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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I got reprimanded by my boss for saying "It's a stab in the dark, though." According to him, it's a euphemism for anal sex and I was being offensive to a gay colleague, the same one who kept insisting it was no problem. I got written up anyway. FML

#21330417
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29790) - you deserved it (1989)

On 01/04/2015 at 1:52am - work - by boss stabber (man) - United States (California)

Today, my boss called and yelled at me because he said I was "spotted" out after I called off sick. I was out getting the medicine the doctor had just prescribed me. FML

#21330412
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31443) - you deserved it (1914)

On 01/04/2015 at 1:46am - work - by gothicvamp93 (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I went into labor and got my husband drive me to the hospital. Instead of staying by my side, he rushed back home for a World of Warcraft raid. His excuse? His friends were counting on him and they'd be pissed if he let them down. FML

#21330209
244 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40721) - you deserved it (5059)

On 01/03/2015 at 8:30pm - health - by Lady Cuntsnatch of Fallopia (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was lying in bed with my girlfriend. Trying to be romantic, I complimented her on how nice her hair smelled. She replied: "Yeah? Wait till you smell this." then let out the vilest, most nauseating fart I'd ever smelled in my life. FML

#21330185
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34352) - you deserved it (6139)

On 01/03/2015 at 7:23pm - love - by allgassedout (man) - United States (California)

Today, as I left the supermarket, I found someone had hit my car in the parking lot. There was a note tucked under the wipers. Insurance details? Nope. It just said "Sorry dude. I fucked up. Good luck with the car." Great. FML

#21330094
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28155) - you deserved it (1779)

On 01/03/2015 at 4:16pm - money - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my step-dad explained to me why he doesn't need to wash his body. He condescendingly said, "Well when you shampoo your hair, the soap runs down your body and cleans everything." He's 37 years old. FML

#21329998
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29033) - you deserved it (2382)

On 01/03/2015 at 4:16pm - health - by Chicagoillinois (man) - United States (California)

Today, while at work at a call center, I got a call from an elderly man who needed a new credit card because he'd accidentally cut up his own card instead of his wife's. Trying to be funny, I said "Trying to keep her in line, eh?" Turns out his wife had just died. FML

Today, it was my girlfriend's birthday, so I decided to take her to a fancy restaurant and give her an expensive $400 necklace that I had bought. Being traditional, I asked the waiter to arrange it nicely on the tray when he came with our dessert. Neither he nor the necklace ever showed up. FML

#21329874
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39879) - you deserved it (7966)

On 01/03/2015 at 5:48am - love - by JJ_V3N0M - United States (California)

Today, after finishing my second glass of wine, I walked out of the bathroom and saw the tag on my hair dryer from last year's rehab visit. FML

#21329685
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20078) - you deserved it (13956)

On 01/02/2015 at 11:04pm - health - by mosaicevolution (woman) - United States (Alabama)

Today, my dad rejected my birthday present to him because it was "Made in China." FML

#21329640
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26729) - you deserved it (4019)

On 01/02/2015 at 10:11pm - misc - by whatajerk (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my fiancée and I were making plans for our wedding when my soon-to-be mother-in-law chimed in with, "You know, she can still get out of this. I got the dress for her but we can save it for the next guy." I'm not sure if she's joking or not. FML

#21329587
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27341) - you deserved it (1981)

On 01/02/2015 at 8:46pm - love - by bingalingading (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, it's my 40th birthday. I got two presents by mail: a jar of wrinkle cream from a market research company, and an ad from a funeral home. FML

#21329484
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29331) - you deserved it (2089)

On 01/02/2015 at 5:46pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Nevada)

Today, I got shitfaced at a club. A cute girl I'd met earlier in the evening offered to drive me home in my car and spend the night with me. She crashed my car and did a runner before the cops showed up. They wouldn't believe my story. I now have a wrecked car and a DUI. FML

#21329473
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29076) - you deserved it (8586)

On 01/02/2015 at 5:14pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Maryland)



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