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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, my mother is so overdramatic that her response to finding out I lost a friend's book was that I should fake my own death rather than fess up. FML

#21265006
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30224) - you deserved it (2766)

On 09/25/2014 at 7:19am - misc - by hylianprincess (woman) - United States

Today, I was told by my doctor I should start eating meat again after two years of vegetarianism, in an effort to be healthier. After horrid gas after my first turkey sandwich, I was told that my body no longer has the enzymes to digest meat. My efforts to be healthy crippled my stomach. FML

#21264930
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28403) - you deserved it (14012)

On 09/25/2014 at 2:21am - health - by skollasch - United States (California)

Today, I have learned a lot of "big" words from reading so much, but can actually only pronounce about half of them correctly. FML

#21264917
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25693) - you deserved it (5786)

On 09/25/2014 at 1:48am - misc - by anon (woman) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, while working as a teacher at a daycare, a two year-old girl decided the best way to share that she had pooped was to reach in her diaper and attempt to hand some to me. FML

#21264874
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30223) - you deserved it (2769)

On 09/25/2014 at 12:03am - kids - by disgusted - United States (Maine)

Today, my mom threw away a bag of tiny parts belonging to a $1,700 robot. Naturally, I figured this out at midnight and had to spend 30 minutes digging through three nasty trashcans overflowing with rotten food and spiders. The bag was dripping with what looked like cheese by the time I found it. FML

Today, I went to use the porta potty at the construction site I work at and found two homeless people having sex in it. I almost got fired, because my advisor blamed me. FML

#21264426
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (259) - you deserved it (2673)

On 09/24/2014 at 9:58am - work - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were planning on having sex. He first excused himself to the bathroom, then returned with a sad face saying he had fumbled with himself in the bathroom to get "ready" and accidentally came. He said, "I was thinking of you though." FML

Today, after a solid month of hard work, I finally finished modeling and animating a 3D insect character for a scene. After presenting it to the rest of my team, one of my teammates pointed out that it looks exactly like a flying penis. FML

#21263953
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29393) - you deserved it (5103)

On 09/23/2014 at 5:12pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I had to inform my roommate that dry shampoo, deodorant, and perfume are not the same as a shower. It's been two weeks. FML

#21263853
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35320) - you deserved it (2463)

On 09/23/2014 at 2:30pm - health - by catgiraffegirl (woman) - United States

Today, my date ditched me and showed up with another guy at the same restaurant. She even tried to take the reservation. FML

#21263789
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35463) - you deserved it (2215)

On 09/23/2014 at 12:30pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, it's the first day of fall. It's also the day that over 20 people have made jokes about my name being "Autumn" like they're the funniest, most original people alive. It's not even 8 am. This is going to be a long day. FML

#21263689
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31401) - you deserved it (2886)

On 09/23/2014 at 8:00am - work - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, I got home from a long day at work, hoping to just fix dinner and relax, only to find that my cat had come into the house with a rabbit, and is now stuck underneath the cabinet. FML

#21263396
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27400) - you deserved it (2491)

On 09/22/2014 at 9:04pm - animals - by madisonbubch - United States (Kentucky)

Today, my boyfriend couldn't go on a date with me because his mom said no. He's 23. FML

#21263362
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34391) - you deserved it (4674)

On 09/22/2014 at 8:23pm - love - by Serire (woman) - United States (Michigan)



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