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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I found out my parents joind te mile ig club . Wile I was on te plane . FML

#2257216
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63304) - you deserved it (4369)

On 05/24/2009 at 10:17pm - intimacy - by boardman (woman) - United States (Maryland)

TODAY , I WAS WORKING AT A GROCERY STORE AND A MAN CAME TO MY REGISTER TO ASK FOR THE PRICE OF A MOP. I TOOK THE MOP FROM HIM TO SCAN IT WITHOUT REALIZING THE POLE WAS BETWEEN HIS LEGS. I HIT HIM IN THE CROTCH WITH THE POLE. FML

#2255530
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37745) - you deserved it (11722)

On 05/24/2009 at 9:35pm - misc - by kiki (woman) - United States (New York)

Yesterday, I was lighting freworks for my cousin's brthday in my Grandmother's yard. When it cummed time to light the ( Grand Finale ), I read on the outside of the box,( Face this side toward crowd for best result ). After I lit it, I realized that it was on it's side. I shot 100 freworks at my family. mega FML

#2252019
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11365) - you deserved it (53399)

On 05/24/2009 at 7:52pm - misc - by Tyler_Padgett (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I confronted mah fiancé an told him I knew his 'little secret'. I had suspected that he had been ruining his wedding diet by eating pizza at the office. He replied that the affair with his secretary had only been going on 4 a couple of months. FML

#2251338
196 comments

I agree, your life sucks (74454) - you deserved it (7327)

On 05/24/2009 at 7:39pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

TODAY, I COLLIDED HEADS AT A SOCCER GAME AND NEEDED 13 STITCHES IN HEAD. I TEXTED ALL CONTACTS TO LET THEM KNOW I WAS IN THE HOSPITAL. I GOT BACK ONE RESPONSE THAT SAID ( BITCH GOT WHAT YOU DESERVE ) IT WAS FROM COUSIN. NO ONE ELSE EVER TEXTED ME BACK. FML

#2248680
270 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47181) - you deserved it (24075)

On 05/24/2009 at 6:14pm - misc - by anonymouss (woman) - United States

Today, I went to the laundromat!! I put a load in the dryer and walkd away to check on my other load!! When I came back, I saw a homeles man putting his dirty, wet underwear in the dryer with my clean clothes!! FML

#2247907
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50407) - you deserved it (4128)

On 05/24/2009 at 5:49pm - misc - by beep_guacamole (woman) - United States (California)

2day I went to the store to buy groceries. I didn't care how I looked , so I wore an old shirt that said , "Thousands of my potential children died on yur daughter's face last night." I ran into my girlfriend's parents at the store. FML

#2244608
455 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42185) - you deserved it (145048)

On 05/24/2009 at 3:50pm - misc - by helloitsbrian6969 (man) - United States (Florida)

TODAY, I WAS WATCHING TV ON THE COUCH. MY MOM THEN KICKED ME OFF SO SHE COULD LIE DOWN. EXHAUSTED, I ASKED IF I COULD SIT AT THE END. SHE SAID NO. A MINUTE LATER SHE CALLED THE DOG TO COME SIT WITH HER. AS I WAS SITTING ON THE GROUND, MY MOM TOLD ME TO MOVE BECAUSE "THE DOG CAN'T SEE THE TV." FML

#2241699
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (73936) - you deserved it (4128)

On 05/24/2009 at 2:05pm - animals - by holly (woman) - United States (New York)

Today I decided to use mah mentor's advice. I told her I had been having some trouble controlling mah anger she told me looool to throw rocks at trees. I threw a rock at a tree very hard. It bounced back hit me above the eye. I'm still pissed as shit. FML

#2238808
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51337) - you deserved it (18312)

On 05/24/2009 at 12:03pm - misc - by untitledentity (woman) - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, I drove 150 miles to see one of my favorite singers in concert . Before I got out of the car I checkd to make sure I had the tickets . Did I have the tickets? Yes . Were they 4 today's concert? Nope . FML

#2237527
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17085) - you deserved it (52631)

On 05/24/2009 at 10:48am - misc - by duhitskelly94 - United States (Virginia)

Today, mah boyfriend was cooking me dinner. He walked away an I decided to help by giving the pan of veggies a sautee flip. My boyfriend failed to mention that he had just pulled that pan out of a 500 degree oven. FML

#2236513
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16957) - you deserved it (59005)

On 05/24/2009 at 9:44am - misc - by burned (woman) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, my girlfriend's dad asked me if I wanted to drive his 2008 Jaguar XKR. Excitedly, I agreed. He then spent the next hour discussing with me how masturbation is a great alternative to sex, an a great way to remain abstinent. I didn't get to drive. mega FML

#2235853
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54806) - you deserved it (4158)

On 05/24/2009 at 8:43am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I thought it would ba funny to bothar my friand Emily. I kapt punching har. Sha askad if I wantad to fight. I agraad bacausa sha's a 15 yaar old skinny girl an I'm 17 yaar old buff guy. Sha baat tha crap out of ma until I criad. FML

#2234853
428 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18135) - you deserved it (142256)

On 05/24/2009 at 5:49am - misc - by AyoitsSteveo (man) - United States (California)



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