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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I listened to my best friend describe having sex with her boyfriend in explicit detail. This would have been fine, but her boyfriend is my little brother. FML

#21222459
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46563) - you deserved it (3870)

On 07/27/2014 at 9:55pm - intimacy - by why - United States

Today, I went to a comedy show with my mom, and they asked the audience members to yell out their problems as ideas for an improv skit. My mom yelled, "My daughter can't get a boyfriend!" FML

#21222137
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43019) - you deserved it (4174)

On 07/27/2014 at 2:44pm - misc - by Yeppets (woman) - United States

Today, my girlfriend came back from camping with her friends. I say "friends", I mean "friend". And when I say "friend", I mean "her ex". I took a look through her bag afterwards, and well, who knew condoms were considered camping equipment these days. FML

#21222062
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51887) - you deserved it (5977)

On 07/27/2014 at 1:12pm - love - by fingwhore (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I had to go to the hospital to get blood taken. The nurse mentioned how pronounced and easy to see my veins are. I guess that explains why she missed five times in a row. I'm surprised my arm doesn't look like a heroin addict's right now. FML

#21222027
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36310) - you deserved it (2510)

On 07/27/2014 at 12:13pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I found my 6 year old daughter upstairs lying on the floor with scissors. She was giving "the carpet a haircut." FML

#21221737
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35007) - you deserved it (4570)

On 07/27/2014 at 1:51am - kids - by ... (woman) - United States (California)

Today, despite all of the empty seats on the bus, a man sat next to me. So close to me that our legs touched. After a few moments of silence, he got closer and whispered in my ear, "You're so quiet." FML

Today, I woke up from a horrible nightmare. What was it about? Me accidentally scratching a non-stick pan with my utility knife. FML

#21221361
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33129) - you deserved it (5654)

On 07/26/2014 at 6:09pm - money - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, I went back to work after a vacation, only to find out I'll soon be forced to dress up as one of the princesses from Frozen to promote our store. FML

#21221108
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39934) - you deserved it (5732)

On 07/26/2014 at 12:29pm - work - by PrincessPromotion (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I went to the mall. A little girl was walking around and telling everyone that they were pretty. When she got to me, she gave me a disgusted look and walked away. FML

#21221083
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44416) - you deserved it (4380)

On 07/26/2014 at 11:50am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out my sister stole my phone, pretended to be me, and tried breaking up with my boyfriend. FML

#21221072
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44230) - you deserved it (4013)

On 07/26/2014 at 11:35am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, it's my birthday. The only thing I received was a bill for a piss test I took earlier this year. FML

#21220823
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37274) - you deserved it (3541)

On 07/26/2014 at 12:55am - misc - by birthday girl - United States (Ohio)

Today, I have really painful pimples on my upper lip. I'm a professional trombonist, and every note causes excruciating pain. FML

#21220657
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37462) - you deserved it (4483)

On 07/25/2014 at 10:06pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Alabama)

Today, I got expelled from school. I was walking down a flight of stairs when I tripped and bumped into a kid ahead of me by mistake. He fell forward and took half a dozen people down with him. The staff think I did it on purpose, and there's talk of charges being pressed. FML

#21220439
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45670) - you deserved it (3714)

On 07/25/2014 at 4:19pm - misc - by asshalf15 (man) - United States (California)



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