FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I saw a girl walking to class by herself. I thought she was weird for not having any friends to walk with. Thats when I realized I was eating lunch by myself. In my car. FML

by Anonymous / 12/03/2009 at 1:13pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I learned my wife wasn't speaking to me because our daughter told her I kissed another woman. My daughter neglected to mention that this happened when she came to work with me yesterday, and the kiss was between me and the dummy I use to teach my interns CPR. My wife doesn't believe me. FML

by fmldr / 12/03/2009 at 6:34am / United States (Massachusetts) / Love

Today, I finished a 50 page term end thesis essay on the history of Russia. Looking over the final requirements once more, I find I made just a tiny little mistake. It was supposed to be a thesis on "Prussia". The paper's due tomorrow. FML

by WTFFAIL / 12/03/2009 at 4:08am / United States (New York) / Work

Today, I walked into my apartment to find my boyfriend of two years screwing my lifelong best friend. I immediately burst into tears. He looked at me and told me I was being too dramatic. FML

by Anonymous / 12/03/2009 at 3:39am / United States (Washington) / Intimacy

Today, I found out that my friends were convinced that I was gay. I have known most of them for 3 plus years, they all thought my girlfriend was a special shopping partner. I found this out while announcing my engagement. FML

by Anonymous / 12/03/2009 at 3:23am / United States (North Dakota) / Miscellaneous

Today, I turned eighteen. Thinking I was going to get a big present from my parents on this special day, I eagerly unwrapped my present. They got me a bag of M and M's. Last year I got flannel bed sheets. FML

by bdaygirl / 12/03/2009 at 2:33am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that me and my best friend are both pregnant. We live together, and both had one night stands with the same guy. Now we are going to be each raising his children in the same house while he has decided to "not get involved" and move to a different state. FML

by anonymous / 12/03/2009 at 1:55am / United States (Georgia) / Kids

Today, my husband stabbed me with his unusually long nasty toes nails in the leg while he slept. It took 3 stitches to fix it up, my husband and doctor laughed the entire time. He still refuses to cut them. FML

by ewww / 12/03/2009 at 12:59am / United States (Kentucky) / Health

Today, I bought $300 worth of climbing equipment because I had lost mine six months ago, I hadn't gone to the climbing gym since I'd lost it. I went today because I was so excited to go climbing again. However, it turns out that I'd left my gear there, and it had been in the Lost and Found for the past six months. FML

by MitchellSully / 12/03/2009 at 12:18am / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I found out that my boyfriend of 2 months has been faking his southern accent. FML

by wooed / 12/02/2009 at 10:15pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Love

Today, I would rather pound to porn than have sex with my wife, because trying to get her in the mood is too much hassle. FML

by Anonymous / 12/02/2009 at 9:37pm / United States (Virginia) / Intimacy

Today, I received an e-mail from my stepmom. It was a picture of a boy that she said she thought I might like to know. Next to the picture was the message "he comes from a good military background". My love life is so pathetic that my stepmother feels the need to try and set me up. FML

by kay / 12/02/2009 at 9:06pm / United States (Illinois) / Love

Today, my parents invited all their kids and grandkids to join them on a vacation trip to the mountains; all their kids except me, that is. I'm not invited. But they did invite my ex-husband. And his new girlfriend. FML

by Anonymous / 12/02/2009 at 7:34pm / United States (Alabama) / Holidays