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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I spotted an elderly man trying to use the ladder at work. Knowing customers aren't supposed to use these, I went over and helped. Not only did I fall from the ladder, but I landed on the old man's foot, breaking my elbow and fracturing his toe. FML

#21452513
24 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20558) - you deserved it (2839)

On 08/06/2015 at 12:10am - work - by ilovebigmacs - United States (California)

Today, I learnt the meaning of the phrase "ménage à trois". I had always thought it was synonymous with "fiasco" and have used it several times in essays. FML

Today, my boyfriend got upset that I wouldn't give him head. He was visiting me at the hospital. FML

#21452283
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26791) - you deserved it (2032)

On 08/05/2015 at 2:58pm - intimacy - by TheIVkindaruinsthemood (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I went over to talk to my boss. I must have snuck up on her because she was masturbating through her pants. She stopped and I had to chat away, pretending I didn't notice. FML

#21452257
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23012) - you deserved it (1633)

On 08/05/2015 at 1:56pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend tried to claim it was my fault that he cheated on me, all because I "deprived" him of sex for two weeks last month when I went on a family vacation. If his mental gymnastics were physical, I swear he'd be able to suck his own cock. FML

#21452247
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25314) - you deserved it (2241)

On 08/05/2015 at 1:35pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, while my boyfriend and I were getting intimate, I let out a moan that can only really be described as sounding like a clown car horn. He ended up laughing so hard that he couldn't continue. FML

#21452187
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22104) - you deserved it (4082)

On 08/05/2015 at 10:06am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I got written up because apparently leaning on the counter at work is unprofessional, even if you're about to pass out and the counter is the only thing keeping you on your feet. FML

#21452123
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22824) - you deserved it (2005)

On 08/05/2015 at 4:39am - work - by kaybear13 - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because he wasn't feeling our two-month relationship was up to par with his parents' 30-year marriage, and, furthermore, I wasn't similar enough to his mother. FML

#21452087
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24304) - you deserved it (1905)

On 08/05/2015 at 2:13am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I found out that you can ruin a $500 computer with a few stray drops of 100% acetone nail polish remover on the keyboard. FML

#21452034
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11948) - you deserved it (19616)

On 08/05/2015 at 12:37am - misc - by just wanted nice nails - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I found out my new puppy has worms by him scooting his butt across my new carpet. It's like smeared spaghetti. FML

#21451858
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23352) - you deserved it (2401)

On 08/04/2015 at 5:42pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Today, the girl I've loved for years kissed me. Then she started crying and wiping her mouth, and had a panic attack. I had to help her through it, tell her that it was no big deal, and that it would never happen again. FML

Today, while shaving in the shower, my mother banged on the bathroom door to tell me something, right as I went to shave under my left armpit, causing me to jump and cut open my nipple. FML

#21451832
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24283) - you deserved it (1852)

On 08/04/2015 at 4:56pm - misc - by anonymous - United States (Missouri)

Today, at work, a customer told me how unprofessional my piercing made me look, and insisted that someone else wait on his table. It's not a piercing, it's a mole. FML

#21451761
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23819) - you deserved it (1549)

On 08/04/2015 at 1:02pm - work - by Mmorgan771 - United States (Florida)



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