FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I went to let my puppy out, and I turned around to see her peeing on the carpet. After getting her outside, I saw my little sister pooping on the floor. FML

by crybaby / 06/28/2016 at 1:54pm / United States (Washington) / Animals

Today, I found out that the only reason my boyfriend is dating me is because I look like his favorite hentai character. FML

by titmeister / 06/28/2016 at 12:30pm / United States (New Jersey) / Love

Today, it's my birthday. My children decided to make me "breakfast in bed", only to end up catching the kitchen on fire. FML

by nickorion12 / 06/28/2016 at 10:21am / United States (Kansas) / Kids

Today, I sent my daughter to her dad's house for the week. She decided to pack my remotes and most of my clothes and shoes, in an effort to make me come get her as soon as I noticed. FML

by Forever_Cursed / 06/28/2016 at 10:02am / United States (Florida) / Kids

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my morning started off by stepping in my dog's piss by the door. Then, stepping in my husband's piss by the toilet. FML

by pissedoff / 06/28/2016 at 7:53am / United States (Arkansas) / Miscellaneous

Today, while trying to go to sleep, I could hear snoring from my boyfriend's side of the bed. I'm not sure who was louder, him or the dog. FML

by Angsty_Armadillo / 06/28/2016 at 5:36am / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I'm stuck in a ramshackle house that my aunt bought and moved everyone out to. Only one bathroom works, and she won't let us flush it because the house keeps flooding. Four people are stuck here with just one toilet filled with poop and urine, while she's been staying at a friend's house. FML

by queenariii / 06/28/2016 at 1:55am / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had the great pleasure of meeting my replacement, who was sitting at my desk in my office. My boss must've forgotten to mention to me that I've been fired. FML

by Anyonehiring / 06/27/2016 at 9:05pm / United States (Arizona) / Work

Today, I invited my friends to meet up at the park. After asking twice, I finally got the text saying to meet them there. But when I got there, I realized they had already been there for a while. As I was walking up to them, I heard, "Why did you invite him?" FML

by cavallo31 / 06/27/2016 at 8:47pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I waved money at a passing ice cream truck and it kept going. So apparently I can't even get a date with a Sno Cone. FML

by Scottie Too Hottie / 06/27/2016 at 6:49pm / United States (Michigan) / Love

Today, I realized that without fail, even if I'm not supposed to get it, I get my period just in time for vacations. FML

by hellolaina / 06/27/2016 at 12:33pm / United States (California) / Health

Today, while at the airport with a cast on my leg, I fell backwards onto my suitcase. My family was too busy to notice my squirming as I tried to get up, so a kind woman awkwardly helped me off the ground. Later on, I found out my dad saw me but thought someone would help me "soon enough." FML

by kqwarrior / 06/26/2016 at 11:46pm / United States (California) / Transportation

Today, my girlfriend started making pig noises during sex. FML

by nick / 06/26/2016 at 11:44pm / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy