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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I was boarding my flight when I got pulled aside for looking suspicious. As she was opening my bag, I said, "Be careful, I jammed so many clothes in there it may explode." I was then strip searched for my trouble. FML

#225993
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14499) - you deserved it (44093)

On 03/06/2009 at 12:58pm - misc - by thebickster (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my mother told me she didn't want my girlfriend spending the night anymore. I asked why, she said she heard us doing the nasty the night before and I denied it, hoping I could call her bluff. She paused for a moment and moaned EXACTLY like my girlfriend does. FML

#225953
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19663) - you deserved it (61050)

On 03/06/2009 at 12:51pm - intimacy - by ToobyFrank - United States (Missouri)

Today, I yelled at my little brother for leaving the toilet seat up and told him he needed to go around the house and make sure they were all down. I went to the bathroom later to find that the toilet seats and covers from every toilet had all been removed and were sitting on my bed. FML

#225937
212 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14825) - you deserved it (62116)

On 03/06/2009 at 12:49pm - kids - by wetbutt (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, it was my final meeting with my psychologist who was helping me with my bipolar disorder. I just found out that he committed suicide. FML

#225762
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (118782) - you deserved it (5623)

On 03/06/2009 at 12:11pm - health - by drakx88 (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was at this awesome party and I was dancing with this really attractive girl who started making out with me all of a sudden. Five minutes later, my friend told me that the girl had just given him a blowjob. FML

#225509
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61533) - you deserved it (10278)

On 03/06/2009 at 11:14am - intimacy - by cumguzzler - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I put my picture into a celebrity look alike website. The three matches that came up were Barbra Streisand, Hillary Clinton, and Boy George. I'm 16. I'm a boy. FML

#224033
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48936) - you deserved it (6625)

On 03/06/2009 at 1:09am - misc - by oconron (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, we watched a movie in class. Afterwards, the professor asked us what we thought. I raised my hand and said it was pretentious, dull and a really poor example of filmmaking. It was the movie HE spent five years writing and directing. FML

#222376
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22894) - you deserved it (47306)

On 03/05/2009 at 10:25pm - misc - by Nate (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was getting restless in my psychology class. I stretched out both of my arms and hands into the aisles on either side of me, only to find myself with my teacher's package in my palm. FML

#221639
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47164) - you deserved it (10147)

On 03/05/2009 at 9:29pm - misc - by dizzlewizzle - United States (New York)

Today, I was teasing my little brother. Later that night, I went to the bathroom to wash up. While I'm brushing my teeth, my little brother slips a photo under the door that shows him scrubbing my toothbrush against his nuts. FML

#221601
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46472) - you deserved it (25479)

On 03/05/2009 at 9:27pm - misc - by mr.palendrome (man) - United States (New York)

Today, in a very crowded public restroom at a sporting arena, after looking to the man using the urinal to his right, my 6 year old son turns to address me on his left and exclaims, "Daddy, that man's wiener is a lot bigger than yours!" The whole bathroom heard and looked immediately at me. FML

#221148
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64971) - you deserved it (3725)

On 03/05/2009 at 8:51pm - kids - by SadDad - United States (Florida)

Today, I was supposed to see an apartment. 30 minutes after I was to meet the owner, she still hadn't shown. I called her. When I got no response, I was annoyed and kept calling. Finally, she answered, said, "I'm in the hospital with my father. He just died. Please stop calling me," and hung up. FML

#220421
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46717) - you deserved it (19021)

On 03/05/2009 at 7:51pm - misc - by ohboy (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was meeting my sister's fiancé. I went to an internet cafe before I went to her house for dinner with them. I was on a computer and there was this really attractive man next to me. I was flirting with him and we exchanged numbers. Turns out, he is my sister's fiancé. FML

#220247
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66162) - you deserved it (6632)

On 03/05/2009 at 7:39pm - love - by f*** (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, a co-worker superior to me called me "Stephanie" yet again. My name is Ashley. I politely informed her that my name is Ashley and subtely pointed to my work ID. Later, I get called into my supervisor's office. I got written up for correcting someone of higher status that I. FML

#219945
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58659) - you deserved it (2987)

On 03/05/2009 at 7:15pm - work - by yankeebelle (woman) - United States (Michigan)



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