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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, my boss came back from a 2 week vacation. I was the only one covering for him, and I did an excellent job. It was my chance to get a promotion. I actually improved his sales while he was gone. But the only thing he noticed was that I killed his plant. FML

#492264
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63453) - you deserved it (4493)

On 03/20/2009 at 4:46pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I went on Facebook to find that my little brother had messed with my profile. He wrote on my status that I'm a piece of shit, I have no life, and several other nasty and perverted things. Underneath, it said 26 of my friends liked this. I'm new to Facebook. So far I have 26 friends. FML

#492068
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55119) - you deserved it (7653)

On 03/20/2009 at 4:40pm - misc - by noname (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my dad told me he has been dating my boyfriend's mom while I was away at college. They have gotten pretty serious, and are thinking about getting married. I might be dating my stepbrother. FML

#491409
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (128789) - you deserved it (6285)

On 03/20/2009 at 4:09pm - love - by Cindy (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my wife of over 20 years told me she wants a divorce because she wants "a change in life". She has had the same mullet hair cut since '84. FML

#488336
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (73093) - you deserved it (8383)

On 03/20/2009 at 12:45pm - misc - by Nick (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I had my girlfriend over and we were hugging when she put her feet on my feet. We started walking around like that and I said, "This is hard to maintain." She replied with "So's your erection." FML

#487098
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51357) - you deserved it (15705)

On 03/20/2009 at 11:07am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was running to my car, slipped, and slammed my head on the car door. I started driving to the hospital because it was bleeding profusely and I was dizzy, I called my mom to tell her what had happened. She said I was grounded for "goofing off" and that she was "sick of my shit". FML

#483847
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (89622) - you deserved it (7030)

On 03/20/2009 at 2:11am - misc - by itsgotime (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, I was pulled over by my father who is a police officer. He was training a rookie and gave me a breathalyzer test to show his trainee how to do it. I blew a .15 and was taken to jail. FML

#483516
198 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33522) - you deserved it (134421)

On 03/20/2009 at 1:48am - misc - by Jesse (man) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, my girlfriend was driving me to her house against my will when I said, "Sometimes it's annoying that you always decide where we go because you drive." She replied, "Yeah, I wish I could be more of the girl in this relationship." FML

#482680
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11532) - you deserved it (74541)

On 03/20/2009 at 1:08am - misc - by lukey_G (man) - United States (California)

Today, I went to confession. I told the priest that I had an intimate relationship with a woman that I'm not married to. He chuckled and said, "You know, lying is a sin too." I wasn't lying. FML

#480459
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62731) - you deserved it (8583)

On 03/19/2009 at 11:34pm - misc - by churchgoer (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I got the courage to ask my mom if I could go to the movies alone on my first date with my new boyfriend. She said ok, which was surprising because she never lets me go anywhere alone. When I got to the theatre with him I saw my mom. She had saved seats for us. FML

#474818
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (69009) - you deserved it (4017)

On 03/19/2009 at 8:07pm - misc - by shelteredchild (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was enjoying my last day of Spring Break in Panama City. I got up to dance on the stage at the Holiday Inn in front of hundreds of college kids. I tried to be sexy by turning around and bending over. My friends took pictures and my bloody tampon string was hanging out the whole time. FML

#470055
286 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33354) - you deserved it (87743)

On 03/19/2009 at 5:10pm - intimacy - by LindseyS (woman) - United States (Georgia)



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