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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I decided to get dressed up for school because it's my birthday. I was heading to class in my heels. Then, I rolled my ankle, fell down the muddy hill, pulled a leg muscle, and scratched up my knees. At least ten people saw it. I was wearing a white skirt. Happy Birthday. FML

#266744
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53832) - you deserved it (13200)

On 03/10/2009 at 11:16pm - misc - by birthdaygirl (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time in our relationship and it was great. He drove me back to my house and walked me to the door, then instead of kissing me goodbye he patted me on the back. Twice. FML

#266591
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (104369) - you deserved it (9323)

On 03/10/2009 at 10:53pm - intimacy - by petpeeeve (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was the only one in an elevator when an attractive girl came in, talking on her phone. She told her friend, "I have to go, there's a cute guy on this elevator." Before I could even react, she turned to me and said, "Sorry for lying, I really wanted to get off the phone with her." FML

#265039
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (235891) - you deserved it (14791)

On 03/10/2009 at 9:10pm - misc - by TuralSucks (man) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, I bought a parakeet for my kids. When I got home and presented it to them, they wanted to let him fly around inside. We went around the house making sure all the windows and doors were shut. Unfortunately I forgot to turn off the ceiling fan. FML

#264253
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31533) - you deserved it (57717)

On 03/10/2009 at 8:10pm - misc - by Noname - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was with my 6th grade class. During recess, we were talking about growing up and getting older. I said that one day, they'd start to look like me. Two of my students started crying. FML

#264101
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61857) - you deserved it (6049)

On 03/10/2009 at 7:58pm - misc - by ouch (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my cat got into the bathroom while I was changing my tampon. As I was throwing the applicator away, I felt a sharp pain around my vagina; I looked down to find him swatting at the tampon string. FML

Today, I was pulled over because I looked like a possible suspect for a robbery. While searching me, the police's radio went off and the person on the other line said, "Possible suspect, 5'5", thin" - the officer stopped right then and murmured, "too short and fat" and walked back to his car. FML

#263421
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54223) - you deserved it (4204)

On 03/10/2009 at 7:03pm - health - by yodada (woman) - United States (California)

Today, our school went to an elementary school to read to the kids. One of the girls in my group asked me if she could switch into another group, so I asked her what was wrong with mine. She said, "Nothing, I wanna be in her group. She's prettier." I was insulted by a kindergartner. FML

#263289
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47869) - you deserved it (3469)

On 03/10/2009 at 6:51pm - misc - by thanksjill (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my parents got back from their weekend ski trip. I had a few parties over the weekend and had cleaned up absolutely EVERYTHING; beer cans, throw up, spilled drinks, etc. The only thing I forgot about was the condom someone left in my parents bed. FML

#262381
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14513) - you deserved it (65748)

On 03/10/2009 at 5:30pm - misc - by Lichelle (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, the cute boy in my biology class I had been crushing on invited me over to study for a huge test. Once I got to his house, I really had to use the bathroom. I ended ending up taking a huge dump and clogging up his toilet. He had to come plunge it for me. FML

#261901
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (70230) - you deserved it (21869)

On 03/10/2009 at 4:42pm - love - by musicaddict (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I went home for my grandma's 95th birthday. While there she noticed my new tongue piercing and asked why I would get it done. Before I could reply, my cousin says "So she can can make the boys happier when she's sucking on them." She's 9 years old. FML

#261877
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54757) - you deserved it (11692)

On 03/10/2009 at 4:40pm - misc - by epictothemax - United States (Illinois)

Today, me and my boyfriend had some crazy rough sex. In the process I ended up with huge bruises and bite marks all over my neck and chest. I'm giving a speech on domestic violence today. FML

#260982
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28287) - you deserved it (85497)

On 03/10/2009 at 2:52pm - intimacy - by Noname (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, my boss had to leave the house for a little while. She asked me to take any messages she got. I answered the phone and lady calling said she was returning her call about the opening for a nanny position. I am the current nanny. I found out I am being fired by the new nanny. FML

#260978
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56856) - you deserved it (2624)

On 03/10/2009 at 2:52pm - work - by nannynomore (woman) - United States (New Jersey)



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