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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, a man on the train asked me if i had any change. I quickly responded with "no habla engles". He then tapped me on the shoulder and said "That would've been a lot more believable if you weren't reading that paper." FML

#271640
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11674) - you deserved it (128162)

On 03/11/2009 at 2:05pm - money - by nthor (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my roommate got mad at me for putting away the tampons that were sitting on her desk. She rebelled by hanging hundreds of tampons dyed red from every surface in our dorm room. I discovered this while giving my mom her first tour of the place. FML

#269325
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55058) - you deserved it (4995)

On 03/11/2009 at 9:38am - misc - by powsser (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, while showering in my dorm, a hand reaches through the curtain and grabs my ass. I hit the person on the other side of the curtain. He opened the curtain thinking that I was his girlfriend. He apologized and he had sex with his girlfriend in the shower stall next to me. FML

#268539
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (68468) - you deserved it (3051)

On 03/11/2009 at 3:37am - intimacy - by Noname (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I found out that the electric nose hair clippers that I've been using for the past two years are in fact my father's pubic hair trimmers. FML

#268093
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59644) - you deserved it (15266)

On 03/11/2009 at 2:07am - misc - by nickyniknaim93 (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I went on my porch for a late night cigarette. When I opened the door and took one step inside, all I remember is a big thud. I woke up 5 minutes later with my Father over top of me saying "nice right hook, huh?" Then he chuckled. He thought I was a burgler and he knocked me out. FML

#268069
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52187) - you deserved it (8515)

On 03/11/2009 at 2:04am - misc - by Noname - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was late to school for the third time this week because my alarm clock didn't go off. I clearly remembered setting it, so I videotaped myself sleeping. It turns out I've been turning off my alarm clock in my sleep. FML

#267818
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53804) - you deserved it (12245)

On 03/11/2009 at 1:33am - misc - by EFFED4LIFE (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I had to get my hair chopped off for a role that I'm playing in a show. I was staring at the floor while the woman cut my hair, and I suddenly heard her start crying. Her tears were immediately followed by "It's okay! I have a friend in New York who can fix it. We won't charge you." FML

#267715
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (73923) - you deserved it (3250)

On 03/11/2009 at 1:21am - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was walking to school and decided to be a good citizen by picking up a beer can on the sidewalk. I then walked on to my school's campus where I then got suspended by my dean for "trying to rebel", grounded by my parents for getting suspended, and an MIP from the school's police guard. FML

#267564
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63110) - you deserved it (8247)

On 03/11/2009 at 1:04am - misc - by fmlmylife - United States (Texas)

Today, my brother's new girlfriend, who is blind, asked to feel my face so she could tell what I look like. She said I was "unique". A blind chick just told me I was ugly. FML

#267398
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60205) - you deserved it (4916)

On 03/11/2009 at 12:45am - misc - by GreenScar (man) - United States (California)

Today, my mom walked in on me masturbating. I minimized the porn on my laptop so she wouldn't see I was watching it. It turns out I was watching an old Beatles concert before I started masturbating. My mom thought I was masturbating to the Beatles. FML

#267368
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23614) - you deserved it (74660)

On 03/11/2009 at 12:42am - intimacy - by theassman (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I decided to get dressed up for school because it's my birthday. I was heading to class in my heels. Then, I rolled my ankle, fell down the muddy hill, pulled a leg muscle, and scratched up my knees. At least ten people saw it. I was wearing a white skirt. Happy Birthday. FML

#266744
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53880) - you deserved it (13212)

On 03/10/2009 at 11:16pm - misc - by birthdaygirl (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time in our relationship and it was great. He drove me back to my house and walked me to the door, then instead of kissing me goodbye he patted me on the back. Twice. FML

#266591
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (104479) - you deserved it (9328)

On 03/10/2009 at 10:53pm - intimacy - by petpeeeve (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was the only one in an elevator when an attractive girl came in, talking on her phone. She told her friend, "I have to go, there's a cute guy on this elevator." Before I could even react, she turned to me and said, "Sorry for lying, I really wanted to get off the phone with her." FML

#265039
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (237325) - you deserved it (14783)

On 03/10/2009 at 9:10pm - misc - by TuralSucks (man) - United States (Nebraska)



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