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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I got into an argument with a 7 year old. He said that Obama was the 44th President, I said he was the 42nd. Guess who was right. FML

#2791177
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10466) - you deserved it (81273)

On 06/11/2009 at 12:33am - misc - by feeldumb - United States (New York)

Today, my family and I were parking downtown when my sister yelled to watch out for a man approaching our car. I see him pull something from his pocket. I yell "It's a knife, don't roll down the window!" It was a pen, he was the parking attendant and the window was already rolled down. FML

#2787428
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8116) - you deserved it (42573)

On 06/10/2009 at 10:28pm - misc - by parkinglotslayer (woman) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I decided to confess my feelings to the girl I've had a crush on since the beginning of high school. We agreed to meet at Starbucks, but she was bringing a friend. I didn't care, because I just wanted to tell her how I felt. When I got there, I saw her making out with another girl. FML

#2785854
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56223) - you deserved it (4703)

On 06/10/2009 at 9:43pm - love - by Ryuga (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was playing a medieval game with my brother, when he took all of his character's clothes off and said, "Let's have sex!" I looked at him and said, "UH YOU ARE MY BROTHER!" He turns and looks at me, smiling and says, "But not in the game!" I am a 19 year old girl. He is 12. FML

#2780499
305 comments

I agree, your life sucks (71159) - you deserved it (4980)

On 06/10/2009 at 7:07pm - intimacy - by Sylvania - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I decided to go swimming. I knew my technique would be off because I haven't swam since high school. It was when I made it only halfway across the pool that the lifeguard decided to jump in and save me. I wasn't drowning or struggling. FML

#2780128
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40214) - you deserved it (4142)

On 06/10/2009 at 6:50pm - health - by anonymous (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I was helping my church clean up a park. I was given a sledgehammer and told to break up a concrete picnic table so we could haul it off. About half way through I swung the sledgehammer REALLY hard, completely missed the table, and hit myself in the shin. FML

#2777163
245 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54091) - you deserved it (21621)

On 06/10/2009 at 5:12pm - misc - by rubmytummy (woman) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, I was having a garage sale and my mother-in-law came by to see what I was selling. She decided to buy these ugly green wine glasses that were still unopened. It turns out that she gave those to my wife and I when we got married. FML

#2775360
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16124) - you deserved it (38998)

On 06/10/2009 at 4:05pm - misc - by anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I went to the game with my boss and some people he does business with on his tab. I got so drunk that I blacked out, threw up all over the table, and passed out in the bathroom. I woke up alone with my body reeking of vomit, and no phone. FML

#2773226
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7263) - you deserved it (69850)

On 06/10/2009 at 2:42pm - misc - by LetsMakeLove (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I decided that I was going to get my front license plate put back on my car after two years of having it off. In these two years I somehow never got pulled over for it, as it is illegal to drive without one in MD. On my way there, I got pulled over for not having a front license plate. FML

#2772100
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15846) - you deserved it (47385)

On 06/10/2009 at 1:47pm - misc - by dm206 (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was doing the laundry, but couldn't tell if one basket contained dirty clothes or clean clothes. I put my head down into the basket and took a whiff to check, and smelled something strong. I looked down and noticed I had shoved my nose into my mother's dirty panties and inhaled deeply. FML

#2771794
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21025) - you deserved it (56996)

On 06/10/2009 at 1:37pm - misc - by potpurri_needed (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I checked facebook, only to find out that my close cousin is now married. When I looked at the pictures, I saw that my whole family was there - including my sister, mother and father. I was the only one who wasn't invited. FML

#2771745
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64574) - you deserved it (3980)

On 06/10/2009 at 1:35pm - misc - by Oh_baby (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my two year old daughter was playing in the kitchen. I went to go have a look and she was pretend cooking. When I asked what she was making she said "look mommy, chocolate!" and stuck her finger in my mouth. It wasn't chocolate. FML

#2768683
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64386) - you deserved it (5685)

On 06/10/2009 at 10:49am - kids - by Lisaa918 - United States (Indiana)

Today, I was alone in my friend's kitchen. I had "Don't Cha" stuck in my head all day so I decided to let it out by doing a slutty dance, including spinning around the support pole in the kitchen. I heard a noise outside and saw my friend's dad had been cleaning the windows. With a boner. FML

#2767851
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21590) - you deserved it (56493)

On 06/10/2009 at 9:51am - intimacy - by sluttydancer (woman) - United States (Texas)



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