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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I returned to my teaching job at a local community college after surfing for the weekend. I'd got sunburned, one student immediately noticed and said to me, "Morning, Mr. Pinky!" Now they all do it. My students are assholes. I hate teaching. FML

#21209954
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39041) - you deserved it (7588)

On 07/15/2014 at 6:04pm - work - by mister_pinky (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I taught my 23-year-old boyfriend how to correctly brush his teeth. FML

#21209921
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38512) - you deserved it (5767)

On 07/15/2014 at 5:24pm - health - by stinky breath - United States (California)

Today, I went out to lunch with my girlfriend. I asked if she was going to finish her meal, hoping to steal a bite or two. She somehow took this as me calling her fat, threw her drink at me, and stormed off. I just wanted some steak. FML

#21209874
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47056) - you deserved it (10254)

On 07/15/2014 at 4:37pm - love - by Jeff - United States

Today, my mom and dad played rock, paper, scissors over who gets to spend the night with me in the hospital tonight while I have surgery. FML

#21209860
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45539) - you deserved it (3654)

On 07/15/2014 at 4:11pm - health - by smh (woman) - United States

Today, every house in my neighborhood was vandalized. They skipped our house. Everybody thinks it was me. FML

#21209396
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50652) - you deserved it (3642)

On 07/14/2014 at 11:35pm - misc - by chloecamp - United States (Connecticut)

Today, my wife was putting her finger in my bellybutton and making overly sexual noises. I thought this was all fun and games until I realized she was actually into this. FML

#21209385
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46522) - you deserved it (5254)

On 07/14/2014 at 11:25pm - intimacy - by thedoc (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I went into my former workplace. While there, an ex-coworker told me that after I quit, they split my position into two separate jobs. When I worked there, my boss had told me to suck it up whenever I said there was too much work for just one person. FML

#21209204
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43443) - you deserved it (3312)

On 07/14/2014 at 7:52pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, while eating dinner with my boyfriend, I look up to see him staring at me, smiling. Hoping he wanted to say how lucky of a man he was who loved me deeply, I asked him what he was thinking. He replied, "You can't smell that yet? It was a noxious one." FML

#21209203
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39250) - you deserved it (5640)

On 07/14/2014 at 7:48pm - love - by KaiyaOtaku1 (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I got chewed out by a parent for putting her kid underwater. I teach swim lessons. FML

#21209168
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41205) - you deserved it (3394)

On 07/14/2014 at 7:04pm - work - by AFH2O - United States (California)

Today, I left the house I'm staying at, not knowing that thunderstorms were forecast. I came back from work to find dog shit splattered all over the kitchen. Apparently the dogs I'm watching don't like thunder. FML

#21209155
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36308) - you deserved it (4645)

On 07/14/2014 at 6:48pm - animals - by Hiimhaileypotter (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, me and my boyfriend decided to have some fun in my room before my parents got home. My phone started vibrating half-way through, and when I saw my mom's picture, I reflexively answered. It wasn't a phone call. It was a face time. Busted. FML

#21208909
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28195) - you deserved it (44668)

On 07/14/2014 at 1:45pm - intimacy - by Ob3nie - United States (California)

Today, I found out that my son has been trying to save enough of his earwax to make a candle. FML

#21208907
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39237) - you deserved it (4986)

On 07/14/2014 at 1:45pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was at the mall in the food court, when some guy asked for my number. I turned him down, but I was impressed with how ballsy he was. Without thinking, I said, "I like your balls!" Half the place instantly fell silent. FML



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