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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, my mother locked me out of the house. Why? The dog and her needed some time to talk. FML

#21285216
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31305) - you deserved it (2371)

On 10/25/2014 at 8:51pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Indiana)

Today, I went to the police station to find out if the tint on my new car's windshield was too dark. The officer took one look, told me that windshield tints are illegal in California, and ticketed me. So much for being honest. FML

#21285139
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31797) - you deserved it (8504)

On 10/25/2014 at 5:58pm - misc - by tanisLX - United States (California)

Today, I was hugging my girlfriend after she had a really bad day at work, when she burst into tears and started sobbing. For some reason that I'll never understand, it gave me a hard-on. She felt it, and now she thinks I'm a sick bastard. FML

#21285040
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32552) - you deserved it (5330)

On 10/25/2014 at 2:44pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Alabama)

Today, I went to a big job interview. As I walked in, I tripped and fell flat on my face. Other highlights include my voice cracking multiple times, sweating profusely and getting uncontrollable nervous giggling. The interviewer eventually stared at me in disbelief and asked if I was high. FML

#21285028
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32975) - you deserved it (4257)

On 10/25/2014 at 2:27pm - work - by not on life, that's for fucking sure (man) - United States

Today, I met my neighbors for the first time, as they helped me carry my dead cat off the road. FML

#21284997
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31285) - you deserved it (2609)

On 10/25/2014 at 1:32pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I found out what it's like to drive seven hours home with a woman who just brutally rejected your marriage proposal. FML

#21284911
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41200) - you deserved it (3185)

On 10/25/2014 at 10:10am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, my mom called and casually let me know she'd wrecked my iPad after putting it in the dryer with my bed sheets. FML

#21284691
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30461) - you deserved it (3907)

On 10/24/2014 at 10:53pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, I was making love to my boyfriend. In the heat of the moment, I said his name. He immediately stopped, gave me a deadly serious look and said "Huh? What?" FML

#21284688
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30440) - you deserved it (3668)

On 10/24/2014 at 10:48pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Tennessee)

Today, my husband told me he cheated on me two years ago with his ex-fiancée. In the process, he got her pregnant, but said it was okay, because she didn't keep it. FML

#21284646
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37333) - you deserved it (2411)

On 10/24/2014 at 9:23pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I'm horribly out of shape. My arms are sore, almost like I'd been doing heavy lifting yesterday. Nope. It just was from squeezing cupcake icing out of a tube. FML

Today, someone stole my coat. I can only imagine their surprise when they find the $3,000 engagement ring I bought earlier. FML

#21284412
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41693) - you deserved it (3282)

On 10/24/2014 at 1:49pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I got approached by a lady while eating at a fast-food restaurant who asked if I could spare five dollars. Confidently, I pulled out my wallet to show her that I had no cash, only to reveal a perfectly crisp five dollar bill that I had completely forgotten about. FML

#21284180
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28574) - you deserved it (15090)

On 10/24/2014 at 1:02am - money - by Yeah (man) - United States (Texas)



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