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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I went skinny-dipping with my best friend. We were on the beach and it was fairly crowded but we got in the water at this really secluded area. While we were swimming I looked up to see a homeless man wearing my clothes, walking away. FML

#495475
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56036) - you deserved it (29178)

On 03/20/2009 at 7:35pm - misc - by cjj325 (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I had artfully managed to avoid anyone knowing that I was moving into a trailer park. I showed up at the trailer where all my friends, co-workers, and exes were waiting. My parents knew I was feeling down and wanted to throw me a surprise 'moving in' party. FML

#495382
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59616) - you deserved it (4111)

On 03/20/2009 at 7:34pm - misc - by TrailerTrash (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my older brother and some of his cute friends came over. When we got inside my mom yells to me "I got you some bigger tampons because you leaked all over your new underwear." They all started laughing. FML

#492829
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (127788) - you deserved it (7778)

On 03/20/2009 at 5:16pm - misc - by megan228 (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, as I was getting my mail, I received a free coupon from a baby supply store saying "congratulations on your expectancy." Thinking it was a mistake, I showed my girlfriend, who I am living with. All she had to say was "Surprise!" FML

#492457
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (72563) - you deserved it (15599)

On 03/20/2009 at 5:04pm - kids - by daddy-to-be (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I decided I would tell my mom I'm not going to marry my fiancé because it just didn't feel right, only to walk into my own surprise engagement party. FML

#492434
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56159) - you deserved it (8628)

On 03/20/2009 at 5:03pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my boss came back from a 2 week vacation. I was the only one covering for him, and I did an excellent job. It was my chance to get a promotion. I actually improved his sales while he was gone. But the only thing he noticed was that I killed his plant. FML

#492264
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63449) - you deserved it (4491)

On 03/20/2009 at 4:46pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I went on Facebook to find that my little brother had messed with my profile. He wrote on my status that I'm a piece of shit, I have no life, and several other nasty and perverted things. Underneath, it said 26 of my friends liked this. I'm new to Facebook. So far I have 26 friends. FML

#492068
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55116) - you deserved it (7653)

On 03/20/2009 at 4:40pm - misc - by noname (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my dad told me he has been dating my boyfriend's mom while I was away at college. They have gotten pretty serious, and are thinking about getting married. I might be dating my stepbrother. FML

#491409
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (128738) - you deserved it (6285)

On 03/20/2009 at 4:09pm - love - by Cindy (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my wife of over 20 years told me she wants a divorce because she wants "a change in life". She has had the same mullet hair cut since '84. FML

#488336
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (73083) - you deserved it (8383)

On 03/20/2009 at 12:45pm - misc - by Nick (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I had my girlfriend over and we were hugging when she put her feet on my feet. We started walking around like that and I said, "This is hard to maintain." She replied with "So's your erection." FML

#487098
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51345) - you deserved it (15704)

On 03/20/2009 at 11:07am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was running to my car, slipped, and slammed my head on the car door. I started driving to the hospital because it was bleeding profusely and I was dizzy, I called my mom to tell her what had happened. She said I was grounded for "goofing off" and that she was "sick of my shit". FML

#483847
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (89613) - you deserved it (7027)

On 03/20/2009 at 2:11am - misc - by itsgotime (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, I was pulled over by my father who is a police officer. He was training a rookie and gave me a breathalyzer test to show his trainee how to do it. I blew a .15 and was taken to jail. FML

#483516
198 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33513) - you deserved it (134369)

On 03/20/2009 at 1:48am - misc - by Jesse (man) - United States (Kentucky)



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