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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, while I was walking across a bridge, a prepubescent middle schooler grabbed my phone from my hand and threw it into the water. His friend filmed it, high-fived him, and they both ran off. I got that phone less than a week ago. FML

#21514472
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22764) - you deserved it (1514)

On 01/12/2016 at 8:18pm - misc - by ripmyphone - United States (Virginia)

Today, my mom informed me she got married two weeks ago. Hard to congratulate her when this is her eighth husband. FML

#21514447
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20265) - you deserved it (1272)

On 01/12/2016 at 7:16pm - love - by TabbyCat87 (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, my father contacted me for the first time in years to ask about my upcoming wedding and possibly walking me down the aisle. He claimed the only reason he left was because he thought I'd be gay. I am. FML

#21514376
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21287) - you deserved it (1894)

On 01/12/2016 at 4:03pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Tennessee)

Today, my girlfriend launched her own business. I was recently laid off from my job, so I offered to be her very first employee. I now have the glamorous job of bleaching people's assholes. FML

#21514315
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19972) - you deserved it (6243)

On 01/12/2016 at 1:04pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I am so unused to physical activity that I got exhausted and fell asleep on my yoga mat not even halfway through the DVD. FML

#21514275
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16351) - you deserved it (4912)

On 01/12/2016 at 10:44am - health - by Anonymous - United States (Colorado)

Today, at work, a drunk demanded a salad dressing we don't have. He marched into my kitchen and demanded I make it for him. When I said we didn't have the ingredients, he pushed the microwave over and stormed out. My boss came in and wrote me up for being "pushy and rude to customers". FML

#21514245
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22884) - you deserved it (1278)

On 01/12/2016 at 8:24am - work - by Talis (man) - United States (California)

Today, my anxiety was escalating so I decided to try an anti-anxiety adult coloring book to calm myself down. Too bad I got more stressed out about which colors l should use. FML

Today, I finished reading a manga series on a website I go on all the time. As I read the last page I got a huge celebratory message from the website saying I was the first one to read every manga on their site. The website opened in 2011 and has over 30,000 manga. My God, I need a social life. FML

#21514123
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21474) - you deserved it (6174)

On 01/11/2016 at 9:47pm - misc - by Lesser spotted female gaming nerd (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, while I was in a very important meeting on Skype, my apartment complex was evacuated due to the fire alarm going off. The reason was that my neighbor put a fork in his microwave due to him being extremely drunk. FML

#21514057
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19016) - you deserved it (1207)

On 01/11/2016 at 6:15pm - work - by DookDaSpook (man) - United States (California)

Today, I woke up to my roommate's friend rustling in the attic without permission to be there. When I asked how he got in with all doors and windows locked, he simply said, "It's a secret." FML

#21514032
28 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18511) - you deserved it (1300)

On 01/11/2016 at 4:52pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. Whilst browsing the web, I clicked on an ad that said "How to Get Your Ex Back in a Day". Now I am single and have a computer virus. FML

#21514013
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16049) - you deserved it (20134)

On 01/11/2016 at 4:04pm - love - by lonely - United States (Idaho)

 Today, I realized how lonely I am, when I got a call from an elderly women who had dialed the wrong number. We ended up having a 20 minute conversation about her cat and how he "just won't use the darn litter pan." I was sad when she had to hang up. FML

#21513970
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22385) - you deserved it (2187)

On 01/11/2016 at 1:03pm - misc - by JoseIsAdork (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I found out that my crush of a few years likes me. How? Her boyfriend told me, followed by a punch in the face. FML

#21513961
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22827) - you deserved it (1658)

On 01/11/2016 at 12:21pm - love - by anon (man) - United States (New York)



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