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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I decided to try and call into a local radio station to try and win concert tickets for one of my favorite bands. I called in and was actually the winning number. When asked my name I answered quickly, but all I heard was "Hello? Hello?" Then they hung up. My cell phone was on mute. FML

#135843
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48423) - you deserved it (14049)

On 02/25/2009 at 6:46pm - misc - by pk24 - United States (Illinois)

Today, I had to rush to school to avoid being late. Unfortunately, I forgot to put a bra on beforehand, and as soon as I got to gym class, the first thing my teacher said was: "Okay folks, let's get outside, we're running the mile." FML

#135663
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20895) - you deserved it (33393)

On 02/25/2009 at 6:29pm - misc - by ouch (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, we were fooling around and I was just about to orgasm when she looks at my clock and says "I have to go LOST is on in 20 minutes." FML

#135625
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57571) - you deserved it (7066)

On 02/25/2009 at 6:26pm - intimacy - by notmyday (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I came back from college and visited my parents house. There was a new family portrait hung over the mantel of my parents and 2 sisters. My mom had always wanted one but always postponed it. It was dated the day after I left for college. FML

#134893
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50882) - you deserved it (1956)

On 02/25/2009 at 5:06pm - misc - by xoothc08 - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, the guy I like told me in casual conversation that I shouldn't get mad at him if he makes out with other girls at the bar, he only does it when he's drunk, that he doesn't really like them. We've been sleeping together for a week now. He met me at the bar. FML

#134877
32 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16120) - you deserved it (25095)

On 02/25/2009 at 5:05pm - misc - by seriously? (woman) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I came home to tell my parents about my new nose job I got about a month ago. My mom always told me I should get one, so I didn't tell her right away to see if she would notice. I was home for about 20 minutes before she asked me, "so when are you getting that nose job?" FML

#134540
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37423) - you deserved it (5590)

On 02/25/2009 at 4:31pm - misc - by Noname - United States (Virginia)

Today, my boyfriend said that being with me was his payment for past sins. FML

#134361
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45566) - you deserved it (5185)

On 02/25/2009 at 4:12pm - love - by sadgf (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I told my boss I was bored of being a cashier and would rather go to food prep. He told me I couldn't because my arms were too hairy. I'm a sixteen year old girl. FML

#133390
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41038) - you deserved it (4994)

On 02/25/2009 at 2:15pm - work - by hairy (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I had the cops called on me because I accidentally texted "I'm going to kill you and use your head as hood ornament" to my ex-fiancé, instead of my best friend. I only texted that because he got a better grade on an exam than me. Now I have a court date. FML

#133313
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26607) - you deserved it (38402)

On 02/25/2009 at 2:05pm - misc - by Joe (man) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I emailed my boyfriend from work. Out of habit, I absent-mindedly entered my department into the "From" field. My boyfriend didn't notice when he replied. Now my entire department knows I want to "drop to my knees and suck him when I get home." And he plans to "finish on my face." FML

#133145
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12276) - you deserved it (61578)

On 02/25/2009 at 1:41pm - work - by foolishgirl (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was in an elevator with my girlfriend when it stuck mid-floor. Being supportive, I went to hug her and tell her we'll be OK. Today I also learned that my girlfriend is deathly claustrophobic and her predominant reaction is to vomit. In this case, all over me. We were stuck for 2 hours. FML

#132840
28 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48142) - you deserved it (3066)

On 02/25/2009 at 12:53pm - love - by goingup? (man) - United States (New York)

Today, in art class we finally had the critique for the self portraits we've been working on for a month. We critique a few and come to mine. Everyone is silent. Finally, one girl says "I'm just going to be blunt. It doesn't look like you. You're not that pretty." Everyone nods. FML

#132596
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57273) - you deserved it (4708)

On 02/25/2009 at 12:07pm - misc - by mylifeeee - United States (Virginia)

Today, I farted in my cubicle thinking no one would smell it. Two seconds later, everyone came to my cubicle to wish me a happy birthday. FML

#132176
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19020) - you deserved it (35237)

On 02/25/2009 at 10:31am - misc - by riappp (woman) - United States (New York)



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