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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, at a family Seder, (a Jewish service for Passover), my mom served matzah balls during the festive meal. Considering how much I love matzah balls and there aren't many options for me to eat because I'm a vegetarian, I shouted, "I like really big balls!" in front of my entire family. FML

#921004
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18376) - you deserved it (88186)

On 04/12/2009 at 12:27am - intimacy - by anon13 (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I walked out to my car to see four kids taking the hubcaps, radio, and license plates off of my truck. I chased them six blocks until I tripped and twisted my ankle. I limped back to my car and found a ticket on my windshield for $55 dollars. The reason? Missing license plates. FML

#920933
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (71460) - you deserved it (2684)

On 04/12/2009 at 12:07am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I parked my car on the street to go to the gym. When i came back my car was blocked by a parade of people. I turned to a shop worker smoking a cigarette and said "Jesus! What the hell is going on?" I got many strange looks. It was a Good Friday parade lead by a local church. FML

#920023
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14523) - you deserved it (42983)

On 04/11/2009 at 10:52pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was giving a tour on campus when one of my friends approached us and said "Don't go here, the weed's too expensive." and walked away. Thinking he's coming back to say he's joking, he instead say "i'm just kidding its really cheap" and walked away. I may or may not still have a job. FML

#920019
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45610) - you deserved it (4641)

On 04/11/2009 at 10:51pm - misc - by JimmyJazzNJ (man) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I went with my grandma to pickup my uncle and cousins from the airport. On our way there, the car died in the middle of the road. A police officer stopped to help us, he blocked the road while i pushed and my grandma steered. I had to push a minivan, I weigh 115 lbs. FML

#919886
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41758) - you deserved it (5156)

On 04/11/2009 at 10:51pm - misc - by carpusher (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my parents asked if I wanted to go to military school so i said "yeah that would be awesome," thinking it was a joke. They weren't joking. FML

#919776
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20560) - you deserved it (39109)

On 04/11/2009 at 10:44pm - misc - by AlienZ (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I dog-sat for my neighbors' pitbull. Weighing in at 100 pounds with a nasty bite; this dog was no lap dog, but I treated it as one - not knowing how deadly this dog could be - beckoning it towards me with my hand. I now have 6 stitches in my hand and arm, and the neighbors didn't pay me. FML

#919656
228 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46351) - you deserved it (15943)

On 04/11/2009 at 10:39pm - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was waitressing when a man sat at my table with soda from somewhere else. Drinks are half the profit for restaurants. There is a strict policy that you have to charge for carry-in drinks. I told him this, he yelled at me so I told him I was doing my job. I got fired, for doing my job. FML

#919525
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51941) - you deserved it (3700)

On 04/11/2009 at 10:07pm - work - by waitress (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I got a haircut for the first time in almost a year. I thought it looked really nice and made me look good. On my way to CVS, I ran into one of my friends. He examined me and said, "You look... like a crack whore." FML

#919205
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41867) - you deserved it (4958)

On 04/11/2009 at 9:42pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, my grandmother gave me a huge speech on being abstinent until marriage. Being the honest person that I am, I told her I wasn't a virgin anymore. Instead of being mad and telling me I was going to hell. She asked me what my favourite things to do sexually were. And told me hers in detail. FML

#918397
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (72970) - you deserved it (18928)

On 04/11/2009 at 8:20pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I was on my way home from work and decided to stop at the grocery store. I purchased $200 in groceries and went to put them in my car. I then realized I drove my motorcycle today. FML

#916470
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16322) - you deserved it (81994)

On 04/11/2009 at 4:43pm - misc - by whoops (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I found out my blood type is B. My parents are type A and type O. It's not genetically possible to be blood type B if your parents are A and O. This means I am either an adoptee, a mutant, or an illegitimate child. FML

#915764
425 comments

I agree, your life sucks (165652) - you deserved it (8463)

On 04/11/2009 at 3:14pm - misc - by hedgehog5 - United States (North Carolina)



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