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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I went on a date, and everything was going fine- until the ride home. On the way, I starting having progressively bad stomach pains. Once she left the car, I passed the worst gas that I had ever encountered. As I began to drive, she knocked on the window. She forgot her purse in the car. FML

#3656488
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40120) - you deserved it (4967)

On 07/11/2009 at 12:42am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was playing tennis with my friend. He hit a ball up high, and I slammed it down, thinking there was no way he would get it. Feeling pretty good about it, I turned around to celebrate. As I turned around, I got smacked in my face. He got it. FML

#3655783
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6769) - you deserved it (50539)

On 07/11/2009 at 12:20am - misc - by Name (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my mum called and told me she had bought me a new, white dish washer for my apartment because it doesn't have one. I was SO excited and told her I'd pay her back as soon as I could. I only had to pay her $1.25. She bought me a sponge. FML

#3650725
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40384) - you deserved it (7847)

On 07/10/2009 at 9:09pm - money - by thanksalot (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I worked up the courage to ask my crush out for coffee after work. She agreed and I confidently said "Alright, it's a date!" She replied, "Haha a date with you? I'm just going for the free coffee!" FML

#3650677
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52316) - you deserved it (3985)

On 07/10/2009 at 9:08pm - love - by negromancer - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was walking through airport security when a guard began making lewd gestures at his crotch, while looking at me. I was outraged until I realized he was trying to tell me that my fly was down. FML

#3649387
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10699) - you deserved it (37918)

On 07/10/2009 at 8:16pm - misc - by jennyygrace - United States (Florida)

Today, my wife and I decided to try a relationship book. The first activity was to write down some things your partner does that bothers you. I made a very long list, then my wife and I swapped papers. She'd written, "nothing, I love everything about you." She read my list and began tearing up. FML

#3648052
291 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24934) - you deserved it (66084)

On 07/10/2009 at 7:18pm - love - by failhusband (man) - United States (Utah)

Today, I spent most of my morning comforting the guy I love because his fiancée dumped him for some other guy. He continuously told me I had no clue that kind of pain he was in. He dumped me three years ago for the girl that just left him. FML

#3646949
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59530) - you deserved it (9150)

On 07/10/2009 at 6:28pm - love - by Shadowfigure23 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went to my friend's house for the first time. As I was pulling up, I called him and asked him if I could use his bathroom. He told me to just go in the back and use it, so i did. As i'm sitting on the toilet, someone knocks on the door and asks me who I am. It wasn't my friend's house. FML

#3645311
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52462) - you deserved it (11042)

On 07/10/2009 at 5:22pm - misc - by whitewater_al (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, my boss came to my cubicle to give me my annual performance bonus. I was asleep at my desk. FML

#3645286
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10179) - you deserved it (58488)

On 07/10/2009 at 5:21pm - misc - by ChrisC (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, my younger brother, who is 15, had to show me the quickest way to take off a woman's bra. I'm 12 years older than he is. FML

#3642336
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45807) - you deserved it (12468)

On 07/10/2009 at 3:20pm - intimacy - by nerd_man01 (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend called me to break up with me. Immediately after we hung up, I started crying hysterically. I thought I dialed my best friend, and as soon as the line picked up, I yelled, "That motherfucker broke up with me!" My now ex-boyfriend replied, "Yeah, I know I did." FML

#3641578
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46270) - you deserved it (19300)

On 07/10/2009 at 2:47pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was taking a shower and I saw a new body wash that said "radiance ribbons." That sounded a little effeminate, but it smelled manly enough and the only alternative was normal soap, so I used it. Just now, I stepped out into the sun and found out what "radiance ribbons" means. I sparkle. FML

#3639578
461 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61033) - you deserved it (31577)

On 07/10/2009 at 1:03pm - misc - by takinabreak (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was going to do some laundry, with the washer and dryer I bought off of Craigslist for 150 dollars. The washer leaks and the dryer doesn't dry. So I called the guy and left an angry message about how the washer flooded my kitchen. In fact I just forgot to hook up the drain hose. FML

#3639163
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5921) - you deserved it (57386)

On 07/10/2009 at 12:46pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)



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