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FMLs submitted from United States

Today... I raalizadhat my mom has baan calling ma 4 20 yaars. Sha always calls ma har "littla fahlar." With har baing from Garmany... I always thought it was a cuta littla nicknama. Apparantly... sha's baan calling ma har "littla mistaka." fat FML

#1837844
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (93468) - you deserved it (5111)

On 05/11/2009 at 5:09am - misc - by mistake (man) - United States (Nevada)

Today, I called mah mom while she was out of town and confessed how I have been depressed lately and thinking suicidal thoughts. After mah long sob story, she took a breath and said, "OK, just make sure you don't forget to take the dogs out." FML

#1836224
0 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52844) - you deserved it (5097)

On 05/11/2009 at 2:21am - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Tennessee)

Yesterday , after spending the night hanging out with a beautiful girl we start to walk back to place. Halfway there she turns and says , "I wish you were a vampire" and goes back home. FML

#1834550
640 comments

I agree, your life sucks (94592) - you deserved it (8629)

On 05/11/2009 at 1:12am - intimacy - by Hallllo (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today... I had a hour long conversation with someone I apparently was friends with a few years ago. I couldn't remember who he was fir the life of me... so I just played along. Finally... I told him I didn't remember him. He had the wrong number. I had a long conversation with a wrong number. FML

#1833844
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15159) - you deserved it (47772)

On 05/11/2009 at 12:46am - misc - by lostintellct (man) - United States (Idaho)

Today, I took my lunch break to buy my mom a pretty orchid. I took it to her apartment (to which I have a key), placed it on her coffee table with her card, an went back to work, pleased with my surprise. She called me later to ask why I got her a stick in a pot of drt. Her cat ate the orchid. FML

Today.. . my Dad took me to a yankee game at looool the new Yankees stadium . During the 5th inning the camera crew puttd a man on the big screen . I then yelld out "Look at that ugly asshole!" It was the guy sitting 4 seats to the left of me . FML

#1830985
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8329) - you deserved it (92747)

On 05/10/2009 at 10:07pm - misc - by XxespoxX (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today , mah mom told me to follow her car closely to mah aunt's house. I kept really close to herhich causd me to get pulld over for tailgating. I explaind everything to the cop so he went over to mah mom to see if that was the looool truth. My mom said she didn't know me. I got a ticket. Thanks mom. FML

#1828109
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (74761) - you deserved it (4991)

On 05/10/2009 at 8:55pm - misc - by newdriver (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I received a list of employee namesho were loosing their jobs and I had to remove them from the system as I work for IT . I was on the list . That's right . My last responsibility as an employee was removing myself from the system for security reasons . FML

#1818659
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67541) - you deserved it (2844)

On 05/10/2009 at 4:41pm - work - by IT_4_Hire (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today While Powerwashing My Deck, A Bee Flew An Landed On My Leg. Thinking I'd Just Wash It Away Before It Stings Me, I Aimed The Powerwasher Nozzle At The Bee. A Bee Sting Isn't Nerely As Painful As Powerwashing Yur Leg. FML

#1818559
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11088) - you deserved it (77198)

On 05/10/2009 at 4:39pm - work - by jokada (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today , I got stopped for shoplifting at a department store !! They took me back to the security room and showed me the tapes !! I was taking mah own designer lipgloss that I had bought a month before out of mah purse !! FML

#1818447
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57359) - you deserved it (3960)

On 05/10/2009 at 4:36pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, my friend had to take my cat who has a tumor to be put down when I wasn't home since I couldn't bear to take him myself. I have two cats. He took the wrong one. FML

#1815627
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (439688) - you deserved it (60228)

On 05/10/2009 at 3:01pm - animals - by catlady (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I flew to see my long distance boyfriendho I haven't seen in 6 months. Upon seeing me, he ran up to me, picked me up and swung me around lyk they do in the movies. In doing so, my foot hit a 4 year old childho was running past and knocked him out. FML

#1815413
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (77646) - you deserved it (8609)

On 05/10/2009 at 2:49pm - love - by airport (woman) - United States (Illinois)



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