FMLs submitted from United States

Today, a mall cop tore up my 'Free hugs' sign. FML

by Cornbreesha / 11/28/2009 at 2:13am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend and I were gazing into each others' eyes in the moonlight after not having seen each other for a week. I thought he was going to say "I love you" and pull me in for a kiss. Instead, he said, "Since you can’t drive, we should get one of those two seater bicycles." FML

by tjcl / 11/28/2009 at 1:32am / United States (California) / Love

Today, I was explaining the inner parts of a vagina and how they work. To my boyfriend. FML

by Anonymous / 11/28/2009 at 12:25am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy

Today, I went shopping with some friends. We were tired from walking around the mall all night, so we decided to sit and relax at a table. I was about to close my eyes when I got smacked on the forehead by an orange falling from the second floor of the mall. FML

by Orangehead / 11/28/2009 at 12:06am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mom came home and told me she was going back to college. She's going to the community college that a lot of the graduates from my school go to. She has biology with my ex. They're lab partners and have to do take home labs together. FML

by Anonymous / 11/27/2009 at 11:13pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, I received a $500 fine for an "unruly" dog. I don't have a dog. FML

by bill / 11/27/2009 at 8:48pm / United States / Animals

Today, my date kissed me after our second date. The way he leaned towards my mouth was very romantic. He's pretty tall, so I stretched myself as high as possible to make the kiss as passionate as possible. That's how I ended up belching into his mouth. FML

by Anonymous / 11/27/2009 at 6:23pm / United States (Georgia) / Love

Today, my mom tried to give me advice on how to improve my looks. I scoffed at her but listened to her advice anyway. She ended her tirade with, "I just want you to get laid someday." FML

by Anonymous / 11/27/2009 at 4:45pm / United States (Idaho) / Intimacy

Today, I found out that my wife had an affair with our marriage counselor. FML

by Nobody / 11/27/2009 at 4:39pm / United States (Illinois) / Love

Today, I found a camera someone left at our house. I looked at the pictures, and saw my grandma in a sexy outfit. FML

by Anonymous / 11/27/2009 at 4:09pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Intimacy

Today, I got in a hotel elevator. There was a kid in there also. He got off on the 3rd floor. As he was stepping from the elevator, he decided to press every single button. It's a 35 floor hotel. My room is on the 32nd floor. FML

by w0rstdayever / 11/27/2009 at 3:01pm / United States (New York) / Kids

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was at a dinner with my dad's girlfriend's family. I met this guy who I found kind of cute and tried to talk to him a couple times. To avoid talking to me he started playing his PSP. I could see the screen perfectly and the PSP was clearly off. FML

by Anonymous / 11/27/2009 at 11:43am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I got no happy birthday wishes from anyone. I decided to call my sister to see if she'd remembered. My 6-year-old niece answered, so I told her it was my birthday. She said that it's tomorrow. After ten minutes of arguing with a 6-year-old, I checked the calendar. It's tomorrow. FML

by forgotmyownbirthday / 11/27/2009 at 9:26am / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous