Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I saw a lesbian couple walking through the mall. One of the ladies walked up to me in the middle of the busy mall and started screaming at me about how rude it is to stare, and how we are all equal- straight or not. I was only staring because I'm a lesbian too, and they were hot. FML

#774931
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (162993) - you deserved it (26528)

On 04/02/2009 at 10:33pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was in an audition for a production at this theater in town. The directors at the table loved my audition. One of them said "I'd love to talk to you about coming to TCU." I said "Oh, yeah! I know Harry Parker at TCU who runs the theater department." I said this to Harry Parker. FML

#774654
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10107) - you deserved it (83577)

On 04/02/2009 at 10:12pm - work - by Zak (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I used the community vacuum to clean my dorm. When spots started appearing on the floor, I assumed it was leaking water. By the time I finished there were tons of wet spots on the floor. Later I found out that someone had just used that very vacuum to suck up vomit. FML

#773670
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58790) - you deserved it (4534)

On 04/02/2009 at 8:46pm - misc - by ewww (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I was trying to get drama students to attempt to make themselves cry. I was not having any luck, until suddenly a girl burst into tears, sobbing uncontrollably. I jumped up to applaud, saying what a wonderful thing it is to have such expressive kids. Turns out her grandma just died. FML

#773516
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53279) - you deserved it (9683)

On 04/02/2009 at 8:37pm - misc - by dramateach11 (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, was my 16th birthday. Needless to say, I was delighted when my friends presented me with a birthday card in a homeroom. I pretended to be surprised and exclaimed, "Aw, you guys really shouldn't have!" They didn't. It was our teacher's birthday. They just wanted me to sign the card. FML

#771918
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56270) - you deserved it (4635)

On 04/02/2009 at 7:12pm - misc - by happyeffingbday202 (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I found out that because of my high blood pressure I can't have sex for one month. My wedding is next weekend and the following two weeks are my honey moon. FML

#771915
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (234232) - you deserved it (24507)

On 04/02/2009 at 7:12pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was babysitting for a new family. While the father was telling me about bed times and how to reach him, their dog started humping my leg. As I tried to discreetly push the dog away, his paw got caught in the pocket of my huge sweatpants, pulling them down. I was wearing a thong. FML

#771625
224 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64739) - you deserved it (11026)

On 04/02/2009 at 7:05pm - animals - by darlingditz (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my fiancé turned 21. I stayed up and took care of him for 3 hours while he puked his guts out. When I FINALLY get him to bed, he jumps up and rips the lid off a plastic container on the floor and pukes in it. It was full of all my yearbooks, baby pictures, and childhood memories. FML

#771501
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (136975) - you deserved it (12447)

On 04/02/2009 at 6:51pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I got into a huge fight with my boyfriend after driving 200 miles to see him. While arguing, I told him I never wanted to see him again and left after slamming the front door. I left my car keys in his kitchen. FML

#768625
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17728) - you deserved it (53866)

On 04/02/2009 at 4:16pm - misc - by nokeys (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my boss came up to my desk to talk about a new project. He came up to my monitor so we can go to a website. My browser had frozen and I couldn't close it. The tabs I had open: Facebook, Gmail, Careerbuilder, Monster, and Resume Samples. FML

#768623
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15665) - you deserved it (62904)

On 04/02/2009 at 4:16pm - work - by ex-employee (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was working as the shift manager at my job at a fast food restaurant. Our company policy states that all employees must be clean shaven before coming to work. I had to inform one of the employees, Kris, that they had to shave before clocking in. Kris is a woman. FML

#766931
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64396) - you deserved it (2995)

On 04/02/2009 at 2:21pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my cell phone broke. It wouldn't even turn on. I went online to access my account so that I could order a new phone. I couldn't remember my password. The phone company had an option of "forgot my password". Upon clicking I get a message saying "Your password will be sent to your phone". FML

#765962
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59181) - you deserved it (5586)

On 04/02/2009 at 1:07pm - misc - by nhanley1 (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my boyfriend called me in the middle of the night and told me he got mugged and was on his way to the hospital. I told him to fuck off because that was a horrible April Fool's joke. He asked if I wanted to talk to the paramedic. I told him to stop bothering me. Turns out it was true. FML

#764209
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12598) - you deserved it (125020)

On 04/02/2009 at 9:52am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)



FML's blog

  • Jim Trim's Illustrated FML
  • Action stations! I'm back from my holiday, I've got some sort of weirdly uneven tan and I already want to go back to the beach to bum about and finish off my colouring book. But I can't. I'm still…

Friday 29 August 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: