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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I told my girlfriend that I didn't feel wanted. Then she talked about how her cat puked on the carpet. FML

#7578
20 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24031) - you deserved it (2598)

On 02/04/2009 at 9:18am - love - by constantine (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my airline lost my luggage when I flew back from France. They also lost my luggage when I flew to France. FML

#7546
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32347) - you deserved it (1648)

On 02/04/2009 at 8:54am - misc - by Dr. Jack (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was teaching swim lessons. I got felt up by a 6 year old boy. 3 times. FML

#7471
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24111) - you deserved it (4248)

On 02/04/2009 at 7:56am - work - by cplaner (woman) - United States (Maine)

Today, I got up at 5am, brushed my teeth, shaved and showered to get ready for work only to step barefoot in a huge pile of dog crap in the middle of my living room floor. I don't own a dog. FML

#7193
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36529) - you deserved it (1758)

On 02/04/2009 at 2:53am - animals - by RustyBulletHole - United States (Illinois)

Today, I realized that I know more about Paris Hilton's cervix than how my government is run. FML

#6894
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (4812) - you deserved it (26702)

On 02/03/2009 at 7:11pm - misc - by parishiltonsbff (man) - United States (California)

Today, my friend's son asked me how much coke costs in this place. I told him "about a dollar?" He said "wow, that's really cheap for blow." He's 10. FML

#6869
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27690) - you deserved it (1935)

On 02/03/2009 at 6:55pm - kids - by Morgan (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, while surfing facebook I noticed someone in my network had recently shifted his relationship status from undeclared to "single." We've been dating exclusively for nine months. FML

#6861
14 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23403) - you deserved it (1747)

On 02/03/2009 at 6:51pm - love - by Noname (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I had a sexy dream, woke up and started to masturbate quite vigorously. When I finished, I hopped off the top bunk naked to see my brother and his girlfriend laying in the bottom bunk. FML

#6850
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13640) - you deserved it (42211)

On 02/03/2009 at 6:47pm - intimacy - by thermos (man) - United States (California)

Today, a woman walked out of the Humane Society with a cat carrier. I said, "Oh did you adopt him?" She walked past and started crying. She had just brought her cat in to be euthanized. FML

#6800
27 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15333) - you deserved it (6699)

On 02/03/2009 at 6:19pm - animals - by Ves (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I walked in the snow and saw some kid slip. I laughed and felt good about myself. Then I fell. FML

#6753
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (4812) - you deserved it (60182)

On 02/03/2009 at 5:56pm - misc - by WestboroBC (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I found FML for the first time in class, and literally laughed out loud in the middle of the lecture in front of 200 classmates. Today's lecture? The cruelties of slavery. FML

#6752
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27095) - you deserved it (26282)

On 02/03/2009 at 5:55pm - work - by kprice6 (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I showed my boyfriend a picture of me in what I thought was a sexy skintight dress. He responded by saying "it's ok, I went through a pudgy stage too". The picture was from Saturday night. FML

#6715
20 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24764) - you deserved it (3368)

On 02/03/2009 at 5:38pm - love - by Sam - United States (New York)

Today, when my boyfriend was about to orgasm, I suddenly sneezed all over his face. FML

#6669
28 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29926) - you deserved it (6783)

On 02/03/2009 at 5:16pm - intimacy - by Zippyzoo (woman) - United States (Tennessee)



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