Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

FMLs submitted from United States

Today, my brother joked that our dog was more attractive than I was. I looked to my mom for support, and she said "Well, she is pure bred." FML

#63875
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35648) - you deserved it (3117)

On 02/17/2009 at 9:52pm - animals - by Noname (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I kneeled down to tie my shoe and sneezed, nailing my face off of my knee and breaking my nose. FML

#63782
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43232) - you deserved it (6449)

On 02/17/2009 at 9:43pm - health - by ouchmynose (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I realized the annoying squealing I hear every night isn't my guinea pig. Apparently my brothers girlfriend makes that sound when they have sex. FML

#62926
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43334) - you deserved it (2853)

On 02/17/2009 at 8:00pm - intimacy - by KTK (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was working the register at a local grocery store. A kid about 5 years old was having trouble zipping his jacket. I reached out to help him and he started screaming "No bad touch bad touch!" and kicked me in the knee. Everyone looked. FML

#62507
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31127) - you deserved it (8291)

On 02/17/2009 at 6:56pm - work - by jessica (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, the priest was handing out red roses after church. The woman ahead of me asked for a rose. The priest said, "Sorry, we are only giving them out to single women since they didn't get any for Valentine's Day." Then he hands one to me. This was the first time I have been to that church. FML

#62419
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37071) - you deserved it (3774)

On 02/17/2009 at 6:44pm - love - by KC (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, in front of the entire family, I yelled at my mom and told her she wasn't a good parent. She responded with "Well, at least I had friends when I was your age." FML

#62325
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17430) - you deserved it (46004)

On 02/17/2009 at 6:33pm - misc - by loser (woman) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I went to the doctor for my yearly checkup. After getting my blood-pressure taken, my finger pricked, etc, the doctor began to ask me some questions. When asked if I was sexually active, I responded "Yes". The doctor started laughing. FML

#61591
9 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45039) - you deserved it (3042)

On 02/17/2009 at 4:54pm - intimacy - by jons (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, the 9th grade dean called me into his office to talk. He asked me if I was new because it seemed like I was having trouble making friends. I've been going to the same school, with the same people, since kindergarten. FML

#61583
17 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40991) - you deserved it (2838)

On 02/17/2009 at 4:53pm - misc - by lene (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I went to a plastic surgeon's office with a friend. The doctor walked in and before he could look at the consult papers, he started explaining the lipo suction procedure to me. I had to interrupt him and tell him that I was only there for support for my friend's nose job. FML

#61582
16 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41247) - you deserved it (4997)

On 02/17/2009 at 4:53pm - health - by tigerfiend (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, at the end of a really long day my boyfriend was rubbing my back. I told him I appreciated how sensitive he was being. His response? "I was just trying to figure out how to unhook your bra." FML

#61152
26 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43103) - you deserved it (8289)

On 02/17/2009 at 3:52pm - intimacy - by KS (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, after some very passionate sex with my girlfriend, she exclaims "that was amazing Drew..." She quickly tried to turn "Drew" into my actual name which does not sound a thing like Drew. FML

#60541
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64695) - you deserved it (3478)

On 02/17/2009 at 12:19pm - intimacy - by mynameisnotdrew (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I dropped my 400 dollar iphone, that's been through toilets and 6 foot falls, on a walmart floor and shattered the screen. I managed, however, to catch the 2 dollar macaroni and cheese before it hit the ground. FML

#60521
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18204) - you deserved it (28172)

On 02/17/2009 at 12:15pm - misc - by noname (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I got a "save the date" card for the wedding of a couple my husband knows. I was excited because I really wish to be better friends with these people. I emailed the bride, "I got your STD!" and hit send before I realized how that sounded. FML

#60508
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10070) - you deserved it (39119)

On 02/17/2009 at 12:11pm - misc - by silkytaco - United States (Hawaii)



FML's blog

  • FML on vacation #1: Getting there
  • A lot of people will spout off the tired old cliché that the destination isn't as important as the journey itself. Well, what if you're on your way to the Playboy Mansion then?…

Tuesday 22 July 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: