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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I was in the supermarket and I see this little boy trying to reach for something on the top shelf. I go over to him and ask if his mom knows where he is. The boy turns around. He was actually a very angry midget. FML

#1054716
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28696) - you deserved it (51998)

On 04/17/2009 at 1:05pm - kids - by jules (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I locked my keys in my car. After spending 20 minutes on the phone with AAA, and then waiting a half hour, the guy showed up, he stuck his hand in the drivers side window and asked, "You couldn't just reach in?" I forgot I left the window open. FML

#1054531
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10547) - you deserved it (99040)

On 04/17/2009 at 12:49pm - misc - by .... (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was at a ballet recital with my friend, sitting between her and the mother of the head male ballerina. When he came on stage in obscenely tight white tights I whispered to my friend, "You can see his whole freaking package!" I'd whispered to the wrong side. FML

#1052920
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11751) - you deserved it (59553)

On 04/17/2009 at 11:19am - misc - by lalalohan (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I had to re-take an hour long MRI scan because I got an erection midway through. FML

#1051780
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67853) - you deserved it (15917)

On 04/17/2009 at 10:14am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my husband of three years told me he only proposed to me because his favorite football team was winning and he had been drunk. I had our second child three days ago. FML

#1051397
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (85818) - you deserved it (4736)

On 04/17/2009 at 9:44am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I was about to get it on with a girl in the bathroom of my friend's house at a party. Just when things started getting heated, a pipe burst. Literally. There was water everywhere and everyone had to evacuate the building. I was cockblocked by poor plumbing. FML

#1048842
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67697) - you deserved it (11424)

On 04/17/2009 at 3:29am - intimacy - by RotoRooter (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I was relaxing alone at a bar when I was approached by the most gorgeous woman I've ever seen. She was too good to be true, so I asked, "Is this some kind of a prank?" She immediately turned around and left. She thought I was calling her ugly. I'll never see her again. FML

#1047922
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16365) - you deserved it (72930)

On 04/17/2009 at 2:29am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I forgot to take my wallet off the roof of my car and drove away, onto the highway. A man behind me began flashing his lights and waving his arms. I thought he was freaking out because I cut him off. I flipped him off. He was trying to tell me that all my money was flying down the road. FML

#1047617
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7825) - you deserved it (76618)

On 04/17/2009 at 2:12am - money - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. Right as I was really getting into it, he pauses, frowns, and says, "I think I see the pee hole." FML

#1046980
216 comments

I agree, your life sucks (90870) - you deserved it (7400)

On 04/17/2009 at 1:43am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went to babysit. I was told the parents would be gone when I arrived. I went and started playing with the kids. All of a sudden I heard a scream. I opened the parents' door with a knife in hand to find them having sex. I got paid so adults could get laid. While I was there. 6 ft. away. FML

#1043962
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58133) - you deserved it (3148)

On 04/17/2009 at 12:14am - intimacy - by babysitter (woman) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, the police posted a description of the car of a child abductor. As everyone slowed down to read the billboard, I realized that the car's description and license plate were very similar to mine. After getting death stares from passengers, I got pulled over. Twice. FML

#1043784
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57562) - you deserved it (2295)

On 04/17/2009 at 12:11am - misc - by eyeamcool (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was home alone while my mom went out to dinner. I decided to hop in the shower, and I noticed my mom left her douche in there. After, I texted her telling her what I found and that it was gross. Her response? "It's not gross. It came from my vagina, like you and your sister." FML

#1040917
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46551) - you deserved it (21526)

On 04/16/2009 at 11:08pm - health - by duuuuude (woman) - United States (New Hampshire)



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