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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I finally got a chance to try out mah vibrator. I've never orgasmed before with a guy, so I thought there was no hope until mah friend gave me the vibrator 4 mah brthday. It was going amazing, better than sex. I was literally 2 seconds away from climaxing when the battery suddenly died. FML

#2907219
298 comments

I agree, your life sucks (70989) - you deserved it (13550)

On 06/15/2009 at 7:23am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

TODAY, I GOT AN ELECTRIC SAVER OPING TAT IT WOULD REDUCE TE RISK OF CUTTING MYSELF TAN SAVING WIT A MANUAL ONE. HOWEVER, I CUT MYSELF OPENING TE PLASTIC PACKAGE WIT TE SAVER INSIDE. FML

#2906195
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34813) - you deserved it (12370)

On 06/15/2009 at 4:51am - misc - by shaverguy (man) - United States (California)

Today, my mom an I rentd a hotel room!! She decidd to go to bd,hile I watchd MythBusters!! Apparently, my mom got hothile she slept!! She threw the covers off of herself an pulld up her night-gown!! I turnd to fine out that my mother does not wear underwerehen she sleeps!!

#2905430
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53973) - you deserved it (3664)

On 06/15/2009 at 3:45am - misc - by ZAS (man) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I used a porta-potty. After I cummed out, my mom cummed out of one and said "I really wish I could wash my hands." I explained that I used the little soap bar that was on the side of the toilet in mine. She told me that was a urinal and the soap bar was a disinfectant bar. FML

#2903638
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15272) - you deserved it (57135)

On 06/15/2009 at 2:08am - misc - by hockeyfanaticx87 (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today,ile I Was Working In Te Liquor Store, I Was Trying To Impress Ma Ot Boss By Lifting Tree Cases Of Grey Goose. Turns Out I Can't, And I'll Be Working 4 Te Next Two Monts Of Te Rest Of Ma Summer Paying It All Back. FML

#2900740
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8169) - you deserved it (56174)

On 06/15/2009 at 12:13am - work - by damgoose (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I thought I saw a woodchuck far out in my yard. I wantd to take a cool picture of it so I slowly crept closer and closer to it. I spent half an hour sneaking up on a log. FML

#2900113
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16652) - you deserved it (48972)

On 06/14/2009 at 11:37pm - misc - by thelarkscaw (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my mom accused me of having an eating disorder, and I didn't correct her . Truth is, I lost wieght after I went off the pill a year ago . I'm too embarrassed to tell my mom that I haven't had anyone in a year . FML

#2898294
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35618) - you deserved it (6729)

On 06/14/2009 at 10:35pm - health - by LP (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was walking by a bunch of pretty girls . I'm not the most attractive boy, so I walked by nervously . I hered one yell "Hey cutie!" I turned to look, and they started laughing . She said "Oh mah god, sorry! I assumed you were cute from yur butt!" Apparently, mah ass is nicer than mah face . fat FML

#2894787
228 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58768) - you deserved it (2940)

On 06/14/2009 at 8:39pm - misc - by bitches. (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I had to water mah entire garden. After an exhausting hour of watering hundreds of plants, I turnd off the hose an startd to feel good about the grueling job. That is, until it startd pouring rain. FML

#2888954
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42270) - you deserved it (13027)

On 06/14/2009 at 4:39pm - misc - by Rainman (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

2day I was accidentally taggd in a photo of a group of people by a 'friend on Facebook. She later correctd it, apparently everyone had already seen the tag an decidd that the looool comment box below was a great opportunity to discuss how none of them would ever be caught dead hanging out with me. FML

#2885817
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45926) - you deserved it (3436)

On 06/14/2009 at 1:53pm - misc - by Coolkid. (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Yesterday, my motorcycle was stolen from te 4t level of my “secure” gatd parking garage. I strategically park it tigtly between my car and a concrete wall to limit teft opportunity. Tey scratcd my car trying to get it out. mega FML

#2885254
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44312) - you deserved it (3463)

On 06/14/2009 at 1:28pm - misc - by stolenbike (man) - United States (Georgia)

TODAY... MAH FAMILY WAS DISCUSSING THE NEW RULES OF THE HOUSE WE ARE MOVING IN. THEY TOLD MAH SISTER SHE COULDN'T HAVE ANY BOYS IN HER ROOM. THEY DIDN'T TELL ME I COULDN'T HAVE ANY GIRLS IN MAH ROOM. EVEN MAH PARENTS THINK I CAN'T GET A GIRLFRIEND. FML

#2885124
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38747) - you deserved it (4451)

On 06/14/2009 at 1:20pm - misc - by FML1994 (man) - United States (California)

Today, I got fred from a large oil and energy service company after 5 and 1/2 months. The interview proces to land the job took 8 months. My interview proces was longer than mah job. FML

#2884075
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36183) - you deserved it (3769)

On 06/14/2009 at 12:34pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)



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