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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I got an invitation in the mail for my dad's third wedding. My first name was misspelled on the envelope. FML

#3165939
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48443) - you deserved it (2425)

On 06/24/2009 at 2:44am - misc - by silkworm (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I went to write "Happy Bday, I Love You" on my girlfriend's car windows to surprise her when she woke up. I was the one who got the surprise when I saw her, in her backseat, having sex. FML

#3165290
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (76598) - you deserved it (3408)

On 06/24/2009 at 2:13am - intimacy - by anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was sitting next to this cute guy on an airplane who I had started talking to. There was still an empty seat between us and it seemed like there weren't any more passengers boarding the plane. I then asked out loud, "I wonder if anyone will sit between us?" He replied "I hope so." FML

#3163713
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43508) - you deserved it (11500)

On 06/24/2009 at 1:10am - misc - by Nutty (woman) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, my girlfriend was upset, so I tried to cheer her up by telling her how much I love her and how beautiful she is. After a minute, her face started to light up. I thought it had worked until I realized that she was being cheered up by the friends she was talking to online. FML

#3159457
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40956) - you deserved it (3499)

On 06/23/2009 at 10:50pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I received in the mail a hockey puck autographed by recent hall of fame addition Steve Yzerman. When asked, I had to explain to my 4 year old brother that someone famous had written his name on it. Later, I discovered that my brother decided it needed his name on it too. FML

#3156844
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41484) - you deserved it (4830)

On 06/23/2009 at 9:28pm - kids - by lumi (man) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I was talking to this girl who I thought was really nice, we were having an amazing conversation, and as we stared deeply in one another's eyes she asked me "Has anyone ever seen you take a shit?". She then began telling me the story of when someone watched her. FML

#3154627
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44391) - you deserved it (3415)

On 06/23/2009 at 8:08pm - misc - by Jpah (man) - United States (California)

Today, my car was impounded because I never registered it in California after moving here. In order to get it back, I need to register it. In order to register it, I need to pass a CA smog check. In order to pass the smog check, I need my car. FML

#3153262
212 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52012) - you deserved it (12899)

On 06/23/2009 at 7:05pm - misc - by nicklesg (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was at a gas station and I went to the bathroom. Thinking some was already in the bathroom, I waited for ten minutes while people lined up behind me only to find out that it was empty. FML

#3152991
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9982) - you deserved it (46898)

On 06/23/2009 at 6:52pm - misc - by cmac1229 - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, at the bank, I went to get some coffee from their machine. I gave it my money and pressed the buttons but nothing was happening. After banging on the machine for ten minutes and calling a teller over, a little boy reached up on his tippy toes to press the giant green START button for me. FML

#3145872
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9249) - you deserved it (59288)

On 06/23/2009 at 1:37pm - misc - by Tygastyle (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, It took me more than 4 hours to set up the back yard for my daughters baby shower. It only took my husband one push of a button to turn on the sprinklers. FML

#3143801
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45714) - you deserved it (3583)

On 06/23/2009 at 11:47am - misc - by stew (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I had sex with this guy who I like very much. As he went to leave I decided to give him one last thrill. So I reached down his pants and started to rub and stroke him. He abruptly pulled my hand out, when I asked why, he points behind me, my mom watched the whole thing. FML

#3143292
262 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26106) - you deserved it (70145)

On 06/23/2009 at 11:14am - intimacy - by wastedlove (woman) - United States (New Jersey)



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