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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, after work I went to the parking lot to my car to go home. I found my car doors heavily scratched and all my tires cut, with a note on my windshield. The note read, "F*** you, Jackson." I'm Tyler. Jackson is my co-worker. FML

#402387
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (179246) - you deserved it (9081)

On 03/16/2009 at 11:17pm - work - by Dansonn (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was walking out of the grocery store and out of no where, a car backing up pretty fast speeds downs the parking lot and hits me, causing me to fall down and drop all of the groceries. The woman jumped out of her car, not to help me, but to carefully check her bumper for scratches. FML

#402157
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (101456) - you deserved it (4000)

On 03/16/2009 at 11:13pm - misc - by dxplq876 (man) - United States

Today, was my sixteenth birthday. I was hoping to get a car. Instead, my parents got me a 3 month membership at the gym so I can lose weight. FML

#402004
205 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36425) - you deserved it (50386)

On 03/16/2009 at 11:10pm - misc - by not_so_sweet_sixteen - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, I got a phone call saying I was no longer a bridesmaid for a wedding in June. It's my mom's 4th wedding. I'm getting replaced by our dog. FML

#400930
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (187096) - you deserved it (16707)

On 03/16/2009 at 10:41pm - animals - by Noname - United States (California)

Today, my dad gave me a promise ring on my one year anniversary with my boyfriend and made me swear I would wait til marriage. Four hours later he walked in on us having sex in my bedroom. FML

#400298
237 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45562) - you deserved it (238872)

On 03/16/2009 at 10:19pm - intimacy - by thiswouldhappen. - United States (Florida)

Today, I was with my grandma waiting in a line. She only speaks Chinese and there was a black man in front of us talking his phone. My grandma tells me that the black man's really loud and annoying. The man finishes and turns and said fluently in Chinese, "What's wrong with loud black men?" FML

#399721
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53125) - you deserved it (29346)

On 03/16/2009 at 10:09pm - misc - by kaichennnxx (man) - United States (California)

Today, my mother called me and told me that she went to the hospital. This wasn't a surprise 'cos she normally goes to the hospital for the smallest things. So, I was a smart ass and asked, "What now? You finally have lung cancer from all those cigarettes?" Apparently, she does. FML

#398759
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22430) - you deserved it (92899)

On 03/16/2009 at 9:42pm - misc - by cannabis_this420 (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was swimming in the ocean with my best friend and a giant wave came and knocked off the bottom of my bikini. My friend told me that she would go get another bottom so I could walk onto the very crowded beach. She left me for half an hour, laughing from the shore with her entire family. FML

#397272
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (81510) - you deserved it (5654)

On 03/16/2009 at 9:04pm - misc - by paymeinhugs - United States (New York)

Today, I was sifting through my parents old home movies. I put in one and was horrified to see my parents having sex. I immediately ejected the tape and looked at the label. It said "Bermuda, 1989". They've told me I was conceived in Bermuda around that time. I've seen my own conception. FML

#391986
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (173623) - you deserved it (34122)

On 03/16/2009 at 7:08pm - intimacy - by ihatevideos (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my phone rang while I was home alone. When I picked up, all I could hear was heavy breathing. Convinced it was one of my friends playing a joke, I said loudly, "Get off the phone, you fucker, and don't call back!" It turned out it was my grandma. She had been having a stroke. FML

#386198
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38889) - you deserved it (85055)

On 03/16/2009 at 5:01pm - misc - by badgrandchild - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, I was out on a date with a guy. His hot co-worker came to have a beer with us, and I knew my best friend would think he was gorgeous. I wanted to take a picture of him without knowing, so i tried to hold up my phone and pretend to be texting. The flash went off. FML

#385410
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18017) - you deserved it (112290)

On 03/16/2009 at 4:41pm - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States

Today, I had a meeting with my super-hot TA. When I got to her office, she complimented me for being early, to which I thoughtfully replied "oh I usually come early." She laughed. FML

#379796
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52263) - you deserved it (31558)

On 03/16/2009 at 1:40pm - misc - by SmoothTalker (man) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I found an old dress in my house laying around. I decided to dye it green to wear it out on St. Patrick's day. Turns out it was my grandmother's wedding dress that my sister was planning to wear for her wedding. FML

#379533
203 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35951) - you deserved it (157878)

On 03/16/2009 at 1:29pm - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States (Colorado)



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