Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I walked past a church with a bunch of people standing outside waiting for the bride and groom to walk out. When the church doors opened, I yelled congratulations as loud as I could. It was a funeral. FML

#811533
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19884) - you deserved it (73641)

On 04/05/2009 at 1:20am - misc - by oops (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. She gave me back the brand new box of 12 condoms that I had bought and left at her house. There were 8 left and I wasn't the one who opened them. FML

#811119
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (89812) - you deserved it (5930)

On 04/05/2009 at 1:04am - intimacy - by knicksfan (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, my patient, a chubby little girl, stood on a scale to measure her weight. She was 5 yrs old and weighed 65 lbs. I started giving her advice on eating healthy: fruits, vegetables, and more greens. She turned to her mother giving a look of shock and said, "But mommy, the doctor is fat too!" FML

#810439
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52223) - you deserved it (18839)

On 04/05/2009 at 12:25am - kids - by Shnur (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was in IKEA, furniture shopping with my dad. He was looking at one couch that was particularly small. I said "dad that couch is for like a midget." I look over to see a midget looking at me, sitting on the same couch in a different color. He definitely heard me. FML

#809473
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25796) - you deserved it (62403)

On 04/04/2009 at 11:40pm - misc - by Nikki (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, while showering, my 3 year old son comes to the bathroom and puts on all my makeup. Once I got out of the shower, I got a camera I had and took a few adorable shots. Afterward, I sent the images to all my friends and family. Then I realized the reflection on the mirror was me fully naked. FML

#807564
217 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37987) - you deserved it (86028)

On 04/04/2009 at 10:10pm - kids - by heytherexo (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my biology teacher told me that every Friday we should wear a hideous shirt to count down the last days of freshman year. So when Friday came around we decided to have a contest for most hideous shirt. I won. I forgot to wear a hideous shirt. FML

#804387
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59919) - you deserved it (9444)

On 04/04/2009 at 7:06pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was driving on the freeway when I saw a car in front of me swerving across 3 lanes of traffic. Thinking he might be drunk, I dialed 911 on my phone, but I dropped it. I fished under my seat to get it, swerving, and got pulled over by highway patrol and given a field sobriety test. FML

#801542
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39231) - you deserved it (27469)

On 04/04/2009 at 3:42pm - misc - by driverman12 (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, my mother and I went to lunch and there is a really cute waiter that works at the diner. I requested him to wait on us like I sometimes do. While we were waiting to be seated, I heard one waiter say to the cute one, "Ya, the creepy one is back, and this time she brought her mom!" FML

#801391
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19273) - you deserved it (65194)

On 04/04/2009 at 3:36pm - misc - by bezoar10 - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, completely nude, I had to collect my clothes around the boy’s apartment I have been sleeping with for awhile. While his girlfriend watched to make sure I “got the fuck out.” FML

#800940
228 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36073) - you deserved it (165098)

On 04/04/2009 at 3:04pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was fired because a patron complained that she didn't like the way I kept staring at her kids. I was a lifeguard. FML

#800907
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (84294) - you deserved it (3917)

On 04/04/2009 at 3:03pm - work - by Lifeguard (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I thought I heard my little sister playing on my brand new grand piano. Angry, I ran downstairs to stop her. My parents were having sex. On my piano. FML

#800425
347 comments

I agree, your life sucks (287993) - you deserved it (19176)

On 04/04/2009 at 2:15pm - intimacy - by GuitarChick42 (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I set my AIM status to be the currently-playing file on my iTunes. I've downloaded a lot of porn to my iTunes, and I wanted to watch some. My status changed to "Girl in Latex gets fucked in the ass." FML

#798927
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19012) - you deserved it (145432)

On 04/04/2009 at 12:15pm - misc - by ohshittttttt (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my friend and I went to a really expensive restaurant. We got really bad service, so halfway through the meal we decided to dine-and-dash. Turns out I left my purse in the restaurant. With my I.D. and everything inside. FML

#797984
205 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16266) - you deserved it (172270)

On 04/04/2009 at 10:45am - misc - by ashleyevans (woman) - United States (Texas)



Bénédicte's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • The Xmas illustrated FML
  • Here we go, final lap before Christmas is finally upon us. Although, you could say we've been subjected to quite a few strains of Christmas already. The decorations are up since mid-August, and certain family…

Friday 19 December 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: