FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I was pulled over and was given a $300 ticket for going 90mph on a 70mph highway. The cop swore he saw my silver car darting in and out of traffic. A couple of minutes earlier that exact car had passed me while I was following the speed limit. FML

by wrongcar / 11/03/2009 at 1:00pm / United States (Kansas) / Transportation

Today, my landlord came over while I wasn't home. My friend and her pets were thrown out by her husband. I'm the only person she knows in this state and she begged me to stay. I reluctantly told her fine; just don't answer the door. She did, with the animals, and told him she was living here. FML

by katurday / 11/03/2009 at 10:59am / United States (Wisconsin) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went on a date with a man I met on Halloween. It appears that his mullet wasn't actually part of his costume. FML

by Anonymous / 11/03/2009 at 9:12am / United States (Montana) / Intimacy

Today, I though it would be funny to go on my boyfriend's facebook to change his status. While in the process, his account received a message. Turns out he's planning on hooking up with his ex girlfriend/one of my friends and is definitely over me. How's that for snooping around? FML

by Anonymous / 11/03/2009 at 9:04am / United States (California) / Love

Today, I was driving past men working on the side of the road. There was a lot of water pouring down the road and as I slowed down to drive through it, a car sped past me, splashing my entire car. It was only then I realized it was a septic tank leak. FML

by Anonymous / 11/03/2009 at 2:26am / United States (Georgia) / Transportation

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. By making out with her new boyfriend in front of me. FML

by whysheheartless / 11/03/2009 at 2:24am / United States (Oregon) / Love

Today, I volunteered to be Auctioned off for Charity. I went for $3. FML

by LC / 11/03/2009 at 2:06am / United States (Michigan) / Money

Today, I took a shower at my girlfriend's apartment. I was wandering around, gathering my clothes when I noticed my girl doing her hair in the other room. She looked sort of peculiar, so I stood there, studying her. Half naked. I then realized it wasn't my girlfriend, but her roommate. FML

by HadToApologize / 11/03/2009 at 12:20am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I went on a date, and within the first five minutes, he said, "Before we go any further and get anymore serious, you need to know a few things, I have kissed a guy drunk because it was a dare, and have a $400 silk rose Victoria's Secret blanket." FML

by Shawty / 11/02/2009 at 10:41pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend of 3 months and I finally had it off. He sounds like Chewbacca when he comes. FML

by Anonymous / 11/02/2009 at 9:17pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Intimacy

Today, I got a letter confirming I had dropped out of college. I received this letter shortly after completing the 10th essay I had finished this week as a result of me deciding to finally apply myself to my schoolwork. Turns out that while dropping a class, I checked Drop All instead of Drop 1. FML

by Rman / 11/02/2009 at 5:35pm / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was hanging out with my friends. My friend started talking about how unfair it is that women can use their breasts to get promotions. I told him that he has no place to talk, as he used his "d*ck" a few months ago with his female boss. His girlfriend of 3 years was sitting next to me. FML

by konichiwa / 11/02/2009 at 5:03pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I went to a family counseling session because my parents are getting a divorce. I told the counselor that I feel guilty because I feel like I caused it. She says that there is no way I could have caused it, that it's my parents' problem when my mom interrupts her to say "Yes she did." FML

by problemchild / 11/02/2009 at 4:05pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous