you deserved it (3812)

On 08/30/2009 at 9:56pm - work - by Pissssd (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my friend and I were making sandwiches at his house. His family's dog wandered over just as I dropped a large chunk of cheddar on the floor. The dog snatched it up and ran away with it. I yelled after it, jokingly, that I hoped it would choke and die. It did. FML

#4932229
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29041) - you deserved it (52753)

On 08/30/2009 at 4:17pm - animals - by lily (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was at my favorite Mexican restaurant when I realized my really cute waiter, along with his buddies kept looking at me and smiling. Trying to be cool, I took a bite of my burrito, choked, and spilled ground beef down my new shirt and in my bra. They laughed the whole time. FML

#4929895
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14610) - you deserved it (37159)

On 08/30/2009 at 2:09pm - misc - by pootythe5th (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I had a stressful day at work and decided to go in the jacuzzi. I hadn't used it for a year, so it was a little dirty. After I cleaned it, filled it up, and jumped in, I pressed the jets. Immediately, thousands of dead moths shot out at full speed towards me. FML

#4927406
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56975) - you deserved it (15137)

On 08/30/2009 at 11:23am - misc - by mel (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I had to buy another pair of 'fat jeans', because my old 'fat jeans' became my new 'skinny jeans'. FML

#4926734
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25181) - you deserved it (57305)

On 08/30/2009 at 10:15am - misc - by FML (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I went to the movies with the girl I liked. She kept on eating my popcorn so I whispered in her ear "Pretty soon your going to have to repay me with kisses." Then she looked at me and walked out the theatre. She came back with a bucket of popcorn and said "Here, you're repaid." FML

#4925971
239 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34616) - you deserved it (43405)

On 08/30/2009 at 8:19am - love - by regected (man) - United States (California)

Today, I realized I can hold a pencil in my fat rolls. FML

#4923649
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17864) - you deserved it (59750)

On 08/30/2009 at 3:12am - health - by tomchuq (man) - United States (Alabama)

Today, I finished moving out of my apartment and decided to clean the fridge before I left. I pulled out a drawer that I never used and was shocked to find a moldy, rotten, decayed watermelon. I remembered that I had bought a watermelon the first week I moved into the apartment. Four years ago. FML

#4922753
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10259) - you deserved it (62840)

On 08/30/2009 at 2:29am - misc - by rydawg79 (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I told my boyfriend that my fantasy was for him to eat me out on the dinner table. My boyfriend told me his was me in a Pikachu costume. FML

#4921754
231 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46080) - you deserved it (9083)

On 08/30/2009 at 1:38am - intimacy - by pokie (woman) - United States (California)



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