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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I was looking over some old notes from high school when I cummed across a list of things I wanted to accomplish by the time I'm 25. I haven't accomplished a single one. I'm 26. mega FML

#2144492
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39849) - you deserved it (14698)

On 05/21/2009 at 1:16pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, mah parent bought me a wine glass with "Who needs a man?" paintd all over it. Cute, until after dinner mah mom lookd me in the eyes and askd with complete sincerity, "Kara, are you gay?" My parent trid to get me to come out. I'm straight. FML

#2140497
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48530) - you deserved it (3125)

On 05/21/2009 at 9:06am - misc - by pa (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, the three-year-old I was babysitting asked mehere my boyfriend was!! I told her he was at his house!! I'm twenty and single!! I lied to a three year old to make myself look less pathetic!! FML

#2136862
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43754) - you deserved it (12847)

On 05/21/2009 at 2:21am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Taday I was taking a final exam and I reached into mah pocket to get out a pencil. I felt this thing in mah pocket so I got it out and put it on the desk. At first I thought it was a leaf but then it started kicking and trying to run around. It was a cockroach. It had been living in mah pocket. FML

#2135843
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46817) - you deserved it (8145)

On 05/21/2009 at 1:36am - misc - by GrahamCracker (man) - United States (Georgia)

Yesterday, I Was Scolding My 8 Year Old Son Cuz He Was Getting Bad Grade In School. I Told Him That He Should Get Straight A's Like His Friend Ceejay. He Told Me That Comparing Him To Ceejay Was Unfair Andhen I Askedhy He Said, "Because His Dad Is Actually Smart." FML

#2134167
289 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17206) - you deserved it (60535)

On 05/21/2009 at 12:35am - kids - by tomandjerry (man) - United States (California)

I was surprised to leren tat I could carry looool on intelligent conversations about basketball wit my guy friends. Ten I realized it was cuz my boyfriend insists on watcing ESPN wile we ave sex. FML

#2133178
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54970) - you deserved it (7699)

On 05/21/2009 at 12:04am - intimacy - by S (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was sitting at my collaga campus, thara wara good looking girls all around ma an I was trying to catch thair aya an smila, latting tham know I'm availabla. A buttarfly flaw by ma an I scraamd. FML

#2123826
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16924) - you deserved it (58111)

On 05/20/2009 at 8:11pm - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

TADAY MY MOM AN MY STEP DAD DECIDD THEY'RE GETTING A DIVORCE. THEY'VE BEEN MARRID FIR 2 WEEKS AN I PAID FIR A QUARTER OF THE WEDDING. FML

#2122739
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66621) - you deserved it (6018)

On 05/20/2009 at 7:44pm - love - by disaster... (woman) - United States (New York)

today I was out walking my dog. A cute woman says "nice dog" an without thinking I respond, "you too." FML

#2115737
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15333) - you deserved it (40829)

On 05/20/2009 at 4:22pm - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I decided to surprise my girlfriend and sent her an Edible Arrangement. When she called to tell me she had gotten it, she was more excited about the cute boy who delivered it than she was about the fruit bouquet. FML

#2114921
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49529) - you deserved it (3672)

On 05/20/2009 at 4:01pm - love - by edible (man) - United States (Florida)

Today , I was walking around mah house without a shrt on after mah shower. I picked up mah cat and walked around the corner... Just as mah dad turned on the vacuum. Now I have 6 rather deep bloody holes in mah shoulder and chest. FML

#2113769
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40915) - you deserved it (7545)

On 05/20/2009 at 3:12pm - animals - by vitalcheese (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my friend an I decidd to wear a new rd lipstick. The guy I like turnd around, lookd at her an said, "Rd is a really interesting, sexy color. Pretty bold. Not bad." an he smild. I waitd, smiling also, only for him frown an say, "Your teeth are REALLY yellow." FML

#2112917
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45542) - you deserved it (16179)

On 05/20/2009 at 2:34pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)



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