FMLs submitted from United States

Today, my parents invited all their kids and grandkids to join them on a vacation trip to the mountains; all their kids except me, that is. I'm not invited. But they did invite my ex-husband. And his new girlfriend. FML

by Anonymous / 12/02/2009 at 7:34pm / United States (Alabama) / Holidays

Today, my lawyer threatened to sue me because I can't afford his bill, which he sent to me after getting me out of a lawsuit. FML

by Anonymous / 12/02/2009 at 4:14pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, my very good friend ratted me out to my boss because I used the photocopier for personal use. He said he will always be my friend, but "rules are rules." FML

by Anonymous / 12/02/2009 at 3:20pm / United States (California) / Work

Today, my daughter's guinea pig got stuck behind the wardrobe, squeaking its head off. I tried pulling the wardrobe towards me to free him, but couldn't take the weight of it all, so it fell over, smashing the TV. The guinea pig is fine. FML

by Anonymous / 12/02/2009 at 2:25pm / United States (Colorado) / Animals

Today, I went to the bathroom and used the urinal. When I was done, I closed my zipper on my foreskin. FML

by randm1 / 12/02/2009 at 2:09pm / United States (Utah) / Intimacy

Today, after having paid to download an iPhone FML app, I found out that the real 'Fmylife Official' app was a lot more complete. And free. FML

by Fmyapp / 12/02/2009 at 12:58pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous

Today, my family went to the Christmas tree farm, and cut down the perfect tree. When we got home we put the kids down for a nap and took some time to relax. We went out to the truck to bring the tree into the house, it was gone. Someone stole my Christmas tree from my driveway in broad daylight. FML

by Project-Mayhem / 12/02/2009 at 5:57am / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that the person sending me secret love letters was actually my dad, who felt sorry for me. FML

by Anonymous / 12/02/2009 at 3:51am / United States (Nevada) / Love

Today, I sneezed in the shower. When I got out, I got a text from my creepy old neighbor saying "Bless you". FML

by errrmkl46 / 12/02/2009 at 1:25am / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that my husband thinks its okay to have an online girlfriend and have naked pictures sent to his email because he's not "physically touching, making love, or kissing". The sad part is that the online girlfriend gets more action than me. FML

by j.b. / 12/02/2009 at 12:57am / United States (New Jersey) / Love

Today, I told my long distance girlfriend I will be coming half way across the country to visit here since I have not seen her in a month, I gave her my flight information so she could pick me up at the airport. She responded with "That's when The Office is on, can you take a cab?" FML

by Bostonian / 12/01/2009 at 10:18pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Love

Today, I found out that my 2 week Christmas vacation my boss was talking about wasn't for this year, but 2010. I spent the day with my husband cancelling flights to Florida, and explaning to my 8 year old why we were not going to Disney World. FML

by mylifesucks / 12/01/2009 at 8:32pm / United States (Rhode Island) / Work

Today, my parents found cigarettes in my car. After a long argument lasting over an hour, I convinced them that they weren't mine and that I don't smoke. A few minutes later, I went to work. Guess who decided to visit me during my smoke break. FML

by reptar2009 / 12/01/2009 at 7:49pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous